Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Meghan Ory as Red Riding Hood ABC's Once Upon a Time, Red-Handed picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Snow White & Meghan Ory as Red Riding Hood

Episode 15: Red-Handed

Red gets an episode! Red a.k.a Little Red Riding doesn’t like being locked inside with granny when there is a wolf on the prowl. She also longs to run off with her bae, Peter. After a wolf attack Red meets Snow White but Snow introduces herself as Mary though first as Margaret. Red decides that if she can catch the wolf while it sleeps she and Peter can run off together. Red proves a great tracker and finds that the wolf’s track turn into a human and leads to her window which makes her think that Peter is the wolf, also Peter and the wolf, so cute. Red goes to Peter to ties him up so he can hurt anyone but TWIST it’s Red who is the wolf, it’s a family trait.

The Storybrooke plot still continues the hunt for Kathryn. While Emma investigates, Ruby quits her job at Granny’s and stays with Emma and Mary Margaret. Ruby then gets a job working with Emma because she has good phone skills. As Emma assistant she gets grilled cheese and helps in search for the lovely the Kathryn, one of those is important to the plot. Turns out David has been sleepwalking again and can’t confirm his whereabouts. Ruby then finds a box with a human heart in it and inside the box are fingerprints belonging to Mary Margaret. It’s Once Upon a Time; CSI.

This episode was pretty good. The werewolf angle is typical for Little Red Riding adaptations but it’s nice that Red is the wolf and her hood is a magical article that controls her transformation. The cloaks in this episode were real pretty.


Ginnifer Goodwin as Mary Margaret & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan ABC's Once Upon a Time, Heart of Darkness picture image

Ginnifer Goodwin as Mary Margaret & Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan

Episode 16: Heart of Darkness

Snow White has become a Grade C Biatch since she has forgotten love. The Dwarves stage an intervention with Jiminy. It ends with Snow White saying she has to kill the Queen, pretty standard intervention. Grumpy takes Snow to Rumpelstiktskin to fix her but Rumpelstiktskin hasn’t been able to bottle love yet and instead of helping Snow’s new bitch attitude he enables her to murder the Queen with a good shooting location and an arrow that always finds its target.

James/Charming shows up at Rumpelstiktskin’s place and exchanges his cloak for intel on Snow’s plan and that true love kiss on the lips cures curses or the potion Snow took. James/Charming finds Snow and plants a kiss on her but since Snow isn’t herself the kiss doesn’t work. Snow ties him up and he begs her not to kill the Queen. Jiminy helps his escape and James/Charming blocks the arrow that Snow fired at the Queen. James/Charming declares his love for her, they kiss and BOOM Snow White remembers and isn’t a jerk anymore. But that ass-hat king turns up and takes James/Charming away leaving Snow vowing she will find him. Rumpelstiktskin then extracts a piece of James/Chamring’s hair from his cloak and bottles it with Snow White’s hair thus making a True Love potion, I guess love is stored in the hair.

In Storybrooke Mary Margaret is being questioned and in turns out that the box the heart was found in was Mary Margaret’s jewelry box. Emma investigates if there were signs of a break in but instead she finds a weapon that matches the murder weapon. Mary Margaret then hires Mr.Gold as her lawyer. Henry tells Emma that Regina has a key that might open Mary Margaret’s apartment which she does, making Emma and Henry suspect that Regina framed Mary Margaret as the Evil Queen hates Snow White. David then remembers himself as James/Charming begging Snow not to kill “her” which leads him to think she killed Kathryn. Mary Margaret then finds a key to her cell and leaves.

While I did like this episode there are a few things that are just weird. First is David’s memory. The way it’s shot makes it a first person perspective which means we have to interpret it as he sees what we see. David doesn’t question that in this memory Mary Margaret has longer hair and there is snow on the ground, two things that he should realize BEFORE he doubts her innocence, or at least question his memory more. David is a dummy. Also is Kathryn really dead? We know Graham didn’t have his heart and was still able to live. And finally fingerprint the knife! It was found in Mary Margaret’s apartment but did Regina ever get her to touch it? And was it the murder weapon? I don’t know, I like the episode but the whole murder plot is very boring, Regina is like Papaletine here, of course she is behind it all.

This is a list of the worst Live-Action Fairy Tale movies that were reviewed. This list was hard to compose because there was just so many bad movies and they were bad in different ways. Some were just bad, some confused the source material the point of insanity and some did both. But when is came down it it came to a question of which one would I rather watch again.

Also a note I’m adding two posts on movies that I personally was disappointed in and ones I liked were were surprised by, these movies also do not appear on the Best/Worst lists.


Number #10


Mila Kunis as Theodora Oz The Great and Powerful picture image

Mila Kunis as Theodora

 Oz the Great and Powerful – This one made the list more on wasted potential and its odd casting. Mila Kunis and James Franco were just too ill suited in their roles. There were just too many odd other choices to ignore, like none of the characters have good motivations. The movie does have nice technicals like the China Girl but a lot of the techicals come at the expense of the characters. Plus Mila Kunis as the wicked witch was just silly.


Number #9

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie Red Riding Hood picture image

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie

Red riding Hood – Yes, this movie sucks and is pretty much a Twilight version of Little Red Riding Hood.  I get the feeling though that people working of it more less knew that and just went on because it’s a paid check. However given some of the other movies, I would rather watch this one. Plus the very first time I watch it I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would so that is something, granted I was hanging out with people and having fun so the movie might have been a mute point.


Number #8

Tom Hanks as Allen & Daryl Hannah as Madison Splash picture image

Tom Hanks as Allen & Daryl Hannah as Madison

Splash  – I know a lot of people out there like this movie but I found all the characters so unlikable. The plot also sucks with the mermaid time limit, the weird rules and the whole government thing.  It’s dumb and unlikable.  Plus it lost me the second they said let’s look at Cape Cod, stupid movie.


Number #7

Emily Blunt as The Baker's Wife, James Corden as The Baker and Daniel Huttlestone as Jack Into the Woods Picture image

Emily Blunt as The Baker’s Wife, James Corden as The Baker and Daniel Huttlestone as Jack

Into the Woods – If Splash under explained its plot than Into the Woods over explains it to the point where you don’t even need to watch the movie, just listen to it in another room. I mean what’s the point of a visual median if you don’t need to watch the thing?  Though to be fair this movie is so dark and devoid of good visuals anyway that you’re not even missing anything.  It’s really disappointing since that could have made the visual interesting and they didn’t and with musical movie you need or it’s get boring, like this one.

Number #6

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy Beastly picture image

Alex Pettyfer as Hunter/Kyle and Vanessa Hudgens as Lindy

Beastly – Yet another Twilight-eque take on a Fairy tale. In this world being bland and tattoo is super ugly and if you don’t live in Manhattan you might as well just kill yourself because you’re in exile. This one is just shallow, vapid and stupid. I mean really the guy won the girl with quite literally candy and flowers.

Number #5

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with The Seven Dorks Sydney White picture image

Amanda Bynes as Sydney with The Seven Dorks

Sydney White – Oh this one is so stupid that it hurts. The sad part is that I think the movie thinks that it is indeed being clever and funny, which it is not. Also I hate the whole girl is cool because like a dude but with a vagina. Hated this movie.

Number #4

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen Snow White and the Huntsmen picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White & Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsmen

Snow White and the Huntsmen – It’s a kick-ass Snow white movie, problem is the girl doesn’t do much of anything except for the one thing a man taught her.  There just so much just wrong with this movie that it’s impossible to put it one paragraph. But it a chaotic mess that promised an active Snow White but didn’t not. The only thing we really get is a screaming Charlize Theron in some cool costumes but that isn’t enough, it’s really nothing.

Number #3

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent picture image

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent

Maleficent – This movie is just so misguided that it’s a wonder that they actually made it. It’s basic a Frozen and Wicked knock-off just with Sleeping Beauty. But what really gets me is that they took the Mistress of all Evil and made her a scorned woman who was really a good fairy. Just so much No. Also so was more a prankster than an evil villain.

Number #2

Matt Damon as Will and Health Ledger as Jacob The Brothers Grimm picture image

Matt Damon as Will and Health Ledger as Jacob

The Brothers Grimm – The idea behind this movie might have been good but the excution was beyond annoying. The jokes were not funny and character all sucked.  Everything and I do mean everything about this movie was pure rancid vomit that at no point was I entertained or amused.  Why was this even made? Who gave someone the money to make this?

Number #1

Eliza Bennett as Snow White Grimm's Snow White picture image

Eliza Bennett as Snow White

Grimm’s Snow White – What can really be said about a movie when the people making it had the intention and the hope that no one watching it was paying attention? Beyond that I just don’t know what to say about this movie as it’s not telling the story of Snow White that I’m not even sure why the threw in the elements and slap the name on it in the first place. First off this is more of a Lord of the Ring knock-off than a Snow White but also Snow white is Blonde, it’s just what the fuck is this? The Dwarves are Elves and the Evil Queen wants some Star Fire. Even if the plot misses the point of either source there nothing else that this movie offers of substance, the characters were so devoid of anything that you can’t even call them characters and the technicals are cringeworthy.

This is the worst thing I have ever seen. This movie makes Happy N’ever After and Milo’s return look like works of brilliance and those movies are shit.  Grimm’s Snow White isn’t even shit, it’s the festering bowels  of a beached whale carcass that is so corrupted by the polluted waters that it will not wither away into nothingness.

The real question is what is worse Grimm’s Snow White or The Swan Princess: A Royal Family Tale? That is too tough to even think about.

Red Riding Hood picture image

Red Riding Hood

Let’s not mince any words or waste any time, This movie sucks. Red Riding Hood (2011) tries to take an already dark story and tries to make it more dark and add a Twilight-esque love triangle and hey it was directed Catherine Hardwicke to boot (Twilight director). So why was it bad?

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie and Shiloh Fernandez as Peter Red Riding Hood picture image

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie and Shiloh Fernandez as Peter

In undisclosed medieval Fantasy times there is a village the is plagued by werewolf attacks but the people and the werewolf have an understanding where they give it some livestock and it does kill people, ah Harmony itself. Living in this village is young Valerie and her pal Peter, get it Peter and the wolf, too clever. They caught a rabbit together and Valerie kills it, pay attention to that because it like SUPER important later, like you have no idea, your mind will be blown.

Flash forward ten years and Valerie has grown. She is in love with Peter but her mother wants her to marry rich bland guy Henry. Also the werewolf has killed a human, Valerie’s older sister Lucie. The Village people are pissed so the go mob style and kill a wolfs but a crazy priest who hunts werewolfs tells them they didn’t. In the hunt for the werewolf Henry’s father is killed. Valerie then learns the Lucie’s real father was Henry’s father and me mother had an affair.

At some point, Valerie gets her red riding hood from her grandmother who lives in the woods. Then the werewolf attacks and speaks with Valerie and only she can understand, it tells her that it wants her to come away with it or it will destroy the village. Valeries sees that the werewolf has brown human eyes and since everyone but Valerie has brown eyes everyone is a suspect. There is also a blood moon which means it is the time for the werewolf to pass on the curse.

So some more stuff happens, Crazy priest dies and it turns out Valerie’s dad is the werewolf and the curse that has been in the family for generations which makes it strong. He killed Lucie because he was enraged to learn that she wasn’t his daughter when she couldn’t understand him. Valerie’s dad tries to convince her that she has it in her to be a werewolf because she killed the rabbit, mind-blown. Then Peter comes in, Valerie kills her dad but Peter got bitten in the fight and gets the curse.

Red Riding Hood picture image

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie

First thing, Valerie takes the death of most of her family pretty darn well. Her sister dies and she is pretty sad but that is over in a few scenes, I mean she does have more important things to deal with, like her love triangle. But she feels nothing when her grandmother is killed and she kills her own father and it like no reaction. She should not be ok.

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie Red Riding Hood picture image

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie

Valerie’s inability to express emotions could be the result of shitty writing and character development but I think it’s something; bad acting. The acting in the movie is on the whole BAD! Mostly everyone under act the shit out of this except one Gary Oldman who vomits up the god-damn fake scenery. Really it’s hard to get into this movie with the amount of bad work from the actors.

While I’m here I might as well discuss the characters. So Valerie tells us that she tries to be a good girl but the killing of the rabbit proves she isn’t. Not sure why I would except a girl in her position in life, in medieval times to have skinned and prepare food was it because it was for boots. Other than the dark stain on her character she is built up to be pretty and prefect but really Vanilla Ice Cream have more bite than her. She is bland and yet she stabbed her lover, dances suggestively, tried to have sex with Peter all the time and killed her own father and yet she is bland. That is pretty amazing, see what the power of bad acting can achieve.

The other characters were bland too but what REALLY bothers me is that writing in this movie is so shitty that things like character motivations and establishing emotions which is needed to development are not there for the sake of the boring, I repeat BORING love triangle. For instance Valerie’s father, his motivation is he wants to leave the village because he has been disrespected, his words but when did that happen? We never see it maybe it was the affair and Lucie not being his child but he wanted to leave before that hence why he called Lucie out. Speaking of Lucie you can’t feel anything for her when she dies because we never see her alive save for like two flashbacks. Why couldn’t there have been a scene with Lucie and Valerie as children laughing or something? Instead we have establish Valerie and Peter, you know the important emotion source of the movie….though this movie is as emotional as a math textbook.

Shiloh Fernandez as Peter Red Riding Hood picture image

Shiloh Fernandez as Peter

Anyway moving on to the scenery or the sets. I have seen Ren Faire with more believability in the sets that this movie vague attempts at a backdrop. The sets looked fake. There was no life to anything, no grit no realness. Really with this level of non commitment to having interesting character or sets there is nothing to maintain the viewer’s attention other than attractive people running around in the snow. I was bored by the minute seven.

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie Red Riding Hood picture image

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie

Basically this movie was made on Twilight’s coattails and the trend of making dark fairy tales movie that was popular for a while. It’s similarities to source material of Little Red Riding hood are like little homages. Her Red Riding hood was pointless, Peter being the woodsmen, going to grandmother’s house and the lines about grandmother’s facial features. These were just there to connect to the source and not much else. This a Twilight werewolf movie.

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie and Shiloh Fernandez as Peter Red Riding Hood picture image

Amanda Seyfried as Valerie and Shiloh Fernandez as Peter

Red Riding Hood sucks, it tries to be dark bit with emotional impact or interest from the actors it just lays there on the floor limp and lifeless. Some of the shot were cool like of the scenery, at least I believe that that mountain or that tree were a mountain and tree. Just skip it.

Clue 1 and Clue 2