So I thought what would Frollo do after viewing the Disney Sequel of the Hunchback of Notre Dame and here it is…
Behold my Terrible Photo-Manipulation!Follow thehunchblog
What else can I say about the sequel; it’s uninspired, mindless dibble that isn’t even good enough to baby-sit babies. It’s sole purpose way to get people to buy it, not to watch it but if people were to watch it, it was meant to show people that if you’re as ugly as Quasimodo, persistent enough and you say all the right things maybe you’ll the get the door mat who is right for you. Because this movie thinks everyone should be in pairs, even Achilles get some cheap floozy erm Filly at the end, Djali submits in to Hugo’s obsession, and there is “sexy” puppey show.
The real problem with this movie is it’s not bad enough to be good, it just exists in this realm of mediocrity. However there is one positive thing about this movie and that is an exchange between Victor, Hugo and Quasimodo and it’s funny.
Victor – “What does one wear to carnival event?”
Quasimodo – “Nothing”
Hugo – “Daring!”
That’s pretty much the highlight of the movie.
This isn’t a love story, it’s romantic superficiality wrap-up in blatant commercialism. It’s a horrible sequel and the people who made it should be ashamed that so many trees had to die for this piece of expleteive deleted.
Next Adapation: Der Glockner Von Notre DameFollow thehunchblog
In the case of Disney’s Hunchback sequel, this was Disney’s chance to give Quasimodo a love story as they didn’t in the original movie because Esmeralda and Phoebus are made for each other and pretty much the some person. However the whole plot with the bell was stupid. What Disney should have done was used the sequel to mitigate between the book and the movie instead of creating a villain who was pretty much universally despised by the masses, an idiotic impractical bell and not utilizing the more beloved main characters -Esmeralda, Clopin, and Djali.
Here what they should have done, since Disney is in the business of contrived romances we’ll keep the Madeline character but instead of working for a vain magical bell thief she’ll be in league with Gringoire whose is a poet and a goat thief. Gringoire is original to the book and he does steals/rescues Djali. But having Djali as a focal point it would have been easier to incorporate Esmeralda and Clopin. Plus Djali was a smart Goat who could spell, tell time and do numerous of other tricks, plus Disney could have marketed more Djali toys instead that stupid Bell. Plus there would have been no lame Sarousch or hopefully no Zephyr. (Did anyone like either of them? Seriously I wanna know.)
However, I think Disney should have forgone the whole Quasimodo story line and done a prequel with Esmeralda because I can tell you right know more people search for Esmeralda than Quasimodo, she is just more popular. I think an Esmeralda backstory who have been a better waste of time. Who agrees? I mean we know nothing of Esmeralda’s childhood, parents, how she came to the Court of Miracles, or anything. I guess this makes her mysterious but it would have been more interesting to watch than watching Quasimodo force a girl into liking him with a jewel-crusted bell that isn’t even in the first movie. An Esmeralda origin tale would have mitigated the Disney story of Hunchback and Hugo’s Notre Dame de Paris, I mean Esmeralda is the titular character and the book revolves around her and Disney trying to downplay her in favor of Quasimodo just didn’t work. So they should have done a Prequel full of Esmeralda and not the sequel that they poop out.
Next Time – Conclusion Time for the Sequel
Quasimodo and Madeline are suppose to be two sides of the some coin. They both have the same up-bringing, raised by someone whose only motivation to do so was to use them in some way all the while being emotional abusive. The difference is Madeline is pretty and Quasimodo is not. However they are quite different, Madeline is ambitious as she wants to walk the tight tope and Quasimodo’s only real ambition is to be in a relationship, and that’a the MAJOR problem with this relationship.
Quasimodo will say and do anything to get Madeline to like him. Really, he would have done the same thing with Esmeralda. But this blatant desire for a relationship makes Quasimodo creepy and he completely rushes the relationship. I think the movie spans like two days. Quasimodo pursues her like she the last chopper out of Nam and tries to convince her that he is beautiful on the inside. In fact that is what their whole first date is about, how Quasimodo is awesome and shame on her for judging him. However Quasimodo is just as guilty of judging people on their looks. He claims that he think there more to her but he comments on her looks. And Madeline is no innocent player either, she is using Quasimodo. First, because she has to as her boss wants the stupid bell but she also uses him as source of both redemption and self-worth. Both are bad things to use other people for.
As far as a love story goes, it’s a horrible one. Quasimodo manipulates a girl with low-esteem into believing that they’re in love. He tells her that thinks “there is more more to her” but what Quasimodo thinks this “something more” is, is not known. It really just seems that Quasimodo just says whatever it is that people want to hear (Frollo’s Training). Had he said what it was that he saw in her beyond her face it would have given the love story more depth. As a result of bad writing, this love story is weak and shallow. Quasimodo says the right thing to hook the girl and is blessed that she is dumb enough not to ask for any follow-up questions about said deeper attributes (though I sure if Quasimodo had any they would have been wholesome – perverts). And on Madeline’s end, she thinks she found someone who think she is more than a pretty face, too bad she is wrong though.
The reason for this film’s existent is to give Quasimodo a love story and the love they gave him is shallow, empty, and hollow, which make the this movie worthless.
Next Time – What the Disney Corporation should have done with a sequel to Hunchback, but before that a special article, an interlude if you will.Follow thehunchblog
I’m Gonna Love You was made in part by Jennifer Love Hewitt’s desire to sing a song because at the time she was a singer, check out her other music. Considering Hewitt played Madeline, we can say that Madeline sings this song about Quasimodo. The message of the song is a little difficult to communicate so you’re going to have to stay with me, the message is that Madeline is going to love Quasimodo. And not only that she going to do so for the rest of her life. I guess when she dies she is exempt from loving him anymore.
It’s a standard pop song, sweet and innocuous, though there is hint of codependency, she can’t be without him or her soul will die. What’s more Romantic than Codependency??? I wish this bothered me more but I don’t take this song seriously enough to care.
Can’t say I’m a Jennifer Love Hewitt fan, she seems to buy into the pop vibrato and has nasal tone to her voice but at least she sings without auto-tuning, so kudos to her. I do think it’s funny that at the end, she sings “babe” which is a reference to Quasimodo. It feels really out place with rest of the song and is really awkward. Like, it’s there as a pop music trope rather than as an expression of love.
I’m Gonna Love you is a typical pop song with codependent lyrics to boot. But this whole movie is just and attempt to get children to shut-up for an hour while their baby-sitters make-out, so I don’t imagine too many people (kids) actually listen or understand the codependent message of the song or they are too young to understand, so hence I don’t care, I found the lyrics more hilarious than sad, which I guess is sad.
Next Time -TBDFollow thehunchblog
When I say I’d Stick With You is the worse song in the movie I mean it, but it may not be the stupidest. Which is odd considering the lyrics of Fa la la la Fallen In Love, which based on the title, it qualifies as the stupidest song of the movie.
So the song is about how Quasimodo has fallen in love, that’s it. The song starts with the Gargoyles lamenting that their “boy” has grown (their boy is like 27) and in love but their lament is a fake because they’re happy that “Love has nailed him” then the crowd joins in about have love has “derailed him”. (Didn’t this happen more to Madeline???)
Musically the song isn’t bad, it has a jovial and whimsical tone. The lyrics are one of the problems with this song. First off the song is called Fa la la la Fallen In Love and those are the bulk of lyrics. This is just stupid! But I think the “Oh Wow” lines are stupider. Now here the big problem, I can’t write this song off as completely stupid (and that pains me). The song uses a lot of word that I didn’t know. Like roundelay and madrigal. Roundelay is 1) a song in which a phrase, line, or the like, is continually repeated 2) the music for such a song 3) a dance in a circle; round dance. And Madrigal 1) a secular part song without instrumental accompaniment, usually for four to six voices, making abundant use of contrapuntal imitation, popular especially in the 16th and 17th centuries 2) a lyric poem suitable for being set to music, usually short and often of amatory character, especially fashionable in the 16th century and later, in Italy, France, England, etc 3) any part song. However both words are anachronism, I mean if your going to use pedantic words they should at least be fashionable to the setting. It’s funny that a song in a sequel would use GRE type words and be called Fa la la la Fallen, use that title as a Roundlay and use the line “Oh Wow” it’s mind boggling to say the least.
I have another issue with the song. The song seems incredulous to the fact that Quasimodo could have fallen in love in the first place. Which is insane since Quasimodo wants to be in love because he think it looks nice. And this isn’t the first time Quasimodo has “fallen in love” remember Esmeralda, she broke his heart (or ripped it). The purpose of this song seems to be that a hard-hearted people has fallen in love which is evident in the lines “Love has nailed him” and “Love’s derailed him.” It seem more suited to Madeline and not Quasimodo. I mean Madeline as to overcome low self-esteem and has to get past Quasimodo’s deformity. What did Quasimodo have to do? Stare and listen to her. And further more why does the crowd care? When did Quasimodo become the Darling of Paris? Because the Darling of Paris is Esmeralda and is a 1917 Hunchback film version starring Theda Bara.
Fa la la la Fallen In Love is a dumb little song that uses big words for the sake of alliteration, which makes a level of sense because Quasimodo and Madeline’s relationship is founded alliteration as well lies but still it’s stupid. And no amount of smart and big words can help save it from it’s stupid title.
Next Time – I’m Gonna Love You ( a.k.a Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Vanity Project)Follow thehunchblog
I’d Stick with you is a Buddy song sung by Zephyr and Quasimodo. Zephyr is feeling his pal, Quasimodo is pulling away from him because he was staring at a girl (or maybe just ignoring his prattle). Quasimodo tells Zephyr that they’ll always be pal. Zephyr via song poses a hypothetical situation, about if he caught by a witch and is suspended over a kettle of blue glue and he falls he if Quasimodo would still be his pal even if he was sticky. Which Quasimodo says he would still be his friend because it’s not that big of a deal, kid. As the song is being sung, Madeline (who changed out her pink costume and into her casual garb in record time) watches and judges Quasimodo to be a nice loyal sort, because I guess loyalty to someone who is sticky is an important trait in a lifemate for her. So surprise the song is a plot device for the Quasimodo/Madeline pairing. This fact is compounded when you think this the last time Quasimodo and Zephyr speak to each other.
So is the song bad? Yes, yes it, I originally thought another song was worse but I feel this song is the far worse. The music is lazy and the lyrics are stupid. Visuals on it are terrible too. Let’s start with the music. You know those songs you make up as you go, more less sing-song in natural that’s all this is. I’m not sure if it’s because it was written this way because a child was singing it, but either Haley Joel Osment couldn’t sing very well or the composer had little respect for children. If the later is true than shame on the composer because children are capable of singing very well.
The Lyrics in the song are awful too. It’s just mostly rhymes to the word “stick”. This leads to some stupid lines. Like being as close as Frick and Frack. Does Quasimodo mean the Figure Skaters from the from the 1940’s? Since he says “closer than Frack and Frick” or does her mean the slang for two people being so close that they’re indistinguishable or does he mean it as a term of derision for any two people, on par with calling one person a “Bozo” or three people “Stooges” ? In any case the line doesn’t work, it’s just for a rhyme. The clock line is an anachronism too because a clock can’t tick without a minute hand and that was invented in 1577 by Jost Burgi. But anachronism isn’t in Disney’s dictionary and who can tell when Disney’s Hunchback was supposed to take place. My guess is Disney operates setting like The Epcot World Pavilions, representation of a place but not accurate (it’s all fun for the children and tourist). Anyway the Lyrics are stupid. How can one be Sticky and Slick? Tell me song!
The Visuals for this song are dull. It’s practically Quasimodo and Zephyr walking around the circus while Madeline is stalks them. That’s it. The song ends because Zephyr gets bored and falls asleep. So one positive I have for it is; At least it’s short, it’s just under two minutes and there is some dialogue in there.
I would say I’d Stick With You is the worst song in the movie maybe in all of Disney (as far as original versions of songs are concerned, don’t get me started on the pop covers). Whether it’s the worst remains to be seen, I haven’t seen all the sequels Disney made but I’m sure one of those movies must have their own honorable distinction of pure awfulness for a song, but it would have to abysmal to rival I’d Stick With You. I may eat those words with the next song.
Next Time- Fa la la la Fallen In LoveFollow thehunchblog
Disney is known for many things; Music, Animation etc. Conversely what Disney is known is thrown out in their sequels. So let’s tackle the music of this monstrosity of a money-making scam ( their direct to relase sequels). This first song on the list; the opening song, Le Jour D’Amour or Not Topsy Turvy – it’s the festival song.
It’s Clopin’s one and only song. But Wait, it’s not just Clopin’s song it’s a duet with Quasimodo. Remember in the original film when Quasimodo was shoved down our throats, it’s even worst in this film. And also the Gargoyles get in on this song (eye roll).
This song introduces us to the fact that this movie is about love. Le Jour D’Amour is supposed to a Valentine’s Day-Love is great- and a pox on you if you don’t have love in your life Day. The premise of the day, in that people yell declarations of love while some bell rings. And for some reason yellow Roses are the flower of chose for Le Jour D’Amour. Yellow Roses are yet one of many, many, fun anachronisms in this movie. The Yellow Rose wasn’t discovered till the 18th century. Yellow Roses are a very stupid chose because according to the meaning of flowers they mean Friendship, Joy, Get Well, not very good chose for a festival of love. If only roses came in other colors, a color that denotes Love and Passion, a “Lover’s Rose” if you will. Darn if only rose came in RED! Stupid movie!
Now compared to the actual movie, the songs are bad. I probably could have just end my music discussion of the sequel right there but that’s too easy, plus Le Jour D’Amour is the least guilty. It’s somewhat period appropriate, uplifting, and at least you can sing along to it, through why you want to is beyond me. I think the worst part musically is the Gargoyle’s part and I’m not fond of Quasimodo’s solo right before that. But this is my least hated song of the movie (I hesitate to use the word favorite). Don’t get me wrong it’s a stupid song about a stupid festival with stupid people dancing around like dumdums. And despite it being the best in my opinion, I’m always forgetting it. ( in my last article post when I said what would be next, I used a picture from Ordinary Miracle instead of a picture from Le Jour D’Amour)
And I would like to point out that the lyrics try to justify this festival (maybe even the movie) as the “best of all” over the the original and certainly over Topsy Turvy, but Topsy Turvy would win with both hands tied behind its’ back and little pieces of duct tape covering its’ eyes and Le Jour D’Amour can have a spear even. No contest. (Hey, two points go to the person who knows what I just referenced with that little battle scenario comment if you know what it it)
Since Le Jour D’Amour is the best of the songs in this explicit deleted fest, this is only going to get worse for me.
Next Time – Ordinary Miracles (bleh)Follow thehunchblog
Zephyr is the son of Phoebus and presumably Esmeralda. Zephyr looks like Phoebus but I guess his slightly darker coloration comes from Esmeralda’s side. I supposed if Zephyr had been a girl child he would have looked like a mini Esmeralda with a slightly lighter coloration, though given Disney maybe Phoebus’ color but Esmeralda doppleganger( Esmeralda with Blond hair click here to see).
I have been referring to Zephyr as being personality deficient and it’s true, Zephyr doesn’t have a personality and he’s uninteresting as a character. Basically Zephyr is child and acts as such. But Zephyr is not a character he is a plot device. As the best friends of Quasimodo he shows Madeline that Quasimodo is a nice guy and as the son of Phoebus he gets kidnapped. Zephyr is also used to redeem Madeline in Quasimodo’s eyes. If I has to assign him personality traits I would he’s a curious, impulsive, easily impressed, chatterbox with narcoleptic tendencies. The only things he does as character development are trying to join the circus (cliche childhood fantasy) and saying “yuck” in regards to romance ( yet another childhood cliche).
So Zephyr wins the award dullest character in not just this sad excuse for a movie but probably all of Disney moviedom.
And yet oddly enough he’s only new character to get a song in the sequel.
Next Time – The Songs *shudder*Follow thehunchblog