Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

The second song in the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame might be least awful. It has its issues but of all the songs it’s the least that toys with your sanity.

Melody and Quasimodo  Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

Let’s just call this song “The Bells all Ring.” It’s the love song of the movie as it sung by Melody and Quasimodo about love. This song comes out of no where, like whiplash. Quasimodo comments on her magic and BAM singing mice. That’s right, fucking singing mice, why? I have no earthly idea.

Melody and Quasimodo  Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The song uses bell imagery to show that they hear music when the see or are with each other. Two things, they took the bell imagery too far as they sing about alarms clocks and telephones. Even if this movie has no idea the time period it’s set in, it is made to look medieval, alarm clocks and telephones should not be mentioned. Second, the idea that they are in love and hear music is sweet or would be if they they had more than 2 minutes of interaction with each other.

Melody and Quasimodo  Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The music is cheesy but it’s cheesy song so it’s not so bad. There are some really nice bell sounds. The most cheesy it goes is the little twinkle sounds.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The lyrics with exception of the alarm and the telephone are ok. They are a little repeated and the ding dong ding lines are dumb but there are some good one. Like “When I’m looking at you it’s so sublime, I can feel the bells within me chime.” Yeah the lyrics are cheesy but given the other songs this movie, it’s is like a masterwork although the lyrics are mostly dumb.

Random Mice Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Random Mice

Animation like the rest of the movie is bad. They repeat the mice choir and the lips sync is just cringe worthy.

Melody and Quasimodo  with the random mice Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo with the random mice

Of all the songs, this is the only one that makes sense in a Hunchback movie. Sure, it’s a love song between Quasimodo and an Esmeralda-stand-in with bell imagery but fits in to the story. And it’s the only song that feels intentional and part of the narrative. Which is saying something as it comes out of nowhere.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

Saying it’s the least awful song is not saying a lot, it’s still a bad song. This song is also played over the credit so the movie thinks it’s the best too.

Next Time; Stupid Song Number Three

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pierre with Can-Can dancers Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Pierre with Can-Can dancers

If you have ever wanted to bend  time so a minute feel like an eternity I have the song for you. Clocking in at what should be a mere one minute and four seconds, the opening song of the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame feels a thousand times longer because it’s a confused lazy mess.

Pierre in a Chocolate soufflé Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Pierre in a Chocolate soufflé

The Song doesn’t have a name as far as I can tell so I will call it, Dance to the Music but a more accurate title would be Confusing Anachronism Overdrive. Seriously what the fuck, it has no concept of anything.

18th Century guy and 1950's girl in a cafe in 1482 Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

18th Century guy and 1950’s girl at a cafe in 1482

The song is set to the Can-Can and has can-can dancers. Just so we are clear the Can-Can is from like 1830, contemporary with Victor Hugo not the setting of the book. There is also a boy who has modern dress for a second, a woman who looks like she from the 1950 sitting with a man from the 1700’s movies. I’m confused. They also reference soufflés and designer clothing’s. Cluster-fuck!

Guys looking at French  Food Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Guys looking at French Food

They make dumb reference to thing that assaults your intelligence. One of the lyrics “The food is delicious, it’s pure gastronomy but don’t ask what you’re eating because it’s Paris mon ami.” I don’t even know. What does that mean? Are they trying to say the food in Paris has gross stuff in it? Is it a crack at frog’s leg?

Melody playing the Violin Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Melody playing the Violin

The song is also a cluster fuck of concepts. It has no idea what the song should be about. Is it about Paris? Gypsies? Stupid dancing? Or living your life? Relax, it’s everything.

Circle dance animation  Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Circle dance animation

For a song that is a little over a minute is it impressively lazy. This song also rhymes rhythm with rhythm and repeats a lot of animation. And it’s not like they hide the repeat animation it’s super apparent. There is clip of boys and a circle dance that they repeat a lot and the use it after the song is over too.

Melody's Mother, Genevieve Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody’s Mother, Genevieve

I feel like this movie is trying its hardest to get you not to watch the movie. It tells you point blank to get up on your chair. It’s good advice because not only does this movie suck I feel stupider for having watched this song. If an opening is meant to draw you in, this repels. Save yourself! The sad thing is this isn’t even the worst song in this movie.

Next Time; Stupid Song Number Two.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ms Cavell and Floating paper in the Madeline and the Hunchback of Notre Dame  Song picture image

Ms Cavell and Floating paper

In the Madeline Hunchback episode, Ms. Cavell is trying to get the little girls into reading and writing. She takes them all over Paris and finally at the 6 minute mark, she introduces us to the Hunchback of Notre Dame, which is one of her favorites book. You would think after introducing the book they would talk about it a little bit, but no as soon as she spits out the title the song starts.

Some Guy and with a horse made of Steam, Madeline and the Hunchback of Notre Dame  Song picture image

Some Guy and with a horse made of Steam,

Madeline episodes alway have a song in them regardless if it works or not. So you might think that the song would relate to the Hunchback or Notre Dame but no. The song is about writing and how Great Paris is for writers.

Ms Cavell and a French Poem, Madeline and the Hunchback of Notre Dame  Song picture image

Ms Cavell and a French Poem

Considering writing is the overarching theme in this, it’s not a bad thing. What is a bad thing is that is the worst thing ever created by a human. A fair warning, this song has been known to kill people because it causes uncontrollable bleeding in the ears.

Madeline and her dumb song picture image

Madeline and her dumb song

Ms Cavell sings how Paris inspires writers. Then the girls sing the stupidest chorus ever;

                                             “Write, Write Write on the left bank.”
                                                  “Left, Left, Left of on the Right.”

I have no words for the stupidness that is those lyrics and they repeat it twice. The bulk of the song’s lyrics just repeat the same idea, Paris inspires writers. The rhymes are ok but they are not by no means great. For whatever ok-ness they might have the chorus ruins it along with instruments and the visuals.

Ms Cavell and Floating paper in the Madeline and the Hunchback of Notre Dame  Song picture image

Ms Cavell and Floating paper

The Instruments are mostly a crappy cheap electronic piano. I hear an accordion which is so french and cliche but honestly the accordion is fine. However that godforsaken electronic piano with it stupid glittery cheap sound dominates this shit-feast of song.

Slide Transition in the Madeline and the Hunchback of Notre Dame  Song picture image

Slide Transition during the Song

Then there are the visuals. Now I haven’t got into the animation of Madeline yet but here it is in a nutshell is what I think of it; IT FUCKING SUCKS. And my god the song portion is atrocious in the visuals.

First off let’s editing. They use fucking slide pushes. Which is a transition that pushes the clip from left right off screen. They feathered the edge to make it look soft and gentle but it looks cheesy as fuck.

Madeline and her dumb song hunchback of Notre dame

Madeline and her dumb song

Then the little girls sing the chorus in an abstract space with letters behind them as they walk without ever going anywhere. But look their legs as the step wide. Their legs shouldn’t go that wide without their torso going down. I know this trivial but it fucking bothers me. It also looks like they animated one set of legs and put them on every girl including Pepito…. Pepito has girly legs.

Madeline and her dumb song picture image

Madeline and her dumb song

It’s just laziness. But that is what the Madeline show is, Laziness, un-bashed and unapologetic laziness. Thankfully because it so fucking lazy the song is short. But even it’s length can’t help it from being the most awful song ever. Quickly, let me listen to I’d stick with you from the Disney Hunchback sequel. (listens to it) Ahhhhhhh….. way better.

Next Time; Let’s Complain about the Animation More….. (cries)

Madeline as Phoebus, Madeline and the Hunchback picture image

Madeline as Phoebus

This is Hunchback of Notre Dame by The Frantic Elevators. It’s not my type song at all.  But it’s interesting and there is no denying that it’s about the  Hunchback.

Another song named after Quasimodo.

The song captures Quasimodo as a figure who is pushed around and who suffers but breaks free of and does accept himself. Of Course the song has a lot of interpretations but given the name it has to a reference to Quasimodo the literary figure.

Get the song here,

The last song in the Jetlag versionis called “Love is Everything.” The best thing about this song is that since it’s the ending song you don’t have to listen to it because it’s terrible.

The song lasts for 2 and half grueling minutes but after the first 5 seconds you’ll be bored enough to turn it off. However, if for some reason you leave it on be prepare for sappy lazy awfulness.

The song is about how Quasimodo is happy that Esmeralda is love with him because love is awesome. Love is so awesome in fact that it can and I quote “

Love can make a blind man see
Love can set a prisoner free

I’m sorry song but love can not repair vision and I think evidence is more responsible for freeing prisoners. But nice rhyme there, Free and See, Genius! Most of the other lyrics and rhyme scheme seem like the singer is making it up as he goes.

But my annoyance with this song goes even further than the stupid lazy lyrics and sappy nature of a Quasimodo spouting the “greatness of love” it’s the melody of this song that really gets to me. Just listen to it and tell if you think it’s familiar. It’s a Christmas Carol! They use “We Three Kings” for the bulk of the construction of the melody. What utter laziness. And why that song? Did they think no one would notice? Or did they think kids won’t know that song? Because I knew that song as child and it’s not that esoteric of a song. Or did they want their laziness to be recognized?

As for the visual, they’re just scene shots from the movie with static credits. But since the point of interest is being covered with credits there is not much to look. So like the rest of the song the visuals are lazy.

There is nothing good about this song, nothing! It’s just lazy and stupid. Just skip it.

Next Jetlag Article- Character Design

Esmeralda dancing Jetlag Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda dancing Jetlag Hunchback of Notre Dame

I’ve studied Japanese and while I’m by no means fluent I think this is a decent rendering of the song into Japanese. I like that for the word for “fate” is Sadame  which man fate but it has a sad connotation to it. Not sure what I think of the singing though.

I one time timed to tried to translate Belle into Japanese but not to fit the measure. I do think it would be cool if Notre Dame played to Japan, it’s played a lot in Asia but not in Japan.

 

This is the fifth part of my review on the music of Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

Esmeralda

Esmeralda saving Phoebus Der Glöckner von Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda saving Phoebus Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

 

Esmeralda is the closing number of Act 1 so it’s high on drama and plot.  This song takes place when Frollo is searching for Esmeralda and Phoebus realizes  that he would rather be “good than smart”, (morality over career ambition) and he disobeys Frollo.  After he stands up to Frollo, Frollo condemn his to death and Phoebus flees with Esmeralda’s help.  Frollo then begins to burn down Paris for Esmeralda while Quasimodo worries.

Musically this song is  the melody that Clopin and Esmeralda sing in Tanz auf dem Seil and Draußen. However there are other melodies floating around in this piece and therefore it have more of  mash-up feel.

Frollo and Phoebus Der Glöckner von Notre Dame picture image

Frollo and Phoebus Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

What I like about this song is that it speaks to the basic plot of Hunchback, three men one women. There is another famous Notre Dame song like this, mmm but it’s name escapes me, what could it be? The inclusion of song is needed to get the point of what Esmeralda does to this cross-section of men, granted it’s different than in the book or the Disney movie especially with regards to Phoebus. Phoebus in the Disney movie didn’t have any character development, he started morally good and ended morally good. In the Book he is a philander but after his meeting with Esmeralda and getting stabbed by Frollo be commits himself to his fiancee Fleur de Lys. In this musical he starts off with career ambition and he wants to have a good time but after he meets with Esmeralda and is pushed by Frollo he decides to act in accordance with doing the right things, morally (ie. not burning innocents because the boss is crazy). Quasimodo here is worried about Esmeralda’s safety and Frollo wants her dead or to be his woman, either is fine. The point is this song shows that Esmeralda creates powerful emotions and with exception of Frollo the Disney version didn’t explored that part of the story.

Esmeralda Der Glöckner von Notre Dame image picture

Esmeralda Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

 

All in all Esmeralda is a very dramatic song that ends the first act perfectly with Phoebus falling into a river. Mmm that reminds me of another Hunchback musical where the first act ends with Phoebus getting injured, mmm which one was that?

Click here to watch a video of Esmeralda being performed on Stage

Note – this song made my list of the top Ten Best Hunchback song which was my fist squidoo lens. Click Here to go there now

Next time – Trommeln in der Stadt & Ein Mann wie du

Mob Der Glöckner von Notre Dame picture image

Mob Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

Jennifer Love Hewitt singing I’m Gonna Love you Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney 2 Sequel picture image

Jennifer Love Hewitt singing I’m Gonna Love you Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney

I’m Gonna Love You  was made in part by Jennifer Love Hewitt’s desire to sing a song because at the time she was a singer, check out her other music. Considering Hewitt played Madeline, we can say that Madeline sings this song about Quasimodo. The message of the song is a little difficult to communicate so you’re going to have to stay with me, the message is that Madeline is going to love Quasimodo. And not only that she going to do so for the rest of her life. I guess when she dies she is exempt from loving him anymore.

Madeline and Quasimodo in Love Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney Sequel 2 picture image

Madeline and Quasimodo Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney

 

It’s a standard pop song, sweet and innocuous, though there is hint of codependency, she can’t be without him or her soul will die. What’s more Romantic than Codependency??? I wish this bothered me more but I don’t take this song seriously enough to care.

Can’t say I’m a Jennifer Love Hewitt fan, she seems to buy into the pop vibrato and has nasal tone to her voice but at least she sings without auto-tuning, so kudos to her. I do think it’s funny that at the end, she sings “babe” which is a reference to Quasimodo. It feels really out place with rest of the song and is really awkward. Like, it’s there as a pop music trope rather than as an expression of love.

Madeline and Quasimodo kiss Sequel Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney picture image

Madeline and Quasimodo kiss Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney

I’m Gonna Love you is a typical pop song with codependent lyrics to boot. But this whole movie is just and attempt to get children to shut-up for an hour while their baby-sitters make-out, so I don’t imagine too many people (kids) actually listen or understand the codependent message of the song or they are too young to understand, so hence I don’t care, I found the lyrics more hilarious than sad, which I guess is sad.

Next Time -TBD

Esmeralda is not happy Hunchback of Notre Dame Sequel 2 II Disney  picture image

Esmeralda is not happy