Belle’s Magical World Review; Learning Nothing

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Belle's Magical World picture image

Belle’s Magical World

If one Beauty and the Beast Midquel wasn’t enough, fear not they made a second one called Belle’s Magical World. Belle’s Magical World is different as instead one dumb story, we get four dumb stories.

Crane, LaPlume, and Webster Belle's Magical World picture image

Crane, LaPlume, and Webster

The aim of each story is someone learns a lesson. Trouble is, it’s pretty much the same the lesson. The first story is Belle and the Beast fight about Beast’s attitude. They both demand apologies, so a meddling pen, stack of paper and a dictionary forge an apology letter to Belle from the Beast. So Belle says she is sorry. But when Beast finds out about the forgery he gets pissed and throws the three meddlers out.

However, they come back as they get lost and Belle lets them in and then Beasts forgives him. A side story deals with Lumiere forgiving a chandelier for outshining him when actually the Chandelier just wanted to be close to him or something. Forgiveness is the lesson here.

Fifi and Lumiere, Belle's Magical World picture image

Fifi and Lumiere

The second story deals with Fifi, the feather duster, and Lumiere. Lumiere forgets their anniversary, so he ask Belle to help him plan something. But Fifi thinks Belle is moving in on her man. Lumiere makes a sleigh for them. Then Fifi see it was for her. But the sleigh goes crazy and they almost fall off a cliff but it’s ok because Lumiere tells her that he loves her. And then they get saved. Lesson is trust or whatever.

Mrs.Potts and Belle, Belle's Magical World, picture image

Mrs.Potts and Belle

Third story is Mrs. Potts has Season Affective Disorder (SAD). So the gang excluding Beast, who is napping, decides to throw a party. The hitch is no one can cooperate but in the end they do managed to put on a party and Mrs Potts feels better and then the sun also comes out. Lesson is to work together.

Beast and the bird, Belle's Magical World picture image

Beast and the bird

The fourth story is Belle finds a wounded bird and wants to care for it. But the Beast hates bird. But then he hears it singing and likes it so he wants to keep it. Belle objects and then he realizes he can keep it prisoner. Lesson is trust and respect.

Beast and Cogsworth, Belle's Magical World picture image

Beast and Cogsworth

The stories work against the main movie. Beast’s rage pretty much subsides when Belle thanks him for saving her from the wolves. So why is he still so moody. Why does he hate birds so much when in the main movie he tries to feed them? Is meant to be an off-shot? I doubt it. Lumire and Fifi seemed to have more of a sexual flirtation then a significant romance. Lumire and Cogworth have a rivalry that never cleared up so it’s pointless for the to learn to work together only to really forget it. This movie hurts my brain.

Belle and Lumiere, Belle's Magical World picture image

Belle and Lumiere

However, I get the point of this movie. This movie was more than likley a pilot for a TV show in the same vein as the Little Mermaid show, where the characters learn stuff. However, the idea of a midquel show is stupid, especailly for Beauty and the Beast. First, you have a small window for the show to take place in, a few weeks, tops. Sidenote the season changes are all over the place in this movie. Second, Beauty and the Beast is localized to the Beast’s castle so the stories and characters are limited which makes it boring.

Belle and the Beast, Belle's Magical World picture image

Belle and the Beast

And yes this movie is dull. There can only be new insights to side characters but even then the movie doesn’t add much and it only confuses. Belle and the Beast can’t grow in the movie, they can only stay in an awkward friendship or go backwards and be angry with each other. I guess the people in-charge knew the idea of a show was a dud but package it as a movie to make a quick buck.

Belle, Belle's Magical World

I have no positives for Belle’s Magical World. It sucks.

12 days of Christmas; Hunchback Version

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The Twelve Days of Christmas is  boring Christmas song. Let’s Jazz it up; Hunchback style!

On the first day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the second day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the third day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the  fourth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the  fifth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the  sixth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the seventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the eighth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the ninth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Nine Gypsy a dancing
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the tenth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Ten Thieves a leaping
Nine Gypsies  Dancing
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the eleventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Eleven Kings Condemning
Ten Thieves a leaping
Nine Gypsies  Dancing
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

On the twelfth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Twelve Soldiers Drinking
Eleven Kings Condemning
Ten Thieves a leaping
Nine Gypsies  Dancing
Eight Ladies a Prattling
Seven Priests Obsessing
Six Nuns a Yelling
Five Gold Bells
Four Boring Poets
Three White Goats
Two Gargoyles
A Hunchback of Notre Dame

A Claymation Quasimodo

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Did you know Quasimodo was in a Christmas special from the 1980’s? He was in the Will Vinton’s Claymation Christmas Celebration which aired in 1987. That’s right Quasimodo is made of clay here.

 

Quasimodo, Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas Celebration picture image

Quasimodo from Will Vinton’s Claymation Christmas Celebration

In it Quasimodo, who has a Beethoven vibe going on which is disconcerting,  is conducting choir bells who are performing Carol of the Bells and one dumb bell (ha get it) is making him mad for not taking it seriously. Quasimodo wins in the end though.

 

You can watch it here it’s the second song in;

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xmtd8o_california-raisins-claymation-christmas_shortfilms

The Hunchblog Turns Three Today

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It’s theHunchblog third year of reviewing Hunchback versions. And for the occasion I have decided to release my very first Hunchback eBook.

The Hunchback & The Tales of Christmas J.E. Nalbandian Quasimodo picture image

The Hunchback &
The Tales of Christmas

I have been wanting to write something Hunchback related  for a while but I never had any good ideas. Over the last few months, I have thought up a few good ideas but with the Holidays coming, I decided to write a short Christmas Story centered around  Quasimodo. Then I decided to write two more short stories about Frollo and Phoebus. I call it very simply, The Hunchback & The Tales of Christmas. I’m very happy I finally wrote an eBook.

You can get for $0.99 by clicking the button below or the picture above;

hunchback-x-mas-tales-link-button

 

 

I hope you guys enjoy it ^^ and please continue to support theHunchblog in 2014.

 

Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas; Featuring Scrooge Grinch Beast

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Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas

In the crappy world of direct-to-video Disney videos, Beauty and the Beast is the one title where a sequel is out-right rejected because to have a sequel work people need to accept the Beast’s human form which they do not, so much the moral about Beauty being found within.

But Disney is never one to say no when it comes to making a quick buck and so the midquel was born. What the fuck is a Midquel you ask? A Midquel is a stupid story that happens during the first story. It really doesn’t work with Beauty and Beast but it works better than a sequel because at least the Beast is a beast so we have Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas. Just in time for Christmas.

Human forms of Mrs.Potts, Chip, Lumiere and Cogsworth, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Human forms of Mrs.Potts, Chip, Sultan the dog ottoman, Lumiere and Cogsworth

This admonition errr story starts one year later on Christmas. Everyone is remembering what happen but somehow Chip doesn’t remember, even though Chip was major character so the Enchanted Christmas is told as a flash-back to people who should remember it.

Belle decorates the Mock Christmas tree Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Belle decorates the Mock Christmas tree

So the story proper, starts the day after the Beast saves Belle from the wolves which is Christmas eve but before Beast gives her the library. Which would make the day she entered the Castle December 23rd. Belle decides to celebrate Christmas but the Beast forbids because he got transformed on Christmas appartently. But Belle doesn’t really care that much, so she is going to have Christmas anyway because it’s awesome.

There is also a evil organ who likes the curse because now the Beast appreciates his emo music so he tries to get rid of Belle and when that fails he tries to kill everyone. That is pretty much the plot.

Forte, the Evil Emo Organ, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Forte, the Evil Emo Organ

The movie’s new characters are really jarring and boring, which an impressive combination. We have the evil organ, Forte, played by Tim Curry, who is evil and emo. He also have some kind of magic musical power that is never explained but it can bring down the house, literally.

Angelique, an angel played by Bernadette Peters who does nothing, there was no point to her character. Fife, Forte’s piccolo minion, who tells Beast about the source of Forte’s magic because Forte is a jerk and didn’t give poor little Fife a solo, you know he’s the reformed former baddie. And finally a jewish Axe which is painful to watch. I don’t get the thought process on that one at all.

These characters are forgettable. You would think Tim Curry as evil emo organ who be interesting but alas no. The CG work on him looks like it belongs in a different movie.

Belle and the Beast Ice Skating, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Belle and the Beast Ice Skating

This movie is fanfic-y and it pretty much shits all over the first one. Belle’s personality is completely destroyed. She basically wants to make the Beast happy and she is kind of doormat in a lot of ways. All her feistiness, charm and individualism are gone. It’s like he saved her the wolves and now she wants to make him happy? What happen to the nice slow progression of understanding and kindness? Why did you mess that up Disney? They also ruined the famous dance scene because they show Belle and the Beast in their formal dubs before the library scene. It’s just so wrong.

Msr.Potts, Cogsworth, Lumiere, and Angelique, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture iamge

Msr.Potts, Cogsworth, Lumiere, Fife and Angelique,

Then we have the cliche as fuck Christmas story. How many Christmas stories are about someone who hates Christmas trying to stop it and then get shown how awesome the holiday is? Pretty much all of them. Beast is our Scrooge, our Grinch who tries to fight the spirit of Christmas who in this case is Belle. And along with her friends and a Jewish Axe, show Beast the error of his ways before the evil emo organ can use his satanic musical powers to kill them all.

It’s been done to death. I think Disney just wanted to have a Christmas movie and Beauty and the Beast already had snow in it.

Chip in a wreath, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas picture image

Chip in a wreath

Besides blatantly ruining the first one, Beauty and the Beast; The Enchanted Christmas is badly paced, the dialogue is train-wreck and over-all just unpleasant to watch. I was happy to see that this video was 63 minutes in length and yet it was still 30 minutes too long.

 

The Conclusion of the Hunchback Madeline episode

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Madeline as Phoebus and Pepito as Quasimodo, Hunchback

Madeline as Phoebus and Pepito as Quasimodo

What can I saw about the Madeline episode that features a meager attempt to reference the Hunchback of Notre Dame? It’s a lazy, confused mess that would rather talk about writing even though the people who wrote it don’t know the first thing about writing. It’s not charming, cute or insightful. It is weak and torture to watch and I didn’t care for it on any level.

Next Hunchback version after a short Winter Break. If you have a suggestions, let me know because I haven’t made up my mind yet.

Disney sells Villains

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Disney Villains picture image

Disney Villains

On the other side of the Disney branding spectrum, we have the darker and less well known line of products called the Villain line. Unlike the Princess Line which doesn’t feature heroines based on a “royal” title this line is said to encompass all the villains but really only focuses on a few. Those being; The Evil Queen from Snow White, Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, The Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, Cruella from 101 Dalmatian, Captain Hook from Peter Pan, Ursula from The Little Mermaid, Jafar from Aladdin and recently Mother Gothel from Tangled. Other villains like Scar, Gaston, Dr.Facilier, Hades and the Cheshire Cat filter in on products occasionally. Though I would argue that the Cheshire Cat is not villain but a Chaotic Neutral.

Frollo Hunchback of Notre Dame Disney picture image

Judge Claude Frollo Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

So here is the big question, Where is Frollo? He is considered to be one of the great Disney villains because of his complexity. As far as I can tell he might be hiding in the products like in the Disney Vile Villains Playing Cards or in the Disney Legendary Villains Personal Checks, I do know he was in the Disney’s Mix and Match Villains Book, I owned it as a child. But as far as him being an advertised villain, he is not and he doesn’t have many his own featured products.

 

Disney Villain Monopoly Box picture image

Disney Villain Monopoly Box

But why isn’t Frollo a key villain in this line? Is it because Hunchback was super unpopular? Well that doesn’t help but it’s not like Hades was attach to a popular movie and was Pater Pan that popular that Hook gets a major spotlight? On the Disney Villain Monopoly there are three unknown Disney villains featured, Pete who was antagonist in the Micky Mouse universe, the Big Bad Wolf who was another antagonist from the older Disney shorts and Kaa from Jungle book who wasn’t even the major villain, Shere Khan holds that roles.

I don’t think it so much that Frollo is from an unpopular movie, I think it’s because as a villain he is not fun. Don’t get me wrong he’s a great villain, he just never revels in his evil schemes the same way the others do, in fact he’s thinks he the good pure one. So he is not the logical choice as the one of line’s front runners who love and enjoy their machinations. And if this is indeed the case, it doesn’t really bother me that Frollo isn’t prominent, he just not the funny goofy charming villain that this line seems to love. And that’s ok.

Vicious Villains - Disney Movie Art Poster picture image

Vicious Villains – Disney Movie Art Poster

So what products does villain line offer? Well, in many ways it’s not very different from the Princess Line. It has with games like Monopoly, fashion dolls and makeup, lots of make-up. You can get make-up kits for Maleficent, Evil Queen, Ursula, and Cruella De Ville. It’s just aimed for older girls

And like the Princess line, the villains have their fair share of weird products like a Cruella stapler and yes even a Disney Villains Cupcake Kit.

In many ways the Villain line is just like the princess line except the products are black, red and purple instead pastels and pinks and it carter to older more jaded girls who are not quite ready Hot Topic.

Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin Review; What a Long Title!

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Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin

I’m going to be completely honest, I’m not a big fan of Winnie the Pooh. Never have been, never will be. Yeah, it’s cute and endearing, it just never did much for me. I will say that, I do hate Winnie the Pooh.

Rabbit, Eeyore, Pooh, Tigger and Piglet, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Rabbit, Eeyore, Pooh, Tigger and Piglet

That being said, I hate this movie. It’s boring and fairly insipid. What’s the story of Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin? Christopher Robin and Pooh are hanging out and doing nothing, that is an important facet of their very co-dependent relationship.

But then Christopher Robin vanishes and Pooh and everyone are lost without him. He leaves a note on a honey pot but no one can read the it as Pooh can’t read (you would think Christopher Robin would know that about his pal?) and the note becomes encrusted with honey. So they take the note to owl who says that Christopher Robin went to the skull which is in a scary place surrounded by scary things that we never see, I wanted to see that skullasaurus, unseen main antagonist my ass.

Anyway, they go to the skull and hi-jinx ensue and important self-discoveries are learned. Then Christopher Robin comes back because he actually went to school for a mere half-day and then scary place they went to turns out not to be scary at all. Did they all hallucinate the scary stuff?

Pooh and Christopher Robin, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Pooh and Christopher Robin

The movie hinges on Christopher Robin being important to the characters but we only see him interacting with Pooh. Plus Christopher Robin is boring as fuck. I mean, I guess he’s the straight-man to the insanity of the other characters but he is not reactionary enough to the characters, he just gives in with his “silly old bear” line even though Pooh is a year younger than him. So he is dull and kinda dumb.

Pooh on a Cliff, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Pooh on a Cliff

It’s cute that Christopher Robin gives Pooh advice that Pooh tries to remember and despite that the characters grow and develop but that proves Christopher Robin’s dullness compared the other characters. I mean he’s more important when he gone. However the lesson about how dear friends are never really apart is touching.

Eeyore, Piglet Rabbit and Tigger, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

Eeyore, Piglet, Rabbit and Tigger

The character development and what they learn is trite. You know the same motivational crap most people learn in movies, you’re super strong, brave and smart. ZZzzzzzzzzz. Why can’t shallowness and laziness ever save the day?

Learning that you’re really smart, strong and brave is cliche. Plus the movie divides the qualities among three characters; Tigger, Rabbit and Piglet. Tigger learns that his tail is strong, Rabbit learns that he is smart and Piglet learns he is brave. Pooh learns that his dorky friend always in his heart and Eeyore does nothing.

I’m not sure why he is in this movie, all he does is make depressing comments. Eeyore is the best and I’m not sure why he is so underplayed in this. Maybe it’s because Eeyore is too awesome. He kicks Pooh’s ass.

All the pals together, Pooh's Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin picture image

All the pals together

It’s not like it’s a bad movie or plot, i just found it hellish to sit and watch it. Maybe if cared more about Pooh and his pals’ issues and if Christopher Robin wasn’t so fucking dull it could be more enjoyable. And I actully wanted to like Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin. I really did.

Two things before I end, How did they not all die when they fell off that cliff? Maybe it was hallucination and they only fell like a foot, I would buy that. And that guy who play Billy Zane’s evil cop goon from Titanic, David Warner, was the narrator. That gave me a chuckle.