review | The Hunchblog of Notre Dame

28Aug 2014

The Nutcracker Prince Review; Every time they said Drosselmeier, I thought of Princess Tutu

by jess

The Nutcracker Prince

The Nutcracker Prince is from 1990 and is based on the ballet “The Nutcracker,” I know crazy right?

Looking at the cover, I was hesitant about this one, but it was enjoyable. Was it amazing? Not super really but it didn’t make me want to bang my head against my desk repeatedly and that saying something considering the movies I have had to endure.

Clara holding the Nutcracker with Drosselmeier

The movie takes place in 1850, Germany. Clara is a young-ish girl maybe 10 or 12 year old. She is at cusp of adulthood but still favors childhood as she mocks her sister’s romantic notions for young men. Clara is given a Nutcracker by a toy making friend, Drosselmeier.

Drosselmeiertells her the story of how he and his nephew, Hans, worked at a castle. After eating the King’s cake, The Mouse queen curses the Princess into being ugly. Drosselmeier learns that only way to cure the Princess’ ugliness is with the Krakatooth nut and some steps backwards. The King declares that one who can cure her will win her hand in marriage. Many try but Hans cracks the nut with his teeth but as he is completing the spell the Mouse Queen changes him in to the Nutcracker doll. As Hans falls, he cause a statue to fall which kills the Mouse Queen as well a ruining Mouse Prince’s tail. The new Mouse King vows revenge for his tail.

That night as everyone else sleeps, Clara goes to Nutcracker and her toys come alive. Now, that the Nutcracker is alive the Mouse King attacks. This part takes up much of the movie and there is question as to did it really happen or is all Clara’s musing. In the end Clara, along with the dolls, Marie, Trudy and Platoon help The Nutcracker, who is considered to be the Princes of Dolls, to defeat the Mouse King.

Then they all go to Land of Dolls, which a very pretty place. The Nutcracker Prince asks Clara to stay with him as his Princess but she declines as she still wants to grow up. At her rejection, the dolls lose their life-like spark and revert to mere dolls. Clara awakes in her bed and rushes over to Drosselmeier and asks if the whole this was real or not. Drosselmeier introduces her to his nephew, Hans, who greets her familiarly and she greets him as “Nutcracker.”

Clara with the Nutcracker Prince

One thing I really enjoyed about this movie, aside from the background music, is the lesson. A lot movies try to say that childhood is awesome and others say that you should grown up but this movie takes a elegant middle ground.

Clara at the starts the movie by rejecting grown-up convention, like romance but by the end of the movie by embracing childhood, in this case playing with dolls, she can accepts adulthood.

This is evident but her using her sister’s wording in complimenting the Nutcracker and also with her more grow-up gown. It was just a nice little sentiment in a film that you rarely see and it’s done well.

Clara meeting Hans

I also like how the film blurs the lines if this was all in Clara’s head or if it was real but since this is a children movie and not a psychological drama, I’m going to say it was real. Especially because of the ending scene with Hans addressing her so familiarly.

The Mouse King

As for the characters, they only one with anything to them is Clara. The other characters are nice but aside from Drosselmeier, who has a great mysterious vibe, they are all just there and nice. Then again, this movie is more of a mood piece, so I forgive it a bit.

Clara

Clara is an active girl who has dreams and ambitions, she wants to join a ballet but she she doesn’t want to grow-up too quick. She enjoys childhood but at the same time she seems a bit bored with fairy stories. She just seem like a real person which is a good thing. She does a good job leading us through the craziness of the dolls versus the mice all while being likable.

Clara with her kitten, Pavola

The Nutcracker Prince is a nice little Christmas movie that casts a nice happy light on the gray period between childhood and adulthood. The animation isn’t super great but music is wonderful through I didn’t care for the credit song, that 1990’s electronic piano sound is just jarring after hearing the Nutcracker suite for 70 minutes.

Also I would have liked to see or hear the Arabian dance but I’m nitpicking at this point. It wasn’t a bad movie at all. The kitten was also super cute!

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21Aug 2014

Felix the Cat the Movie Review; Fear the Paint Can Robots

by jess

Felix the Cat the Movie

Felix the Cat The Movie was released in Europe in 1988 but not in the USA until nearly three years later. It was based on the The Felix the Cat cartoons from 1919. This movie was an attempt at a revival which didn’t work. Why didn’t work? Because this movie is pointless!

It’s just weird and turns sane minds to mush. Although, if I were to grade on a curve of all the non-Disney Princess movies I have subjected myself to so far, I would rather watch this one over Gulliver’s Travels or The Singing Princess. Not high praise but still.

Felix, Oriana, and Pim

Plot, because there is one. The Kingdom of Oriana is under attack by the Duke of Zill. The ruler of Oriana, Princess Oriana tries to escape by using the Dimensporter, a dimensional transporter, but she is caught by Zill’s evil robotic Cylinders that look like paint cans. As she is being dragged off she sheds a magic tear that goes through the Dimensporter and finds Felix the Cat.

Felix the Cat is a talking cat with a magic bag that can transform into anything. The rules and limits of the bag are never explain so just don’t think about. Felix follows the tear back through the Dimensporter and he sees a vision of Oriana as the tears fades away. Also I should note, Felix is being followed by two scientists who want his bag.

After dealing with some weird fish, Felix lands in the Land of Zill where he meets Pim, think wild west prospector. Pim double crosses Felix and takes him to Wack Lizardi’s circus. Wack is also a lackey of The Duke of Zill. Felix is then made an attraction at the circus because of the bag. Princess Oriana is also an attraction with her woeful bubble dance, she dances in a bubble.

Felix enlists the help of two lizard-mice, Mizzards to eat through the wall of his cell so he can talk to Oriana. Oriana tells him that the Duke of Zill is her uncle and he wants the Book of Ultimate power. Felix tells her that are going to escape together.

During the next performance, Felix convinces Wack to let him play the music while Oriana dances. He then creates a lot of bubbles and he, Oriana, Pim who is good now, and the Mizzards all escape.

As they flee towards the Kingdom of Oriana, Felix loses his bag but are they joined by the two scientists who found it and Felix gets it back and the scientists who are called the Professor and Poindexter, join the party. Then they go through the hair forest and they are attacked by head hunters or flying demons heads which are subdued by hats.

When they get to Oriana they are caught by Zill. Zill threatens everyone so Oriana surrenders the Book of Ultimate Power, which says the ultimate power is “Truth, Love, and Wisdom.” Unhappy, Zill unleashes the Master Cylinder on them but Felix defeats it by, I kid you not, by throwing the book at it. In the end Felix and the scientists go back home through the Dimenspoter.

Felix with the bag as scuba gear

This movie is very trippy and weird. I suppose it could have been more trippy and weird though. The trouble with it is we don’t have the sane character to walk us through the craziness. So it’s just crazy and more crazy. It should have been a fish out of water tale but Felix fits into this world too well. Everyone is weird. But then again we really don’t have characters as none of them have personalities.

Felix laughing at a skull

Felix is nice though he mean to the dead. All he really does that gives a shade of a personality is makes puns. That’s it. If you like puns this movie will kill that love. I’m not sure what Pim’s deal is. The scientists just want the bag and they also make puns. Zill wants power. 78 minutes and that’s all I can get out of the characters.

Princess Oriana dancing in the bubble

Then we have our token Princess, Oriana. She is only a Princess in name as she’s actually a Queen. But the term Queen is used for evil crones, so we have to call her Princess. I’m just going to roll my eyes.

Oriana is nice, slightly self-defacing and an idiot. Her country is attacked when she disbands the army even though she knew her Uncle wanted her Kingdom, or Queendom, but she’s Princess so I guess Oriana is Princessipality. Like the other characters there isn’t much to her.

Felix with Pim on a Cylinder

So this movie doesn’t have lasting memorable characters but how are technicals? Not very good. I mean there is a some weird animation but on the whole it’s not too great. However, where this movie really stinks is the sound mixing. The sound effects are a lot louder than the dialogue, which isn’t great either but would have been nice to hear.

Lizards of Zill singing Who is the Boss?

I will say that I didn’t hate one song. I kind of liked Who is the Boss, which is a song they sing at the circus about how great Zill is. It just so 80s I can’t help it. I mean it’s stupid but delightfully so.

Felix meet Oriana’s tear along with the bag in its normal state.

Felix the Cat the Movie is loud, trippy, weird and outright stupid. It’s not the worse movie in the world but it is quite, quite, quite, annoying.

3D head of Felix

Isn’t this the stuff of Nightmares?

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07Aug 2014

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind: If I lived in this world, I would be a bug

by jess

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind is a 1984 movie directed by Hayao Miyazaki. Just for the record, any film that falls under the Studio Ghibli banner is released and dubbed by Dinsey but I do not consider them “Disney movies” and Nausicaa is certainly not your typical princess movie. I watched this in Japanese with subtitles.

Nausicaa using an insect charm

The movie tells the story of a Nausciaa, the Princess of the Valley of the Wind, a peaceful place that exists in the shadow of the Toxic Jungle, also called the Sea of Decay or Sea of Corruption. The Sea of Decay is lethal to humans but Nausicaa enjoy wandering inside with a mask on. She even loves the bugs that dwell and protect it.

Nausicaa and her people get mixed up in a confrontation when a Tolmekian airship crashes in the Valley, caring both the hostage Princess of Pejite and an ancient biological weapon. The Princess dies but she asks Nausicaa to burn the weapon which doesn’t burn. After that Tolmekia comes with their Princess Kushana. Kushana plans to use the biological weapon called a Giant Warrior to burn the Sea of Decay. She also plans to take over the valley and Nausicaa’s bed-ridden father is murdered which causes Nausicaa to go into a murderous rage.

As Nausicaa claims down, she submits to Kushana as she doesn’t want anymore deaths. Kushana makes Nausicaa and 5 hostages to go with her back Tolmekia. However as they are on route, they are attacked and Nausicaa, Kushana and the hostages crash land into the Sea of Decay and on an Ohmu nest. Ohmu are very large bugs that protect the Sea of Decay and attack when they are enraged. They do not attack Nausicaa instead they communicate with her via their gold tentacles that the one who attacked them is in danger. So she goes to help. She saves the him but they fall into quicksand.

Nausicaa wakes up under the Sea of Decay and meets Asbel of Pejite, brother of the princess who died in the crash. They learn that the Sea of Decay is actually purifying the polluted Earth. The two manage to make it out of the underground on Nausicaa glider and go to Pejite, which has been abandoned.

An airship that is carrying the survivors of Pejite comes down and Nausicaa learns that the Valley is in great danger as the Pejite plans to use the Ohmu to destroy the Tolmekians and the Valley will be destroyed in the process. Nausicaa tries to get away but she is capture. Asbel’s mother has a girl switch places with Nausicaa so she can escape.

Nausicaa learns that Pejite are using a captured baby Ohmu to incite the large incets’ rage. Nausicaa stops the pilots and gets her dress stained in the blood of the little Ohmu as it tries to reach its kind across an acid lake.

As the Ohmu advance on the Tolmekia, Kushana uses the Gaint Warrior to attack but it not mature enough and rots away.

Nausicaa the faces the Ohmu herd with the baby Ohmu. But they are so blind by rage that she stains fatal injurgies. Her sacrifice sooth them. The Ohmu use their golden tentacles to give heal Nausicaa. As she stands on the golden tentacles in her deep blue dress that was dyed by the Ohmu’s blood she fulfills a prophesy. After that the Tolmekians and the Ohmu leave and the People of the Valley and Pejite rebuild. The film ends with a small tree growing under underground, showing the healing of the world.

Nausicaa not wearing a mask in the Sea of Decay

The first time I saw this movie it was after I read the Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind Graphic novels. Now I loved the graphic novels, they are so rich and complex. Compared to the graphic novels, the movie version is simple. For instance, The Giant Warriors are a much bigger plot point and Kushana is way more fleshed out. But comics can do that and a single movie really can’t. So I will not discuss the movie against the comic but if you do like the movie but haven’t read graphic novel, I highly recommend them. They’re so good!

Old Giant Warrior Ruin

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind is a solid movie. It has a lot of great action moments, some beautiful shots and some lovely animation. One of its strenghts is the world building, you really come to understand this world however all the world building with the war, Prophesies, The Sea Decay, Bugs and an ancient doomsday weapons comes at a count.

Like I said, The Giant Warrior is established but didn’t really amount to much in the end aside from some neat animation and a looming threat. And because of the focus on the world, the only character that really gets developed is Nausicaa.

Nausicaa in the Sea of Decay

As far as princesses, go Nausicaa is very different. Nausicaa is a pacifist, warrior, naturalist princess. She shows empathy for all things and is a take charge sort but she is never demanding or pushy. She is active and has agency. She is unconcerned about love or her appearance. She is however concerned with her people and the Earth. This makes her very refreshing and an all-around interesting character.

Princess Kushana

Nausicaa’s counterpart, Kushana is much like her but her methods are different. Kushana and Nausicaa are two sides the same coin. Kushana grew up in a milarty state so she is cold, hard and more demanding. However, like Nausicaa she cares for her people and thinks she is justified in her actions. She also doesn’t care about love or her appearance. She is also refreshing and had she is interesting even if her role is really just the antagonist.

Nausicaa on the golden field Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind picture image

Nausicaa on the golden field a.k.a Ohmu tentacles

Another aspect that is refreshing is the prophesy. Tons of movies have prophesies and chosen ones. This movie establishes that the Valley has this prophesy of one clad in blue descending from a golden field. It never points to anyone but of course Nausicaa fulfills it but it not a big deal to her it just is allowed to happen and it’s allowed to be a beautiful moment.

Nausicaa encounters an Ohmu

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind adheres too much to one character and the world which makes for an unsteady movie narrative. Is it a bad movie? No, not at all, it’s defiantly a solid, entertaining and lovely movie. Plus, the sitar sound when you see the Ohmu is so cool.

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26Jun 2014

The Jungle Book 2: Frollo is Shere Khan

by jess

The Jungle Book 2

The Jungle Book 2 is a sequel to the 1967 The Jungle Book. I have no idea what to say about this one. I didn’t really like the original Jungle book movie for a lot of reasons and here are three. Number one, I hated Mowgli, talk about a dull character. Number two, Orangutans in India, No wrong. And Three, Colonel Hathi saying that female Elephants don’t lead herds, F.U.

But at least The Jungle Book was mildly entertaining. Mowgli could get away with being dull because he was the straight guy reacting to things. The Jungle Book 2 has Mowgli at the forefront so the movie is just all-a-round dull and Mowgli is more unlikable in this movie.

Mowgli and Baloo Dancing

In this movie Mowgli is living in the “Man-village” with his new pals, that pretty girl from the first movie, Shanti and Ranjan, an annoying little kid.

Mowgli misses the jungle and tries to lure the children into it with a crappy song. Going into the jungle is forbidden as you know there is a man-eating Tiger in there. So Shanti gets Mowgli in trouble and he gets grounded. Baloo, who misses his singing partner goes to the village to visit Mowgli with Shere Khan following. Shanti sees Baloo and yells, Baloo then runs off with Mowgli and the villagers run after Shere Khan. Shanti is followed by Ranjan take off after Mowgli.

Mowgli confesses that he hated the rules of the village. Other stuff happens and it ends with Shere Khan chasing Mowgli and Shanti and then getting trapped surround by lava under a statue listening to the bad jokes from a vulture.Clearly Shere Khan will die a painful long death.

And in the end Mowgli goes back to the “Man-Village.” Bagheera and Elephnats are also in this movie. But King Louie and the wolves that raise Mowgli are not. Seriously what the fuck Mowgli? You miss Baloo more than the wolves that took care you for like a decade. Hate you.

Mowgli, Shanti and Ranjan

Much like the Peter Pan sequel, they played it way too safe. It is exactly what you would expect from a sequel to The Jungle Book. Baloo sings Bare Nessacity, Bahgeera complains, and the Elephants act British, The vultures are the Beatles and there is a new annoying new one that should have died. Shere Khan wants to kill Mowgli. Kaa is hungry. Mowgli whines and has a killjoy girlfriend.

Shere Khan and Kaa

The only characters I liked is Shere Khan. Kaa was ok. Kaa just wants snacks and Shere Khan wants revenge. These are good motives. Plus Shere Khan is voice by Tony Jay who voiced Frollo. The little Elephant is ok too.

Mowgli on the other hand, he was dull in the first movie because he was a blank state character, here he is just annoying. He wants to return to the jungle because rules are lame. He is like Scamp from Lady and the Tramp II. Then he misses the village. So kid doesn’t know what he wants. Shanti doesn’t really have much of personality, other than she doesn’t like the Jungle.

Baloo dancing

The songs in this movie aside from the painful repeating of Bare Necessities are ass. They are pretty messy and really disharmonious. They were not pleasant to listen to.

Baloo, Shanti and Mowgli

Another issue is how can Shanti understand the animals? She has no problems talking to Baloo. This ability is never explain and I think the creators just didn’t think or care about a mechanic for Shanti to speaks to the animals. It’s treated as so whatever that one should scarily care about this plot hole.

Shere Khan

The Jungle Book 2 is really dull and very safe. You pretty much know what’s going to happen from the start. One good thing is Tony Jay’s voice but if you liked The Jungle Book and what more of it just watch TaleSpin and throw this one under a statue surrounded by molten lava, the world will thank you for it .

22May 2014

The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning Review; How Triton got his groove back Electric Eel Boogaloo

by jess

The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning

The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning is the 2008 prequel to The Little Mermaid. It’s also the last Disney direct-to video sequel, that is till the Tinkerbell movies came along. It’s better than Return to the Sea but it’s pretty stupid and dare I say confused in its focus.

Sebastian singing Jump in the line

Some ten years ago, the Mer-kingdom was awesome. Triton was super happy with his wife and daughters and music was everywhere. One day, when the royal family was chilling at surface, Triton gave his wife a music box that played their song. In that same hour however Triton’s wife dies by getting crushed by a pirate ship against a cliff or something. In his sorrow, Triton outlawed music and started enforcing icky rules.

Ten years later, Ariel hates rules, Sebastian is the chief of staff at the palace, and the Governess, Marina, is an ambitious meanie, as she wants Sebastian’s job but she needs to get some dirt on him.

One day Ariel meets a fish named Flounder. Flounder gets in trouble for making music but Ariel covers for him. Later that night, Ariels follows Flounders to a music club and sees that Sebastian is the head liner. When Ariel wakes and her sisters’ question her about where she was last night. Ariel tells them and they ask to go. That night they all go and Marina somehow finds them. She tells Triton who ruins the club and arrests Sebastian and the some of the others.

Triton puts Ariel and her sisters under house-arrest and Marina gets Sebastian’s job. Ariel decides to run away and frees the band. Sebastian takes them to a place where Ariel’s mother’s music box fell so that Triton can remember fun awesome times with music.

Marina then decides that to keep she position she will have kill Sebastian and Ariel with her electric eels. But they defeat the electric non-talking eels, Triton brings back music and gives Sebastian the job of court composer. Marina and her manatee minion land in jail.

Benjamin

Manatees? Really movie? You know, I’m not surprised that a Little Mermaid movie or a Disney sequel movie doesn’t know that Manatee don’t live in the deep ocean. Also why don’t Marina’s eels talk? Everything else in the ocean won’t shut-up but the evil eels don’t talk but Ursula’s eels spoke. Oh whatever. It’s futile trying to make sense of Disney sequels.

Sebastian

The movie gives us the impression that this movie is an Ariel story but it’s not. This movie focuses more on Triton and Sebastian. This movie is really Sebastian’s beginning.

We see how he got to be court composer, though we didn’t need a movie to explain that. Marina is focused on bringing Sebastian down. It’s a Sebastian’s origin story but an origin story that includes Ariel.

Triton is also the one who learns or rather relearns a lesson that music is awesome. Ariel helps but it was Sebastian’s idea that save the day.

Ariel and Flounder at The Catfish Club

For a movie called Ariel’s Beginning, Ariel does very little. She’s there, she complains, she dances and sings. The trouble is Ariel was never about the music in the first movie. Ariel was obsessed with human items and the human world.

Hey, creators of Ariel’s Beginning, remember in the original movie when Ariel missed contest to steal human stuff from a sunken ship? I do. Ariel’s Beginning should have been about Ariel discovering a love for humans. Now Ariel hates rules and likes music, that is her character now apparently.

Marina and King Triton

Triton banning music in the first place was stupid. He bans music because his wife died. Her death was stupid, she got crushed against a cliff by a pirate ship because she reached for her music box. He didn’t ban going to the surface, he banned music. King Triton is a bad king.

Ariel and her sisters, from left to right Attina, Aquata, Alana, Arista, Andrina, and Adella

Then we have Ariel’s sisters. Ariel’s sister have vague attempts at personalities. They have their little quirk that separate them out but they are by no means fleshed characters but then again Ariel in this movie isn’t really a character but more of a mechanic for the movie to follow Sebastian’s rise and fall and Triton rediscovering his love for music and laughter.

Marina

Then there is the villain, who is a goofy and weak. She is one the few villains who gets what she wants and is probably in the right. She did run the palace better than Sebastian but she was crazed about getting and keeping her position.

One question I have to ask, How the hell did Marina find the music club? Did the girls have tracking devices? Also, when Ariel follows Flounder, the club has all these safety knocks and codes, How did Marina pass them or know them? EXPLAIN movie! That is not a little thing, it’s how Triton finds out about evil music in his Kingdom. Was the club even in the Kingdom? This movie is stupid.

Sebastian and Marina

The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning suffers from false advertising. It promised us Ariel’s Beginning but failed as that is not the focus of the movie. All Ariel does is help tells Sebastian’s and Triton’s tale, ha tale because mermaids.

This kind of narrative works better in literature but not in a Disney sequel. To be fair even if this was called Sebastian’s Beginning it still would be a weak stupid movie. And how dare you movie use Jump in the line, shame, that’s Beeltlejuice’s song. Really, Sebastian singing Jump in the line was just weird.

A Blog Note- We may be done with the Direct to video Disney Sequels but now we’re going to look at the Theatrical release Disney Sequels. (sheepish yay)

10Apr 2014

Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie; Take a Drink every time Roo says Best Halloween Ever

by jess

Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie

Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie is pretty much a direct sequel to Pooh’s Heffalump Movie. It’s a sequel in that they don’t introduce Lumpy because they just assumed you watched it and know this character. I begrudgingly watch the Heffalump movie after the sequel and while I thought the Heffalump movie was alright, I loathed the Halloween movie.

Lumpy, Roo, Piglet, Tigger, Pooh, Rabbit, Eeyore Trick-or-Treating

Plot is it’s Lumpy’s first Halloween and Roo and pals are teaching him all about it. Tigger tells of story about some made up creature called the Gobloon that turns creatures into “Jaggedy-Lanterns.” Lumpy gets scared, so Roo and him venture to find it and make wishes or something because Pooh ate all the candy.

At the 20 minute mark because the screenwriters relieved that they don’t have their Pooh quota of screen time, Roo tells Lumpy a story about Piglet learning not to be scared, a lesson which Iâ€˜m sure he will forget. Lumpy and Roo set-up a trap but they run away when they think they hear the Gobloon. Lumpy gets his foot caught while trying to get away after tripping over a wheel-barrow of pumpkins and Roo leaves him to die like a jerk.

Lumpy does managed to get away and the two are separated. When Roo goes back for Lumpy he just sees a Lumpy Jack-o-lantern and thinks that the Gobloon tried him to a “Jaggedy-Lanterns.” Lumpy ends up in the Gobloon trap and the gang thinks they caught the Gobloon. Roo then wishes for Lumpy back. They then find Lumpy in the trap and have the best Halloween ever. At Roo’s house we learn that Kanga made Jack-o-lanterns of everyone but Lumpy’s got lost.

Piglet Mecha Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie Picture image

Mecha Piglet

The first big issue with the movie seems to be in most Pooh movies, the Flashback story. In Springtime for Roo the flashback story had a precedent on the larger story. In this move, yeah it makes sense but it didn’t work with the larger story and just stalled the movie because without it would have been 40 minutes and cut the memorable character pretty much out.

Roo Pooh's Heffalump Halloween Movie picture image

Roo

Which bring me to my next Point, Roo can not and should not carry a Winnie the Pooh movie. I’m not sure what the rational behind this was. I think perhaps that the screenwriters feel that Pooh is too much a grown-up for kids to identify with so they use Roo.

It’s a very classic misconceptions of how grown-up think kids work in relations to movies. Roo should either be a minor character or act as straight man if Christopher Robin is too busy with school. He should not be going on adventures without Pooh and the gang. It worked in Pooh’s Heffalump movie because Roo was a counterpoint to Pooh but here it’s just stupid. Pooh should not be a minor character in his movies.

Lump scared of Eeyore

Then there is Lumpy. Lumpy gave me a bit of a flashback to Lumpy Space Princess, LSP, from Adventure Time but other than the name, Lumpy, and being purple they have little in common except that they annoy me.

Lumpy didn’t annoy me in the Heffalump movie but in the Halloween movie oh was he annoying. They pretty much killed his character in this. In the Heffalump movie he was cute and fun and got scared once but I wouldn’t characterize him as big coward wimp.

In the Halloween movie he was a whiny wimp. It was not endearing or cute. Piglet has the monopoly on being scared you can’t give that trait to another character and make the flashback justify it. Still hate the flashback tactic and I hate Lumpy in this movie which makes me sad since I have affinity for Elephant-like creatures.

Tigger and Pooh in Halloween costumes

Despite being a Halloween movie with a Heffalump in it, Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie fails by all counts. It’s boring, annoying and stall. The animation is bad by sequel standards and it throws the memorable characters aside for boring and annoying children. I really hated this movie.

03Apr 2014

Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch; I want to see the Mummy Hula!

by jess

Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch

Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch was okay. That’s it, I’m done!

Glitchy Stitch

Good Night Everybody!

Lilo and Stitch

Really, that is all I can say on it, it’s ok. Considering most the Disney sequels, that’s high praise but in honestly the original Lilo and Stitch never did much for me. I saw it and it was ok but it never connected with me.

Lilo and Stitch

The basic plot of this sequel is Stitch is malfunctioning due to his energy never being fully charged and he reverting to evil. In the mean time, Lilo is trying to win a hula contest so her late mother will be proud of her while David is trying to make Nani jealous and Nani trying to keep it all together.

Mostly it’s sub-plots. The climax of the movie is Stitch dies and the power of love, I shit you not, saves him. I do like how they don’t use magic Disney Science to explain it, they just don’t care and neither do I.

Lilo, Stitch, Nani, David, Pleakley, & Jumba.

One thing that worked in this movie is that the family is awesome moral made sense. Though it was rampant in the first one, so it was a rehash and the film would have failed if it couldn’t pull that off.

Stitch

Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch for all it is, is meh. However Meh equals Ok on the Disney Sequel spectrum of fuckery. It didn’t make me want to destroy humanity the way Atlantis II did nor did it make me question my sanity the way Little Mermaid II did. It wasn’t painful and therefore it’s ok. Although maybe it’s only ok because I have no strong feelings towards the original.

Mertle and Lilo

Mertle is also a Grade-A Bitch.

27Feb 2014

Atlantis; Milo’s Return Review; You canâ€™t make a movie bomb without Oregano

by jess

Since I have never seen Atlantis; the Lost Empire, let me go watch that before I get to Atlantis; Milo’s Return. I’ll be back!

(95 Minutes later)

Ok, that was dull. I hate the white man burden trope.

Atlantis; Milo’s Return

Anyway, let me go watch Atlantis; Milo’s Return now.

(75 Minutes later)

Cries……… that was awful……..Why does this company put out some much utter crap. This one is painful, viscerally painful. I want to vomit and crawl my eyes out during this one’s running time.

Obby

Ok, ok , Okay, let’s start with a positive because I have One, Obby, the Lava Dog. Obby is cute and fun. Fuck the rest of the characters, the movies or story plot should have focused on Obby. I would rather watch Obby sleep for 75 minutes than this shit fest.

Atlantis; Milo's Return Gang picture image

The Atlantis Gang

This movie, like so many of the other crappy Disney sequels, has three stories. All three are boring and very TV. Now when I say it’s TV, I mean it as insult but let’s face it, these direct to video movies are worst than most TV episodes so what can you do.

Atlantis; Milo's Return gang running from a snowman picture image

The Gang running from a snowman

The plot is that stuff is happening, so the gang goes to Atlantis to get Milo to investigate. Kida follows thinking that the stuff could be Atlantean weapons. The first one is the Kraken (which they pronounce annoyingly wrong), second is sand coyotes or something, and the third is Atlantean spear in the hands of a Norse God wannabe.

In the end Atlantis raises from the sea, killing hundreds of Marine life and ruining a very fragile ecosystem. I hope you’re happy.

Kida

I will say that the three stories do build off of eachother. They are not wholly separate stories. However the stories are forgettable and there is no real character development. Since there is no growth in characters these are TV episodes.

Obby and Milo

One of the big thing that annoyed was in the first movie Milo is played by Michael J. Fox who has a very identifiable voice which was distracting. Fox did not reprise his role so to hear not-Fox was even more distracting. Not-Fox was played by James Arnold Taylor whose infamous laugh from a major video game I was hoping to hear if only to dull the pain of this movie.

The gang Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

The Atlantis Gang

As is standard with Disney sequels, the animation is usually much, much worse. Now Atlantis didn’t have the greatest animation in the world but Milo’s Return felt visually cheaper. The colors were dull and everything felt lifeless. It is not fun to look at.

Milo, Obby, Kida Atlantis; Milo's Return picture image

Milo, Obby and Kida

I quite literally have nothing more to say on Atlantis; Milo’s Return. It’s a feast of garbage. Most of my notes on this movie were like this “dumb dumb dumbd umbd imbd idm dumdndumbdumdbumdbdumdbdu” – my actual notes.

I really wished Milo hadn’t returned, it would have spared the world of this shit.

13Feb 2014

Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year Review; Happy Eeyore will Haunt your Dreams

by jess

Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year.

You know when you start to watch a movie and you know it’s going to be painful in the first few minutes? That was me with Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year. Even the title makes me cringe. This one is a double holiday movie, as we get Christmas and New Years. I give them a little credit, you don’t see new year’s in Disney movies but it’s boring and makes for a very long hour.

Pooh and Christopher Robin

So the plot or in this case the plots? This movie has like two dumb stories. First, Pooh and friends are having a Christmas party and then they tell the first story in a Flashback.

That story is Christopher Robin is writing a letter to Santa. He asks everyone what they want and sends the letter via airmail. No, literally he just throws the letter into wind. The next day, Piglet tells Pooh that Pooh forgot to ask for a gift, apparently all that hunny he for asked for the others in case they get guests didn’t count. So they find the letter and make some modifications but Pooh fails to throw the letter in the air. So Pooh tries to play Santa so that everyone gets their gifts which fails too.

So Pooh decides to go to give the letter directly to Santa. The others then realizes that they would rather have Pooh then gifts. Pooh returns having failed again and they are all happy. However Christopher Robin comes and gives out gifts and friends are awesome.

Pooh and Piglet

The second story is not a flashback. Christopher Robin tells Pooh about New Years and Resolutions. Pooh decides to they should have party at Rabbit’s house. Rabbit then gets annoyed with Tigger’s bouncing, Piglet’s fear, Eeyore’s gloom and Pooh’s hunny obsession. So Rabbit decides to move.

Pooh and the gang decide to change these traits but in turn the traits just shift around so Tigger is scared, Piglet bounces, Pooh is gloomy and Eeyore is creepy, I mean hunny obsessed. Rabbit decides to stay because friends are awesome.

Happy Eeyore

Both these stories have the same theme, Friends are awesome. Now I do not claim to be an expert on all thing Pooh but that is a stand-by theme. Friends=Good. Though the second story had the added bonus of the be-yourself theme . Which is another stand-by theme by Disney.

One could say that New Year approach was inventive as the tried to be different but that made them in the polar opposite so the annoying innate traits were not corrected but transferred. I didn’t have a problem with Tigger being scared or Piglet bouncing or Pooh being gloomy. But Eeyore as the cheerful insane Pooh was more than off putting it was down-right terrifying.

Eeyore on the Christmas Tree

When I started doing the sequel reviews, I said wasn’t going to discuss the animation as on the whole the animation is weak in general in the sequels. But the Pooh movies are not sequels, not exactly.

Winnie the Pooh is separate entity under the Mouse label. That being sound the animation was far and away much, much weaker than Pooh’s Grand Adventure. The colors are dull and the animation at times is a bit awkward.

Eeyore, Piglet, Tigger and Pooh

For me, as a not-quite-a-Pooh-fan there is not much to enjoy in Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year. The Plot(s) is weak and dumb, the characters even admit to the viewer they are annoying and the animation is week. All round, I found this dumb, dumb, dumb and I really disliked it.

12Dec 2013

Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin Review; What a Long Title!

by jess

Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin

I’m going to be completely honest, I’m not a big fan of Winnie the Pooh. Never have been, never will be. Yeah, it’s cute and endearing, it just never did much for me. I will say that, I do hate Winnie the Pooh.

Rabbit, Eeyore, Pooh, Tigger and Piglet

That being said, I hate this movie. It’s boring and fairly insipid. What’s the story of Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin? Christopher Robin and Pooh are hanging out and doing nothing, that is an important facet of their very co-dependent relationship.

But then Christopher Robin vanishes and Pooh and everyone are lost without him. He leaves a note on a honey pot but no one can read the it as Pooh can’t read (you would think Christopher Robin would know that about his pal?) and the note becomes encrusted with honey. So they take the note to owl who says that Christopher Robin went to the skull which is in a scary place surrounded by scary things that we never see, I wanted to see that skullasaurus, unseen main antagonist my ass.

Anyway, they go to the skull and hi-jinx ensue and important self-discoveries are learned. Then Christopher Robin comes back because he actually went to school for a mere half-day and then scary place they went to turns out not to be scary at all. Did they all hallucinate the scary stuff?

Pooh and Christopher Robin

The movie hinges on Christopher Robin being important to the characters but we only see him interacting with Pooh. Plus Christopher Robin is boring as fuck. I mean, I guess he’s the straight-man to the insanity of the other characters but he is not reactionary enough to the characters, he just gives in with his “silly old bear” line even though Pooh is a year younger than him. So he is dull and kinda dumb.

Pooh on a Cliff

It’s cute that Christopher Robin gives Pooh advice that Pooh tries to remember and despite that the characters grow and develop but that proves Christopher Robin’s dullness compared the other characters. I mean he’s more important when he gone. However the lesson about how dear friends are never really apart is touching.

Eeyore, Piglet, Rabbit and Tigger

The character development and what they learn is trite. You know the same motivational crap most people learn in movies, you’re super strong, brave and smart. ZZzzzzzzzzz. Why can’t shallowness and laziness ever save the day?

Learning that you’re really smart, strong and brave is cliche. Plus the movie divides the qualities among three characters; Tigger, Rabbit and Piglet. Tigger learns that his tail is strong, Rabbit learns that he is smart and Piglet learns he is brave. Pooh learns that his dorky friend always in his heart and Eeyore does nothing.

I’m not sure why he is in this movie, all he does is make depressing comments. Eeyore is the best and I’m not sure why he is so underplayed in this. Maybe it’s because Eeyore is too awesome. He kicks Pooh’s ass.

All the pals together

It’s not like it’s a bad movie or plot, i just found it hellish to sit and watch it. Maybe if cared more about Pooh and his pals’ issues and if Christopher Robin wasn’t so fucking dull it could be more enjoyable. And I actully wanted to like Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin. I really did.

Two things before I end, How did they not all die when they fell off that cliff? Maybe it was hallucination and they only fell like a foot, I would buy that. And that guy who play Billy Zane’s evil cop goon from Titanic, David Warner, was the narrator. That gave me a chuckle.

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Tag Archives: Review

The Nutcracker Prince Review; Every time they said Drosselmeier, I thought of Princess Tutu

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The Jungle Book 2: Frollo is Shere Khan

The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning Review; How Triton got his groove back Electric Eel Boogaloo

Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie; Take a Drink every time Roo says Best Halloween Ever

Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch; I want to see the Mummy Hula!

Atlantis; Milo’s Return Review; You canâ€™t make a movie bomb without Oregano

Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year Review; Happy Eeyore will Haunt your Dreams

Pooh’s Grand Adventure the Search for Christopher Robin Review; What a Long Title!

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