Number 10

101 Dalmatians II; Patch's London Adventure picture image

Patch

 

101 Dalmatians II: Patch’s London Adventure – Aside from the meanness of the puppies, I was surprised by this one. I thought it would suck but It was largely ok. It didn’t rehash and the satire on art was silly. Cruella is also a villain that I would think wouldn’t learn her lesson so her doing what she does in this one  is understandable.

Number 9

Mulan and Shang Mulan II picture image

Mulan and Shang

Mulan II – Let’s be real here, Mulan 2 doesn’t measure up to Mulan but as a movie it doesn’t suck that much and that’s all a Disney sequel as really be.

Number 8

Pocahontas and Rolfe, Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World picture image

Pocahontas and Rolfe

Pocahontas II: Journey To A New World – Pocahontas 2 did have a lot of dull annoying parts but as a story it worked. It continued the story in a logical direction and none of the characters were overly annoying and Pocahontas’ bodyguard drinking tea, classic.

Number 7

Timon in drag with his mother and Uncle Max The Lion King 1 1/2 picture image

Timon in drag with his mother and Uncle Max

The Lion King 1 1/2 – This might have checked out higher except for the midquel chunks. I really loved the start and end of the movie but the parts that kill it just poop on the original which was the point.

Number 6

Kiara and Kovu, The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride picture and image

Kiara and Kovu

The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride – Again this one might have ranked higher if not for the fan-fiction-ness of the plot. But aside from the weirdness in the plot, which is a big factor, the other aspects of the movie are fine, the songs are good as well as the animation and the characters are fine except for Simba, who the plot makes into a tool and that Andy Dick lion but he dies.

Number 5

Nita and Kenai Brother Bear 2 picture image

Nita and Kenai

Brother Bear 2 – I’m a little surprised at myself for putting this at number 5 but Brother Bear 2 did approve from the first one, I mean it made that little bear more BEARable, heh, puns. It may have been contrived but it was an enjoyable little movie.

Number 4

Iago and Jafar, The Return of Jafar picture image

Iago and Jafar, The Return of Jafar

The Return of Jafar – It was the sequel that started it all but Return Jafar did give us a different story as it looked a minor character from the first movie and gave him an interesting characterization. The movie in it of itself isn’t that bad and it did continue the story.

Number 3

Cassim, Iago, Jasmine, Abu, Aladdin, Aladdin and the King of Thieves picture image

Cassim, Iago, Jasmine, Abu, Aladdin, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Aladdin and the King of Thieves – Personally I don’t really like this movie but it is decent looking and has a semi-interesting story about Aladdin and his dad. I wish the other characters did more but it was a good way to end Aladdin, though that treasure hunting plot was dumb.

Number 2

Cinderella and The Prince Cinderella III: A Twist in Time picture image

Cinderella and The Prince

Cinderella III: A Twist in Time – Yeah. it’s a dumb plot but it gave characters to characters who needed them. Cinderella and the Prince have to work to be together which makes us care for them. It also has good humor and looks good. I love the Prince jumping out the window when the king tells not to take another step down the stairs.

Number 1

Cody and Marahute The Rescuers Down Under picture image

Cody and Marahute

The Rescuers Down Under – Yeah this really isn’t fair as this movie is part of the Disney Cannon but screw it, my list. This is the only sequel that is better than original. It’s bigger and grander and the animation is stunning. I would say it lacks some emotional feels that the original has but I think the scope and the characters make up for that.

Next time the worst of the Non-Disney Princess Movies…… this might be more painful than the sequels.

Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World  picture image

Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World

Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World in a way tries to mitigates Pocahontas’ historical love story. But be under no illusion, this thing as historically accurate as the original Pocahontas. But whereas the first film was entertaining and memorable this one is annoying and dull.

Pocahontas and Rolfe,  Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World  picture image

Pocahontas and Rolfe

So what is the plot? In a nutshell, Pocahontas has to avoid war by going to England and proving that she a civilized lady. The person who helps her the most is John Rolfe. Rofle is a diplomat sent to Virginia by King James. John Smith is presumed dead through most of the movie but helps Pocahontas when she is trouble and they part ways as friends. Smith is totally cool with Rolfe though.

Pocahontas and Rolfe,  Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World  picture image

Pocahontas and Rolfe

This movie has a little bit of an identity problem with Pocahontas, who is also having a identity problem in the movie. She doesn’t know what she wants. Her going to England is part of that. Pocahontas then has to pretend to be civilized in the British standard because if she doesn’t know the difference between an egg soup and melon soup, her people are as good as dead.

However she learns to be true to herself so movie feels rather pointless other than getting her and Rolfe to hook up and ending things with Smith. But more than that, this movie has her dressing more like a Disney Princess. Hell if I know why Disney doesn’t just sell dolls of her that gown.

Pocahontas and Rolfe,  Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World  picture image

Pocahontas and Rolfe

Then we have the point of the movie. You see historical Pocahontas and John Smith were not lovers. Pocahontas married John Rolfe. So this movie tries to correct the couple in first movie.

But how are Rolfe and Pocahontas as a couple. Meh, fine, I guess . They are not really super interesting but there is nothing wrong either. Their snarky phase lasts like two minutes so it didn’t get annoying.

John Smith however is annoying. All he does is make puns. Mel Gisbon didn’t reprise his role but they got his younger brother, Donald, which is distracting. But for people who want a prominent actor, they got Billy Zane to play John Rolfe, which is fine, he’s a cool dude.

William Shakespeare, Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World  picture image

William Shakespeare,

Speaking of quoting other things. This movie uses two famous quotes badly. First, when Pocahontas arrives in London we see William Shakespeare apparently getting the idea for the line “to be or not to be.” Ok, FUCK YOU MOVIE. I know you’re historically challenged but shoehorning Shakespeare here is beyond the pail.

Historically Hamlet was already written, second Shakespeare died two months prior to Pocahontas arriving in England. And then Smith somewhat quotes Mark Twian’s “Reports my death have been grossly exaggerated.” That is just an eye roll but the Shakespeare one is super stupid.

Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World  picture image

Pocahontas

Beside the gross historical inaccuracies what is wrong with movie? It’s really slow paced. It like a sleep-inducing, Ambien, level of energy. The movie livens up a bit when they go to London but the London scenes are annoying as fuck. So what is worse, a movie being annoying or dull? Hard one! But you don’t have to chose because this movie is both.

Rattcliffe,  Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World  picture image

Rattcliffe,

I think what really drags the movie down is Ratcliffe. Ratcliffe has no real motivation. I think he wants to cause a war with the Powhaten so he get gold. Like that is his motivation? That is stupid.

However, all he does in this movie is cause shenanigans. I would say he just a chaotic evil than having some grand scheme but he doesn’t really act like chaotic evil. He acts like he has a grand scheme but we don’t know what it is. Ratcliffe was a dumb villain in the first movie and he is worse in this thing.

Uttamatomakkin,  Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World  picture image

Uttamatomakkin

Are there any good things about this film? Yes actually there is. I really enjoyed the new side characters. Pocahontas’ bodyguard Uttamatomakkin was a delight. I love this guy. He’s a tall stoic guy who is awesome. I loved with him drinking tea, classic. Mrs Jenkins, Rolfe’s house keeper, is a little annoying but her constantly making tea was silly. The blind gag was annoying though. But these two have personality which the main characters don’t. The main sidekicks didn’t annoy me as much as I thought they would  so plus there.

Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World  picture image

Pocahontas

As a sequel goes Pocahontas II: Journey To A New World is a decent continuation, as the concept  doesn’t shit all over the first one but it fails big in execution.

(Fun Fact – I have been to both Jamestown and London, not much of a feat I know)