If you think the instruments are the only annoying characters in the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame then I want whatever you are smoking because the super side characters are pretty bad too. Though naturally, not as bad as the instruments but they are bad enough for me to give them a blog post to torture my already faltering sanity.
Pierre is Jean-Claude’s minion. Clearly his name comes from Gringoire’s name OR did they just pick the most generic French name in the world. Let’s just pretend that they DID take it from Gringoire’s name, it not that out there of a role choice. Gringoire was taught under Frollo, so I could see the relationship of him being a minion. Of all the characters, Pierre isn’t that annoying. He’s Jean-Claude minion but he’s good. He gets some fun banter with Jean-Claude and he gives exposition on Quasimodo’s backstory. If anything he worth being in the story.
The Ding Bats are really annoying but less so than though instruments. All they do is make puns, laugh at their own puns, complain and open the door to Notre Dame. That’s right, the door to Notre Dame is controlled by bats in the belfry. Whaaaaaaa? How do they do that? Hey Movie! Explain it to me movie? Are the part of Notre Dame? Do they have telekinesis? I’m not sure why I’m searching for answer in a movie that has a Violin bow that can’t talk but the violin can and the tambourine wears glasses. At least the Ding Bats are contained to Notre Dame, they don’t follow the main characters around. Small doses.
Melody’s Mother, Genevieve, is another character that isn’t in the movie that much but annoys me. She is a bit like Melody where nothing seems to ever bother her. She gets taken prisoner and put in a barn and she sings and dances with the animals. The idea is that her and Melody are so sickeningly positive that they just smile and think sunny thoughts. My inner emo is glaring at them. Genevieve also has a donkey named Francois.
The Baron, god dear lord, the Baron. The Baron is Jean-Claude’s father and Quasimodo’s step father. He eats a lot, that’s it. He is a fat ass that is all he does. He is a waste the paper and pigment that makes up his lame existent in this crappy children movie for kids who are on the verge of a nap.
Next Time – Stupid Song Number one