Warning, Kind-Rant-y

My Crack Team of Young, Impression and Insecure, teenage girls a.k.a Disney Princesses picture image

Disney Princesses

In liking  some more nerdy media, like Game of Thrones or Star Wars, you find yourself looking into Fan-Theory. Personally, I enjoy fan-theories and speculating but sometimes they can be a bit of stretch especially all the ones for Star Wars,#Reysfatherislonestar (let me know if you get this.)  The fan-theories that are really the most annoying to read or hear about are the ones about Disney movies.

The Lamp Seller Aladdin picture image

The Lamp Seller Aladdin

The Disney Fan-theory just take whatever Easter Eggs or aspects of the production and just try and give it a deeper meaning that are often beyond ridiculous. The only one I really do subscribe to was the Genie being the Lamp seller and I don’t really want to pat myself on the pat but that was my thought when I first saw the movie in theatres as young child and I was by no means a smart child. But while we’re on the subject of Aladdin the one that annoys me is because of the mere fact that Robin Williams ad-libs and did impression in the movie led some people to think Aladdin took place in a post-apocalyptic world. Not that this REALLY debunks it but I had this mini Aladdin hardcover book  that was a summary of the movie, and I swear it had a year given in it for when it took place. I can’t recall exactly but it was around 900 A.D. Again doesn’t debunk the theory but the point is  Williams ad-lib and they took it as a cue for a deeper meaning.

Tarzan Parents picture image

Tarzan Parents

All the Disney theories are just so far-reaching. I won’t say that Game of Thrones or Star Wars aren’t but they are not bad as the Disney ones.  My least favorite has to be Tarzan’s parents are Anna and Elsa’s parents but Tarzan takes place sometime during the Victorian era but Frozen doesn’t seem to and Rapunzel is in Frozen and that is certain not Victorian. Your eyes will go cross if you think about it for too long.  Also they look nothing like Elsa and Anna’s parents in fact they look more like Anastasia and Dmitri but darn, not a Disney movie, plus again wrong time period. 

Belle, Carpet, Pumbaa Disney Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Lion King

Belle, Carpet, and Pumbaa

Also speaking of Tarzan, another theory is Belle is an ancestor of Jane BECAUSE Jane has a teapot and cup that looks like Mrs. Potts and chip. It’s not an easter egg it’s a clue. But then how do people explain how Hercules got Scar’s pelt? Did the Lion King take place at the same time as ancient Greece? Wouldn’t have the Hyenas torn up Scar’s skin when they ripped him apart? And then with all this logic is Little Mermaid a contemporary of Aladdin since Sebastien was in Aladdin? Is The Little Mermaid post-apocalyptic? Are Mermaid’s mutant?   But isn’t The Little Mermaid in Neverland since people think Ariel’s mom is one of those Mermaids in Peter Pan because one of the mermaid looks like Ariel even though Ariel was going to originally have Blond hair  till Splash happen. Oh but Belle, Carpet from Aladdin and Pumbaa are in Hunchback! Where is the theory to explain those?  I’m confusing myself now.

Belle and the Provincial Town, Beauty and the Beast picture image

Belle and the Provincial Town, Beauty and the Beast

Well since Hunchback doesn’t  have any popular theory here one that doesn’t make sense but doesn’t not make  either. In Beauty and the Beast, Belle acts like she is rather above the village. She calls it poor and provincial and she fully admits she doesn’t fit in with the townspeople. So WHAT if Belle and her father were originally from Paris. They had to  move to the quiet provincial town to escape  Frollo’s genocide of the Gypsy as their house had gotten burned down in the fired Frollo created. The farm the live in the move belonged to Belle’s mother. This theory also ties into the adsenty royal family as Frollo doesn’t have to deal with a King and why one cares or knew about a Prince seemingly vanishing.  Despite the fact that Hunchback is clearly medieval and Beauty and Beast has a somewhat 18th style especially since Cogsworth mentioned the Baroque era which was from 1600-1750 seems unlikely and Beauty and the Beast have a bonus that they take place in the some country at the very least.  I guess I need to figure out Pumbaa and Carpet since theories have Carpet in a post-apocalyptic world and Pumbaa lived sometime during 5th century. Also why does Hercules have Gospel music with an  Ancient Greece setting? Off Subject,   

Djali Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Djali Esmeralda Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

The point is these theories have no sense of the movie’s setting and tone and rely on Easter Eggs and other production decisions  to connect dots that aren’t really there.

Tarzan II picture image

Tarzan II

The first time I saw the original Tarzan, I didn’t like it very much but since it had been a very long time since my viewing of Tarzan, I decided to watch it before watching Tarzan II. On a Second viewing, I didn’t hate it as much as the first time. As it turns out Tarzan II is a midquel so there might have been more drama and tension if I hadn’t seen the original.

Tarzan and Zugor Tarzan II picture image

Tarzan and Zugor

Tarzan II takes place when Tarzan is a young wee bit of a thing, trying his hardest to be the best ape he can. Tarzan feels he and the family would be better off is his wasn’t there but his ape momma, Kala, assures him that family is awesome at the 8 minute mark.

Tarzan, however, gets separated from his family and decides to run way when he overhears some gorillas saying that they will be better off without him. He runs into a family of bitter Gorillas who live in a rocky rift and can’t leave because of a monster called the Zugor. The Zugor turns out to be an old Gorilla named Zugor who is scaring animals so they will leave him alone. Tarzan bargains with him to teach him stuff in return for keeping his secret. Tarzan wants to know what he is and what his talents are. It’s at this point he starts horning his human brian which impresses Zugor.

Terk and Tantor go to look for Tarzan after Tantor hears Tarzan yelling. Terk and Tantor run into the bitter Gorilla family. To save them, Tarzan spills the beans about Zugor and Kala and three baby Gorillas get in the fray. Tarzan uses a vine to swing and to save Kala and the babies and Zugor find his place with the formerly bitter Gorilla family. Tarzan learns that no matter what he is, he a part of a family.

Tarzan II picture image


It’s pretty obvious that Tarzan II takes place during that growing up montage. As far as midquels go, Tarzan makes sense to have one, unlike Beauty and the Beast but just because it made a little sense to shoehorn another story in the original, midquels are stupid. Because we have seen Tarzan we know that nothing bad can happen in this story.

We also know that all the character development in the midquel happen in like 4 minutes in the original. Midquels are therefore boring and dull to watch and by their very nature they can’t add anything to the original story.

Lion King 1 1/2 could have made the sequel make a little sense by showing the Scar loyalist leaving Pride Rock but on a whole Midquel can’t have any tension or drama.

Tantor, Tarzan and Terk Tarzan II picture image

Tantor, Tarzan and Terk

As it is Tarzan II despite not having any sense of drama or original character development is not wholly bad. The fact that it is a midquel does make it boring but for hour story it’s fairly not that bad but it has some issues.

A Rhino and a Bird Tarzan II picture image

A Rhino and a Bird

First annoying little issue, and this was an issue I had in the first movie, if the gorillas and Tarzan can talk to Tantor why can’t they talk to the other animals? This is just annoying and I don’t get it.

Tarzan and a baby Warthog Tarzan II picture image Tarzan II

Tarzan and a baby Warthog

Second annoying issue, where the hell is this? I mean I know it’s in the Jungles of somewhere in Africa but where? Africa is a big continent so where is the place with Elephants, Gorillas, Rhinoceros, Hippos, Warthogs, Leopards (or one) and if I count the first movie Lemurs, Baboons and Taisers. Lemurs only live in Madagascar but none of the other animals do so I gotta say F U Disney.

What is Disney’s issue with  pan-menagerie of animals especially when  they had a dumb throw away line about piranhas being native to South America? I could tone out this issue in the original movie but in the midquel it was annoying.

Kago, Gunda and Uto Tarzan II picture image

Kago, Gunda and Uto

Then we have the new characters, Zugor, Uto, Kago, and Mama Gunda. At least the have contrived yet distinct personalities, Zugor is a lovable grump, Uto is dense, Kago is violent and Mama Gunda is overbearing.

Uto, Kago and Gunda are considered the antagonist but they are weak ones and they hardly count. However as weak as they are, they are miles more entertaining than Ursula’s crazy sister or the Tim Curry organ.

Kala and Tarzan Tarzan II picture image

Kala and Tarzan

It says something if before the ten minute mark the viewer knows the core lesson, Family is awesome. To be fair most of these sequels is about family or friends being awesome. On some occasion it’s love that is awesome but that is rarer.

Tarzan II is so blatant with its message that I felt I could have turned it off after 8 minutes. It did make for a nice little bookend with beginning and the end but you know Tarzan is still with his family because of the original so having it blatant in the narrative indicates that the movie thinks its audience is stupid. Then again these sequels are used as babysitting tool to get kids sleep, so touche movie.


Tarzan II picture image


Tarzan II as a whole thing isn’t that bad but it being a midquel is offer very little. If you need to kill an hour or have to entertain a child there is worse stuff to watch.