The Hunchblog of Notre Dame

21Aug 2014

Felix the Cat the Movie Review; Fear the Paint Can Robots

by jess

Felix the Cat the Movie

Felix the Cat The Movie was released in Europe in 1988 but not in the USA until nearly three years later. It was based on the The Felix the Cat cartoons from 1919. This movie was an attempt at a revival which didn’t work. Why didn’t work? Because this movie is pointless!

It’s just weird and turns sane minds to mush. Although, if I were to grade on a curve of all the non-Disney Princess movies I have subjected myself to so far, I would rather watch this one over Gulliver’s Travels or The Singing Princess. Not high praise but still.

Felix, Oriana, and Pim

Plot, because there is one. The Kingdom of Oriana is under attack by the Duke of Zill. The ruler of Oriana, Princess Oriana tries to escape by using the Dimensporter, a dimensional transporter, but she is caught by Zill’s evil robotic Cylinders that look like paint cans. As she is being dragged off she sheds a magic tear that goes through the Dimensporter and finds Felix the Cat.

Felix the Cat is a talking cat with a magic bag that can transform into anything. The rules and limits of the bag are never explain so just don’t think about. Felix follows the tear back through the Dimensporter and he sees a vision of Oriana as the tears fades away. Also I should note, Felix is being followed by two scientists who want his bag.

After dealing with some weird fish, Felix lands in the Land of Zill where he meets Pim, think wild west prospector. Pim double crosses Felix and takes him to Wack Lizardi’s circus. Wack is also a lackey of The Duke of Zill. Felix is then made an attraction at the circus because of the bag. Princess Oriana is also an attraction with her woeful bubble dance, she dances in a bubble.

Felix enlists the help of two lizard-mice, Mizzards to eat through the wall of his cell so he can talk to Oriana. Oriana tells him that the Duke of Zill is her uncle and he wants the Book of Ultimate power. Felix tells her that are going to escape together.

During the next performance, Felix convinces Wack to let him play the music while Oriana dances. He then creates a lot of bubbles and he, Oriana, Pim who is good now, and the Mizzards all escape.

As they flee towards the Kingdom of Oriana, Felix loses his bag but are they joined by the two scientists who found it and Felix gets it back and the scientists who are called the Professor and Poindexter, join the party. Then they go through the hair forest and they are attacked by head hunters or flying demons heads which are subdued by hats.

When they get to Oriana they are caught by Zill. Zill threatens everyone so Oriana surrenders the Book of Ultimate Power, which says the ultimate power is “Truth, Love, and Wisdom.” Unhappy, Zill unleashes the Master Cylinder on them but Felix defeats it by, I kid you not, by throwing the book at it. In the end Felix and the scientists go back home through the Dimenspoter.

Felix with the bag as scuba gear

This movie is very trippy and weird. I suppose it could have been more trippy and weird though. The trouble with it is we don’t have the sane character to walk us through the craziness. So it’s just crazy and more crazy. It should have been a fish out of water tale but Felix fits into this world too well. Everyone is weird. But then again we really don’t have characters as none of them have personalities.

Felix laughing at a skull

Felix is nice though he mean to the dead. All he really does that gives a shade of a personality is makes puns. That’s it. If you like puns this movie will kill that love. I’m not sure what Pim’s deal is. The scientists just want the bag and they also make puns. Zill wants power. 78 minutes and that’s all I can get out of the characters.

Princess Oriana dancing in the bubble

Then we have our token Princess, Oriana. She is only a Princess in name as she’s actually a Queen. But the term Queen is used for evil crones, so we have to call her Princess. I’m just going to roll my eyes.

Oriana is nice, slightly self-defacing and an idiot. Her country is attacked when she disbands the army even though she knew her Uncle wanted her Kingdom, or Queendom, but she’s Princess so I guess Oriana is Princessipality. Like the other characters there isn’t much to her.

Felix with Pim on a Cylinder

So this movie doesn’t have lasting memorable characters but how are technicals? Not very good. I mean there is a some weird animation but on the whole it’s not too great. However, where this movie really stinks is the sound mixing. The sound effects are a lot louder than the dialogue, which isn’t great either but would have been nice to hear.

Lizards of Zill singing Who is the Boss?

I will say that I didn’t hate one song. I kind of liked Who is the Boss, which is a song they sing at the circus about how great Zill is. It just so 80s I can’t help it. I mean it’s stupid but delightfully so.

Felix meet Oriana’s tear along with the bag in its normal state.

Felix the Cat the Movie is loud, trippy, weird and outright stupid. It’s not the worse movie in the world but it is quite, quite, quite, annoying.

3D head of Felix

Isn’t this the stuff of Nightmares?

20Aug 2014

Next Stop After La Jolla

by jess

La Jolla Hunchback Poster

The musical version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is first to play at the La Jolla playhouse in San Diego on October 26 through December 7. You can get tickets for it now.

However after that starting on March 4th through April 5th the production goes to Paper Mill Playhouse in Millburn New Jersey. So east coast people can get a chance.

I hope they release the casting of the musical soon.

http://www.broadwayworld.com/article/Tickets-Now-on-Sale-for-Disneys-HUNCHBACK-OF-NOTRE-DAME-at-La-Jolla-Playhouse-20140802#.U_OgU15muxo

19Aug 2014

Enchanted Tales: The shittest Moral Ever

by jess

Melody with “Handsome” Quasimodo

I briefly touched on the moral of the Enchanted Tales version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame when I looked at the plot of this poo-feast, you can read that post HERE, but the moral of this movie is so bad that it demands its own post.

Ok, the moral of this is “Looks don’t matter if people see you as pretty.” I’m not kidding, this the exchange between Melody and Quasimodo, this is the actual dialogue, this happened,

Melody: Are you alright? Oh, you look so handsome. You have beautiful eyes.
Quasimodo: Is that how you see me?
Melody: It is how you are.
Quaismoodo: Perhaps if you see me as handsome, than perhaps I am.
Melody: Mhmm.
Quasimodo: Just perhaps, my looks really don’t matter anymore.
Melody: They don’t matter.

Basically the moral, as this movie spells it out, is looks don’t matter if you’re considered pretty. That is so awful. You have to be pre-approval by an outside gaze to have a sense of self-worth and confidence. Because Quasimodo only told off Jean-Claude, his little brother, when he was handsome. Oh, I hates this movie.

Now this moral shouldn’t be the stuff of children videos since people have to deal with this in their everyday lives. Kind of depressing, if you think about.

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

However, I get what they were trying to do, really. What Enchanted Tales was trying to do is show that inner beauty makes one beautiful. It’s through Quasimodo’s inner strength that transforms him into a handsome guy, you know like the story they were really trying to tell cough*Beauty and the Beast*cough. However, this moral fails to be communicate because of the lazy sloppy writing. That inner beauty thing doesn’t register at all.

Quasimodo pretty much says, My looks don’t matter if you think I’m pretty. I really can’t believe someone approved that during the writing process.

Handsome Quasimodo Enchanted tales The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Handsome Quasimodo a.k.a Wholemodo?

This moral is the stuff of satires, of parodies, of jokes not for a children’s movie. WORST MORAL EVER. Really, if were any worse it probably would be better.

At this point, if it wasn’t for the company who produced it, I would think this movie was a satire of the Hunchback, or at the very least of children movies in general, because that is the only way I can rationalize how this ass of version got made in the first place.

Pretty Quasimodo, gags

Next Time – Conclusion – I’m done!

One Confused Dingbat

18Aug 2014

Project Re-Read! Book 7 Chapters 4-6

by jess

Book 7, Chapter 4, Anakh

This chapter is a little important, as the word Anakh inscribed on a wall of Notre Dame is said to have inspired Frollo and the rest of book from there. The added word of impurity beneath was probably an add in.

Basically this chapter is Jehan wants money from Frollo. Frollo gives him some money and makes him hide in a stove while Frollo has a guest.

It’s kinda of silly little chapter as interactions with Jehan are mostly always humorous. This chapter also gave us the song Val de Amour from Notre Dame de Paris as that fine establishment is mention here. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s the only time it’s mention but I not sure.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUQrt2i3mbQ
to spice up the post.

Book 7, Chapter 5, The Two Men Dressed in Black

In this chapter, while Jehan hides in the stove Frollo has his guest, Master Jacques, the King’s attorney. Jacques tells Frollo that court is ready to arrest Esmeralda but Frollo tells him to wait till his approval.

It’s then that Frollo sees a fly caught in a spider web. Frollo likens the fly to both him and Esmeralda. That they both were in search of the sun, though with Esmeralda the metaphor is more literal as she loves the sun and freedom whereas with Frollo it’s more metaphoric as sun is learning and eternal truth. He is also the spider too. Both the spider and fly are caught in the wed of fate and Frollo really likes this metaphor for him and Esmeralda.

I wished film versions would use this scene as it would be cool to see, but to my knowledge not a single version has done this scene. Then again, only two versions use the Anakh scene and that inspired the book.

Book 7, Chapter 6, The Effect Produced by Seven Oaths in the Public Square

This is a set-up chapter! This chapter tells us and Frollo, that Phoebus has a hot date with Esmeralda that very night. Not much happens here but you got to love that Jehan messes up her name as Smeralda. Though Phoebus called her Similar in a later chapter is sillier.

14Aug 2014

Castle in the Sky Review; Set a Course for Gushing

by jess

Castle in the Sky

Of all the Studio Ghibli movies without a doubt, Castle in the Sky is my favorite. It was made in 1986.

Like with Nausicaa, I watched this in Japanese with subtitles.

Pazu seeing Sheeta floating down from the sky

Castle in Sky tells the story of a girl named Sheeta who is being pursued by the army who is working with an ambitious government agent and Air-Pirates. They are all after her because her amulet which can lead them to a magical floating island, called Laputa, that hold not only great treasure by great power.

Sheeta meets and is aided by Pazu, a boy roughly Sheeta’s age who works for miners. Pazu also wants to find Laputa as his father saw it but was called a liar.

It is also reveled that Sheeta and the govenment agent, Muska, are descended from the Laputa’s royal family. Sheeta and Pazu have to stop Muska before he uses Laputa to take over the world.

Dola’s Pirates with their booty

This movie pretty much has something for every one; you have action, adventure, mysterious, humor, romance, pirates, airships, robots, yaks, you know everything you could ever want in a movie. It’s perfect!

Pazu and Sheeta seeing Laputa

When it comes down it, very subjectively, I like the dynamic of the two main characters’ relationship, you know, the princess and the poor boy love story. Aladdin has it as well as my favorite video game, Final Fantasy IX, which also features a mysterious crystal that people are after, not lying Castle in Sky reminds me a lot of Final Fantasy IX which is one of the reasons I love it as much as I do.

And just for the record, I didn’t like The Notebook, which also has this type of romance. But even if you are not a fan of that type of romance, the movie just has a lot of great characters.

Dola, the leader of the Air-pirates

Pazu is an honest, hardworking hero who is very genuine and resourceful. He is very devoted to Sheeta. The Pirates are a lot fun. Dola is awesome. Our villain, Muska is calm and elegant till he goes all power mad derstorying things because he just wants to take over the world as he think it’s befits his birthright. Clear motivations for the win.

Muska and Sheeta

Though I will admit he is a be of a creeper toward Sheeta. It’s sort of implied that he means to use her to carry on the Laputa royal family. The pirates are also little infatuated with her too but more innocently. Still, she’s like 12.

Sheeta

Speaking of Sheeta, our Princess in this semi-non-Disney Princess movie. Sheeta is sweet for the most part but she does knock out Muska out before she says anything, so she is active. She is also smart and resourceful.

Pazu and Sheeta seeing Laputa

Even if you don’t like great characters in your movies, though I don’t why you wouldn’t, the animation is stunning. The flying scenes are great. And the glowing rocks in the cave were breathing-taking. And the scenes when Pazu and Sheeta first arrive on Laputa are too pretty.

The music is also lovely, I love the ending song. It’s wonderful!

Pazu and Sheeta escape from the pirates on a train

Castle in the Sky is a classic adventure tale with a lot great characters, charm and beautiful animation. I really do love this movie but it’s harder to gush about a movie than it is ripping it a new one. Then again, it’s way easier and a lot more fun to a watch good movies, I could get used to reviewing good movies! What’s the next movie I have to review?

Felix the Cat

Cries……..

13Aug 2014

A Rant on the lack of Information on the Brolin version

by jess

Josh Brolin Interview for Men in Black

A little over a year ago, like in early August of 2013, we were given the last bit of information regarding the Josh Brolin version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Quasimodo. Which was that Hero director, Yimou Zhang was going to direct.

In 2012, we were told by Brolin, that the movie was going to be “jazzy,” as in fun.

And in 2011, the movie was announced with Brolin starring as Quasimodo.

In three years, we know a mere three things about this movie and there doesn’t seem to be any new public developments on the horizon, at least at the time I’m posting this.

It drives me crazy, to tease the public especially when the information presented seems to a be clutter fuck of genres to a story that is considered a literally classic. I mean we have Brolin who is like a dramatic actor mixed with what seems to be a Jazzy action-adventure, with a director known for dramatic actions movies.

I mean is this even going to happen? Was Brolin announcing the project an attempt to drum up public interest? Or is this in development hell? Since Brolin announced this in 2011 he has worked on ten other movies, two are in post-production, one is filming and one is in pre-production. Zhang has worked on one since his involvement was annouced in 2013.

I just find it so irritating, three years and he have one actor, a director and a jazzy script (never letting that go, ever). That 2007 Hunchback movie, that I wrote about a few weeks ago (read here), that one didn’t even happen and they at least had a full cast.

You know what Fuck it! I don’t think this movie going to happen. Brolin can prove me wrong but I’m tired of hoping for new information. Watch the next bit of information be from Brolin while promoting another movie saying it’s “edgy.” I guess another actor can come along and play Quasimodo, because Quasimodo is sweet, sweet Oscar bait.

12Aug 2014

Enchanted Tales Pacing – It Lengthens Time Out to Infinity

by jess

Melody in pain Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody in pain, probably from the bad pacing of the movie she is trapped in forevermore

For a movie that is only 40 minutes in length, The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame feels so much longer. Is it because the animation, the characters, the songs, or the dialogue makes it feel 10X longer, well yeah all those this add up but the pacing of this is really bad in genreal. So bad, that it amps up all those factors to hand-banging affect on the viewer, that makes them beg for death before the 15 minute mark. And yet death will not come.

One Confused Dingbat

The first aspects the kill the pacing are the songs. You know how song, sometimes, in better movies, have a build-up and the can either progress the plot of tells us something about the characters, not here, not in the Enchanted tales version. Here, they say, No. It could have been a bold and artistic move but all the songs really do is pad-out the running-time.

Melody sings

The songs add about 10 minutes, they make up a 4th of this movie and yet they add nothing. The longest song, at about 3 minutes, is the last one that “Life will Arrive.” This song serve no purpose and if cut we would have lost nothing. It really just stops the story and towards the end of it no less.

Melody and Quasimodo

The shortest song is “The Bells All Ring, which does advance Melody and Quasimodo’s relationship. How fucking stupid is that, the one song that sort of progresses the story is shortest and the longest halts the story. The other too also just stall the movie.

Circle dance animation

The animation also stalls things. When something repeats that much animation so unapologetically, you feel that time is being repeated over and over and over again, till a minute feels like ten minutes.

Jean-Claude

The pacing in The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is so uneven, silted and just makes for an unpleasant viewing experience. This version is not fun, it’s clutter-fuck that drags on to forever and beyond.

Next Time – The very worst thing about this Version, The fucking moral

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

11Aug 2014

Project Re-Read! Book 7 Chapters 1-3

by jess

Book 7, Chapter 1, On the Danger of Confiding a Secret to a Goat

In this chapter we get a better look at Phoebus as a character and his attitude towards his fiancee, Fleur-de-Lys. Phoebus likes the crude world far too much to feel at ease with Fleur-de-Lys, so he is cold to her and she is sensitive to his aloofness.

THe scene shift as the crowd of women sees Esmeralda and Djali in the square below and ask her to come up. Esmeralda does and at once is berated because she is prettier than them, so they insult her dress and such.

We also find out the Esmeralda never intended to show off Djali spelling Phoebusâ€˜ name, as it was her secret. This is different than how the 1956 and the jetlag verions present it, where she preforms the trick for the crowd. It doesn’t much matter because the important part is it makes Phoebus make his move on Esmeralda which sets up the tragic turn in the story.

Book 7, Chapter 2, Showing that a Priest and a Philosopher are two very different Persons

I have to love this chapter, it’s just banter between Frollo and Gringoire and it’s sort of silly. The juxtaposition of Frollo’s stern obsession that he is trying to conceal mixed with Gringoire’s odd combination of blasÃ© and pathos for his circumstances. I do their exchanged about how Gringoire wouldn’t think of touching his wife.

Book 7, Chapter 3, The Bells

Huh, there was a bell named Guillaume after-all. I’m sorry 1939 version for saying you added it. (You can read that post HERE) Though, Guillame still maybe for when Quasimodo is feeling a little bi-curious.

Anyway, this chapter tells of that for the last two months Quasimodo hasn’t been into his bells. The book doesn’t make it clear if it’s because of the pillory or a new love. He start ringing them again but the he looks to the square and sees Esmeralda.

Quasimodo watching her was also seen the previous chapter as well as the ringing of the bells in the before that.

I suppose as chapter go, it’s ok, it defiantly a nice turing point for Quasimodo, to love outside Notre Dame.

07Aug 2014

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind: If I lived in this world, I would be a bug

by jess

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind is a 1984 movie directed by Hayao Miyazaki. Just for the record, any film that falls under the Studio Ghibli banner is released and dubbed by Dinsey but I do not consider them “Disney movies” and Nausicaa is certainly not your typical princess movie. I watched this in Japanese with subtitles.

Nausicaa using an insect charm

The movie tells the story of a Nausciaa, the Princess of the Valley of the Wind, a peaceful place that exists in the shadow of the Toxic Jungle, also called the Sea of Decay or Sea of Corruption. The Sea of Decay is lethal to humans but Nausicaa enjoy wandering inside with a mask on. She even loves the bugs that dwell and protect it.

Nausicaa and her people get mixed up in a confrontation when a Tolmekian airship crashes in the Valley, caring both the hostage Princess of Pejite and an ancient biological weapon. The Princess dies but she asks Nausicaa to burn the weapon which doesn’t burn. After that Tolmekia comes with their Princess Kushana. Kushana plans to use the biological weapon called a Giant Warrior to burn the Sea of Decay. She also plans to take over the valley and Nausicaa’s bed-ridden father is murdered which causes Nausicaa to go into a murderous rage.

As Nausicaa claims down, she submits to Kushana as she doesn’t want anymore deaths. Kushana makes Nausicaa and 5 hostages to go with her back Tolmekia. However as they are on route, they are attacked and Nausicaa, Kushana and the hostages crash land into the Sea of Decay and on an Ohmu nest. Ohmu are very large bugs that protect the Sea of Decay and attack when they are enraged. They do not attack Nausicaa instead they communicate with her via their gold tentacles that the one who attacked them is in danger. So she goes to help. She saves the him but they fall into quicksand.

Nausicaa wakes up under the Sea of Decay and meets Asbel of Pejite, brother of the princess who died in the crash. They learn that the Sea of Decay is actually purifying the polluted Earth. The two manage to make it out of the underground on Nausicaa glider and go to Pejite, which has been abandoned.

An airship that is carrying the survivors of Pejite comes down and Nausicaa learns that the Valley is in great danger as the Pejite plans to use the Ohmu to destroy the Tolmekians and the Valley will be destroyed in the process. Nausicaa tries to get away but she is capture. Asbel’s mother has a girl switch places with Nausicaa so she can escape.

Nausicaa learns that Pejite are using a captured baby Ohmu to incite the large incets’ rage. Nausicaa stops the pilots and gets her dress stained in the blood of the little Ohmu as it tries to reach its kind across an acid lake.

As the Ohmu advance on the Tolmekia, Kushana uses the Gaint Warrior to attack but it not mature enough and rots away.

Nausicaa the faces the Ohmu herd with the baby Ohmu. But they are so blind by rage that she stains fatal injurgies. Her sacrifice sooth them. The Ohmu use their golden tentacles to give heal Nausicaa. As she stands on the golden tentacles in her deep blue dress that was dyed by the Ohmu’s blood she fulfills a prophesy. After that the Tolmekians and the Ohmu leave and the People of the Valley and Pejite rebuild. The film ends with a small tree growing under underground, showing the healing of the world.

Nausicaa not wearing a mask in the Sea of Decay

The first time I saw this movie it was after I read the Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind Graphic novels. Now I loved the graphic novels, they are so rich and complex. Compared to the graphic novels, the movie version is simple. For instance, The Giant Warriors are a much bigger plot point and Kushana is way more fleshed out. But comics can do that and a single movie really can’t. So I will not discuss the movie against the comic but if you do like the movie but haven’t read graphic novel, I highly recommend them. They’re so good!

Old Giant Warrior Ruin

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind is a solid movie. It has a lot of great action moments, some beautiful shots and some lovely animation. One of its strenghts is the world building, you really come to understand this world however all the world building with the war, Prophesies, The Sea Decay, Bugs and an ancient doomsday weapons comes at a count.

Like I said, The Giant Warrior is established but didn’t really amount to much in the end aside from some neat animation and a looming threat. And because of the focus on the world, the only character that really gets developed is Nausicaa.

Nausicaa in the Sea of Decay

As far as princesses, go Nausicaa is very different. Nausicaa is a pacifist, warrior, naturalist princess. She shows empathy for all things and is a take charge sort but she is never demanding or pushy. She is active and has agency. She is unconcerned about love or her appearance. She is however concerned with her people and the Earth. This makes her very refreshing and an all-around interesting character.

Princess Kushana

Nausicaa’s counterpart, Kushana is much like her but her methods are different. Kushana and Nausicaa are two sides the same coin. Kushana grew up in a milarty state so she is cold, hard and more demanding. However, like Nausicaa she cares for her people and thinks she is justified in her actions. She also doesn’t care about love or her appearance. She is also refreshing and had she is interesting even if her role is really just the antagonist.

Nausicaa on the golden field Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind picture image

Nausicaa on the golden field a.k.a Ohmu tentacles

Another aspect that is refreshing is the prophesy. Tons of movies have prophesies and chosen ones. This movie establishes that the Valley has this prophesy of one clad in blue descending from a golden field. It never points to anyone but of course Nausicaa fulfills it but it not a big deal to her it just is allowed to happen and it’s allowed to be a beautiful moment.

Nausicaa encounters an Ohmu

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind adheres too much to one character and the world which makes for an unsteady movie narrative. Is it a bad movie? No, not at all, it’s defiantly a solid, entertaining and lovely movie. Plus, the sitar sound when you see the Ohmu is so cool.

06Aug 2014

Hypothetical Casting; Damian Lewis as Frollo

by jess

Damian Lewis

Recently I re-watched the 2002 The Forsyte Saga which starred Damian Lewis as the emotional repressed victorian gentleman Soames Forsyte.

Damian Lewis as Marine Sergeant Nicholas Brody in Homeland

Aside from The Forsyte Saga, Lewis is best known for playing Marine Sergeant Nicholas Brody in Homeland .

Damian Lewis as Soames Forsyte from the 2002 version of The Forsyte

Soames is pretty much meant to be unlikable but Lewis brings so much pathos and sympathy to the role that I think he would make a great Frollo.

Damian Lewis as Soames Forsyte from the 2002 version of The Forsyte

He also excels at depicting a character whose repressed nature is in conflict with his internal passion.

Damian Lewis

As far as look goes, he seems like he could work for Frollo. Frollo seems to have an ever changing look where films are concerned but Lewis has angular face so I think he would work on that front.

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