Well this is a tad awkward, I have seemed to have run out of weddings in The Hunchback of Notre Dame and there is still another Monday this month. Well I will cheat next week but for this post let’s go in the dark area of fan-fiction and think about wedding that didn’t happen but could have in our hearts.

Phoebus and Esmeralda– If you want to get all technical, this one does happen in the Disney version and would have in the 1923 version. If they had gotten together in the book my guess is it would have been another Court of Miracle wedding.

Frollo and Esmeralda – Let’s face there are a lot of people who are Fresme followers, did I spell that right? This one is a little more than unlikely since it hinges on Esmeralda choice to go off with him and she was less afraid of dying than him btu Fan0fiction we can do what we want. This wedding would have been small maybe really only them somewhere outside of Paris or where ever Frollo had his little hide-out he spoke of. Though Frollo would have to left the church which I think he could have done for Esmeralda.

Gringoire and Djali – Technically they do end up together and Djali was a doppelgänger for Esmeralda but No No No this wrong.

Fleur de Lys and Quasimodo – Yeah this one just a bit of fantasy that I’m not even sure would make as a Fan-fiction but you never know.

Clopin and Esmeralda – Well he is married but maybe in fan-fiction anything can happen. They would totally have a Court Miracle wedding with lots of drinking and probably more food than Gringoire and Esmeralda’s quick affair.

What couple would like to see married in Hunchback?

Bride Wars picture image

Bride Wars

At last, we come to the low hanging fruit. This movie hangs so low of that it’s on the ground, really this movie doesn’t seem like a challenge to review. I’m talking about the 2009 travesty known as Bride Wars. Really, this movie is so bad that Nostradamus himself predicated its coming. Ok no, that is giving this shit-poo too much credit and it’s not the worse movie in the world, it only has a 10% on Rotten Tomatoes when Happily N’ever after has a 4% and Alone in the Dark has 1%, so where not in that area of totally ass-ness but we venture close, very close.

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) at the wedding planners Bride Wars picture image

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) at the wedding planners

The movie is about childhood friends Liv and Emma. Both have a happy memory about having tea at the plaza in June and seeing a wedding, they both decide at the tender age of young girl that they both want to have June weddings at the Plaza. So they both Live in New York City and Liv (Kate Hudson) is a perfectionist control-freak lawyer who somehow lost her parents or something, the movie doesn’t really fleshed that out and Emma (Anne Hathaway) is a people-pleaser middle school teacher.

Both have serious boyfriends and both become engaged at the same time. Both go to the same wedding planner and they are told there are three spots at the Plaza in June, two on the sixth and one 27th. So Liv takes the 6th and Emma 27th but OH the plot, there was a mix-up and they are both on the same day Nooooooooooooo! So because they don’t really want to ruin their ideal wedding dreams, they start attacking each other in girly-bitch methods like getting one fat, rumors, embarrassment, messing with tanning and hair dye and full-on wedding fight. They pretty much reconcile when Emma, who had been having friction with her fiancee decides on their wedding day to call it off. SO Liv gets married and Emma doesn’t but at the end she marries Liv’s brother and they find out they are both pregnant a year later, hello sequel that never happen.

Liv (Kate Hudson) with blue hair Bride Wars picture image

Liv (Kate Hudson) with blue hair

Ok. number ONE, the plot of competing best friends could have and should been handled before they were even told. Second, it was a breech of contact and they had the right to sue. Third, why the fuck didn’t the other bride just switch? She would have been operating under the assumption her wedding was the 6th and not the 27th. The plot just rest on something that is stupid and fixable but the movie wants to spend more time on women acting like selfish bitches.

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) catching a bouquet Bride Wars picture image

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) catching a bouquet

The movie also tries to justify Liv and Emma acting like children. First they both have this idea that any wedding that isn’t at the Plaza in June it is beneath them but they wrap this up in Liv and Emma having reasons for their attachment. Liv’s excuse is that the Plaza was the happiest memory from her childhood, and yes that is a better reason than Emma’s who has just been saving up for it though she makes less money than Liv the Lawyer. But also Emma is a people-pleaser who can’t really say no, so she wants something for her.

So they both think they are justified BUT they both could have had it they had taken better action in the first place. And REALLY is June  important? I can understand the location but the month? Some months aren’t good but they made it seem like June was the fucking end all be all and not the person they were marrying.

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) Bride Wars picture image

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway)

Briefly let’s just talk about the guys, Liv’s boyfriend just gives in to her and pretty just chill, I forgot his name. Emma’s guy, Fletcher is overbearing and just wants Emma to be a sweet little person with no emotions or that is how the movie wants us to view him because we can’t feel sad when him and Emma break up to allow for Liv’s wedding. Also Emma ends up with Liv’s bother of whom gets like two scenes with Emma and exhibits no personality, so match made in heaven I guess.

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Liv's groom cutting their "Trendy fusion" cake Bride Wars picture image

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Liv’s groom cutting their “Trendy fusion” cake

Now we talk about the weddings. The most ironic thing about this movie is that wedding that is not in June and not at the Plaza is better looking than Emma’s and Liv’s dream elitist weddings. Granted, we didn’t see that wedding only the reception. I forget what their themes were but Emma was something like minimal romantic and Liv’s was trendy fusion but the two decors didn’t match. Emma’s was like black with roses and not like fun Victorian gothic a la Phantom of the Opera but like just ugly and dour. Liv’s was just like gold tones, which I think looked prettier but it wasn’t trendy fusion and futhermore WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Romantic minimal yeah I get that but Trendy Fusion? Fusion with what? Do you have  like mason jars with like Indian wedding deatils mixed with Cherry Blossoms? I’m so confused. Everything about Liv’s wedding SCREAMS traditional and not at all trendy or Fusion.

Their wedding looked like shit and they played $350 plus taxes per person for that venue. Gah F this movie its ear.

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) in their wedding gowns Bride Wars picture image

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) in their wedding gowns

Then we have the gowns. Both were designed by Vera Wang. Ok, first this movie makes the claim that Vera Wang gowns are so wonderful, that you don’t alter the gown you alter yourself to fit the gown. First this was supposed to be for giggles and a Liv’s gained 5 pound pay-off but so the fuck-of-sake that is the just elisted bullshit that Vera Wang herself said was dumb, and this shit was giving her free adverstiment but really she doesn’t need it. So f-you short girls, you better figure out how to grow seven inches so you can fit into this overpriced gown, may be you could stench yourself.

But the gown themselves, Liv’s tulle ballgown was overrated. It’s pretty standard as wedding dresses go. I mean there is nothing really to it other than sheer volume. Emma’s wedding gown is much better BUT in the context of the story it was her mother’s wedding gown which means now I have to do MATH, I so hate this movie. So let’s just say Emma is roughly late twenty to early thirties and for this let’s just say she is 28 given the college being ten years ago lines, This would mean that she was born roughly early 80s‘ about 1981 or 1982. This means her parents could have been married anywhere from 80 to sometime in the 70s and let’s me just say, NO WEDDING GOWN FROM THAT TIME LOOKED LIKE EMMA’S FUCKING WEDDING GOWN YOU DUMB FUCKS! Just google pictures. Good GOD, really I can’t like Emma’s gown on a contextual level and I don’t like Liv’s gown on a personal level.

 

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) after bride bitch fight Bride Wars picture image

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) after bride bitch fight

Bride Wars sucks as it just elitist bullshit about two horrible women doing terrible things to their best friend because f-you my wedding day.

Elicia MacKenzie as Fleur de Lys & Yvan Pedneault as Phobus, World Tour Cast Notre Dame de Paris, Crocus City picture image

Elicia MacKenzie as Fleur de Lys & Yvan Pedneault as Phobus, World Tour Cast Notre Dame de Paris, Crocus City

The other lady in Hunchback is Fleur de Lys. She is a beautiful noble who is engaged to Phoebus. Typically when she is featured in adaptations she is depicted as blonde and mostly seen in blue, at least in the 1956 and 1977 movies. The version where is has the most characterization is in Notre Dame de Paris where she wears pink.

Rhea Two by Rosa Clara picture image

Rhea Two by Rosa Clara

 

Unlike Esmeralda, Fleur de Lys’ style is a little bit harder to pin down. But given her noble, proper upbringing I would suggest keeping to classic style that is  prim and regal.

Casablanca Bridal picture image

Casablanca Bridal

Nothing says Classic wedding gown like an A-line silhoutte.

Belle by Jenny Packham picture image

Belle by Jenny Packham

Go for Sleeves.

Demetrios Sensualle picture image

Demetrios Sensualle

Illusion neckline fits Fleur de Lys, noble demeanor.

Oscar de la Renta picture image

Oscar de la Renta

Nothing could be better for a Fleur de Lys inpired Gown than Lovley Lace.

Vera Wang, Fall 2014 picture image

Vera Wang, Fall 2014

And if you want and are daring enough, make it Pink! Or Pink details. I admit it, I like Notre Dame de Paris.

You can also add Lily accessories.

Pictures are from Bride.com, thehunchblog is not affiliated.

One version I haven’t discussed very much is the 1977 British made for Tv-movie and that is because I haven’t reviewed it and I don’t really like it very much. However this is the only version that I know of that has TWO weddings. It has of course Gringoire and Esmeralda’s wedding and Fleur de Lys and Phoebus though it seem more like the reception than the actually wedding.

Let’s just with Esmeralda’s and Gringoire wedding.

Michelle Newell as Esmeralda with Christopher Gable as Gringoire 1977 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Michelle Newell as Esmeralda with Christopher Gable as Gringoire

Unlike other version, Esmeralda gets a white veil in this version. I’m not sure why they added this and moreover I can’t tell if it’s cheesy as fuck or cute. I’m going for cheesy. They properly break the jug though the four shards for four years is not there, instead they are stuck together. However they get dancing, which is fun though I’m of the opinion that the Court of Miracles don’t need excuses for drinking and merriment.

Then we come to the wedding night. Esmeralda gives Gringoire some soup. Gringoire then both creepily and awkwardly tries to seduce Esmeralda. She on her part is not having it and puts him is his place quickly without any flowery language. Gringoire seems chill with their sibling-like relationship but he still tries to seduce her, like it’s pathetic.

Hetty Baynes as Fleur de Lys with Richard Morant as Phoebus de Chateaupers dancing at their wedding with corpses  1977 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Hetty Baynes as Fleur de Lys with Richard Morant as Phoebus de Chateaupers dancing at their wedding with corpses

And then we have Fleur de Lys and Phoebus’ wedding thing. This part is like a giant F-You. At the end of the movie, Esmeralda has been hung and Frollo is dead on the cobblestone. As Esmeralda’s body hangs and Frollo’s body litters the ground, Fleur de Lys, who is a delightful bitch this movie, come parading out with Phoebus. And they dance around the bodies as a happy music plays. Why Movie? That is one of the worse endings of any hunchback version. I mean it’s amusing in darkly fuck up way but still.

Oh Fleur de Lys wore white. White for brides came in to fashion in 1840 with Queen Victoria’s wedding. In the Medieval period bride wore Blue as it was the color of purity. So her in white is just cheesy so at least both weddings are consistent in style.

27 Dresses picture image

27 Dresses

Most wedding movies are notorious for being bad even if they are just sort okay-ish and/or dull and cliche. 27 Dresses, released in 2008, is one such movie. It’s far from worse movie ever made but it is so steeped in cliched cliches that is just so dull.

Katherine Heigl as Jane as Southern Belle Bridesmaid 27 Dresses picture image

Katherine Heigl as Jane as Southern Belle Bridesmaid

The story follows Jane (Katherine Heigl), a people pleaser who just wants to help every one and loves wedding. Like she is obsessed with weddings and she is madly in love with her boss, George (Edward Burns). She hopes that if she has no life of her own George will notice her or something. Senpai will not notice you!

Jane’s younger sister Tess (Malin Åkerman), comes into town and falls for George and he’s interested in her. In classic middle school fashion, Tess then lies to George to seem like she has things in common with him, like that she is a vegetarian who like outdoor activities and likes dogs. While Jane watches Tess steal George, a mean attractive writer is stalking Jane. This writer named Kevin (James Marsden), writes wedding related articles but he wants to prove his worth and writes a piece of Jane who has been a bridesmaid 27 times and he hates the wedding industrial complex while Jane loves it, so friction and snarky romance ahoy.

So Jane plans Tess’s s wedding, which she wants to be just like their dear departed mother’s wedding which was Jane’s dream. Jane then learns about the article after she sleeps with Kevin, they had been getting less snarky by that point, and she gets mad at him. Then Tess cut up their mother’s wedding gown to suit her style which causes Jane to go over the edge. Jane then humiliates Tess at the rehearsal dinner with a slideshow which reveals her lies and the wedding is off because you DON’T LIE ABOUT PUPPIES!

Then stuff gets resolved, Jane and Tess make up, Jane quits her job and Kevin and her get married and all the brides she was a bridesmaid for are at her wedding, in the dresses that they put Jane in which I think is bitchy and vindictive but I think the movie thought it was sweet gesture or something, I dunno.

Judy Greer 27 Dresses picture image

Judy Greer in 27 Dresses

As you can see this movie it cliched as fuck, it does nothing really that new. It just takes that old saying, “Always A bridesmaid never a bride,” and made it into a movie because getting married and having a wedding is the fucking end all be all, am I right? At least this how the lesser wedding movies operate.

However there was one thing I did like about this movie and it’s what got me through all the trite over-played dullness, this movie reminded me of shows I like. Judy Greer played Jane’s rude best friend, Casey and she was in Arrested Development and is in Archer. James Marsden and Maulik Pancholy, who played Kevin’s co-worker, were both on 30 Rock. And Of Course, this movie was referenced in an episode of Bob’s Burger called Gene It On. Otherwise this movie is as interesting as diluted cheap Vanilla Ice Cream.

Katherine Heigl as Jane with Malin Åkerman as Tess and Edward Burns as George 27 Dresses picture image

Katherine Heigl as Jane with Malin Åkerman as Tess and Edward Burns as George

But you know just because a movie is cliched and dull doesn’t mean there can’t be good characters. Oh, wait no, I’m wrong, interesting characters would negate the dullness. No, the Only thing that is remotely interesting, beside Judy Greer, are the ugly bridesmaid dresses. The rest of the characters are dull, predicable and stupid. Jane is a push over who likes wedding, Tess is egoistical, Kevin is snarky and George is ummm I have no idea, he didn’t have much of personality except nice. At least Casey’s rudeness was something but she was a minor-character so the movie didn’t to try to make the audience like her so  she was just Judy “you’re not my supervisor, say good-bye to these” Greer.

Katherine Heigl as jane in ugly purple dress with James Marsden as Kevin 27 Dresses picture image

Katherine Heigl as jane in ugly purple dress with James Marsden as Kevin

So let’s talk about the wedding in this movie, well counting Jane’s at the end there are three and one planned. The first one is standard, the second is was a Hindu-Jewish wedding and third was goth or heavy metal thing. So two out of three had personality though really movie, spike dog-collar for the bridesmaid.

The only thing we see from Tess’s wedding is her Amsale gown which was actually supposed to her mother’s gown cut up which causes Jane to loose her shit. Tess apparently took the mom’s gown because she was trying to be like Jane and part of that was stealing Jane’s dream of having their mom’s wedding. It was just so fucking contrived. The dress was alright, though I don’t think that style is still in but it was bitch move.

Jane and Kevin’s wedding was on a beach. I wish there was something in their characters that made this venue make sense. Like what about them says a beach? They didn’t seem like outside people. One line about them liking beaches could have help. It just seemed like a catalogue stylish thing for the movie to do.

The former Brides in the bridesmaid gown they picked as Jane's wedding 27 Dresses picture image

The former Brides in the bridesmaid gown they picked as Jane’s wedding

It’s just a little more than sad that the dresses of 27 Dresses are more memorable than any of the characters.

Esmeralda and Phoebus Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda and Phoebus Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

For a wedding gown you can take your fashion cues really from one of two of the story’s ladies; Esmeralda or Fleur de Lys. We’ll talk about Fleur de Lys style wedding gowns later so let’s get to Esmeralda.

Inbal Dror, Fall 2015 picture image

Inbal Dror, Fall 2015

With Esmeralda you can be inspired from the movies as it’s already a visual medium and Victor “describe a Snow at Sea in every detail” Hugo was surprisingly quiet on clothing detail, maybe he didn’t care or know anything about fashion, Margaret Mitchell, he is not.   Anyway you can take inspiration from any movies, like the Disney movie, 1939, 1923 or Notre Dame de Paris. I would just say that the Disney movie look is the most iconic.

Blush by Hayley Paige picture image

Blush by Hayley Paige

A few details I would suggest when looking for an Esmeralda’s inspired wedding gown. Think about the movement of the fabric. Esmeralda is a dancer so fabric should have a nice movement and flow to it.

Delphine Manivet, Fall 2015 picture image

Delphine Manivet, Fall 2015

Consider off-the-shoulder for the neckline.

Ember by Cocoe Voci  picture image

Ember by Cocoe Voci

Tier detailing on the skirt is a pretty and very bohemian detail.

Marchesa, Fall 2012 picture image

Marchesa, Fall 2012

Skip Lace and opt for beading, it’s more Esmeralda.

Lazaro, Fall 2015 picture image

Lazaro, Fall 2015

And if you want and are daring enough, make it green! Or have green details.

 

Pictures are from Bride.com, thehunchblog is not affiliated.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda and Edward Atterton as Gringoire, 1997 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda and Edward Atterton as Gringoire

Despite being a sort of remake of the 1939 version, the 1997 version handles the wedding scene of Esmeralda and Gringoire VERY differently. It is sort of like the 1939 movie but only at its most basic core.

Gringoire wanders into the Court of Miracles, he’s almost hanged, Esmeralda saves him and they are married. However no jug is broken. Not breaking the jug is not a deal breaker per say but it is a weird subtraction since that was the name of the chapter but Gringoire does faint.

The wedding night doesn’t occur either like it does in the book. Instead it happens the next day as Gringoire is eating some of Esmeralda’s home-cooking. What is interesting is that during the wedding night scene in the book and  in the 1939 version, Gringoire tries to seduce Esmeralda. When she rejects him, Gringoire then says he’s cool with being friends and living like brother and sister. In this version he goes straight for accepting that  even though Esmeralda never rejects. In fact Esmeralda is more in to him in this version than other version. This is easier to accept in this version since Phoebus is a non-entity.

In fact it’s Esmeralda who is coming on to him with caressing him as she teaches him how to juggle and them kisses him because she wanted to.

So while the 97 has some basic similarities to the 1939 version, it is quite different. It’s just weird that they don’t have the jug and that Gringoire is cool with relationship that Esmeralda typically set-ups in other versions only to Esmeralda put the moves on him and never reject him at all.

Unlike Esmeralda and Gringoire’s wedding, the nuptials of  Phoebus and Fleur de Lys isn’t really presented in the book but mentioned as a bitter joke. At the end Hugo tells us of all the tragic endings the characters have even if they lived to the ending. For our old pal Gringoire he writes tragedies, clever. Phoebus‘ tragic end is that he gets married.

Hugo mean that they marriage was the tragic occurrence for Phoebus, as Fleur de Lys more than likely put him on a tight leash, though maybe they just like that sort of thing, (wink.)  So I guess that Fleur de Lys is the only character in Hunchback to get a happy ending, well her and maybe Djali.

Unlike Gringoire and Esmeralda humble quick wedding, you can bet that Fleur de Lys and Phoebus‘ wedding would have been a lavish late medieval affair, with dancing and flowy gowns and those princess hennin cones for the ladies.

To date, this wedding is only in ONE Hunchback movie and it was so shoe-horned in that is inappropriate but I will get to that later.

Congrats, you’re getting married and have decided that you don’t want to be content being any old Hunchback fan. No, you want your wedding to a Hunchback of Notre Dame themed wedding and I hate to break it to you, but it’s not a popular choice, there isn’t a pinterest board going to help you plan your affair.

But that is where thehunchblog wedding theme month comes in and offers you a hand. So let’s start these wedding idea posts with a good jumping off point, COLOR SCEME! Can I get a Yay?

Regardless of theme, weddings typically have a color scheme. At their most simple, they are two colors used to dictate the decor of the wedding. Though you can have more than two but you don’t want too many colors.

Dark Green and Light Grey Wedding Ideas picture image

Dark Green and Light Grey Wedding Ideas

For a Color Scheme, I would suggest looking toward Notre Dame herself. You can either go with soft grey or that creamy stone color. Both colors are very Parisian, I know this because I saw it on pinterest. You might want to consider adding a green tone for Esmeralda’s namesake, get both the Notre Dames in there.

Concrete Square Vases picture image

Concrete Square Vases

For center pieces you might want to consider something with bells because what is Hunchback without bells. You could also again take inspiration from Notre Dame, maybe with concrete vases or something. You might to keep things square as Notre Dame as a square like shape.

I wouldn’t go with gargoyles, they tend to be used for gothic affairs, and while Notre Dame is the prime example of Gothic architecture it’s the other type of goth style, unless of course it’s part of your vision.

Goat Cheese, Apple and Bacon Canapés are made special with Eggo Buttermilk Pancakes picture image

Goat Cheese, Apple and Bacon Canapés are made special with Eggo Buttermilk Pancakes

And remember you might want to consider incorporating Esmeralda’s and Gringoire’s wedding feast into some part of the meal as a clever nod to the book. They had Bacon, Apples, Rye bread and Beer. It might seems like elegant food but you can also make it more fancy, if you want.

*Disclaimer*- thehunchblog know nothing about wedding planning. These posts are for entertainment purposes only, at least I hope they are entertaining.

Maureen O'Hara as Esmeralda and Edmond O'Brien as Gringoire  1939 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda and Gringoire getting married

The first time we see the wedding scene play out in a movie version, at least of a Hunchback movie we can actually watch, it was in the 1939 version.

Pretty much this scene is very much like the book though I would point out that Esmeralda and Gringoire never drink from the jug like they do in the 1939 movie and it’s the Duke of Egypt who presides over the affair. Both changes with drinking and Clopin are fine, I rather like the drinking from the pitcher, it’s a nice touch.

They also get a little song thrown in for funs which is also nice. Though instead of going to Esmeralda’s room, in the movie they go to the bridal chamber which makes sense as it was Esmeralda’s first night at the Court of Miracle so she probably didn’t even have a room.

The dialogue is also a little different during their wedding night but it’s on point. Though if anything is quite different it is at the end of the scene where Esmeralda seeks off because Frollo sent soldiers to find her. Boy, does he mobilize his men fast. Though I’m still not sure how she knew to seek away but whatever.

All in all this scene is solid. It captured the tone of the book but kept things a little different. Really I don’t think they could have improved it. Well maybe if they had Djali but they had different goat though I’m still not sure why.