The Top Ten Worst Non-Disney Princess Movies (that were reviewed.)

In someways this was harder than the Disney sequel worst list because on the whole, I found these movies far worst, like so much worst. Most of these movies were PAINFUL to sit through.

Number #10

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland – At best you can say Little Nemo is average, at worst it’s an insipid annoying movie with bland characters, awkward animation and ditzy dialogue. It could have been so much more. Though it was all about pie and pies are yummy and mathematical.

Number #9

Daria and Rollo The Princess and the Pea picture image

Daria and Rollo

The Princess and the Pea – While I do admit to being charmed by this movie and enjoying it a bit, it still doesn’t change that it was dumb. The main character is hardly in it at cost of a side characters and a pea that turned out not to mean anything.

Number #8

Felix, Oriana, and Pim Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix, Oriana, and Pim

Felix the Cat; The Movie – This is just a WEIRD movie. Should it lose points for being weird? No, I like weird but it’s also annoyingly stupid and the sound mixing made this movie so much worse.

Number #7

Princess Glory and Prince David Guillver's Travels picture image

Princess Glory and Prince David

Gulliver’s Travels – One word, Gabby. Gabby is still one of the single most annoying thing I have ever seen. Also the animation was jarring.

Number #6

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack The Thief And The Cobblerpicture image

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack

The Thief And The Cobbler – This should be lower on the list but you know what saves it? Richard Williams’ original animation. Otherwise it’s a just a train wreck. The filler animation is beyond haphazard, the songs make your ears bleed, and the characters are so weak they can’t lift a golf pencil.

Number #5

Tuptim The King and I Picture image

Tuptim

 

The King and I – This movie single-handedly made it so that the Roger and Hammerstein estate have a no-animated movie policy. Good job movie, your’s is a lameness unmatched.

Number #4

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande The Flight of Dragons picture image

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande

The Flight Of Dragons – While I do concede there was an interesting idea in this movie, it is F-ing beyond bad and boring. So many things are explained in way too much detail but more is not explain at all. How is that chick a princess? I always come back to this one as one of the worst and  it’s really hard to believe there are three worst than this but there are.

Number #3

Snow White and her Prince Happily Ever After picture image

Snow White and her Prince

 

Happily Ever After РAvoid movies with the words Happily and After in the them, your life will be greatly improved. This is one of the most annoying movies ever. The main characters are an after-thought for the side characters who make you want to lobotomize yourself with a rusty spoon. Though writing the review for it was fun mainly because this movie is so dumb, I mean they named the bad guy Maliss. Why not just name him Se̱or Bad-Man? Wait, that might be too clever.

Number #2

Zelia and Amin The Singing Princess picture image

Zelia and Amin

 

The Singing Princess– I debated a lot whether to put this at number one because not only was this an awful movie but the racism made really me really uncomfortable, of course the King and I was somewhat racist too but this was far less entertaining. The reason it’s not Number 1 is because I had two positives instead of none which were Julie Andrews and  some nice backgrounds. And yes, the animation was terrible but it was Italy’s first animated movie so it’s a touch more forgivable. I still hate it a lot though, like a lot.

Number #1

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda Happily N'Ever After picture image

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda

 

Happily N’Ever After– This movie has no excuse for being bad. It wasn’t the first anything, it was a massive immature cash grab. It was an ugly uninspired anus of movie that only positives was that Bender’s was a voice in it and I don’t think John DiMaggio was trying, I mean why would he? Quite literary I hated everything about this movie.

If the life of an unfamiliar puppy was on the line and I had to either watch Happily N’Ever After or Milo’s Return to save it, I think I would pick Milo’s Return but if were my life I would pick the sweet embrace of the grim reaper but since it’s a puppy I’d pick THE DISNEY SEQUAL OVER THIS SHIT, because it’s shorter and the lava dog was cute.

 

Next Time the Best, which was also hard to compile.

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland

At last we come to Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland! Little Nemo was based on the comic from 1905 and was in movie development hell from 1982 to initial release in 1989. It was released in the US in 1992. It was Japanese-American venture and it was the worst experience of Hayao Miyazaki’s professional career when he worked on it. But I’m not here to discuss the behind the scenes, I’m here to review what was shown to me on screen which was an odd combo of mild-surrealism and awkward boringness.

Nemo, Princess Camille, Icarus, Flip and Professor Genius Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Nemo, Princess Camille, Icarus, Flip and Professor Genius

Nemo (resisting finding Finding Nemo jokes) is a kid who has a flying squirrel and steals pies in his sleep against his mother’s wishes. He wants to go to the circus but he is made to wait a whole day. The night before he dreams that he is invited to be the royal playmate of Princess Camille of Slumberland. When he gets there is told by King Morpheus (resisting Matrix jokes) that Nemo is to be heir and he gives him a key to a door he is to never open.

Nemo meets Camille and they have some fun and then Nemo meets Flip who likes mischief.

Flip and Nemo find the door Nemo isn’t supposed to  be opened but Flip convinces Nemo to open it and the Nightmare King escapes. During Nemo’s coronation the Nightmare king kidnaps Morpheus. Nemo then wakes up in his room but he is still in the dream.

Since Nemo is the only other person who can use Morpheus’s scepter, Nemo gets a recuse party together to save the king. This party consists of Professor Genius, Camille and Flip who has a map of Nightmare land. The map gets ruin though but it’s ok because they meet some nice goblins who are going to the Nightmare castle to save their friend.

Things go wrong when they are attacked and everyone captured because Nemo doesn’t know the words to make the scepter work. Nemo wakes up in his bed for a second time but this time the goblins are with him, so he is still in the dream (resisting Inception jokes). The goblins’ friend shows up and gives Nemo a note from Morpheus which are the magic words. Nemo defeats the Nightmare King and all of Slumberland is happy. Nemo and Camille has a sweet little kiss and Nemo wakes up for real this time and apologizes to his mother about stealing the pie and then he gets ready for the circus, Hot Dog.

The Nightmare King Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

The Nightmare King

So what is wrong with this movie? Besides being a dream, the only things that imaginative and weird about it, is that Slumberland looks like a circus. The movie plays a fairly straight unsurprising narrative. Even Nightmare land isn’t all that imaginative. The nightmare king has a cool design but he looks like the Chernobog from Fantasia. I mean there are some interesting imagery like the upside down room in the castle but not too much. It’s just not very dream-like at all. Except at the very beginning with Nemo first flying bed dream.

I wish the ending made it unclear if it was really a dream or not but the ending was quite clear that it was all a dream about how Nemo should keep promises. Really it was about the pie that Nemo tried to steal the start of the movie.

 Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius

Then will have other characters who are also not that imaginative. Nemo is happy and has insipid dialogue like yay and yippie. Professor Genius is there. The Goblins are annoying. Flip is a little more interesting but I really don’t like him or understand him. The Squirrel, Icarus is also annoying.

Princess Camille Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Princess Camille

Then we have our token Princess, Camille. Camille is a weird combination of haughty and nice. I would say that this more her interesting as character but I think it’s just inconsistent writing. Still, at least it’s something, I don’t normally point to inconsistent writing a positive but here I am. Unless she was like that in the comics.

Also her accent switches between British and American like every other line. It’s very jarring.

Morpheus and Professor Genius awkward dancing Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Morpheus and Professor Genius awkward dancing

I will say on the whole, the animation is nice although the colors could have been more vibrant but it wasn’t bad. Though the dancing during the coronation was painfully awkward.

Also aside from the forgettable songs the background music was lovely. The music that played when Morpheus gave Nemo the key was my favorite.

Nemo and the Good Goblins Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Nemo and the Good Goblins

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland is fairly meh as a movie. And really the whole thing boils down to pies, which are delicious.