The Hunchblog of Notre Dame

05Aug 2014

Enchanted Tales Animation- So Bad that makes you Stupid

by jess

Melody sings

We have seen a lot of bad animation here on theHunchBlog. From the Disney sequel, to Jetlag, to even that episode of Madeline, we have seen some real examples of clunky, amateur animation but as far as awful, crapped-filled, poo animation goes, the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame takes the cake.

disappearing hinge Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Disappearing hinge, it also repeated twice

The animation is so bad but what makes it bad? I will tell you one thing, re-watching this while trying to pay extra close attention to the animation made my brain literally melt out of my eyes and ears. My still being alive is no doubt some sort a cruel miracle.

Melody dancing with the annoying is repeated at the beginning and end

Well the least offensive thing is the repeating animation. Repeating animation in it of itself isn’t the problem, many movies repeat animation, it’s money saving. The problem is the frequency and how blatant the repetitions are and this pile-of shit repeats animation like nobodies business.

Circle dance animation

Those kids doing the circle dance is repeated back and forth, back and forth a total of 3 times in the first minute alone. Oh, it gets repeated more but 3 times in the first minute that is just insane and it wasn’t that great of animation to start, it’s just random people with their backs to camera kicking in a dance circle.

The background is being repeated endlessly

They also steamboat willy a lot.

Pierre is on and off the horse

At roughly the 5:10 mark, Pierre and Frollo are on horses trying to find Melody and they repeat animation from earlier of Pierre and Frollo saying “no” to each other. Problem is Pierre is clearly on the ground and not on the horse during the repeating animation. Such pain!

Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

is it day or night?

As if that was bad, the movie start off with huge night/day confusion. Frollo and Pierre at talking and it’s supposed to be night out I think because Frollo says “after dark” but it’s daylight in the scene. Then it’s night as Melody dances but at one point the scene shifts to the accursed Dingbats and it fucking daytime and then night again. Hey movie, ever hear the word, consistently? No? Didn’t think so. Argh this movie

Why are they made, the dialogue doesn't match Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Why are they mad, the dialogue doesn’t match

And then there is the lips sync. At point you kind of have to wonder, was this dubbed? Because it looks like it could have been. As at some points the animation doesn’t match the audio. Like for example the accordion is shown getting huffy but nothing is the dilouge would suggest reasons.

Melody’s mouth is gone, This has not been altered, this native in the movie

Even if the lip sync was originally for english Melody’s mouth disappearing for a frame is inexcusable because you might not have seen it but your brain did.

Melody’s mouth looks weird here because it’s moving oddly

Their mouths also jerk around like crazy here.

Random Mice

Aside from just the overall crappiness of the execution with its repetitions and still frames and bad lip sync, the animation on the whole of the Enchanted Tales version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is down right insulting. It’s just down-right dumb looking and it make you dumber just looking at it. F-, 1/4 a star rating, 100 thumbs down.

Next Time – The Pacing, it also sucks!

Jean-Claude capturing Melody

04Aug 2014

Project Re-Read! Book 6 Chapters 5 & 6

by jess

Book 6 Chapter 5, A Tear for a Drop of Water

Arguably this is one of the most important chapters in the novel. This is where Quasimodo is whipped for Frollo’s crime as well as Quasimodo own affiliation of being deaf and having a deaf judge. After he is whipped to the delight of the crowd, he is the exposed for more humiliation. The crowd is without pity as he begs for water. Esmeralda at the end gives him pity and water. This. chapter starts Quasimodo’s love for Esmeralda. As of this point Quasimodo has only loved Frollo and Frollo failed to give him compassion at this moment.

It is important to note that as Esmeralda is approaching him, he wished that he could blast her to dust. It’s not because she was pretty as some movie would have it, Quasimodo only loves Esmeralda because of water and the kindness.

It is even implied that because of Esmeralda’s kindness, Quasimodo’s soul awakens from dormancy as indicated by the tear he sheds.

This scene is pretty much in every movie is someway. The Disney version had Esmeralda cleaning Quasimodo from the food that was thrown at him and freeing him from the pillory. This chapter inspired one of the most beloved songs from a musical, Belle. Even Secret of the Hunchback has this chapter played out, Enchanted Tales did not.

Book 6 Chapter 6, End of the Story of the Cake

Very little happens in this chapter. After Esmeralda is done giving Quasimodo water, Sister Gudule yells and scares her. Then the son of one the women from The story of the Wheaton cake, eats the cake.

It’s short. I will give it that but it does ends Book 6 off well as the kid really did want that cake before and against his mother’s wishes he got what he wanted. Dare I say, little Eustsche got a little character arc.

31Jul 2014

The Flight of Dragons; Imagine Dragons talking about gold as bedding

by jess

The Flight of Dragons

When I was trying to come up with a list for these non-Disney Princess movie reviews, I was one short of having a nice schedule that would fill the last thursday in a month (exact month withheld) and after doing a little research I found The Flight Of Dragons.

Flight of Dragons was produced by my old nemesis Rankin/Bass Productions. It was first released as a direct-to-video in 1982 and then aired on ABC in 1986. As of 2009, it’s a made-to-order DVD. Now doesn’t that speak of quality? I’m not going sugar-coat this, The Flight of Dragons, despite its epic sounding title, is a boring turd of a movie.

Really, I can and should for the limited amount of sanity I have left, stop the review here but here we go.

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande

The plot is needless complex despite the fact that very little happens. The green wizard, Carolinius, sees that the world is losing magic because of science. He contacts the league of super losers, erm his wizard pals. He proposes that they should create a secret magic haven for all magical creatures, where science and logic can’t hurt them or something.

The evil red demonic one, Ommadon, thinks this idea stupid and decides that he should take over the world, he’s my favorite character so far. The other wizards decide that they need defeat him by taking his ugly crown as it’s the source of his power but they can’t fight directly because of wizard rules, seriously. Carolinus decides that his dragon Gorbash and some creepy knight will be in the quest to get the crown however the rules requires three people because of reasons. The two other wizards offer magic items that will be used later in the movie.

Carolinus asks Antiquity, which is some all knowing super thing for the third person. They get some science guy descendent from Boston Massachusetts, specifically from Beacon Street. Though, I’m not sure why that matters since we only see a pawn shop. His name is Peter Dickinson (giggles) and he is writing a book and made a game called Flight of Dragons, he is also some kind of science guy but prefers thinking about dragons. Anyway, he gets transported to the magic world and is happy to go on a quest, though he is happier to see dragons and to meet Carolinius’ pretty but oh so bland adopted daughter Princess Milisande.

Anyway, Ommadon attacks and Peter gets merged into Gorbash’s body. So Peter, who is now a dragon and creepy knight guy, Orrin, along with an older dragon named Smrgol, go off on their quest. We then get long dialogues about dragon flight mechanics. Melisande uses her powers to basically watch them for Carolinus. The gang is joined by a wolf, an elf and pretty lady. They get attack by an ogre and Smrgol dies.

They then get Ommadon’s domain and they use the magic items to defect Ommadon’s convoy of dragons a.k.a the Flight of Dragons. They do this by using a flute to put the dragons to sleep including Gorbash/Peter. The only dragon not affect is Ommadon’s evil dragon, Bryagh, who kills everyone. Peter escapes Gorbash’s body because of science and defeats Ommadon by rejecting magic and listing science disciplines. Everyone comes back to life but Peter is rejected from the magic world. Milisande decides to join Peter in un-magical Boston. The end.

Smrgol and Peter/Gorbash

A lot of this movie is explaining stuff. Movies are a visual medium, show, don’t tell. All the exposition bogs down the narrative and makes it boring and dull. By the 6 minute mark, I knew this was a snooze-fest. That shouldn’t happen. I shouldn’t feel like napping after less than 10 minutes.

Princess Milisande, Peter Dickinson, and Carolinius

Then we have the characters. Most of them are bland. I do not get Peter at all. At the start he seemed to enjoy magical stuff and was bored of science but then he loved science and is all smug about using it to Ommadon. Also, I’m not sure what discipline he studied. He mentions labs, grants and research, fuck about just telling us what specifically he actually studied. Bad writing! I suppose from context it would be chemistry.

Then we have the creepy knight, Orrin, who vowed to fall in love with Milisande when she was 5 years old, ewwww. Milisande herself is bland except for one outburst she has about Carolinius killing her parents and blaming it on demons. That was a wow moment that ended quickly. After that Milisande spends the rest of the movie in bed and telling Carolinius how the quest is going. Worst Princess ever, wait how is she a Princess again? At least I get Ommadon, he’s evil.

Ommadon

Animation is crap in this movie. Like grade-C poo, it’s terrible. It’s not good enough to be Grade-A Poo. I have nothing else to add except that it looks dated even for the early 80s and I don’t even think they gave a shit because they spent more time writing about dragons flying then showing them fly.

Princess Milisande

The Flight of the Dragon is a boring movie that needless complicates a narrative with exposition at the cost of characters, animation and a visual style. There is a resonable story in here about magic vs science but the overall dulliness won and the film is crap. This movie was better when it was called How to Train Your Dragon.

30Jul 2014

Hunchback and Jewelry

by jess

From the Heart of the Ocean to the Evenstar to that ring in the Phantom of the Opera movie, jewelry can play a big part in a film’s narrative. Despite being a large part of the book, Esmeralda’s necklace has never been seen in the movie version.

Costume design from the Opera La Esmeralda

Esmeralda wears a small oblong bag fasten to a necklace of red seeds. The bag is made from green silk and has a large imitation emerald made from glass. This is where she gets her name from but the fact that the stone is fake means that she too is fake. Esmeralda is not a real Gypsy. Inside the bag is her only link to her real self, a baby shoe.

Sister Gudule (Gladys Brockwell) showing the necklace to Esmeralda Hunchback Notre Dame 1923

Having the pouch in a movie would mean that Esmeralda’s backstory would have to be played out in some way. In the 1923 movie, Esmeralda did have a necklace to signify her origins but it was a medallion and in the 1999 parody version she had a birthmark.

Esmeralda Smiling, Maureen O’Hara 1939 HUnchback of Notre Dame

However, a few years ago there was talk that the Brolin movie would be more of an action-adventure tone and treasure hunts are popular plot mechanic for that genre. If the narrative was somehow centered around Esmeralda’s jewelry having a connection to a treasure that could be location at Notre Dame, like it’s a key or just part of it, you could have a story that keeps are as a Gypsy since films like that and have her jewelry as a focal point.

Esmeralda and Sister Gudule by Benjamin Lacombe, Notre Dame de Paris Tome 2 picture image

Esmeralda and Sister Gudule by Benjamin Lacombe from Notre Dame de Paris Tome 2

Personally, I wish the origins of Esmeralda and her original necklace would be played out in a film very but also I like jewelry in general so I would just like to see how a film could work it in to a narrative even if as stupid as the idea I proposed in that last paragraph.

29Jul 2014

Enchanted Tales Song Number 4; When your sad and lonely repeat animation

by jess

Melody

The last song of the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is weird and stupid.

Random People

This song comes out no where and adds nothing to the story. It comes right after the crappy moral about pretty people don’t have to worry about looks and after the song the characters don’t register the song at all. This song is just filler to meet the company’s four song quota. The sad part this song is the most energetic and musically interesting.

Paganini a.k.a Melody’s enchanted annoying violin

I can’t really make out the lyrics of the what they are singing but it’s some like “Life will Life will alive” or something. The song is about positivity and stuff. It doesn’t really work with what is happening in the narrative, I mean why should Quasimodo or Melody be bummed now, they’re pretty. (Edit- Thanks to Hulu, they are actually saying “Life will arrive.”)

Sun and Clouds

Aside from the lyrics being unquestionably stupid, the visual are super stupid. Most of the visuals are just repeat animation from the first song and when they have no animation like people dancing or clouds they repeat it too. Really this song is better when you just listen it.

Random People

Really the best part of this song is the musical orchestration. Not kidding it’s pretty ok. It has a fun Spanish vibe. This just has a stronger enegry than they rest and it a shame it was wasted and a filler song that didn’t add anything or was even acknowledge by the story of the character.

Melody sings

With this song we have a good music and the rest is stupid.

Next Time – The Animation (gag)

Melody’s mouth is gone, This has not been altered, this native in the movie

28Jul 2014

Project Re-Read! Book 6 Chapters 2 & 3

by jess

Book 6 Chapter 2, The Rat-Hole
Got love how this chapter starts out with interrupting or rather tell of of a switch in focus from Gringoire to Esmeralda. For the past 90 odd page it been off of Gringoire book why apologize now? This chapter gives us the back story of the Rat-Hole. That is pretty much it, admit it, skimmed this chapter.

Book 6 Chapter 3, The Story of a Wheaton Cake
In this chapter we learn the backstory of Sister Gudule the recluse in the Rat-Hole. Gudule was once a prostitute who lost her beloved child when she was kidnapped by Gypsies. In this chapter who also get a little more on the origins of Quasimodo as he was switch with Gudule’s child. This chapter is interesting since it done in two parts, the story of Chantafleurie and then learning that Sister Gudule is Chantafleurie. Depsite being a long chapter (since I got back for a visit to a friend’s house my attention has been crap) it was an enjoyable chapter that further lays the groundwork for more fun tragedy later.

24Jul 2014

The Last Unicorn; So convoluted it must be smart

by jess

The Last Unicorn

I have been aware of The Last Unicorn for many years but till now I had not seen it or knew anything about it. Heck, I thought it was an anime since the most exposure I had to it was cosplayers and the 80’s was a weird time for anime imports.

The Last Unicorn is actually a 1982 American movie done by my old nemesis Rankin/Bass Productions with Japanese animation and it’s a weird movie, very weird.

The Unicorn and Schmendrick

The plot goes is a unicorn hears that she is the last one of her kind. She learns that a Red Bull herded the unicorns to the ends of the Earth. She decides to leave her enchanted forest to find them. She then get kidnapped by Mommy Fortuna and is put on display at a carnival. The carnival boosts that it has mythological animals however aside from herself and an immortal harpy the attractions are just illusions.

The Unicorn is helped by Schmendrick, an incompetent magician who works for Mommy Fortuna. Schmendrick frees the unicorn and the other animals and the harp kills Mommy Fortuna, it’s ok though because literally Fortuna is asking to be eaten by the harpy, bitch is crazy. We then learn that unicorn being immortal creatures are not capable of love or regret. We also learn that the Red bull maybe a servant of a jerk-face King named Haggard. Schmendrick and the unicorn are then kidnapped by thieves and they pick up another companion Molly, a woman who loves Unicorns.

As they near Haggard’s castle, the Unicorn is assaulted by the Red Bull, Schmendrick uses magic to help and turns her into a human. The party heads to Haggard’s castle and Schmendrick names the unicorn Lady Amalthea. They meet the King and his son Lir. Lir becomes infatuated with Amalthea but she is confused because of her mortal body but she think she is falling in love and abandoning her quest.

Haggard tells her that the Unicorns are all in the sea and kept there by the Red Bull. Molly learns the location of the Red Bull’s den. In there Schmendrick tells Lir about Amalthea’s identity and Lir is unswayed, he still loves her. In the end Amalthea is transformed back to a unicorn and she pushes the Red Bull into the sea, the unicorn come back to the land and Haggard’s castle crumbles and he falls into the sea and our fair former Last Unicorn is the only unicorn to know love and regret.

The Unicorn and Mommy Fortuna

Not going to lie, I enjoyed this movie but it has some issues. Unlike some other movies this one doesn’t feel like it is insulting your intelligence but on the flip side, I think it’s trying way too hard to be smart and thoughtful.

In many ways, it is a nice intelligent tale of identity and love but in many more ways it’s very convoluted like the part with Harpy. It was interesting that Unicorns and Harpies are two sides of the same coin but nothing more was done with that idea and the whole scene with Fortuna’s death or those who can see unicorn are those who seek them out are never fleshed out.

Things are talked about but not really explain because of the overall quest to find the unicorns which in it of itself is quick. I mean they meet with few obstacles on their quests.

Lady Amalthea a.k.a The Unicorn’s Human Form

The characters are both interesting and very flat. Let’s just take our main character the Unicorn a.k.a Lady Amalthea. Her motivation is to find out what happened to the other unicorns, admirable, although she seems to really only want to prove those two random guys at the start of the movie wrong.

Outside her identity crisis, she doesn’t have much of a character, which I think is the point as part of her noble immortal persona and that would have worked if the rest of the character had personalities. Schmendrick sort of has one but it’s bland.

Lady Amalthea a.k.a The Unicorn’s Human Form

Speaking of bland, the songs and animation are quite bland. There are some cool shots and interesting designs but on the whole it’s bland. The songs are nice but forgettable. Though Amalthea’s song about being a woman was a little silly in it’s unintentional subject matter.

The Unicorn and The Red Bull

Returning to the plot, the plot is overly simple but many thing were not explained very well. For instance what is the Red Bull? I get he some fire elements that works for King Haggard but what is it? How did Haggard create it? Is it only function herding Unicorns into the sea? And that is another issue, Why are unicorns scared of the Red Bull? Why is Haggard’s master plan having the unicorn in the sea? Why don’t the unicorn go across the sea or to a different shore?

I don’t care if some or all of these points were explained in the book, the main narrative could have explained these points as it was simple enough but it didn’t.

Lady Amalthea and Molly Grue

The Last Unicorn is weird mix of simplicity and overly convoluted with bland yet likable characters and interesting ideas but with all that said I enjoyed with movie. It’s watchable and engaging even with all its issues.

And Don’t Forget The Red Bull says that to herd Unicorns to sea you need the revitalizing power of Red Bull, it gives you wings. Couldn’t resist.

23Jul 2014

Horoscope 07-23-14

by jess

This prophesy comes to us through the median of the English Version of Belle from Notre Dame de Paris.

“Belle, there is a demon inside her who came from hell”

Avoid pretty people today, they bring ill omens. Tomorrow they will be ok again.

22Jul 2014

Enchanted Tales Song Number 3; When you’re hot water you get 3 degree burns

by jess

Melody in her clutter cell

At last we come to the third song in the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame and this one I consider the worst of the lot. Let just call this one “When the Magic in your Heart” or Melody’s Jailhouse uptempo easy listening shit.

Melody with dancing things and a cute cat

This song is about being positive even when things look bad. The context for this song is Melody is in jail and sentenced to die the next day. The idea she would be positive and dancing around like a dummy just shows you have utterly vapid this movie is or she moved to the acceptance stage of death really quickly or she is just dumb. I think she’s just dumb.

Melody with her open jail window

The visuals are just confusion and insulting. Melody has shown that she can create life, like an overpower sith lord. So in this song she is shown giving inanimate objects a life force, just want to interject there is a lot of clutter in this jail cell. Melody makes bricks, iron bars, a broom and various other things dance around. However it is made clear at the end of the song that the dancing objects were just her imagination. Does this mean that instrumentals are imaginary? No because they interact with other people or is this whole movie a fevered dream of some insane person? You see in not explaining Melody’s powers made me ask the first time I was subjected to this movie why she didn’t just escape out the window since the bars were prancing around. Hate!

Melody loves dancing hay

It not just the visuals that are awful the music and lyrics are abysmal, they make me want to cut my ears off. I have no critic on either points, they are that bad. Hate this.

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death

The long and short of it is, I hate this song. Nothing is good about it. It a terrible song with crappy writing and shitty confusing visuals. Prolonged exposure to this song can cause f the pituitary gland to shut down, do not watch it.

Next Time Stupid Song #4

Melody sings

21Jul 2014

Project Re-Read! Book 6 Chapter 1

by jess

Book 6, Chapter 1, An Impartial Glance at the Ancient Magistracy

After what seems like an eternity of pointless exposition at the beginning of this chapter we get to the point of this chapter, Quasimodo’s farce of a trial. Quasimodo’s judge, Master Florian Barbedienne, is deaf and what’s more he doesn’t want people to know about his ailment. So Master Florian just asks questions and pretends to hear the responses, which is all well and good except Quasimodo is also deaf. It’s pretty silly to have this exchange however it a bit sad too that the justice system is so messed up and this just the first messed up trail. However this chapter is a nice little satire of the justice system.

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