songs | The Hunch

12Aug 2014

Enchanted Tales Pacing – It Lengthens Time Out to Infinity

by jess

Melody in pain Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody in pain, probably from the bad pacing of the movie she is trapped in forevermore

For a movie that is only 40 minutes in length, The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame feels so much longer. Is it because the animation, the characters, the songs, or the dialogue makes it feel 10X longer, well yeah all those this add up but the pacing of this is really bad in genreal. So bad, that it amps up all those factors to hand-banging affect on the viewer, that makes them beg for death before the 15 minute mark. And yet death will not come.

One Confused Dingbat

The first aspects the kill the pacing are the songs. You know how song, sometimes, in better movies, have a build-up and the can either progress the plot of tells us something about the characters, not here, not in the Enchanted tales version. Here, they say, No. It could have been a bold and artistic move but all the songs really do is pad-out the running-time.

Melody sings

The songs add about 10 minutes, they make up a 4th of this movie and yet they add nothing. The longest song, at about 3 minutes, is the last one that “Life will Arrive.” This song serve no purpose and if cut we would have lost nothing. It really just stops the story and towards the end of it no less.

Melody and Quasimodo

The shortest song is “The Bells All Ring, which does advance Melody and Quasimodo’s relationship. How fucking stupid is that, the one song that sort of progresses the story is shortest and the longest halts the story. The other too also just stall the movie.

Circle dance animation

The animation also stalls things. When something repeats that much animation so unapologetically, you feel that time is being repeated over and over and over again, till a minute feels like ten minutes.

Jean-Claude

The pacing in The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is so uneven, silted and just makes for an unpleasant viewing experience. This version is not fun, it’s clutter-fuck that drags on to forever and beyond.

Next Time – The very worst thing about this Version, The fucking moral

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

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18Apr 2013

The Top Ten Worst Songs of The Hunchback

by jess

These songs were judged based on how lame the song was musically and contextually. Originally I want to keep it to movie but I didn’t. Hunchback versions like Secret of the Hunchback, Jetlag, or Enchanted could have dominated this List but that a little unfair as they are very much the worst of the worst that everything about them is crap. So I’m limiting their amount. I pretty must keeping this movie version with one exception because it’s my list.

10. A Guy like You, Disney

Gargoyles A Guy like you Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

Compare to the other songs on this list, this is a masterpiece. However when you compare it to the other songs in the Disney movie, it’s really BAD. The song builds up Quasimodo’s confidence only to have it crash down right after this song. However the way this done is by focusing on Quasimodo’s look and not his personality which is contrary to whole point of everything in this movie. However the music, singing and lyrics are all decent.

9. The Bells all Ring, Enchanted Tales

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

I once read a comment on this song that it lowers intelligence and yeah it’s pretty damn stupid. It comes out of nowhere and somehow this is the love song for Esmeralda and Quasimodo who just met. But the bell imagery fits. So while it is indeed very very stupid it’s harmless it won’t impact your intelligence too much.

8. Fa Fa Fa Fallen in Love, Hunchback II

Madeline and Quasimodo Fa la la la Fallen In Love Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney

This song is just a big ball of weird confusion. It is both pedantic and stupid and it proves it doesn’t understand the characters. First, it uses words like roundelay and madrigal but then it has lyrics that go “Oh, Wow” and has “Fa La La La” in the title whatever intelligence and cleverness it was trying to get out the big words is wasted. But my annoyance with this song is because it’s Quasimodo who have fallen in love and how big a deal it is that “Love has nailed him” and “Love’s derailed him.” It really should be Madeline (the girl) who has been derailed. Quasimodo’s life goal has been to be love so love can’t nail him or derail him when he has been working and hoping that this will happen to him.

7. Take your Cares and Toss Them, The Secret of the Hunchback

Gargoyles sing to Quasimodo,The Secret of the Hunchback

One of the most infamous songs in The Secret of the Hunchback is the Gargoyles’ song. The Gargoyles’ song is infamous because the gargoyles sing “doo-wa” in a jazzy manner while wearing sunglasses and playing instruments. Oh it’s idiotic. The context is Quasimodo is imagining the gargoyles are cheering him up. So while it’s kinda of works in way it just an excuse to get a singing gargoyle in the movie. The whole thing is a failure of execution but so is the rest of the movie. I will say that this song does a better job of telling Quasimodo that he is awesome. In fact “you’re awesome” is an actual lyric. It’s lame but given the movie it’s not surprising.

6. Frollo’s song, The Secret of the Hunchback

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback

If Jafar and Gaston had a love child it would be this version’s Frollo. In The Secret of the Hunchback, Frollo is the sheriff of Paris or something. His motivation is he wants the gold of Notre Dame and as this “villain song” implies he is going to use it to take over the world. So yeah his motivations are generic and confused much like this song. Musically this song feels all over the place and ends with Frollo going very low which feels weird and out of place. But I give the singer some credit as he says “Forte” correctly, so that is something.

5. Si Tu Pouvais Voir en moi (If you could see inside me), Notre Dame de Paris (2001)

Gio di Tonno as Quasimodo, Notre Dame de Paris Itlaian version picture image

Gio di Tonno as Quasimodo, Notre Dame de Paris Italian version

While I do think another song Notre Dame de Paris is worst, I excuse it since it is a bridge song. This song was a bridge song before they turned it into Quasimodo’s judgmental song. This song was not original to the show. Originally it was a bridge song for a Frollo song but instead it’s Quasimodo singing about Esmeralda being shallow for not noticing his pure love and the other guys lustful intensions. The thing we got all that from “Belle” (one of the greatest hunchback songs ever) and it’s just plain out of character for Quasimodo to sing those things. And considering it’s short and musically it’s only a few chords getting the character wrong is a major issue. And to make matters worse this song doesn’t even have to exist as it’s a replacement song. I realllllllllly HATE this song.

4. Love is Everything, Jetlag

Quasimodo and Esmeralda embrace

Love is Everything is ending song for the Jetlag version and boy oh boy is it a lazy piece of exploitative deleted. Quasimodo sings about how love is awesome and he’s happy to be in love and to be loved Blah blah blah how many songs are like this? But they use the tune to “We Three Kings” which makes zero sense. At least it’s not a national anthem which some of the lazier Hunchback song use. Overall this song is lazy, stupid and boring.

3. Dance to the Music of Paris, Enchanted Tales

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

This song is the opening song for Enchanted Tales. Unlike The Bells all Rings this song attacks your intelligence. First the song has no clue what time period the story takes place it. It uses the Can-Can as the melody. But this song is a cesspool of horrific lyrics. Lyrics like “Oui Oui,” “ooo la la,” and “the food is delicious, it’s pure gastronomy but don’t ask what’s in it because it’s Paris mon ami.” They also rhyme Rhythm with Rhythm. They also repeat a TON of clips not in this part but throughout this version. This song is so complex in its awfulness that I can not even express it properly.

2. I’d Stick with you, Hunchback II

Quasimodo and Zephyr I’d Stick With You Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney

I’d Stick with you is a buddy song between Quasimodo and Zephyr (Esmeralda & Phoebus’ son). It’s Zephyr posing a stupid scenario that if he was covered in glue would Quasimodo still be his friend. Oh My Goodness, is that Stupid. The song is just to show Madeline that Quasimodo is nice. The song has this sing-song way about it makes you want to hit mute. The lyrics are awful, half of them are set-ups so they can rhyme with “stick”. It bad, really bad but there is one song that out stupids it.

1. Magic in your heart, Enchanted Tales

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

This song….this song…….(cries) what fuck is is this? So ummmm, Melody a.k.a Not Esmeralda, has been arrested and sentenced to die and to make herself feel better she sings this uptempo abomination. She starts imagining that items in her cell came to life and start dancing around. Items like hay, iron bars, and stone blocks. She also gives instruments to mice. Considering that she can make instruments come to life with annoying personalities, I find it hard to believe that this only her imagination. But the song has no purpose in a Hunchback version. I mean I guess it shows her character but Not Esmeralda never showed a personality other than blandly nice so there is no point to this. I mean she doesn’t seem at all concern that she is going to die. The lyrics are crap, the visuals are stupid, context is shit, and the singing is grating.

Get all these movies and witness the awfulness yourself;

Disney/Sequel Blu-Ray

The Jetlag Version

Enchanted Tales

The Secret of the Hunchback
Notre Dame de Paris (Please Note- The song on the list isn’t in this version)

29Dec 2012

Esmeralda Poll

by jess

Helene Segara performing Bohemienne as Esmeralda Notre Dame de Paris

(I use the French titles but included song she didn’t sing the original production)

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19Sep 2012

Pick Your Artist Game: Notre Dame de Paris version

by jess

Helene Segara performing Bohemienne as Esmeralda Notre Dame de Paris

Do you remember those Facbook games where you had to pick an artist and using their song titles you had to answer questions. Well I found an old file of one of those that I did using songs from Notre Dame de Paris.

Pick Your Artist: NDdP

Are you a boy or a girl:
Ou est-elle? ( where is she)

Describe yourself:
Bohemienne

How do you feel:
a boire ( a drink)

Describe where you currently live:
ma maison c’est ta maison

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Florence

Your favorite form of transportation:
les oiseaux qu’on met en cage

Your best friend is:
le pape des fous

What’s the weather like:
Tu vas me detruire

Your favorite time of day:
un matin tu dansais

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called:
le Proces

What is life to you:
Le fete des fous

Your last relationship was:
La torture

Your current relationship:
Liberes

Your biggest fear:
Fatalite

What is the best advice you have to give:
Dieu que le monde est injuste

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Belle

How I would like to die:
Dechire

My soul’s present condition:
Anarkia

My motto:
Vivre

So questions work better than others

11Mar 2012

The Top Ten Worst Song of Notre Dame de Paris – New Squidoo Lens

by jess

Esmeralda and Clopin Notre Dame de Paris

I have created a new Notre Dame de Paris Lens, “The Top Ten Worst Song of Notre Dame de Paris“. As much as I love NDdP I know not every song is that great or even good. I started this Lens a few weeks ago and finally decided to finish a few days ago. It was actually hard to come up with ten but I did, so find out which song are the worst of the show.

And feel free to disagree with me. So click the link to find out what they are and why……..Enjoy

Link has been removed

2019 update- if you’re reading this in 2019, Squidoo no longer exists and this post will be removed at some point.

2022- I can’t remember why this one didn’t transfer to Hubpages like that other one did way back when hubpages took over squidoo’s content. I could have just deleted this it though. I could just a post on it. But It’s unlikely that I will remove this post.

01Mar 2012

The Musical Conclusion of Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

by jess

Der Glockner von notre Dame German Musical of Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

I’d say that the songs in Der Glöckner von Notre Dame are good. Sure there are some weak songs but they’re thoughtful and the either drive the plot forward or develop a character. However the music is not without problems.

Ann Christin Elverum as Esmeralda Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

First off, I HATE, hate that Esmeralda doesn’t get a solo in this. With exception of the Archdeacon, Clopin and the gargoyles she the only character not get one. Now you maybe thinking “But Hunchblog the majority of the characters in this didn’t have their own songs. ” Well that is true but let’s face, each of the gargoyles couldn’t get their own song they’re a trio and as a trio they almost get a single song, Clopin may not a single song but he sings a lot as the narrator and the archdeacon is hardly even a character so he doesn’t count. Beside the plot pretty much revolves around her you’d think she’d get one but her only big songs has Quasimodo in it. I mean in Notre Dame de Paris every character got one even Fleur de Lys (Phoebus’ Fiancee) got one (La monture) and she is seldom even in the adaptations. So that was a BIG negative.

Esmeralda and Antoine Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

I also got bit tired of the gargoyles singing over people. I do think it was a great way to show that gargoyles are 100% in Quasimodo’s head but it’s gets a bit old after a while. I think the show kept putting the gargoyles in songs so that A Guy Like you wouldn’t feel out of place. Another thing that gets old is hearing DrauÃŸen (Out There) over and over again. Anytime the play wants to reenforce Quasimodo to the audience DrauÃŸen is played. Admittedly this maybe unfair because Die Glocken Notre Dames is the most overused as in the play this how Clopin does most of his narrating but since I’ve been judging off the CD it’s DrauÃŸen that got old.

Esmeralda and Quasimodo Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

So yeah the songs are good for the most part but what I think really helps a lot of these songs is that singing quality is better. Though I’ve picked on DrauÃŸen in this review, I much prefer it in this musical than in the Disney movie along with Ein Mann wie du (A Man like you). The singers are just much better and that helps the enjoyment of the songs. Conversely, Hellfire suffers for this and it’s not because the is bad, I mean he put emotionally intensity into the next song Esmeralda, but maybe Hellfire is Tony Jay’s and no one else compares. Esmeralda and Clopin are one the level though the cresendo at the end of Bell isn’t as powerful as Kendal but he does a great job otherwise.

Esmeralda and Clopin during Drunter DrÃ¼ber” (Topsy Turvy) Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

The musical does make the recycled Disney movie songs feel like it’s own which is nice, you don’t feel like their just simply lifted from the movie and put in to a musical. And while I do prefer Notre Dame de Paris Der Glöckner von Notre Dame has wonderful music. Just wish Esmeralda got one song to herself.

Next Time – The Production; Sets

Frollo and Quasimodo Der Glöckner von Notre Dame

22Sep 2011