Britney Spears picture image

Britney Spears

This was a suggestion by Roman. I suppose for this suggestion to make sense we are going to have to posit that this casting would have to occur in the early 2000s, like after 2002 with Spears’ film debut in Crossroads but before she gave up her dream to be a film actress because Spears had the good sense to not pursue that path.

 

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake picture image

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake

Spears did have enough influence prior to her break-down that she COULD have play rich-bitch Fleur de Lys though it might have depended on the style of Hunchback. Like if it was all star cast for a teenage MTV demographic. So maybe Justin Timberlake as Quasimodo, Freddie Prinze Jr as Phoebus, Shannon Elizabeth or Eliza Dushku  as Esmeralda, Ashton Kutcher as Gringoire and Paul Rudd as Frollo. You know, a 90s/2000s teen comedy take on Hunchback. That sounds abysmal and yet I would have to watch that train-wreck of an idea while at the same time cursing the heaven for allowing to exist.

 

Britney Spears in the Work B**ch music video picture image

Britney Spears in the Work B**ch music video

So Britney Spears as Fleur de Lys? Well that best I can say for that idea is at least she’s blonde. Fleur de Lys has long been cast as blonde to counter Esmeralda’s dark hair, however it’s mentioned in the book that she has blonde hair and that she wears sky-blue.   So Britney Spears fits that important hair color criteria.

 

Britney Spears as Lucy in Crossroads picture image

Britney Spears as Lucy in Crossroads

As for acting, well Crossroads was nominated for a lot awards, mostly Razzies of which Spears herself won worst actress and worst song.  But is playing a jealous bitch all that hard? Could Spears have pulled it off? As far as Fleur de Lys goes in other versions, I often find her delightful. I think there is an art to making a unlikable character come off as interesting and in some way likable. Whether it was a case of the acting other characters or just her actresses, Fleur de Lys would have been out of Spear’s range as an actress. That isn’t saying much  as her other film rolls were a Flight attendant in Longshot which was a cameo, in the music video “Boys” in  Austin Powers in Goldmember, a cameo in  Pauly Shore is Dead and finally a cameo in Fahrenheit 9/11. She also had a cameo on Sabrina the Teenage Witch.   Not sure if you noticed a pattern. She did cameo as herself, not acting.  She can’t act and didn’t try after Crossroads.

However not being able to act hasn’t stopped other would be actors. To be fair she did fake the world with her early days innocent act.  Maybe Spears could have played Fleur as herself? Like if there was a case to cast Spears as Fleur de Lys, then the project would have been less about the characters and plot and more about the notoriety of the casting so it wouldn’t have mattered if she could act or not. The name would have been enough.

 

Britney Spears picture image

Britney Spears

Fortunately, Spears hasn’t been in a movie in since 2004 even as cameo and I don’t think any studio would take a depressing book and make a rom-com for teenagers using former “it” celebrities. But the idea of it is super cringe-inducing.

But what do you think? Could you stomach the idea of Britney Spears in a version of Hunchback? 

John Cena picture image

John Cena

 

Sometimes bad casting isn’t about a terrible actor or a celebrity pretending to be an actor, sometimes it just bad casting. Like the absolute wrong person for the role and John Cena would make a terrible Frollo.  

 

John Cena picture image

John Cena

John Cena is a WWF personality. He’s been in a few movies but they seem more like  comedies and action thrillers than dramas based on literary classics (or based on classic Hollywood movies.)  Being in the WWF means he is an actor but he is not a heel (bad guy,) he is a face (good guy). I learned those terms from GLOW, I’m not much one for wrestling.  So I least hope that I got that he is a face and not a heel correct. The point is he is already not believable as a brooding, lustful control freak.

So why would I bring up Cena for Frollo and not Phoebus as he looks like a Phoebus. Well that’s the point. Can you imagine a buff conventional attractive Frollo? Can you imagine a Frollo looking like a the cover-art of a smutty romance book? The answer is yes and no since we sort of already got that in the 1956 version. Alain Cuny was the wrong type but not as extreme as Cena. The point is Cena as Frollo would not be believable as Frollo and it wouldn’t matter even if he gave an amazing performance.

 

John Cena picture image

John Cena

But could Cena even give an amazing performance as Frollo? From what I have seen maybe BUT most likely no. The WWF is all about being big and over-the-top and actors playing Frollo rarely are allowed to go that big in their performance.  Maybe a big over-the-top Frollo who doesn’t hide his emotions but yells a lot would be good? Doesn’t seem like Frollo though.

 

John Cena picture image

John Cena

So an attractive  overly emotional Frollo?  That sounds more like Gaston than Frollo but then again we got two versions of Frollo that were Gaston knock-offs. So John Cena could play Frollo in the Live action version of the Enchanted Tales Version of Hunchback.

Oh dear God! That would be awful. The idea of that makes me psychically ill. There is the horror of this casting. It’s not just Cena would be woefully unfit to play Frollo but that there is actually an iteration of  Frollo that he could play convincingly.

 

John Cena picture image

John Cena

At least there is no chance of the Enchanted Tales version getting any sort of attention. At least Hollywood can’t be that cruel. Can it? Unless it would be to make money at a loss, which I mean would be a great idea if the idea to make money on a flop.  But as a standard film version John Cena, darling of The WWF, would make a terrible Frollo in all aspects of the character.

Awhile ago I did an Anti-Hypothetical Casting Post for Kim Kardashian and while she best worst choice (as far as people involved in Keeping up with the Kardashian go), Kylie and Kendall seem more topical and in the right age range to play Esmeralda.

Kendall Jenner picture image

Kendall Jenner

 

I guess Kendall makes more sense than Kylie but honestly these two run together for me, I’m not sure which one is which. I thought of Kylie first since I tend to watch make-up/nail polish content of youtube but Kendall  seems to have more a filmography and she did that social justice Pepsi commercial. So let’s just consider Kendall Jenner for this post.

 

Kendall Jenner in a Lil Dickie Music video picture image

Kendall Jenner in a Lil Dickie Music video

I can’t pretend that I know Kendall Jenner’s acting prowess but I’m going to assume it’s low to bad.  But she is a model who was on a reality show, has been in a bad music video singing about her vagina and a not self-aware soda commercial so she seems like she’ll do whatever for notoriety.

 

Kendall Jenner picture image

Kendall Jenner

Since she “sang” in that horrible music video and since she has that Social Justice Pepsi ad maybe she could play Esmeralda in a musical version. Maybe a Disney live action version. I mean Disney likes popular people in their movies. And for some reason  she is popular, I still don’t get it and I never will. Also Disney really doesn’t live Hunchback version much but wants to curtail to fans so maybe casting a reality show star turned model turned some form of celebrity is a good bet for them? You know, for money.

 

Kendall Jenner picture image

Kendall Jenner

She does have a good look for Esmeralda. So that is one thing working for her.

But would Kendall Jenner even want to play Esmeralda? I honestly don’t know enough about her to say but maybe. Though the Pepsi commercial did cause some pushback maybe she would want to double-down on it and want to play a beautiful, desirable, social justice warrior of a repressed people. Or at least just a character who is beautiful and desirable and in some versions and known as a social justice warrior, like Disney’s version. Activist by association!  

 

Kendall Jenner picture image

Kendall Jenner

This casting idea scares me. It’s just  bad. I wouldn’t want it in a so bad it’s good way. Kendall Jenner would be a bad choice.  I hate it!

Tommy Wiseau picture image

Tommy Wiseau

This idea both horrifies and excites me, so it’s perfect. It’s like the pope of fools in  movie form. So let’s break down idea of Tommy Wiseau playing Quasimodo.     

 

Tommy Wiseau the Room picture image

Tommy Wiseau

In  Greg Sestero’s book, The Disaster Artist, Sestero referenced to Wiseau looking like “the Hunchback of Notre Dame following corrective surgery.”  So the groundwork for this idea is already in place. Also let’s not forget that Wiseau has already funded one passion project with The Room, which has given him a lot of notoriety and has spun a cult following with midnight showings, a hit book about the production and an Oscar nominated movie based on the book based on the production of The Room. If he wanted to play Quasimodo he could, he doesn’t need to go through a studio, he already has one. And it’s a two in one deal because he could get Sestero to play Phoebus, because of course he would.    Side note Sestero was in Best F(r)iends with Wiseau, so they are like a package deal.

 

Tommy Wiseau in Best F(r)iends picture image

Tommy Wiseau in Best F(r)iends

 

But the question is would Wiseau even want to play Quasimodo? Well as has been stated by me, many, many  times, Quasimodo is a dream role for men to play. It’s both super psychically demanding and very emotional. So If Tommy wanted to show the world that he could play a serious role why not Quasimodo? I mean he was already liken to Quasimodo so why not just lean  into it and play him.

Also Quasimodo is from a famous French novel and Wiseau in the past has pretended to be French. So it could give some French cred.    

Tommy Wiseau in The Room picture image

Tommy Wiseau in The Room

Now if you have watched The Room, or The Neighbors, or Best F(r)iends or anything else he has been in or done, Wiseau has a weird cadence to his voice and a weird way of saying things that did in  fact turn The Room into a comedy. Since Quasimodo is deaf, Wiseau’s unique voice could add something to the role. What it could add? I don’t know what but I would be curious see it.

 

Tommy Wiseau picture image

Tommy Wiseau

One the hand this casting would be so bad but I still would HAVE to see it and not going to lie, it might be so bad that it’s good again although still scary. I dread the idea but it might be amazing in all the wrong ways. 

Would you watch a Wiseau version of Hunchback?

Also here is a challenge, for Halloween this year dress-up as Tommy Wiseau as Quasimodo, Here is a tommy Wiseau wig or you can just dress-up as Tommy Wiseau from the Room. 

  

Ralph Fiennes picture image

Ralph Fiennes

This was a suggestion of one of those lists I found a while ago and truthfully this is a great casting idea. Ralph Fiennes would be a perfect  Frollo.

 

Ralph Fiennes as Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights picture image

Ralph Fiennes as Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights

As far as Fiennes acting prowess goes, he can played Frollo regardless of the type of Frollo the version is depicting. Whether it be sympathetic or cruel or some mixture of both.  Fiennes has a very unique ability to make his villains likable yet still very threatening. Even his hero gambit run the gambit from nice to intense.    

 

Ralph Fiennes picture image

Ralph Fiennes

Fiennes has a good look to play Frollo. Not only is he age appropriate to the role but he has a great bone structure for Frollo’s angular, austere yet intense face.

 

Ralph Fiennes picture image

Ralph Fiennes

He’s got it all. He has good look for the role, he’s age appropriate (if you care), and  he’s capable of playing a likable bad guy. Fiennes would be an  ideal casting pick for Frollo in any induration of the character.  But what do you think? Would you like to see the actor who played He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named play Frollo?

 

 

Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort from the Harry Potter franchise picture image

Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort from the Harry Potter franchise

Also the idea of the actors who played Voldemort and and  Dumbledore playing the same character makes me smile.

Not Real News Hunchback Notre Dame picture image

Not Real News Hunchback Notre Dame

So this made the rounds and ended up on my news alert. So why not do a quick fire round of casting thoughts on these performers in these roles. This very off impromtu. Read the article here    

Andy Serkis as Quasimodo – Unless it was motion capture I don’t see this casting. Serkis is a great actor but I can’t see him being a innocent child-like Quasimodo.

Gal Gadot as Esmeralda – I get it. She could work as Esmerlada but it’s not a casting that I would have thought of. I think there are better opinions but if did happen probably wouldn’t be the worst.

Peter Capaldi as Frollo – I have never heard of this guy, I apologize.  Apparently I have see him in The Devil’s Whore, which I don’t remember at all.  He has played The Doctor though and he was in the Vicar of Dibley of which I have only watched the last two episode. Well I will say this for this casting HE LOOKS the part so shrugs of this casting. Probably wouldn’t be a bad choice.

Chris Hemsworth as Phoebus  Did an actual post on this one back in 2012 so read it here.  I guess this a popular casting pick for Phoebus.

Eddie Redmayne as Clopin – No! While I could see him as Gringoire and Disney’s Clopin has elements of Gringoire in his characterization just no to this one.

Kesley Grammar as Victor – I don’t understand this one. I want to but I don’t.

Betty White as Laverne – Don’t put Betty White in a Disney movie. Don’t censor her.

Jack Black as Hugo – Maybe but no. Sure they are both crass but still.

Anthony Hopkins as The Archdeacon  Well he did play Quasimodo in the 1982 movie so having him in another version could be cool but no. Again not the worst casting but meh.     

  

But what do you think of this fantasy casting?  And will Disney actually remake Hunchback?

Jessica Szohr picture image

Jessica Szohr

 

This suggestion came off a  ideas wiki list but that list has since changed but we’re still going to go through them. Jessica Szhor is one of those actresses whom I have heard of but I have never actually seen in anything. She is most known for playing Vanessa Abrams on Gossip Girl and  playing Nessa on Shameless. Otherwise she has not been  in that much of note unless you like Piranha 3D, maybe it’s amazing but somehow I  very much doubt it. 

 

Jessica Szohr picture image

Jessica Szohr

As the link is for a Disney remark, Szhor is being suggested as a Disney Esmeralda and I can see why. For starters her overall look is great for Esmeralda. She part Hungarian and African-American. Her eyes are also blue. All around she looks the part. 

 

Jessica Szohr as Nessa from Shameless picture image

Jessica Szohr as Nessa from Shameless

Given the actors who appeared on the suggestion list, it seemed the idea was to go for a more comedic tone rather than a dramatic one, in this capacity Szhor could work in the role. She doesn’t seem like a dramatically driven actress. Given the right direction she could play the role effectively. 

 

Jessica Szohr picture image

Jessica Szohr

Jessica Szhor would not be my top choice to play Esmeralda but it’s understandable why someone would want her to play her in a Disney remake.

I’m still on the Star Wars actor casting, maybe next time I’ll do an anti-one, like an all Gungun casting, shudders.  

 

Mark Hamill picture image

Mark Hamill

 

As far as the different versions take on the role of Clopin they portray him in one of two ways, he’s either leader of Gypsies or leader of the beggars and thieves. Basically Clopin is combination of three characters from Book but MOSTLY he’s still the character of Clopin because that character just has more to do than the Duke of Egypt and the the other guy, whose name I have completely forgotten but know that he does have a name and there are three leaders of The Court of Miracles.  

 

Mark Hamill picture image

Mark Hamill

 

So as I was thinking about the Star Wars casting I really wanted to get my head out of the Sequel Trilogy even though I love it, yes I liked The Last Jedi, and then I thought of Mark Hamill and it was BOOM, he be so great as Clopin. It’s a dream casting that I never knew I always wanted.   

   

Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker, Star Wars The Force Awakens picture image

Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker, Star Wars The Force Awakens

 

Hamill is most well known for his role as Luke Skywalker, really don’t I even need to say that  but he has had a long career and has been a very prominent voice actor including being consider one of the best Jokers ever. He was also in Castle in the Sky as a Villain. If you do know any about Hamill it’s that he loves to troll, in a jovial sense, and has  great sense of humor. I could really see Hamill playing Clopin with a delightful dark humor which is there but I think he could only improve of it.  

 

Mark Hamill picture image

Mark Hamill

This casting just so perfect that even if just vocal performance it would still be awesome but Mark Hamill would still kill it as live action role.

But what do you think? Would mark Hamill make a good Clopin?

Adam Driver picture image

Adam Driver

Frollo is an interesting character to cast because on the one hand we have the book which tells us that Frollo is 36. But the age of 36 is different in a modern setting  than it was in 1482 when the story is set or even in 1831 even the book was written. The book even tells us Frollo is in middle age or the winter of this life.  So most of the movie go for an older Frollo. Sometimes it a tad younger or sometime he looks like death, looking at you 1997 Richard Harris Frollo. But can we have both? Can we have a younger-ish Frollo who is believable at acting older or in someway austere and cold but passionate at the same time? Can we have a walking contradiction?

 

Yes! We can! And it’s Adam Driver!

 

Adam Driver as Kylo Ren, Star Wars The Force Awakens picture image

Adam Driver as Kylo Ren, Star Wars The Force Awakens

Driver is best known for playing Kylo Ren in the Sequel trilogy of Star Wars. He is a compelling character even if you don’t like that thing he did in The Force Awakens. Driver is just a very phenomenal actor who bring his A-game to every role and he has already played a priest in Silence, a very different story and character than Frollo. There is no doubt that Driver could excel at playing Frollo.

 

Adam Driver picture image

Adam Driver

Driver would be a young Frollo  but he does have a good look for the character already. He’s not a typically attractive, some people find him very attractive and some don’t see it at all.  He’s tall which helps, he has a narrow face with good angles, the perfect recipe for a Frollo.

 

Adam Driver picture image

Adam Driver

 

If this casting happen, I for one would be ecstatic, it just seems like a GREAT fit. What do you think? Would Adam Driver make a good Frollo?  Or no?

OT – I admit, I ship Reylo   

picture image

 

Daisy Ridley for Esmeralda was suggestion by Sky. At first this made me think of Ridley to play Fleur de Lys. As much as I love Ridley’s Rey, I do want to see Ridley playing a character like Fleur, maybe as a bitch maybe not. For whatever reason I have a soft-spot for Fleur. Sure in the book Fleur has blonde hair but so does Jehan and Quasimodo has red and Esmeralda has dark eyes, why get bogged down with colorition when other movies ignore them so much? Fleur de Lys could have brown hair why not?

 

Daisy Ridley picture image

 

Given Ridley’s star in on the raise it hard to see her accepting the role of Fleur where as  Esmeralda is a leading role. I could see her doing Fleur pending on other facets of the production like the director and if it was more of an ensemble piece.

 

Daisy Ridley picture image

Daisy Ridley

So let’s consider her for Esmeralda. The only way I could see her playing the role is if they did Esmeralda’s original backstory, as in she is French raised by Gypsies, even if they did not have the whole of the Sister Gudule plot in the movie.

 

Daisy Ridley as Mary Debenham from Murder on the Orient Express picture image

Daisy Ridley as Mary Debenham from Murder on the Orient Express

On the acting front I could Ridley playing the role even though she still fairly new and so far her biggest roles have been Rey in Star Wars and Mary Debenham  in Murder on the Orient Express. She also playing Ophelia in upcoming movie. Not sure how Ridley would play the role but my guess it would less overtly sexual than some other actresses and portrayals but you never know.

 

Daisy Ridley as Rey from Star Wars The Force Awakens picture image

Daisy Ridley as Rey from Star Wars The Force Awakens

Ridley has one big thing working for her as Esmeralda and that  is her sword and fighting ability. Ridley has done a lot of strength training and fight choreography for action scenes in Star wars. Those skills could translate into some nice dance choreography.

 

Daisy Ridley picture image

Daisy Ridley

I could see her going either way. As much as I think Daisy Ridley is cool person, she would not be my top pick for either role but if she were casted for either Esmeralda or Fleur  I would happy to see her grace a Hunchback version?

What do you people think? Ridley for Esmeralda? Ridley for Fleur de Lys? Or Neither? Or Both?