L’Ombre (The Shadow)

Daniel Lavoie as Shadow Form Frollo with Patrick Fiori as Phobus performing L’Ombre Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Daniel Lavoie as Shadow Form Frollo with Patrick Fiori as Phobus performing L’Ombre

I always found this song a little more than silly as Phoebus asks why his shadow is wearing a coat and a hat. I get that it’s lyrical but I would buy that Phoebus would wonder why his shadow was a better dresser that him. Also Frollo’s pose is kind of funny as he holds up his arms.

Again, L’Ombre is a bridge songs to get us to the encounter scene. It’s taken from the book which is called something like the Goblin Monk. It’s not as funny as the chapter. Frollo and Phoebus don’t have their witty banter where Phoebus wants to fight and is broke and Frollo offers to pay for the room but wants to watch.

The song is ok. I like the beats and melody. The Lyrics are a little weird. they start silly but then Phoebus aska who would follow him and them asks if he’s a man of god and he likes of course. So I have no clue if Phoebus knows who the shadow is or if he just being dumb. But it’s a good bridge song and it’s really the only song in Notre Dame de Paris that is suppose to be humorous.

Le Val d’amour

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire with dancer during Le Val d’amour  Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire with dancer during Le Val d’amour

Literally means Valley of Love but it’s a brothel. What kind of guy would ask for a tryst at a brothel? Phoebus, what a charmer. My guess is that because he a frequent visitor, he gets a discount for the room.

This scene is a vast departure from the book as Phoebus meets Esmeralda at a inn type house called Pomme d’Eve (or something like that). I guess that isn’t as romantic of a name. Le Val d’amour brothel was mentioned in the book however as the place Jehan goes to for some paid loving.

Le Val d’amour itself is a fun number. Gringoire sings it and sells it as THE brothel to visit when you’re in town as it offers good quality for low, low prices. He even gives detailed directions which is so Victor Hugo. It’s also a great number for Gringoire as he back into his fun party mood like in the Feast of Fools number. Plus this also really the last fun number in the show, so enjoy it.

The dancing is very sensual but in the Italian version is even more sexual. Also when I first heard the original London version I swear I heard the lines “Guitars implore Ga-Glor-ka-Glor.” Not really sure how to spell what I heard….

La Volupté (The Sensuous)

Patrick Fiori as Phoebus in La Volupté with his prize winning Smug look Notre Dame de Paris  picture image

Patrick Fiori as Phoebus in La Volupté with his prize winning Smug look

I’ll be blunt, I have never really liked La Volupté. The only thing I have really liked about is Phoebus’ smug look and that could just be Patrick Fiori. That being said I don’t think it’s a bad song, it didn’t make my hit list.

The music is fine and it has a nice sensual electric guitar thing but everything that is silly about the scene in the book is gone, except for that smug look. Also the song indicates that Esmeralda should have a darker skin tone than Phoebus, so at least with original cast, it takes me a little out of things but that is a major nitpick.

But you know what is NOT a major nitpick, we see shadow Frollo stab Phoebus but you also see Gringoire make the same gesture down stage. What this is meant to indicate is that Gringoire is telling the story and is pantomiming the actions, but it gets a little lost as it looks like Gringoire is the one doing the stabbing even though he is not.

All in all, it’s a okay song for moving the plot along but it’s a bit confused in execution. Thank goodness for that almighty smug look.

Fatalité (Fatality)

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire singing  Fatalité  Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire singing Fatalité

Again like La Volupté, Fatalité is not my favorite. But it is one of the few songs in Notre Dame de Paris where all the principle leads are on stage together. I think Belle is the other time unless you want to count the encore.

Again Fatalité has that nice guitar riff that is heard in La Volupté. It is very dramatic as Gringoire sings about how no can escape Fate. It’s a nice closer to Act I but it seems a little lacking if I were to compare it to Le Mis (One Day More) or Phantom (All I ask of you reprise) or even Der Glockner von Notre Dame (Esmeralda). I mean it’s fine but it’s not a song I’m inclined to listen to a lot.

I’d give it a B- as a grade, though I’m not grading the songs so that doesn’t really mean that much.

End of Act I!

All in all, despite my criticisms, Act I is great.

Get the whole GLORIOUS ALBUM HERE

This part have FIVE songs because of someone’s weird decision to change a song

Ma maison c’est ta maison (My House is your House)

Esmeralda and Quasimodo in Notre Dame Ma Maison c'est ta maison garou helene Segara Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Esmeralda and Quasimodo in Notre Dame

Ma maison c’est ta maison is one of the sweetest songs in Notre Dame de Paris. In it Quasimodo offer Notre Dame as both protection and a home to Esmeralda, very nice. This is the only version really do this as Esmeralda isn’t in any trouble.

It also just a nice duet between Quasimodo and Esmeralda but it offer some character development, like what Notre Dame means to Quasimodo, like it’s his passion, his air, his prison his homeland etc. Esmeralda admits to being afraid of Quasimodo but through this interacting she changing her mind as he reminds her of the gargoyles which make her laugh when she is bored. That could sound mean but it’s not meant that way.

Melodically the song is very gentle and sweet. Unlike the other songs in the song the built isn’t with music, it’s Esmeralda and Quasimodo singing together which is a nice little change.

This song also makes Notre Dame seem great, cool in the summer and warm in the winter, I live in New England so that sound wonderful as we have insane winters and crazy humid summers.

One more thing, I really like when Esmeralda takes Quasimodo’s hands, it’s very nice. It’s always nice when the performer have good chemistry and Garou and Helene Segara have really wonderful chemistry.

Ave Maria Païen (The Pagan Ave Maria)

Helene Segara singing Ave Maria Paien in Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Helene Segara singing Ave Maria Paien

Ave Maria Païen is one of Esmeralda’s big musical numbers. It’s a clear homage to the 1939 version when she prays to Mary. Disney had a similar scene but the tone and message was a little different.

In this song Esmeralda ask for protect for herself and she asks that barrier like race, nationality and other creeds that divide people be lifted which is her philosophy. So while she asks for protection and also ask for the welfare of people who get trampled on people in power much like God Help the Outcast.

The song itself is rather simple but gorgeous. Instead of having complex chords and music it instead has a children choir which just adds a lot of beauty and atmosphere. Also Helene Segara sells with song with a lot of passion in her voice.

Jens sens ma vie qui bascule (I feel my life slipping)

Daniel Lavoie as Frollo singing Jens sens ma vie qui bascule Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Daniel Lavoie as Frollo singing Jens sens ma vie qui bascule

While Esmeralda was praying Frollo was watching her and he becomes more fascinated by her. Really, this bridge song is meant to link Ave Maria Païen with Tu vas me détruire but in some way it’s more of introdution to Frollo’s song. It makes that point that Frollo is becoming vulnerable.

As a bridge song goes, Je sens ma vie qui bascule was perfect for Frollo’s character and the flow of the show and then they ruined it.

Si Tu Pouvais Voir en moi (If you could see inside me)

Gio di Tonno as Quasimodo, Notre Dame de Paris Itlaian version picture image

Gio di Tonno as Quasimodo, Notre Dame de Paris Itlaian version

Sometime in 2001 someone changed Jens sens ma vie qui bascule to Si Tu Pouvais Voir en moi song by Quasimodo, who is now the one watching Esmeralda pray taking Frollo out of the scene which makes his following song come out of no where which makes for sloppy flow.

But more than that this song is basically Quasimodo calling Esmeralda out for being shallow and not loving him as every other guy’s love is not true like his. This song is just fucking pointless, we already know this from Belle. I just don’t understand the thought process of ruining the pacing, the following song, and ruining Quasimodo’s character. Quasimodo is calling her shallow for not seeing inside and yeah Quasimodo did something like that in the book with vases but this song feels wrong for his character.
Really it would have been fine for Quasimodo to watch Esmeralda pray but it ruined too much to be meaningful to the show. I HATE this song, hate, hate, hate. Boo!

Tu vas me détruire (You will destory me)

Daniel Lavoie as Frollo Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Daniel Lavoie as Frollo Notre Dame de Paris

This is Frollo’s first big solo number. In Tu vas me détruire, Frollo sings about how his obsession is going to destory him and he on the one hand cares as he curses her but on the other he doesn’t care. He is going to sink into his obsession without any remorse.

The performer playing Frollo typically put their own spin while singing this song. Some are more angry while others are tragic. What I like about Lavoie’s version is that he has a great combination of pathos and desperate anger which is perfect for the character. I also like the way he hold his hand with a lot of tension like he trying to retain what little control he has left.

The staging is also really great. As Frollo sing pillars are trying to crush him. Literally his issues of purity and purity are trying to kill. If you really look at those pillars, you can see eyehole and a doors.

The music has a weird mix of being gentle but really off and I don’t mean off like the timing but like a stirring madness which again is perfect for the character and mood.

When I was first into this show, this song was one my favorites.

Get the whole GLORIOUS ALBUM HERE

Can you guess the theme of these songs?

Le Mot Phoebus (The word Phoebus)

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire with Helene Segara as Esmeralda in Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire with Helene Segara as Esmeralda

Le Mot Phoebus is one of my favorite little bridge songs in Notre Dame de Paris. First off the melody is very pleasant and sweet. Second this the ONLY time that Gringoire and Esmeralda get a duet, which is a shame, makes sense but a shame, though in other versions the get two lines in La Cour des Miracles but still.

In Le Mot Phoebus Esmeralda tells Gringoire he has been Friend-zoned and Gringoire isn’t that upset about it. I think he would have been happier with her be his muse, nymph, his lady but Gringoire is a chill dude and just goes with it.

It’s just a few nice lead into the next song.

Beau comme le Soleil (He is like the Sun)

Juie Zenatti as Fleur de Lys & Helene Segara as Esmeralda, Notre Dame de Paris Original Cast, picture image

Juie Zenatti as Fleur de Lys & Helene Segara as Esmeralda, Notre Dame de Paris Original Cast

And what is this? It’s the next song, fancy that. Beau comme le Soleil is a rather interesting song as it’s another duet sung by Esmeralda and Fleur-de-Lys in tandem but not really together about the man-whore know as Phoebus.

Now Esmeralda has known him for a solid day and had two interactions with him. One she was more-or-less flirtatiously gave a vague account of her life and the second time she refused him after he saved her and then somewhat agreed to met him at a brothel and now she in totally in love with him, teenagers am I right? Whether or not it’s believable from a logical stand point, Esmeralda’s part is a directly foiled by Fleur-de-Lys’ part.

Esmeralda’s part is just about a growing love or fascination for a guy she doesn’t know at all. All she knows is he is handsome. Fleur-de-Lys knows more about him like he is rascal but she is attracted to me on a more physical level than romantic idolization. It’s an interesting pairing of two loves that are both shallow and immature.

The melody is nice and the part they sing together is really pretty. I love how great the original cast harmonizes toegther.

Also I haven‘t talked about the editing very much but that overlay at the end with Phoebus is so derpy. In other versions, Phoebus appears between the ladies but on the Original cast DVD, that overlay makes me laugh every single time.

Déchiré (Torn)

Patrick Fiori as Phoebus from Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Patrick Fiori as Phoebus Notre Dame de Paris

Ah Déchiré, Déchiré and I go way back to my first AMV, the character was pretty the embodiment of this song. And what is Déchiré all about? It’s about how Phoebus is super duper happy that two lovely ladies want him.

Unlike in the book, Phoebus here expresses a desire for having both women in his life instead of Esmeralda being a one night stand. Fleur-de-Lys would have been the wife and Esmeralda would have been the mistress. At some points in times, mistresses were totally ok, I’m not sure if that was the case for 1482 France but the point is two women want his love and he is normal for being happy about it.

I really enjoy this song. I would say this song is upbeat even though it’s a little disguised as being being moody and other versions don’t have the same level of dark wit. The song defiantly has great energy and is a testament to the stupid male ego.

Get the whole GLORIOUS ALBUM HERE

Bohémienne

Esmeralda Helene Segara Bohemienne Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Esmeralda

Bohémienne is one of the few upbeat songs in Notre Dame de Paris. Pending on the cast you’re watching the number can be more upbeat, as most Esmeraldas do have dance choreography. The trouble with some Esmeraldas, is that even though they are dancing, the choreography can look REALLY mechanical. Some Esmeraldas can pull it all like Lola Ponce of the original Italian cast and Baba of the Korean version but most Esmeraldas it like arms up, run back. arms up again and now twirl. Helene Segara at least looks natural in her movements regardless whether not she is dancing, she isn’t but there are a few little steps in there.

Bohémienne tells us a little bit of Esmeralda’s origins and out look on life. She’s a wander and enjoys the unknown. She is also a dreamer and really dreams of going to Spain. Despite the upbeat nature of the number there is this hint of bittersweetness. The combination of tones gives this songs a nice complexity and interest.

It’s a really great introduction for Esmeralda and fun number.

Esmeralda Tu Sais, (Esmeralda, You Know,)

tu sais Esmeralda and Clopin Helene Segara Luc Mervil Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Esmeralda and Clopin

I once made a Top Ten Worst Songs of Notre Dame de Paris list and this song was there, at number three no less. This songs works to tells us more on Esmeralda’s backstory with regards to Clopin. Basically he raised her when she mother died. In the song he warns her about guys and his own rising interest in her.

Here the thing about Esmeralda tu sais and why it made my list, it’s REALLY boring. The melody, orchestration, tone are like valium. It doesn’t highlight the singer it anyway and makes Clopin sound like he is droning. In other cast versions, they tried to fix the song by making it a duet with Clopin and Esmeralda which is nice and Clopin gets more angry about the world but it didn’t really help anything, it’s still dull a rusty nail.

The ONLY thing I can give the song is showcasing Clopin’s gentler side but I mean they could have written a better melody, it’s just one of the weaker songs in the show.

Ces diamants-là (These Diamonds)

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys with Patrick Fiori as Phoebus, Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys with Patrick Fiori as Phoebus, Notre Dame de Paris

Ces diamants-là is Fleur-de-Lys introduction song. Just so we’re all clear, Fleur-de-Lys is Phoebus’ Fiancee. Isn’t it great that Notre Dame de Paris introduces Fleur-de-Lys before Quasimodo? I think it is!

Ces diamants-là tells us about Fleur-de-Lys and Phoebus’ relationship. Fleur-de-Lys who is young in this version but is wise to Phoebus’ playboy ways in that she says even if his romantic lines are lies she doesn’t care. She is smitten with him and Phoebus whether or not is he is lying or sincere does seem to be interested in marring her.

The song is sweet but there is more at play. They way they circle around each other and pull way speaks to a power dynamic and really way they do it speaks to Fleur-de-Lys having more control than Phoebus. This could be because Phoebus is a slut who can’t help himself or that it’s Fleur-de-Lys who has the monetary upper-hand like she does in the book. The melody while it’s quite pretty seems a little off, like almost a little diabolical, like a little foreboding with those drums. In that sense it’s the perfect depiction of Phoebus and Fleur-de-Lys‘ characters in the musical.

Get the whole GLORIOUS ALBUM HERE

I might discuss aspects from other casts but I’m going to keep it to the original cast.

Le Temps des Cathédrals (The Age of Cathedral)

 

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire singing Le Temps de Cathédrales Notre Dame de Paris  picture image

Bruno Pelletier as Gringoire singing Le Temps de Cathédrales

This is the first number of the show. It’s sung by Pierre Gringoire who acts mainly as a story teller. The song tells us about the changing times and how teh Cathedral once prominent and important to society is falling away and that population is changing too as people seek refuge in Paris.

The song itself is very mysterious with a touch of bittersweetness. The songs also have a great build and there is a nice reveals of the stage as the song builds. It starts with a bare stage and Gringoire but slowly layers of screens are pulled back to reveal the set pieces.

Le temps des cathédrales is also a great showcase for Gringoire’s voice. Bruno Pelleteir has such an expressive voice. Also with all the power and build up and the enegry Gringoire to into the song it transition to the nest song very nicely.

Les Sans Papiers (Those without Papers)

 

Luck Mervil as Clopin singing Le Sans Papiers, Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Luck Mervil as Clopin singing Le Sans Papiers

Just a little clarication papers meaning without passport, or without legal documentation which I don’t think they would have had in 1482, could be wrong but it a big deal these days and the Refugee were a big issue in France at the time this musical came out so it’s topical.

So what is interesting about Notre Dame de Paris is that even though they didn’t start it the same way as the book they do introduce the characters at roughly the same points. This songs in Clopin asking for refuge for his people. There is also the same tone of change.

There is a great power and darkness to Le Sans Papiers. It’s interesting that a song that is basically begging would have such a forceful tone to it. There is also a menace and urgency that makes this song exciting by the end.

It also the first number with dancing. Notre Dame de Paris has a lot of dancing. For this particularly number the dancing is a little weird. I don’t know a ton or anything about dance, heck I was run out of tap dance class at the age of six, I’m the last person who should critic dance but while I think the dancing in this number is effective to the tone and mood of the song I don’t care for it. Some of it look like spazing out, which I excel out. I did like that walk out and throw down move.

Also during this song you can see Frollo looming in Notre Dame, as played by a rock climbing wall. And as indicated by the next song, this song did not melt Mr. Frollo’s icy heart.

Intervention de Frollo (Intervention of Frollo)

Daniel Lavoie as Frollo singing Invention de Frollo Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Daniel Lavoie as Frollo singing Invention de Frollo

This is the first song that is a little different between the cast version. Frollo commands Phoebus to arrest the people and he complies. In the original cast he tries to arrest Esmeralda and is taken with her. In other versions, after getting the order Phoebus finds Esmeralda dancing and is taken. It’s both a HUGE difference and not. With her dancing it clarifies Esmeralda as a dancer but the transition is not smooth. With the arrest we lose her a bit as dancer but it makes for a better transition. Though it’s a transition that exist within the song.

As bridge song, Intervention de Frollo is okay. It’s very staccato but gets the point across of Frollo authority and coldness and Phoebus‘ conformity and interest in pretty girls.

*I might translate these with crummy translations or go by the English titles. which can also be crummy.

GET THE WHOLE GLORIOUS ALBUM

garou Bruno Pelletier Gringoire spotting Quasimodo during the Feast of Fools Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Gringoire spotting Quasimodo during the Feast of Fools

Before we start tearing the songs of Notre Dame de Paris a new one, or unabashedly praising them, somethings to keep in mind.

Number One – since there is like fifty songs in this musical, I’m going to take a few at time because while I do like stretching out content longer than I should, I don’t want to spend a year on the songs. So it will be like three to four on average and maybe some songs will get it’s own, like Belle.

Second, the songs in Notre Dame de Paris are really, REALLY repetitive. So I’m getting that out now. I’m not going to keep say that over and over for every songs.

So next week we’ll start properly as I like just starting things at the beginning on months.

La Jolla Hunchback Poster picture image

La Jolla Hunchback Poster

I have been looking for pictures or videos of the new Hunchback musicals since it began and I have found next to zip till now. While searching for the sets of show I found http://enseeseven.tumblr.com and when I looked back there a few days later I found this http://lajollahunchback.tumblr.com which has some of the recordings of the song from the show. So very briefly I will just go through the recording and give my thoughts.

Rhythm of the Tambourine –  I have to assume this is Esmeralda’s introductory song and it’s a new song. I gotta say though, it’s not doing much for me and I’m a little bummed that it not an Esmeralda only song that was a big issue for me with Glockner.

Made of Stone – I have to admit Michael Arden sounds a bit like Colm Wickinson here. I also wish he was angrier sounder, he sounds more sad but it’s a fine version of the song. I’m curious about the Ensemble/Gargoyles roles.

Finale Ultimo, Part 1 – They kept the stabbing angle? Neat! I don’t really like the pep talk with Quasimodo and the ensemble, seems un-necessary with the Made of Stone song. Overall it’s good.

The Tavern Song (Thai Mol Piyas) – Another new song! It’s fun. I’m not sure where this song goes in the play but I like it.
Apparently Thai Mol Piyas might mean “And wine we drink” in Romani.

Sanctuary (Reprise) – OMG, the red door scene! At first I thought it was the jail scene but it’s clearly not. This could have been in the original Glockner because it was in the King’s Academy version although less adult.   I’m glad to hear some lines from the book though.

God Help the Outcasts – They play this very straight to the original Disney movie which is fine by me because I hated Quasimodo part of the song as it took Esmeralda’s only solo away. At first I though Ciara Renee was going to be belt-y with this song but she isn’t, it’s nicely done.

The Bells of Notre Dame – This is very different. The example Frollo backstory prior to Quasimodo.  Frollo has Jehan back in the version. Frollo and Jehan lived at Notre Dame. Jehan gets Frollo a Gyspy prostitutes for his birthday but they get caught Jehan get kicked out. Frollo then rises to the ranked of Archdeacon. Frollo finds Jehan who dying and his Gyspy wife has died. Jehan asks Frollo to take his baby, i.e Quasi. He doesn’t want to but then does.

I’m not sure how to feel about this version of the song. It’s a good mitigation between the novel and Disney version but it lacks the drama and intensity that the Disney version had. However it could be way better on stage. They also mispronounce Jehan.

Hellfire – Much like God Help the Outcast, they play this one straight to the Disney version.

The got rid of A Guy like you, City under Siege, Out of Love, Dance of the Gypsies, Balancing Act.

What do you think of these songs?

Melody in pain Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Melody in pain, probably from the bad pacing of the movie she is trapped in forevermore

For a movie that is only 40 minutes in length, The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame feels so much longer. Is it because the animation, the characters, the songs, or the dialogue makes it feel 10X longer, well yeah all those this add up but the pacing of this is really bad in genreal. So bad, that it amps up all those factors to hand-banging affect on the viewer, that makes them beg for death before the 15 minute mark. And yet death will not come.

One Confused Dingbat Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

One Confused Dingbat

The first aspects the kill the pacing are the songs. You know how song, sometimes, in better movies, have a build-up and the can either progress the plot of tells us something about the characters, not here, not in the Enchanted tales version. Here, they say, No. It could have been a bold and artistic move but all the songs really do is pad-out the running-time.

Melody sings Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody sings

The songs add about 10 minutes, they make up a 4th of this movie and yet they add nothing. The longest song, at about 3 minutes, is the last one that “Life will Arrive.” This song serve no purpose and if cut we would have lost nothing. It really just stops the story and towards the end of it no less.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The shortest song is “The Bells All Ring, which does advance Melody and Quasimodo’s relationship. How fucking stupid is that, the one song that sort of progresses the story is shortest and the longest halts the story. The other too also just stall the movie.

Circle dance animation Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Circle dance animation

The animation also stalls things. When something repeats that much animation so unapologetically, you feel that time is being repeated over and over and over again, till a minute feels like ten minutes.

Jean-Claude Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame

Jean-Claude

The pacing in The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is so uneven, silted and just makes for an unpleasant viewing experience. This version is not fun, it’s clutter-fuck that drags on to forever and beyond.

Next Time – The very worst thing about this Version, The fucking moral

Melody and a handome Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

 

 

 

 

 

 

These songs were judged based on how lame the song was musically and contextually. Originally I want to keep it to movie but I didn’t. Hunchback versions like Secret of the Hunchback, Jetlag, or Enchanted could have dominated this List but that a little unfair as they are very much the worst of the worst that everything about them is crap. So I’m limiting their amount. I pretty must keeping this movie version with one exception because it’s my list.

10.  A Guy like You, Disney

Gargoyles A Guy like you Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Gargoyles A Guy like you Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

Compare to the other songs on this list, this is a masterpiece. However when you compare it to the other songs in the Disney movie, it’s really BAD. The song builds up Quasimodo’s confidence only to have it crash down right after this song.  However the way this done is by focusing on Quasimodo’s look and not his personality which is contrary to  whole point of everything in this movie.  However the music, singing and lyrics are all decent.

9. The Bells all Ring, Enchanted Tales

 Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

I once read a comment on this song that it lowers intelligence and yeah it’s pretty damn stupid. It comes out of nowhere and somehow this is the love song for Esmeralda and Quasimodo who just met.  But the bell imagery fits. So while it is indeed  very very stupid it’s harmless it won’t impact your intelligence too much.

8. Fa Fa Fa Fallen in Love, Hunchback II

Madeline and Quasimodo Fa la la la Fallen In Love Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney 2 Sequel

Madeline and Quasimodo Fa la la la Fallen In Love Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney

This song is just a big ball of weird confusion. It is both pedantic and stupid and it proves it doesn’t understand the characters. First, it uses words like roundelay and madrigal but then it has lyrics that go “Oh, Wow”  and  has “Fa La La La” in the title whatever intelligence and cleverness it was trying to get out the big words is wasted.  But my annoyance with this song is  because it’s Quasimodo who have fallen in love and how big a deal it is that “Love has nailed him” and “Love’s derailed him.”  It really should be Madeline (the girl) who has been derailed. Quasimodo’s life goal has been to be love  so love can’t nail him or derail him when he has been working and hoping that this will happen to him.

7. Take your Cares and Toss Them, The Secret of the Hunchback

Gargoyles sing to Quasimodo,The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Gargoyles sing to Quasimodo,The Secret of the Hunchback

One of the most infamous songs in The Secret of the Hunchback is the Gargoyles’ song. The Gargoyles’ song  is infamous because the gargoyles sing “doo-wa” in  a jazzy manner while wearing sunglasses and playing instruments. Oh it’s idiotic. The context is Quasimodo is imagining the gargoyles are cheering him up. So while it’s kinda of works in way  it just an excuse to get a singing gargoyle in the movie. The whole thing is a failure of execution but so is the rest of the movie.  I will say that this song does a better job of telling Quasimodo that he is awesome. In fact “you’re awesome” is an actual lyric. It’s lame but  given the movie it’s not surprising.

6. Frollo’s song, The Secret of the Hunchback

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback, picture image

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback

If Jafar and Gaston had a love child it would be this version’s  Frollo. In The Secret of the Hunchback, Frollo is the sheriff of Paris or something. His motivation is he wants the gold of Notre Dame and as this “villain song” implies he is going to use it to take over the world.  So yeah his motivations are generic and confused much like this song. Musically this song feels all over the place and ends with Frollo going very low which feels weird and out of place. But I give the singer some credit as he says “Forte” correctly, so that is something.

5. Si Tu Pouvais Voir en moi (If you could see inside me), Notre Dame de Paris (2001)

 Gio di Tonno as Quasimodo, Notre Dame de Paris Itlaian  version picture image

Gio di Tonno as Quasimodo, Notre Dame de Paris Italian version

While I do think another song Notre Dame de Paris is worst, I excuse it since it is a bridge song. This song was a bridge song before they turned it  into  Quasimodo’s judgmental song. This song was not original to the show. Originally it was a bridge song for a Frollo song but instead it’s Quasimodo singing about Esmeralda being shallow for not noticing his pure love and the other guys lustful intensions. The thing we got all that from “Belle” (one of the greatest hunchback songs ever)  and it’s just plain out of character for Quasimodo to sing those things. And considering it’s short and musically it’s only a few chords getting the character wrong is a major issue. And  to make matters worse this song doesn’t even have to exist as it’s a replacement song. I realllllllllly HATE this song.

4. Love is Everything, Jetlag

Quasimodo and Esmeralda embrace Jetlag version Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo and Esmeralda embrace

Love is Everything is ending song for the Jetlag  version and boy oh boy is it a lazy piece of exploitative deleted. Quasimodo sings about how love is awesome and he’s happy to be in love and to be loved Blah blah blah how many songs are like this? But they use the tune to “We Three Kings” which makes zero sense. At least it’s not a national anthem which some of the lazier Hunchback song use. Overall this song is lazy, stupid and boring.

3. Dance to the Music of Paris, Enchanted Tales

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda,Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

This song is the opening song for Enchanted Tales.  Unlike The Bells all Rings this song  attacks your intelligence. First  the song has no clue what time period the story takes place it. It uses the Can-Can as the melody. But this song is a  cesspool of horrific lyrics. Lyrics like “Oui Oui,” “ooo la la,” and “the food is delicious, it’s pure gastronomy but don’t ask what’s in it because it’s Paris mon ami.”  They also rhyme Rhythm with Rhythm.           They also repeat a TON of clips not in this part but throughout this version. This song is so complex in its awfulness that I can not even express it properly.

2. I’d Stick with you, Hunchback II

 

Quasimodo and Zephyr I'd Stick With You Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney Sequel 2 picture

Quasimodo and Zephyr I’d Stick With You Hunchback of Notre Dame II Disney

I’d Stick with you is a buddy  song between Quasimodo and Zephyr (Esmeralda & Phoebus’ son). It’s Zephyr posing a stupid scenario that if he was covered in glue would Quasimodo still be his friend. Oh My Goodness, is that Stupid. The song is just to show Madeline that Quasimodo is nice.  The song has this sing-song way about it makes you want to hit mute.  The lyrics are awful, half of them are set-ups so they can rhyme with “stick”.  It bad, really bad but there is one song that out stupids it.

1. Magic in your heart, Enchanted Tales

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame  picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

This song….this song…….(cries) what fuck is is this?  So ummmm, Melody a.k.a Not Esmeralda, has been arrested and sentenced to die and to make herself feel better she sings this uptempo abomination. She starts imagining that items in her cell came to life and start dancing around. Items like hay, iron bars, and stone blocks. She also gives instruments to mice.   Considering that she can make instruments come to life with annoying personalities, I find it hard to believe that this only her imagination. But the song has no purpose in a Hunchback version. I mean I guess it shows her character but Not Esmeralda never showed a personality other than blandly nice so there is no point to this. I mean she doesn’t seem at all concern that she is going to die.  The lyrics are crap, the visuals are stupid, context is shit, and the singing is grating.

Get all these movies and witness the awfulness yourself;

Disney/Sequel Blu-Ray

The Jetlag Version

Enchanted Tales

The Secret of the Hunchback
Notre Dame de Paris (Please Note- The song on the list isn’t in this version)

 

Helene Segara performing Bohemienne as Esmeralda Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Helene Segara performing Bohemienne as Esmeralda Notre Dame de Paris

(I use the French titles but included song she didn’t sing the original production)

What song that Esmeralda sings in Notre Dame de Paris is your favorite?

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