Garou Helene Segara Quasimodo and Esmeralda Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Quasimodo and Esmeralda

 

One of Notre Dame de Paris‘ core weaknesses is the way it presents the story. The narrative is very patchy and filled with a lot little gaps. To really understand what is happening you have to know that story before going into it.

 garou Bruno Pelletier Gringoire spotting Quasimodo during the Feast of Fools Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Gringoire spotting Quasimodo during the Feast of Fools

 

For instance it takes seven songs for the story to get to the beginning of the book. Before that it’s all set-up plus a few lines that marginally tell us about the characters. But seven songs for the Feast of Fools to start. And the plot kind of trots at weird pace, giving us the bare minimum to get to the plot points

Garou as Quasimodo & Helene Segara Danse mon Esmeralda,Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Notre Dame de Paris Ending

However the larger point of the musical isn’t so much to tell the story of Hunchback, as I suspect the creators were under the impression that the audience already knew the story prior to seeing it but the to tell the emotions of the story which the musical does very well. The emotions in this musical are like that of The Phantom of the Opera, over-the-fucking-top, I still get misty eyed during Danse Mon Esmeralda. Does that excuse the musical for some of its jarring weirdness?

 Luc Merville Clopin and the Court of miracles and the Attack of Notre Dame Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Clopin and the Court of miracles and the Attack of Notre Dame

Nope. I don’t care how emotional effective the songs are, so many of the transitions from emotion to pivotal story points are down right jarring. For instance to get from Phoebus’ song, Dechire, when he sings about two ladies wanting him to Quasimodo’s punishment we have the bridge song Anarkia which is 42 seconds to explain Gringoire being married, the word “Ankaria” and then OMG look it’s Quasimodo, let’s go check that out. Or how about going from the lovely song where Esmeralda sings about wanting to live to BAM attack on Notre Dame. And for the record Notre Dame de Paris sports a very sloppy hastily done attack scene. First off Quasimodo is not around, Frollo can just end sanctuary and I’m unclear if Clopin and the court of miracles are defending Notre Dame or attacking it.

Daniel Lavoie Frollo Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Frollo

 

Despite the narrative weakness, Notre Dame de Paris is faithful in some ways to the book. For instant the fate of the characters is all on point and this is the best portrayal of Frollo in any version outside the book, even better than the opera that Hugo himself wrote the lyrics to.

 Garou Helene Segara Quasimodo and Esmeralda Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Quasimodo and Esmeralda

It is easy to over look the weak story telling of Notre Dame de Paris because you do get lost in the big emotions. Does that make it ok? No, but thank goodness the musical is so powerful, that is its very mighty strength.

Next Time – Differences between the book and the musical, (I wrote them once for my Hubpage, so outline, done)

Helene Segara as Esmeralda and Daniel Lavoie as Frollo NOtre Dame de Paris picture image

Esmeralda and Frollo

Keanu Reeves picture image

Keanu Reeves

For the last two Octobers I have made scary anti-hypothetical casting choices that were meant to terrify you to very your core with Miley Cyrus and Megan Fox as Esmeralda but this year, I thought we take a more fun scary anti-hypothetical casting choice, Keanu Reeves as does it really matter? It’s Keanu!

Now before you tell me Keanu Reeves is a good actor, go watch Bram Stoker’s Dracula , I’ll wait.

Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker from Bram Stoker's Dracula picture image

Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker from Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Wasn’t he hilarious in it? I died laughing at his first line with his stilted awkward British accent. Even Keanu Reeves himself knows it was a bad performance, but to be fair it was poorly acted by everyone. The fact remains however Keanu Reeve should not be in period movies, go watch A Walk in the Clouds, I’ll wait.

Keanu Reeves as Paul Sutton from A Walk in the Clouds picture image

Keanu Reeves as Paul Sutton from A Walk in the Clouds

See! Keanu is just weak and mis-casted in Period flicks. Keanu also  has weird speech pattern and woodenness that works in some movies like The Matrix or the thriller genre but it would not work in The Hunchback.

Keanu Reeves as Kai from 47 Ronin picture image

Keanu Reeves as Kai from 47 Ronin

Is it likely that he would cast in Hunchback? Who knows, he got into an adaptation of Chushingura, 47 Ronin, as a half Japanese guy which was not in Chushingura so I guess if he be in that movie it’s possible, I mean anything is possible. But who would he play?

It’s too scary to fathom him as Esmeralda, Fleur de Lys, or Djali, so let’s just let that idea disturb us in another post someday or in nightmares, your choice.

Keanu Reeves as Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure picture image

Keanu Reeves as Ted from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

I could see Keanu Reeves thinking he’s a serious actor even though he never escaped playing Ted from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure , so I could see him going for Quasimodo or Frollo. Though him playing Ted playing Clopin would be amazing.

Either Frollo or Quaismoodo would be hilarious, could you imagine him saying Frollo’s monologue to Esmeralda in the jail scene or as Quasimodo asking why he wasn’t made of stone? I can it would be unintentional hilarity. Reading the jail scene in my terrible Keanu impression, oh it’s so silly.

Keanu Reeves as Neo from Matrix picture image

Keanu Reeves as Neo from Matrix

But since most actors who want to be “serious” and let face it serious often means ugly, I would say he would want to be Quasimodo. His weird speech pattern might be a benefit since Quasi is deaf but still Keanu Reeves in a period film fills me with an eerie combination of delight and dread because it’s funny for 5minutes and then it’s painful and then silly again and then you just get numb and then sleepy, it’s likes hyperthermia.

Though be under no allusion Period+movie+Reeves = Bomb at Box Office so if this did happen it would not be a good thing for Hunchback, it would be horrifying.