Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming once upon a time season 1 episode 3 Snow Falls picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming/James in Once Upon a Time

I bet you can guess what the first thing I noticed was? Prince Charming’s fiancee’s outfit. WTF? That was so far the ugliest costume in the show? What ever they thinking. I don’t get this styling.

Anyway this episode focuses on Snow White and Prince Charming/James backstory of how they met/ fell into like-like. Most modern take-off on fairy tale have to move away from the love at first sight angle and have to opt for an ass-kicking female who while she might get saved from the guy does save the guy at some point. So their meeting, which precisely this, does come off a boring from a story/character angle. Snow White is thief who robs the Prince’s jewel so she can move somewhere else and she has a secret weapon she is saving for the evil queen but uses it to save Prince James. This is a weird point of contention where Snow White’s actions and motivation  are concern. She says she wants to move to another realm seemingly avoiding the Queen and yet she want to squish her like a bug, no actually that is her secret weapon. So what is her motivation? It’s a little confused since she is activity working towards one end. And if she is a thief who bother hanging around the woods? Why not just leave and steal in a new place? I dunno I guess they need to keep the mystery levels high.

While the back story is playing out, in Maine the prince is a comatose dude  and Mary Margaret reads him the story book of how Snow and James meet which causes him to wake up and run off. Emma, Henry, the cop guy Graham maybe, and  Mary Margaret find him unconscious in the river. In the standard gender reversal Mary Margaret gives him CPR/kiss and he wakes up and they go back to hospital where evil mean Regina introduces them to his wife who has BS story Blah blah blah.

I feel like the acting isn’t that great in this episode or it may be the writing but there is a certain level of  stilled acting. I also don’t get how Snow White had this snarky tough persona in this episode but not so much earlier and not at all with Mary Margaret. And  who named her Mary Margaret as a combination name?  Don’t get me wrong I like the thief and royal pairing but meh it did do much for me here. Then it’s still only episode three so I’m incline to forgive it.

Dumb side-note, I wish the Prince’s name was Jon so I could make a Jon Snow joke but alas no.

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming once upon a time pilot season 1 episode 1 picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Josh Dallas as Prince Charming in ABC’s Once Upon a Time

I have started watching Once Upon a Time. For the moment, till I can find my groove with these reviews (probably not the right word), I’m just going to one episode at a time. Perhaps later I will cover more episodes per post but for a least the first moth or so,  one episode at a time.  Also no promises on pictures all the time.

I don’t want to say I’m reviewing the episodes, I would say it’s more like feedback  though I could get into more a review stance once I find a groove.

Right off the bat, Boston and Maine. I’m from New England, Massachusetts to be more precise. I went to school in Boston and South Station was my part of my daily life for a while. So I’m kind of happy that the story takes place in Maine and Boston gets a mention. I get that like this whole of a place of no Happily Ever After is the real  would but I find it a little funny to say Maine is the horrible place of no happiness, Maine is pretty nice.  Also Emma has a REALLY nice apartment for Boston. Like wow, she makes bank.

So first impressions, oddly my first like gut reaction was really liking the scenery. Otherwise I hated the costumes at first. The Fairy Tale costumes looks so cheap, like they didn’t have a budget. With the sets and the special effect it’s meant to look sort of cheap, cheap isn’t the right word but still. Over the episode the costumes  grew on me a little to where I didn’t mind them. Also consider this, I just got done re-watching The Tudors, so with costumes I got used to that level of just stunning costume and I’m a big fan of Game of Thrones. Costumes are not the selling point of this show, oddly I like the real word costumes.

I’ll admit I was confused about the goings on of the plot for a while it is pretty much spelled out but it did hold my interest. Now when I say that I mean it as a huge compliment. I have no attention, like zero. The fact that I watch with with out clicking away is impressive. In fact I didn’t realized I was paying attention until my computer screen went black and I thought my computer died on me, I’m paranoid. It turns out was just my screen saver. I’m being serious. I so like the weaving of fairy tale characters in reality angle.

Were there things I didn’t like? Yes. I really don’t like the kid, Henry. He is very annoying and he isn’t written like a child. It’s not just, I do also think the dialogue is awkward. It doesn’t sound all that natural, I mean the acting is fine, it’s the fault of the dialogue. It’s not really enough to make me hate the show outright, it’s a pilot, the writer may not even be used to the characters yet.  I oddly so far like Regina Mills a.k.a the Evil Queen  but I also REALLy dislike her fairy tale costume.

Also the guy who plays Rumplestiltskin, Robert Carlyle, Someone! Cast him as Clopin. OMG, He would make a fantastic Clopin!

Sydney White picture image

Sydney White

In the scope of movies, this shit isn’t the worst thing ever made by humans but it comes so close. Sydney White is “modern” retelling of Snow White from 2007. It’s tries really hard to be funny, clever and delightful that it is unsettling, beyong dumb and painfully unlikable.

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with The Seven Dorks Sydney White picture image

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with The Seven Dorks

If you want to know the plot it’s Snow White but in college with  frats and sororities. But instead of evil witch, it’s bitchy rich sorority girl, instead of a  magic mirror it’s a Myspace list, instead of dwarfs they are dorks and instead of a poisoned apple it’s a Mac that gets a virus.  The virus mac really only pads out the movie for like a minute and half. Really she does what every other college student has to do, write a paper the night before it’s due, and she does, great conflict there movie.

Also the Prince’s last name is Prince, ZOMG is so fucking CLEVER. And the bitch blonde girl’s last name is Witchburn. My mind is blown by this movie’s cleverness.  Pfffffft.

Amanda Bynes as Sydney and Sara Paxton as Rachel Witchburn Sydney White picture image

Amanda Bynes as Sydney and Sara Paxton as Rachel Witchburn

This movie operates on tried boring stereotypes. Like that all rich blondes who care about their looks and like designer labels are terrible people, it’s like Clueless and Legally Blonde never existed.  Or all “dorks” are all a socially awkward losers with allergies. And cool girls are like dudes, in that they read comics and know football.  And popular guys are normal and like video games.

It is interesting to watch this movie in nearly a decade later as the “dorks” are more socially acceptable. Like making video game is great and Star Wars Episode 7 is the highest grossing movie ever. But the climax is everyone saying they are dork, yay fitting in? It’s dumb.

Also Syndey herself as mention is one those chill, nice, pretty girls who is more like a dube-bro. But the films tries to make her comfortable with the dorks by making her like “comics” BUT there isn’t a SINGLE scene of her reading one. She just has them and refers to the once or twice same with football. She is a jock and that makes her attractive in the movie world. But women who like being “feminine” are “bitchy” and “shallow.” This a girl-power movie at it’s most superficial from the male-gaze.

Amanda Bynes as Sydney and Matt Long as Tyler Prince Sydney White picture image

Amanda Bynes as Sydney and Matt Long as Tyler Prince

So the characters are all one dimensional ass-hats even the so-called likable ones, so the real question is that since the plot is just Snow White at college with stall characters right out of script from the early 1980’s  how are the technicals. Well, the acting is shit. It feels likes  VERY sitcom circa 1980’s.  But with Bynes’ acting I couldn’t not made a distinction between her being snarky, sarcastic and nice.

Also what was up with Sydney’s tan? It was distracting and not even from the source material angle, she just looked orange. So the technicals sucked.

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with two dorks Sydney White picture image

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with two of the Dorks

I pretty hated everything about Sydney White, but more than that I hated that some wrote this thinking they were being clever, funny and charming and got paid money and have a career. I hate that shit like this gets made when there are literally thousands of more talented people writing better stories, scripts and characters on fan-fictions site.

Also Kappas are a creature from Japanese Folklore. They are a River Imp.

An Over the Garden Wall Reference! Awesome! Moving on though.

Mirror Mirror picture image

Mirror Mirror

In the glorious year of 2012 the world was treated to not one BUT two Snow White movies. One was an epic sort of action movie that feautured Snow White leading an army and having “fairest blood,” whatever the fuck that is. The other was comedic but did have Snow White fighting though on a smaller scale. Which one is better? Well that’s a question of taste as neither one is a good movie. Both of them are stupid and dumb in different ways but I find Mirror Mirror to be easier to watch and my taste is the only one that matters.

Lily Collins as Snow White and Armie Hammer as the Prince Andrew Alcott Mirror Mirror picture image

Lily Collins as Snow White and Armie Hammer as the Prince Andrew Alcott

The basic story set-up is the same except that Snow White’s father, the King, leaves to fight some evil thing and he is  never seen again. He leaves his new Queen/Sorceress Clementianna in charge.

Some years later,  Snow White is eighteen and mostly confined to her room. Clementianna  would you believe turns out to be a crappy ruler. She is so bad that they can only afford one season which is winter. No seriously the kingdom is broke and they have having a little localized ice age.

Snow White is encouraged from some of the kitchen staff pals to check out the town, apparently this kingdom is just one town but whatever so off into the world Snow White goes or just the creepy looking forest, just get used to this forest. There she meets Prince Alcott and his servant who are tied up and were rob by dwarfs one expandable slits, which is really cool. She helps them and they has a little instance attraction though they don’t know that they are both royality. So Snow White goes to town and sees how bad it it and Alcot goes to castle for I don‘t recall why might have had something to do with the plot. Clementianna takes a liking to the Prince and wants to marry him as he is rich and good looking and what else is there really? She decides hold a ball and to pay for it she will tax the people.

Snow White and Alcott dance together and the find out each other identity but Clementianna doesn’t like that so she has her man-servant Brighton take Snow White into the creepy woods to kill. Brighton is a coward and decides to level her there for the Beast to kill or turn her in a tree of oil, I kid, that is another Over the Garden reference. Snow White then finds her way to the dwarf’s lair.

The next day, Brighton collects the taxes and the Dwarfes steal it. Snow White disapproves but they tell her that they were made outcast by the town so the don’t give a fuck. Snow White takes the money back and gives all the credit to the dwarfs. The Dwarfes decide that she can stay with them. They give her a training montage and a new threads.

Clementianna then tells Alcott that  Snow White is dead and then as Clementianna is tries and pop the question to Alcott, Brighton tell them about the robbery.  Alcott then goes  into the forest and see Snow White is not dead but in leauge with the dwarf and him and her have a little duel.

Clementianna then goes to her happy place, her Mirrior house where he reflection lives. Clementianna has her reflection turn her servant into a cockroach, gives her a spell to make Alcott love her and uses puppets to marionette thing to attack Snow White and the Dwarves. They defeat them though. Alcott is given a puppy love spell which makes him act like a puppy who thinks Clementianna is his master but that enough for her to plan a wedding, it’s like her seventh or something but she still excited.

Snow and crew break up the wedding and kidnap Alcott. Snow White breaks the spell with a kiss and the Clementianna has the Beast attack. Snow White notices that the Beast has a similar charm around his neck that Clementianna has and it seems to begging for help with it’s eyes. Snow White breaks the charm and the Beast turns into Sean Bean erm the King. This also undos Clementianna’s magic and changes her into an old crone. At Alcott and Snow White’s wedding, Clementianna offers her an apple but Snow doesn’t take it. Then they Bollywood dance, of no earthly reason.

Lily Collins as Snow White Lily Collins as Snow White and Julia Roberts as Clementianna as an old crone Mirror Mirror picture image

Lily Collins as Snow White and Julia Roberts as Clementianna as an old crone

Like Snow White and the Huntsmen this movie tries to take Snow White and make her a kick-ass empowered woman. I would say this movie does it a bit better that Huntsmen. First off you see her abilty grow even though it had been like a day maybe. It’s still better that the one move Huntsmens’ Snow White learns one thing and suddenly she a genius military  leader. You could see the Snow White ruler and you could see her kindness and that she wasn’t a total push over.

Both movies do tackle the Snow White element differently too. In Huntsmen the Dwarves are useless and Mirror Mirror they do things and are memorable. The Mirrors are handled very similarly and very differently. Both are a physical manifestation of a reflection but whereas Huntsmen is a weird goo guy Mirror Mirror is another dimension with Queen’s own reflection. Huntsmen   also takes the classic approach to the sleep death and the apple and Mirror Mirror really didn’t bother that much but did keep the kiss to save the prince. Both are contrived though.

Nathan Lane as Brighton, Mirror Mirror picture image

Nathan Lane as Brighton,

The first thing one really notices about this movie other than the style is the humor or to be more exact the attempt at humor. The comedy is VERY hit or miss and sometimes it’s just awkward. I’ll give some of the jokes a pass because of Nathan Lane and he is awesome.

 

Lily Collins as Snow White Mirror Mirror picture image

Lily Collins as Snow White

Considering the humor, this movie is hard to gauge on tone and genre. It’s a fantasy, drama, comedy. I sort of felt like a I was watching a Snow White  female empowerment movie aimed at younger teens but through the eyes of a middle ages guy who thinks he is artistic. Oh wait, that’s it. It’s not bad but the presentation of this movie is really all over the place. It’s has cool visuals and bad to weird jokes.

Julia Roberts as The Evil Queen Clementianna Mirror Mirror picture image

Julia Roberts as The Evil Queen Clementianna

Speaking of being confused, the casting. For the part I think the cast did a good job, I don’t think the roles were anything too complex but they all did fine but the choices. The first time I watch this movie I kept saving to myself How was Sean Bean in this?   Since then he has been in that Jupiter Ascending movie, so guy’s got to eat and what not plus with this role it was more like a cameo. But Julia Roberts was a weird pick for the Queen. She is a  polarizing actress, I don’t know of too many people who are fans. She really did chew the scenery and gave the role a catty bitchiness which was fun but there seems like there could have been a better actress.

Also the chemistry between Snow White and Alcott was ok but they just didn’t seem right together.

Lily Collins as Snow White Mirror Mirror picture image

Lily Collins as Snow White

Well if you haven’t guessed it by now the best thing about this movie were the costumes. They are big, grand, over the top and have crazy details. I will say I’m not wild about Snow White’s orange and blue gown but I really loved her fighting  get up and the costume she is first seen in, it was very pretty. Also I liked her yellow cloak.

Clementianna’s costumes are big and insane but I enjoyed them. I liked her red gown and her wedding gown the best. I really like that all of Clementianna’s costumes have angular  pointy elements Snow White’s are softer and rounder. It’s a nice nod to their characters.

The sets in this movie look fake but are fun. The style of this movie is really what makes it interesting it would have been a dull movie otherwise that being said, I feel like the over-the-top nearly cooky visual style and the light-hearted humor/adventure tone should have worked better together but they never really came together.

 

Lily Collins as Snow White Mirror Mirror picture image

Lily Collins as Snow White

Mirror Mirror is an interesting dumb movie. It gets something right but confuses more than entertains but it was still better that Snow White and the Thor though that doesn’t really take that much. Also the Bollywood number at the end was cringeworthy.

Clue 1 and Clue 2

Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Snow White and the Huntsmen

It takes a lot for me to stop watching a movie midway through but Snow White and the Huntsmen I stopped watching about forty minutes in the first time I watched it and it was the right decision, I never regretted it. But for you people and this blog I bravely watched the whole thing, and it was act of bravely never known before in this world because this movie is beyond stupid.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White

Snow White basic tale, Queen wants a kid that has skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair as black as ebony. Spoiler alert this Snow White has none of that. Queen dies and King gets remarried to an evil woman named Ravenna. Ravenna kills the king on their wedding night and successfully pulls a coup but she breaks the first rule of a coup and leaves the heir to the throne alive because of royal blood, hey lady that is why you should have killed her. And instead of like manipulating the young child through Stockholm syndrome or candy she locks Snow White up. All Hail Ravenna, our Royal Dummy.

Ravenna is a terrible queen as even nature doesn’t like her and she steals youth and beauty from young girls. One fine day her magic gong on the wall, erm I mean mirrior? No, it’s a gong and it tells her that Snow White is now prettier than her because of some bullshit called “Fairest Blood.” This “Fair Blood” is the ONLY thing that can kill Ravenna (oh that name is dumb) but it can save her if she can eats Snow White’s heart. Ravenna sends her brother, Finn to get Show White. Snow White gives Finn the slip and escapes thanks to magical bird and she is shown the way out via sewers which leads to the sea and from there it a jump off the cliff (twilight style) and then she finds a horse. She then goes into the Dark Forest, a place that no has ever gets out a live except when they do. Ravenna enlists the help of a Huntsmen whose name is listed as Eric but because it’s way too tempting and I lack maturity I’m going to call him Thor. Anyway Thor is a drunk widower who has survived the Dark Forest and Ravenna tells Thor she can bring back his dead wife if he brings back Snow White. However Thor sides with Snow White when Finn tells him that Ravenna can’t bring people back from the dead. I should also mention that Snow White lost her horse, Artax-style but it’s in no way as sad as Artax, oh Artax…. I cry every time I think you.

So Thor and Snow White give Finn and pals the slip and run into a fishing village but prior to that Thor gives Snow White a combat lesson that will be important later on because the screenwriter once learn about set-ups and pay-off and doggone-it  he is going to prove that this is a good script with basic screenwriting 101, for the record I never took Screenwriting 101 (Donate to theHunchblog so I can take it and i can be even more snarky to screenwriters who are more successful than me. ) So at the fishing village there are no men because Ravenna took them and the women are all scared because Ravenna won’t take their beauty if they have imperfections, OMFG Movie are you serious? I hate you but I will get back to that later. Anyway Thor tries to leave even though he promised to get Snow White to her pals the Duke and his son. But Finn attacks and Thor and Snow White leave.

They then meet the eight dwarfs and the Blind one recognizes that Snow White has the blood. They then go into a Hayou Miyazaki movie, I’m not shitting you at all and they  learn that magical fairy possessed those birds that helped Snow White and some magical deer lets Snow White touch him which means something like Snow White is like the embodiment of purity or something. This was also set-up with a random monster encounter earlier where Snow White subdues a troll with a stare much like in Twilight.

Anyway Finn attacks and one of the dwarfs die and you by god are supposed to care but you the audience doesn’t because he had like one scene where Snow White dances with him. I think Finn might have died then too.

So they make it to the duke’s place and Snow White reunite with William, the duke’s son who I guess Snow White and him had like a childhood sweetheart type of thing. If I can be honest I like half paying a attention at this point. Ravenna then takes the form of William and poisons Snow White via the apple but opts for Villain mistake number 2 and talks instead of killing or TAKING HER HEART. Thor gives us some monologue about how Snow White reminds him of his dead wife, I guess because they are both dead and then he kisses her and voila that is good enough and Snow White is better. Then it’s a Braveheart style speech. Snow White dons armor and leads and army and she uses the dwarfs to go through the poo to open the gates. She then takes on Ravenna and Snow White sucks but she uses that block move that Thor taught her and she kills Ravenna. Snow White is crowned and love-triangle is never resolved, hoo-fucking-ray.

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna  Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna

Let’s start with SOME positives, Ravenna’s costumes are cool and the CG work isn’t that bad, could be worse. And there is a Florence and the Machine song at the end. It’s sad when a credit song is the best thing about a movie. I also thought that moss covered turtle was cute but it had no place in this movie, so it doesn’t count as a positive.

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna  & Kristen Stewart as Snow White Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna & Kristen Stewart as Snow White

Now here is the real question, where do you start with this movie? I kind of respect what this movie TRIED to do, a new take on Snow White but why do all the new takes on fairy-tales just fail so much? Pretty much everthing about this movie is stupid, expect Ravenna’s wardrobe.

So let’s just start with the elephant in the movie, though an elephant would have help this movie, but no I mean the casting. A lot of people complain that the suspension of disbelief was too much to believe that Kristen Stewart was prettier than Charlize Theron.

In all fairness to Stewart, who is pretty I get that wasn’t the point of the fairest of all thing. It had to with blood and inner beauty because let’s face it, Ravenna was not a nice person. But Snow White doesn’t really exhibit any inner beauty as in she doesn’t do things that exceptionally nice, so as a way out and as mean of not REALLY giving Snow White any characterization, she has special “fairest” blood that is given no explanation to how it works. The movie hints that is has something to do with royal blood but it doesn’t really matter, it’s a movie mechanic that makes Snow White a character without having to do much.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White

But there is another problem, the film wants Snow White to be an active player that has leadership skills and is a good fighter. This is Bull-Shit. Snow White literally does nothing for most of the movie but then she takes the vanguard and people just listen to her and her only experiences of the way out and the block are enough to save the day at the end? There is the real suspension of disbelief. Basically the TWO things she learns are enough. But I have another issue, Snow White is static character, she doesn’t really grow or change. I guess The Huntsmen does but after the kiss he is useless to the story and his only change is that he gets nicer towards Snow White, not a big arc. So if the point of this movie is to have a more kick-ass Snow White the movie only succeeds because the script lets her and it’s not the character doing much.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen

It’s apparent that the script and the characters all sucks and the Snow White elements are REALLY shoe-horned in but how was the acting? Well there is a range from underacting to OVER acting. Everyone but Charlize Theron underacts to the point of sleep, I mean aside from K-stew’s weak british-ish accent she is sleep-walking. Theron is just crazy. But really they got paid anyway.

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna  Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna

Speaking of Ravenna, I now have to mention her motive and the script’s perception of beauty. I would like to point out that this script was written by a man and while I don’t think men are incapable of writing female characters or having an understanding of beauty this guy does not.

Ravenna’s main motivation is staying forever young because old age sucks. I think the idea is that beauty is power and Ravenna’s self-identify is linked to her beauty, so she consumes youth and beauty. However the movie acts on the belief that beauty is just the surface for Ravenna and when women mare that beauty they are no good to her. But for a movie that promotes beauty as being something that is inner even if it blood, it seems off. I don’t know maybe that was the point but for a woman who sucks the youth out of girl I don’t see why a few scars would be a deterrent. And let’s not forget she was after Snow White’s blood, I mean she kept her alive because of her royal blood and scars keep away from women?

Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White

Before I end, I want to just mention SnowWhite’s main costume. First off, it looked ill-fitting for Stewart like it wore her. Second I know the costume designer Colleen Atwood, said something to effect that it was armor-like in that it has metal elements but it would have helped Snow White’s character and given her a sense of development if she was given that article of clothing or found it somewhere along her journey. Like she starts as prisoner wearing like a shift or something that makes her look weak and helpless and then she works up to the metal element and then the full armor to  complete her leadership transformation. It would have given her a character development without really developing her as a character. But no, we  have  believe that Ravenna gave a prisoner nice and rather warm looking clothing.

Also why didn’t Ravenna ever consume Snow White’s youth prior to the events of the movie? I mean when she ate girls’ outer beauty they were still alive just old looking, apparently to the screenwriter old women aren’t beautiful, jerk-off. I mean she could have gotten Snow White’s beauty and then ate her heart when the magic gong told her about movie’s plot. I hate this movie, everyone is a dummy, there isn’t a REAL smart character in this film.

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna  Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image picture image

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna

Snow White & the Huntsman is a chaotic yet tedious mess of movie that wants to offer a kick-ass take charge Snow White but gives her no sense of character or interest. It’s no wonder that this movie’s advertisement went with the Evil queen as the marketable figure, though that is more because of the scandal of Stewart sleeping with the director than the movie but Ravenna is a the more interesting character.

Also how did the director of this movie gets to direct Ghost in the Shell? Gah, that makes me mad!

 

 

Time for Clues;
Clue 1 and Clue 2

Happily Ever After picture image

Happily Ever After

Unlike Fergully, I have memories of watching Happily Ever After as kid. It was sort of special to me because I could only watch it at my friends’ house. That being said there is no power of nostalgia or sentiment clouding this movie for me, this movie is terrible. It’s psychically hurts.

It was made by in 1988, completed in 1990 and released in 1993 by Filmation. It’s been in moratorium since October 25th 1996. It only saw actively for three years. What does that say about the quality of this movie?

Snow White and the Shadow Man Happily Ever After picture image

Snow White and the Shadow Man

Happily Ever After is a sequel to Snow White in a general sense. It starts with the Evil Queen’s minions partying and celebrating her death. Then the Evil Lord Maliss (too subtle), the Queen’s brother, comes in and is pissed off and plots revenge on Snow White.

Snow White and her nameless prince are on route to invite the dwarves to their wedding. Why didn’t they send an invitation via mail? The Plot says so, damn it. They get attacked by Maliss in dragon form and Snow White gets away but the Prince isn’t so lucky.

Snow White runs into a dark forest and reaches the dwarves’ house but now their cousins live there, the seven Dwarfelles, chick dwarves. They all have have super powers that are  based on their names, convenient isn’t it. They take Snow White to Mother Nature  at Rainbow Falls (sounds likes something for a Skittles commerial) for help on how to get her Prince back. But Maliss shows up and tells Snow White that if she wants her Prince back to come to his castle in the Realm of Doom (still way too subtle). Hey movie, subverting a stereotype doesn’t really correct it. But whatever, at least Snow White has to do something.

So off they all go. Along the way, they encounter a shadow man who looks like Orko from He-Man, so I’m just going to call him Orko. The Dwarfelles don’t really trust Orko but Snow White figures out that Orko seems to be helping her. Hmmmmmmm, I wonder who Orko could really be, hmmmmmmm, it’s so hard to figure out!

Then Snow White is captured by Maliss. But what’s this, her Prince is there in castle and leads her to some place with creepy statues. Hmmmmm, he is acting lot less bland than he was a the start of the movie, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I wonder why that could be?

OH, because it was really Maliss in design, OH geeze, movie, how you tricked me……….

Maliss’ plan is to turn Snow White into stone with a cloak. Remember when they mentioned that Maliss has a cloak that turns this into stone earlier? Neither do I! Anyway the dwarfelles try to save her but fail and get turned to stone all except the inept Thunderella. Orko also tries to help but gets K.Oed. I do like Snow White bitch slapping Maliss but then she gets tied up.

Anyway, Thunderella gets her weather powers under control which gives Snow White the chance to throw the cloak over Maliss. And then every one is better but Orko. However Snow White’s tears or love or some BS save him but what’s this? Orko was really the Prince under Maliss’ spell. OH WHAT A TWIST, I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING AT ALL! And yeah happy ending.

Sunburn and Scowl Happily Ever After picture image

Sunburn and Scowl

This movie is a mess from start to finish. It doesn’t come across in my little write up but this movie, like the 1939 Gulliver’s Travels, focuses a lot more on the side characters, the Dwarfells and the evil minions, Scowl the Owl and Batso the Bat. Oh, the clever geniuses that thought up those names. Scowl and Batso are very annoying to the point of killing brain cells. They are heavy focused and really add nothing to anything.

Furthermore, I really dislike how bats are portrayed in children’s movies. Bats are awesome creatures who can eat mosquitoes. I know I dissed Batty from Ferngully last week but Batty is a billion times better than Batso. I mean they could have cut Scowl and Batso out but they need stupid goofiness to combat the creepiness.

The Dwarfelles (I die a little each time I type that) were also annoying especially Sunburn. I hated her saying “that really burns me up” over and over and over again and again and again. It was painful.

Snow White and her Prince Happily Ever After picture image

Snow White and her Prince

Other than the outright goofy characters we have the supposed main characters; Snow White, Mr. Prince “Orko” Shadow Man and Lord Maliss. They are all bland. Prince is more interesting in his cursed state but then it becomes a Beauty and the Beast thing.

Also I want point out that by the Prince helping Snow White at every turn doesn’t it help  to subvert the damsel in distress stereotype that they were truing to go for, so this movie just plays into it.

Lord Maliss Happily Ever After picture image

Lord Maliss

Maliss I want to say is interesting because his motive comes from place of love for his sister. But why is he after Snow White? She didn’t kill the queen, wasn’t she like dead when that happened?

Anyway Maliss is just evil and not really delightfully so either. I wished he had done away with Scowl in a quicker fashion than that stupid candle rope thing. I mean he has the cloak, instant death. I really hate Scowl. I hate this movie………. cries

Snow White Happily Ever After picture image

Snow White

Snow White, well she does look like Snow White, that a plus. She is fairly bland, I mean she does tries to defend herself and is nice. It’s not really her fault that she lacks interest.

The movie doesn’t care about her as character, she is a plot point for the side characters. I wished the movie had explored her more as the movie follows her but I think the movie would have rather not, it would rather been about Scowl and Batso, grrr hates.

The Shadow Man a.k.a The Prince a.k.a an Orko Knock-off Happily Ever After picture image

The Shadow Man a.k.a The Prince a.k.a an Orko Knock-off

I mentioned that the Prince’s Shadow Man form looked liked Orko from He-Man but prior to that I thought the Prince in his regular form looked like something out of He-man. And I was right, Filmation is the studio who did He-Man and this abomination.
The animation is not good. It looks old even for 1988 when it was made. Snow White was clearly rotoscoped which like have said in other posts, looking jarring with clearly non-rotoscope characters exist in the same scene.

Snow White hugs Thunderella Happily Ever After picture image

Snow White hugs Thunderella

Then were have the songs, which are also mind-numbingly painful. I just point out, NOT ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS GETS A SONG! Scowl gets one as do Thunderella and Mother Nature. Snow White’s voice actress Irene Cara sings the credit song but still, only side characters get the chance to sing.

I also take issue that Thunderella’s song, which is like a hopeful self empowerment and existential song is done BEFORE HER NAME IS GIVEN. I don’t know this character yet so I can’t feel for her through this cheesy song. They are so old and dated sounding it’s insulting to my rotting mind.

Snow White bitch slapping Lord Maliss Happily Ever After picture image

Snow White bitch slapping Lord Maliss

I would bet that Happily Ever After’s budget went to hiring the voice talent, which have some heavy hitters but it neglected the animation, writing and everything else. This movie is a massive fail.

And just to insult the viewer more, Scowl gets top billing. I really loath this movie.

All through it seem like Disney exhausted its collection of movies to make its crappy sequels, some movies were spared by some miracle. But speculation is fun and here are the sequels that could have been but never were, Thank Goodness. These lame plots are made up by me. Note they pretty much stop making these in 2008 so movies after that are not considered even though Disney made a Tangled sequel and there is talk of a Frozen is getting a sequel @@.

Snow White II – Three stories involving the dwarves and Castle etiquette.

Pinocchio II; The Curse of The Red Fairy – Pinocchio has to be come wooden again to save Geppeto from the Blue Fairy’s crazy sister, the Red Fairy. The whale gets a cameo

Dumbo II – Dumbo has to fly to save world from the Pink Elephants that have been made real by the Ringmaster  and his evil new Genie friend.

Alice in Wonderland II; Return to Wonderland. I suppose they could just do Alice  through the Looking Glass but here is a lamer idea. Alice’s daughter does the same thing but with more annoying characters.  I do not  accept the Burton version.

Sleeping Beauty II –  Maleficent’s  raven  becomes human and  kidnaps  Prince Phillip and puts him sleep and Aurora has to become  kick ass and save him. The Fairies can give her like a training montage.

The Sword and the Stone II –  Seriously, They had all the Arthurian legends and they didn’t pick one.  But let’s go with the lamest story ever, Arthur meets a girl and Merlin is bummed that Arthur doesn’t have time for him.

The Aristocats II – The Kittens form a band with Tom’s help but the dump him for a sassy manager.

Robin Hood II – Prequel about how everyone met or something.

The Black Cauldron II – Though Disney pretends this doesn’t exist it does have sequels.  It’s from  a series called The Chronicles of Prydain.  Just do the story from the third book and ruin it because it a Disney sequel, so Taran moves in to Eilonwy’s castle and doesn’t fit in, hi-jinx encase.

The Great Mouse Detective II  – Again more stories from the source material.  Let just take the high road (giggle sequels and the high road) just use Mlle. Relda, the story’s Irene Adler counterpart, so Basil gets a girlfriend. Maybe he has to fight someone for her, love triangle they are cliche.

Oliver & Company II – Oliver’s son goes off into New York City to be a street cat because rules and family are super lame.

Hercules II – Again more stuff of Hercules but lame sequel story, Hercules and Meg have to save Thebes from same monster  sent by Circe, maybe a lion so I can make Game of Throne jokes. I will note that Hercules was shameless abused for money as it did have  a midquel TV show. It even had a crossover with Aladdin.  I saw the crossover episode and no more.

Treasure Planet  II – They find more treasure? Didn’t see this one

Home of the Range II – Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm more farm hi-jinx? Three short story structure because it’s lazy and easier. I didn’t see this one either.

 

Still nothing is lamer than Quasimodo getting a girlfriend with that Bell @@. Do you have any sequel/midquel/prequel ideas for the Disney movies that were spared the sequel treatment?

Disney Princesses/Characters are  common choices for costumes but usually one or costume is chosen more than what that character wears in the movie. But let us see which costumes of each character is the most cosplayed. Characters must have at least two costume changes in the movie. I will go through the first 100 cosplay pictures of the character  in google images.  I will search them by their name and word “cosplay” and in Jane and Anna case, Disney was added. Keep in my mind Google Images change a lot.

 

Snow white picture image

Snow white

 

Snow White

Yellow – 100
Rags – 0

 

 

 

 

Cinderella

Cinderella

 

Cinderella
Casual -1
Pink Gown – 0
Ball Gown -99

 

 

 

 

 

Aurora

Aurora

 

Aurora
Briar Rose -29
Pink Gown -50
Blue Gown -21

 

 

 

 

Ariel Disney The Little Mermaid picture image

Ariel Disney The Little Mermaid

 

Ariel
Mermaid – 50
Ship wreak – 3
Pink Gown -11
Blue Dress – 36
Wedding – 0

 

 

 

 

Belle

Belle

 

 

Belle
Casual -13
Green dress – 0*
Pink – 1
Yellow Gown -86

 

 

 

 

Jasmine

Jasmine

 

 

Jasmine
Casual -93
Disguise -0
Purple Dress -1
Slave – 6
Purple End – 0

 

 

 

 

Esmeralda as a Disney Princess picture image

Esmeralda as a Disney Princess

 

 

Esmeralda
Casual – 84
Red dress -12
Prisoner – 0

 

 

 

 

mulan

Mulan

 

Mulan
Casual – 15
Gown  – 61
Warrior 24

 

 

 

 

Jane

Jane

 

Jane
Yellow -70
Jungle -2
(all I saw)

 

 

 

 

 

Tiana

Tiana

 

 

Tiana
Waitress – 9
Almost there dress -0
Princess costume 1 – 0
Princess costume 2 kiss – 8
Ball Gown -83
Wwdding- 0

 

 

 

 

Elsa picture image frozen

Elsa

 

Elsa
Coronation Gown -16
Snow Queen -84

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anna, Frozen, picture image

Anna

 

Anna
Coronation Gown- 7
Snow Dress – 93
Ending Dress – 0

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not surprised by the common costume but some of the numbers are surprising. I thought Belle would have more for her Blue Dress.

*saw 1 under Jane

I harbor a bit of a love for pretty clothing so when I saw that renowned Fashion Designers made gowns using the Disney Princesses as inspiration, I was excited. But some of these reflect the designers more  than the clients, the Disney princesses. So here is my take on them.

 

Ariel by Marchesa picture image

Ariel by Marchesa

Ariel’s gown is by Marchesa. I can see Ariel a little bit in this. The top is a call back to her sea-shell bra and the skirt has a fish tail silhouette. I wish the color was a bit more vibrant. Marchesa has a vintage and Asian influence aesthetic to the brand. I can see the vintage but I think it’s too much of a throw back. Also I dislike the volume at the waist, it would be so much better and more like Ariel if the volume was just at the bust.   6/10

 

Aurora by Elie Saab picture image

Aurora by Elie Saab

Aurora’s gown is by  Elie Saab. I don’t see Aurora in this. I mean it’s pretty and very Elie Saab, whose aesthetic is feminine and romantic which suits Aurora but the style of this doesn’t. Maybe if the neckline had more details or if the belt at the was more interesting it could have been more in keeping with Aurora. Also the color is not right. I think a deeper pick would have been better and then chiffon could have contrast it instead of being the same color. 4/10

 

Belle by Valentino picture image

Belle by Valentino

Belle’s gown is by Valentino.  When I first saw these gown I thought it was Jane’s from Tarzan. I like the skirt, the vertical ruffles are very nice and the color is a nice take on Belle because let’s face it that gold color works on Belle but it can look very tacky in real-life. The bodice however No, No, No. I don’t understand the hood at all. The puff sleeves and the mid section don’t work with Belle’s gown either. 3/10

 

Cinderella by Versace picture image

Cinderella by Versace

Cinderella’s gown is by Versace. Like Belle’s gown my main reaction is no,no  a thousand times no. What the hell, Versace? This is tacky. The only thing I can see of Cinderella is the peplum. The color is wrong. I can  kind see what they were doing as Cinderella’s gown can look white but it has a cool tone and this is a a warm. It’s so wrong.  1/10

 

Jasmine by Escada picture image

Jasmine by Escada

Jasmine’s Gown is by Escada. I’m confused by this one. Jasmine wears red once and that was when she was Jafar’s slave. I guess the bracelets point that that is what this gown is based on, so we’ll just say that  even though Jasmine had two Princess gown’s in the film plus her normal blue outfit it’s based on Jafar’s look, which was pretty sexy admittedly. But ok. Despite not really reading Jasmine. I like cut and the color is nice. I dislike cape though. I don’t get as part of the look or as Jasmine really. Maybe it was a train off the wait it would have been better because I like the way it drapes. I think the cape cut off the neckline and Jasmine wore open necklines. I love the accessories.  7/10

 

Mulan by Missoni picture image

Mulan by Missoni

Mulan’s gown is by Missoni. Missoni is all about prints and it seems that like they just remade Mulan’s with their prints. I really like the blue print and the beige chiffon. The applique flowers are a bit much but I think the overall look is a bit much and looks costume-y.  4/10

 

Pocahontas by Roberto Cavalli picture image

Pocahontas by Roberto Cavalli

Pocahontas’s gown is by Roberto Cavalli. Pocahontas is a tough one to design a gown for as her being in a Tsencommacah it’s hard to get her to a shiny princess gowns. Cavalli aesthetic is rock, wild and sexy. I guess wild fits Pocahontas’s personality. The fabric fits Pocahontas natural aesthetic but the gown reads Cavalli more than Pocahontas.  The feather-like fringe details on the skirt is a bit silly. The cut of the gown is very similar to Pocahontas’s costume so it’s an appropriation. It’s not a bad idea for Pocahontas it just fails to connect with me. 4/10

Rapunzel  by Jenny Packham picture image

Rapunzel by Jenny Packham

 

Rapunzel’s gown is by Jenny Packham. I love with gown, I would wear this but it’s a Jenny Packham’s gown and not Jenny Packham’s design for Rapunzel.  In fact basically this dress is a copy of one of Packham’s wedding gown in purple with more fabric that pools on the floor.  (click here to see the gown). I’m not sure how to rate it. 8/10 for the gown as itself and 2/10 for it’s connection to Rapunzel because other than the color there isn’t one.  So sad.

Snow White by Oscar de la Renta picture image

Snow White by Oscar de la Renta

 

Snow White’s gown is by Oscar de la Renta. At first glance this is over-the-top but looking with a  a more critical eye and keeping Snow White and Oscar de la Renta in check, this one is really good. It captures both Snow White and Oscar de la Renta’s personalities very well. Oscar de la Renta aesthetic is ornate and luxurious which this is but the color are in keeping with Snow White. The details also fit with her design in a new way which I appreciate. There is the neckline and the puff sleeve it communicates her look but it different. Yes, it over the top but it works. 8/10

 

Tiana by Ralph & Russo picture image

Tiana by Ralph & Russo

Tiana’s gown is by Ralph & Russo. I can see Tiana in the puffy skirt and the diagonal draping in the bodice. The color is more blue than Tiana’s vibrant green but it’s quite pretty. I like the cowl neckline and I’m glad that it wasn’t strapless, I hate  strapless gowns. I hate the line at the waistline though, I wish it was either embellished somehow or not there. That line kills me.  If the color was amp up a little more or more green it would be more Tiana-ish. 6/10  I still like it though and if the color worked on me I would wear.

 

I should do research to see what Design would be the best to bring Esmeralda’s costume to life.  Also do you agree or disagree with me?

Disney characters Cosplay  is a major presence at Fan Conventions (Anime, Gaming, Video Game, Comic etc). Groups of with these classic characters are big attention grabber but a group can deviate from it the characters traditional to make their both fun and a stand-out.

Here are some Ideas of what you can  do to jazz up any Disney Princess/Heroine group. Some have been done before and some haven’t.

Princesses to Extreme

Yaya Han as Mulan

Yaya Han as Mulan

Basically, you take basic design of the Disney Princesses & Heroines  dresses and make them even more opulent. You can use beading, fancy fabric anything you want to push it in to super ultra fancy.

Bollywood
Rework the  costumes into a chiffon sari. Don’t forget the bangles, tika and lots of kohl.

Steampunk
Put a Victorian spin of the costumes and then add a leather corset and googles.

Zombies

Zombie Disney Princesses

Zombie Disney Princesses

Shred the costumes, add blood and ghoulish make up.

Hipster

Hipster Jasmine, Ariel, Alice and Snow White ComicCon2012

Hipster Jasmine, Ariel, Alice and Snow White ComicCon2012

Modernize the costumes, add big black framed glasses and a clever phase about how you were ahead of the mainstream or just cooler in general.

Can Can

Can-Can dancers’ costume are all about the skirt that is covered with colorful ruffles on the inside. It’s a costume that is both fun and sexy.
FFX-2 Dress Sphere

Disney in Final Fantasy X-2 Dress Sphere inspired costume

Disney in Final Fantasy X-2 Dress Sphere inspired costume

The Dress Sphere was the Battle System in Final Fanatsy X-2. Basically the main characters change their clothes and they have a different set of abilities. The group was based of Fan-art by  Skirtzzz but given the variety of Disney Characters and Dress spheres the options are endless. What would a songstress Esmeralda look like?

Mermaids

Rework the Disney Princesses & Heroines costumes into mermaids like Ariel. Tails would match skirts, So, for explain, Esmeralda would have a purple skirt (if based on her normal look) and a white top. But how would you add her corset? There is a lot of creativity  with the details with this idea.

Warriors

Instead of dainty and pretty costume toughen up the Disney Princesses & Heroines into ass-kicking ladies.

Superheroes

Superhero Disney Princesses by Heykannaya

Superhero Disney Princesses by Heykannaya

Like the Warriors idea the Disney Princesses & Heroines would be more Kick ass looking but with capes and masks.

Sexy

Sexy Disney Princesses

Sexy Disney Princesses

Shorten the hems and drop the neckline and you can sex up the Disney Princesses & Heroines costumes.

Haute Couture

Designer Disney Princess Cosplay Collection by Street Angel

Designer Disney Princess Cosplay Collection by Street Angel

Instead of big poofy gowns rework the costume is sleek and elegant fashion inspired creations. http://street-angel.deviantart.com/art/Designer-Disney-Princess-Cosplay-Collection-335017438
Gender benders

Tinkerbell in more boyish clothes

Tinkerbell in more boyish clothes

Rework the Disney Princesses & Heroines costumes into male-ish costumes.

Magic Girls/ Sailor Scouts

Manon Yapari did a Fan-art of the Disney Princesses & Heroines as Sailor Scouts (from Sailor Moon), this would be an attention grabber at any Anime Con but you could take the classic Magic Girl Costume tropes and apply them to Disney Princesses & Heroines costumes.

Wedding

Rework the Disney Princesses & Heroines costumes into wedding gowns. I know Disney has  dolls of the Disney Princesses in wedding gowns but pending of you own style you can make an amazing gown for the princesses and/or the heroines What would Esmeralda wedding gown look like?
Ballerinas

Rework the Disney Princesses & Heroines costumes into Ballerinas.  You can design wo get a pancake tutu, a classic or a bell. This would a great group for those who can stand on pointe or just fans of ballet.

If you do any of these ideas with or without Esmeralda send them to me ^^.