Not Real News Hunchback Notre Dame picture image

Not Real News Hunchback Notre Dame

So this made the rounds and ended up on my news alert. So why not do a quick fire round of casting thoughts on these performers in these roles. This very off impromtu. Read the article here    

Andy Serkis as Quasimodo – Unless it was motion capture I don’t see this casting. Serkis is a great actor but I can’t see him being a innocent child-like Quasimodo.

Gal Gadot as Esmeralda – I get it. She could work as Esmerlada but it’s not a casting that I would have thought of. I think there are better opinions but if did happen probably wouldn’t be the worst.

Peter Capaldi as Frollo – I have never heard of this guy, I apologize.  Apparently I have see him in The Devil’s Whore, which I don’t remember at all.  He has played The Doctor though and he was in the Vicar of Dibley of which I have only watched the last two episode. Well I will say this for this casting HE LOOKS the part so shrugs of this casting. Probably wouldn’t be a bad choice.

Chris Hemsworth as Phoebus  Did an actual post on this one back in 2012 so read it here.  I guess this a popular casting pick for Phoebus.

Eddie Redmayne as Clopin – No! While I could see him as Gringoire and Disney’s Clopin has elements of Gringoire in his characterization just no to this one.

Kesley Grammar as Victor – I don’t understand this one. I want to but I don’t.

Betty White as Laverne – Don’t put Betty White in a Disney movie. Don’t censor her.

Jack Black as Hugo – Maybe but no. Sure they are both crass but still.

Anthony Hopkins as The Archdeacon  Well he did play Quasimodo in the 1982 movie so having him in another version could be cool but no. Again not the worst casting but meh.     


But what do you think of this fantasy casting?  And will Disney actually remake Hunchback?

Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Snow White and the Huntsmen

It takes a lot for me to stop watching a movie midway through but Snow White and the Huntsmen I stopped watching about forty minutes in the first time I watched it and it was the right decision, I never regretted it. But for you people and this blog I bravely watched the whole thing, and it was act of bravely never known before in this world because this movie is beyond stupid.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White

Snow White basic tale, Queen wants a kid that has skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair as black as ebony. Spoiler alert this Snow White has none of that. Queen dies and King gets remarried to an evil woman named Ravenna. Ravenna kills the king on their wedding night and successfully pulls a coup but she breaks the first rule of a coup and leaves the heir to the throne alive because of royal blood, hey lady that is why you should have killed her. And instead of like manipulating the young child through Stockholm syndrome or candy she locks Snow White up. All Hail Ravenna, our Royal Dummy.

Ravenna is a terrible queen as even nature doesn’t like her and she steals youth and beauty from young girls. One fine day her magic gong on the wall, erm I mean mirrior? No, it’s a gong and it tells her that Snow White is now prettier than her because of some bullshit called “Fairest Blood.” This “Fair Blood” is the ONLY thing that can kill Ravenna (oh that name is dumb) but it can save her if she can eats Snow White’s heart. Ravenna sends her brother, Finn to get Show White. Snow White gives Finn the slip and escapes thanks to magical bird and she is shown the way out via sewers which leads to the sea and from there it a jump off the cliff (twilight style) and then she finds a horse. She then goes into the Dark Forest, a place that no has ever gets out a live except when they do. Ravenna enlists the help of a Huntsmen whose name is listed as Eric but because it’s way too tempting and I lack maturity I’m going to call him Thor. Anyway Thor is a drunk widower who has survived the Dark Forest and Ravenna tells Thor she can bring back his dead wife if he brings back Snow White. However Thor sides with Snow White when Finn tells him that Ravenna can’t bring people back from the dead. I should also mention that Snow White lost her horse, Artax-style but it’s in no way as sad as Artax, oh Artax…. I cry every time I think you.

So Thor and Snow White give Finn and pals the slip and run into a fishing village but prior to that Thor gives Snow White a combat lesson that will be important later on because the screenwriter once learn about set-ups and pay-off and doggone-it  he is going to prove that this is a good script with basic screenwriting 101, for the record I never took Screenwriting 101 (Donate to theHunchblog so I can take it and i can be even more snarky to screenwriters who are more successful than me. ) So at the fishing village there are no men because Ravenna took them and the women are all scared because Ravenna won’t take their beauty if they have imperfections, OMFG Movie are you serious? I hate you but I will get back to that later. Anyway Thor tries to leave even though he promised to get Snow White to her pals the Duke and his son. But Finn attacks and Thor and Snow White leave.

They then meet the eight dwarfs and the Blind one recognizes that Snow White has the blood. They then go into a Hayou Miyazaki movie, I’m not shitting you at all and they  learn that magical fairy possessed those birds that helped Snow White and some magical deer lets Snow White touch him which means something like Snow White is like the embodiment of purity or something. This was also set-up with a random monster encounter earlier where Snow White subdues a troll with a stare much like in Twilight.

Anyway Finn attacks and one of the dwarfs die and you by god are supposed to care but you the audience doesn’t because he had like one scene where Snow White dances with him. I think Finn might have died then too.

So they make it to the duke’s place and Snow White reunite with William, the duke’s son who I guess Snow White and him had like a childhood sweetheart type of thing. If I can be honest I like half paying a attention at this point. Ravenna then takes the form of William and poisons Snow White via the apple but opts for Villain mistake number 2 and talks instead of killing or TAKING HER HEART. Thor gives us some monologue about how Snow White reminds him of his dead wife, I guess because they are both dead and then he kisses her and voila that is good enough and Snow White is better. Then it’s a Braveheart style speech. Snow White dons armor and leads and army and she uses the dwarfs to go through the poo to open the gates. She then takes on Ravenna and Snow White sucks but she uses that block move that Thor taught her and she kills Ravenna. Snow White is crowned and love-triangle is never resolved, hoo-fucking-ray.

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna  Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna

Let’s start with SOME positives, Ravenna’s costumes are cool and the CG work isn’t that bad, could be worse. And there is a Florence and the Machine song at the end. It’s sad when a credit song is the best thing about a movie. I also thought that moss covered turtle was cute but it had no place in this movie, so it doesn’t count as a positive.

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna  & Kristen Stewart as Snow White Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna & Kristen Stewart as Snow White

Now here is the real question, where do you start with this movie? I kind of respect what this movie TRIED to do, a new take on Snow White but why do all the new takes on fairy-tales just fail so much? Pretty much everthing about this movie is stupid, expect Ravenna’s wardrobe.

So let’s just start with the elephant in the movie, though an elephant would have help this movie, but no I mean the casting. A lot of people complain that the suspension of disbelief was too much to believe that Kristen Stewart was prettier than Charlize Theron.

In all fairness to Stewart, who is pretty I get that wasn’t the point of the fairest of all thing. It had to with blood and inner beauty because let’s face it, Ravenna was not a nice person. But Snow White doesn’t really exhibit any inner beauty as in she doesn’t do things that exceptionally nice, so as a way out and as mean of not REALLY giving Snow White any characterization, she has special “fairest” blood that is given no explanation to how it works. The movie hints that is has something to do with royal blood but it doesn’t really matter, it’s a movie mechanic that makes Snow White a character without having to do much.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White

But there is another problem, the film wants Snow White to be an active player that has leadership skills and is a good fighter. This is Bull-Shit. Snow White literally does nothing for most of the movie but then she takes the vanguard and people just listen to her and her only experiences of the way out and the block are enough to save the day at the end? There is the real suspension of disbelief. Basically the TWO things she learns are enough. But I have another issue, Snow White is static character, she doesn’t really grow or change. I guess The Huntsmen does but after the kiss he is useless to the story and his only change is that he gets nicer towards Snow White, not a big arc. So if the point of this movie is to have a more kick-ass Snow White the movie only succeeds because the script lets her and it’s not the character doing much.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen

It’s apparent that the script and the characters all sucks and the Snow White elements are REALLY shoe-horned in but how was the acting? Well there is a range from underacting to OVER acting. Everyone but Charlize Theron underacts to the point of sleep, I mean aside from K-stew’s weak british-ish accent she is sleep-walking. Theron is just crazy. But really they got paid anyway.

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna  Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna

Speaking of Ravenna, I now have to mention her motive and the script’s perception of beauty. I would like to point out that this script was written by a man and while I don’t think men are incapable of writing female characters or having an understanding of beauty this guy does not.

Ravenna’s main motivation is staying forever young because old age sucks. I think the idea is that beauty is power and Ravenna’s self-identify is linked to her beauty, so she consumes youth and beauty. However the movie acts on the belief that beauty is just the surface for Ravenna and when women mare that beauty they are no good to her. But for a movie that promotes beauty as being something that is inner even if it blood, it seems off. I don’t know maybe that was the point but for a woman who sucks the youth out of girl I don’t see why a few scars would be a deterrent. And let’s not forget she was after Snow White’s blood, I mean she kept her alive because of her royal blood and scars keep away from women?

Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White

Before I end, I want to just mention SnowWhite’s main costume. First off, it looked ill-fitting for Stewart like it wore her. Second I know the costume designer Colleen Atwood, said something to effect that it was armor-like in that it has metal elements but it would have helped Snow White’s character and given her a sense of development if she was given that article of clothing or found it somewhere along her journey. Like she starts as prisoner wearing like a shift or something that makes her look weak and helpless and then she works up to the metal element and then the full armor to  complete her leadership transformation. It would have given her a character development without really developing her as a character. But no, we  have  believe that Ravenna gave a prisoner nice and rather warm looking clothing.

Also why didn’t Ravenna ever consume Snow White’s youth prior to the events of the movie? I mean when she ate girls’ outer beauty they were still alive just old looking, apparently to the screenwriter old women aren’t beautiful, jerk-off. I mean she could have gotten Snow White’s beauty and then ate her heart when the magic gong told her about movie’s plot. I hate this movie, everyone is a dummy, there isn’t a REAL smart character in this film.

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna  Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image picture image

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna

Snow White & the Huntsman is a chaotic yet tedious mess of movie that wants to offer a kick-ass take charge Snow White but gives her no sense of character or interest. It’s no wonder that this movie’s advertisement went with the Evil queen as the marketable figure, though that is more because of the scandal of Stewart sleeping with the director than the movie but Ravenna is a the more interesting character.

Also how did the director of this movie gets to direct Ghost in the Shell? Gah, that makes me mad!



Time for Clues;
Clue 1 and Clue 2

Chris Hemsworth as Thor picture image

Chris Hemsworth as Thor

Here’s a little factoid about me that you may not know, I’m not a fan of Superhero movies.  They just have never appealed to me. However, a friend made me watch Thor  and I really liked it. I think I liked the blend of Norse mythology in a sci-fi/fantasy context but as a Hunchback fan I enjoy watching Thor’s character arch as it was like Phoebus.

Chris Hemsworth picture image

Chris Hemsworth

Chris Hemsworth is actually a relatively popular choice for a hypothecial cast of Hunchback of Notre Dame as Phoebus. And I have to agree with the popular vote here he’s really is perfect for the role. His look is good and if his performance as Thor is any indication he can play the role of Phoebus with their great smarminess or warmth (pending on the vision of the movie). Either way Chris Hemsworth would make a great Phoebus and he’s currently popular in hollywood so who know it may even happen.

Chris Hemsworth Smiling picture igame

Chris Hemsworth Smiling


What do you think? Do you think Chris Hemsworth would make a good Phoebus or do you think there someone better out there for the role?

Chris Hemsworth as Thor in The Avengers Picture image

Chris Hemsworth as Thor in The Avengers