Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister picture image

Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister

The first Live action movie we’re going to look is the 2002 TV movie Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister. It’s a retelling of Cinderella This was an interesting movie, first off notice how it’s ugly and not wicked, this is because the main is one of the step sister and not so much Cinderella.

Azura Skye as Iris with Matthew Goode as Casper Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister picture image

Azura Skye as Iris with Matthew Goode as Casper

The step sisters, Iris and Ruth flee England with their mother, Margarethe to Holland. They are poor  so they start living with an artist. The artist uses Iris as a model and his apprentice, Caper takes a liking to Iris. They get in with a wealthy merchant who has a lovely daughter named Clara who is scared to leave her house as she was kidnaped when she was child.

Margarethe is a greedy women who wants to be rich so she uses her knowledge of potions, which is why she left England, to win the affections of Clara’s father and marries him. The merchant loses his fortune. Margarethe hears that there is a ball where the Prince will pick a wife and and is determined that Clara should win his attention with her superior beauty. Clara says she won’t do it and become the kitchen maid so she be alone and coins Cinderella as her name. Margarethe then decides that Iris is her best bet. However Clara then decides she will go to the ball as Iris loves Casper and she wants Iris to be happy. Margarethe however forbids it and burns Clara’s gown.

Clara goes to the ball with the help of her Godmother which was a woman that stalked her and scared her. She tell Clara that there is a dress in attic and she turns a rat into her slippers.

At the ball Iris does managed to charm the Prince with talk of art but the Prince falls for Clara’s beauty. And the next day he comes to their house with the slipper. Before Clara tries the slipper on Margarethe asks her to take care of Iris and Ruth but in the end Clara says that she will look after Margarethe too and yay happy ever after.

Jenna Harrison as Clara Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister picture image

Jenna Harrison as Clara

My biggest issue with this movie is that there is great sense of realism that gets muddled towards the end. Like the slipper is made from magic but there is no other magic in the movie. It just doesn’t fit. Also the prince and Iris had great scene where they discuss art. It gave the impression that the Princes was interesting but when he saw Clara all that went out the window and he just based his love of looks but before that there was a set-up that he was above that. They should have just had a scene where Clara and the prince find a commonality but they really didn’t.

Azura Skye as Iris Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister picture image

Azura Skye as Iris

I did find the characters interesting. Margarethe was greedy but she valued courage which is why she doesn’t like Clara. Clara is sheltered, scared and introverted which isn’t something you see a lot of in stories especially for a character is that pegged as a nice beauty. Iris, the main character has the whole beauty on the inside though the actress playing her is quiet pretty so it a hard sell that people called her ugly or at least not that pretty. Though she meant to be talented, smart and witty whereas Clara isn’t as much. Which is sort of an interesting counterpoint. The rest of the character are likable.

Jenna Harrison as Clara Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister picture image

Jenna Harrison as Clara

The technical are meh but it’s a TV movie. The costumes are alright but I do appreciate that they did get the Holland fashion at the time, black with white lace look. But it was just meh.

 Azura Skye as Iris Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister picture image

Azura Skye as Iris

Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister is okay. It an interesting take on the classic Cinderella story but I found the plot kind of overly complexed and I wish they kept it more real as that was its intent. But I bet this it could have been worse.

The Book version

The Hunchback of Notre Dame is a story that has inspires some other great work of cinema. Some movie makers opt to take this story and adaption from its original novel and transform it into a movie, it’s boring path, anyone can adapt a book to a movie. Some other people however take this story use its core essence make a movie. Most of the movies however aren’t worth the resources they wasted, they mock the glory of the Hunchback tale but there is one movie. There is one movie that takes the story of Hunchback and makes it shine through the celluloid, a movie that truly understand, a genius movie.

It’s a story about a group of people whose way of life is being threaten and they much work together to brave the storm and silence those who would judge them. The heart of this movie lies in the relationship of a ugly social recluse who wants both to be loved and to earn the respect of a beautiful young lady who is being lusted after by a shady guy.

What glorious movie is this? Can you guess? Or Click here to reveal this masterpiece’s identify.

garou Bruno Pelletier Gringoire spotting Quasimodo during the Feast of Fools Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Gringoire spotting Quasimodo during the Feast of Fools

Before we start tearing the songs of Notre Dame de Paris a new one, or unabashedly praising them, somethings to keep in mind.

Number One – since there is like fifty songs in this musical, I’m going to take a few at time because while I do like stretching out content longer than I should, I don’t want to spend a year on the songs. So it will be like three to four on average and maybe some songs will get it’s own, like Belle.

Second, the songs in Notre Dame de Paris are really, REALLY repetitive. So I’m getting that out now. I’m not going to keep say that over and over for every songs.

So next week we’ll start properly as I like just starting things at the beginning on months.

Part II: Book I: The Everlasting Presence of the Past

Part II: Book I; Chapter 1: Lord Clancharlie
Part II: Book I; Chapter 2: Lord David Dirry-Moir
Part II: Book I; Chapter 3: The Duchess Josiana
Part II: Book I; Chapter 4: The Leader of Fashion
Part II: Book I; Chapter 5: Queen Anne

We’re doing something a little different, instead of me going by chapters I’m just going to do it all at once. Why? Well for one thing one these chapter are broken into four parts making them too long and second I’m not sure about these chapters. They have some mild interest like the history and Josiana was amusing but I scarily recall anything work talking about.

I will say some parts remind me of Hunchback, like Josiana being a prude and proud. Though she is not all that much like Esmeralda. Though what REALLY stood out that was like “Hello, I’m Victor Hugo and I wrote Hunchback” were Josiana’s fiancee, Lord David, belonging to a club where they discuss ugly men, oh if only they could have seen Quasimodo. He also belongs to teh Hell-fire club, (snickers). But what really caused he to stop was in the Queen Anne chapter when it said and I quote;

She rather liked fun, teasing, and practical jokes. Could she have made Apollo a hunchback, it would have delighted her.”

Just in case you didn’t know Phoebus is another way to say Apollo. Anyway I hope these chapter add to the plot because true be told I would rather read about Lady Josiana and he court pals and shenanigans that starving freezing child who don’t have names and certainly over descriptions of the ocean. If I wanted to read about the ocean I will read Oceans (Ecosystems (Facts on File)) or I will continue reading Your Inner Fish
which is more about evolution but specific about ocean  are mentioned albeit  frozen ones but it’s very interesting.

This list was also REALLY hard to compile.

Number #10

Arete trying to escape Princess Arete picture image

Arete trying to escape

Princess Arete – While it had glacier slow pacing it did have some interesting ideas and a unique style. Did I really enjoy it? No but that is a personal opinion, it was still a better than most of the Non-Disney Princess movies I reviewed, which is kind of sad.

Number #9

Clara with the Nutcracker Prince The Nutcracker Prince picture image

Clara with the Nutcracker Prince

 

The Nutcracker Prince – I’m surprised I liked this movie but it did have solid narrative and interesting take on growing up, plus the music.

Number #8

Dmitri, Anya and Vlad Anastasia picture image

Dmitri, Anya and Vlad

Anastasia – I wanted to put this higher on the list but considering the history and Rasputin as a villain the 8th spot is perfect.

Number #7

Lady Amalthea a.k.a The Unicorn's Human Form The Last Unicorn picture image

Lady Amalthea a.k.a The Unicorn’s Human Form

 

The Last Unicorn – This was an ambitious story to tell. It has its flaws but it is a good identity piece.

Number #6

Nausicaa not wearing a mask in the Sea of Decay Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind picture image

Nausicaa not wearing a mask in the Sea of Decay

 

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind – Nausicaa is a solid entertaining movie. It has issues as it tries to do too much for one movie but it’s still highly enjoyable.

Number #5

Shrek meeting Fiona's parents Shrek 2 picture image

Shrek meeting Fiona’s parents

Shrek 1 and 2– Yeah it’s a tie. But Shrek is a keystone fairy-tale parodying movie(s) with great characters and heart, plus the 3D added to the movie and at no point was I like “Oh, this thing should have been hand-drawn. What the Fuck Hollywood.”

Number #4

San and Ashitaka Princess Mononoke picture image

San and Ashitaka

 

Princess Mononoke – This is a beautiful environmenal movie. It loses points for a rushed ending but it’s forgivable.

Number #3

Pazu and Sheeta seeing Laputa Castle in the Sky picture image

Pazu and Sheeta seeing Laputa

 

Castle in the Sky– Castle in the Sky is great adventure movie with great pacing, great characters and a satisfying ending. There is just such a great balance to this movie that seems rare in cinema.

Number #2

The Tale of the Princess Kaguya picture image

Kaguya

 

The Tale of the Princess Kaguya – Again, I debated whether or not to put this at number one because I really loved this movie and it has a unique style, fluid animation and a compelling story. However this movie does have a pacing problem in the middle. That being said it is a masterwork.

Number #1

Tzipporah, The Prince of Egypt picture image

Tzipporah,

The Prince of Egypt – My biggest criticism of this movie is that it was rushed in parts which meant I wanted more of it whereas Kaguya ultimately I wanted less and that is how it nudged the top spot.

The Prince of Egypt is a gorgeous movie. It’s big on style, dynamic angles and shots and great drama. There is no denying this movie is stunning.

It’s funny that the one of the best and the worst of the Non-Disney Princess were reviewed at the very end.

The next bunch of movies are going to be Live-Action Fairy Tale movies. I’m reviewing them in sort of random order, if you want make a recommendation for a movie you can because there is A LOT of them and I hope they don’t suck or at the very least not as painful to watch, though some will be, Kstew and the Thor, I’m looking at you.

Clopin Disney Hunchback Notre Dame picture image

Clopin Disney Hunchback Notre Dame

At last there is exist the Clopin Catsuit, wow, trying saying that three times fast, ok it’s not that hard. Anyway I got an e-mail about a Clopin catsuit from Zentai-Zenati.com. A Zentai is a a full-body skin tight suit, I first learned what a Zentai was from an episode of Archer, episode 03×08, Lo Scandalo to be exact.

You can view it here,  http://www.zentai-zentai.com/clopin-trouillefou-costume-yellow-and-blue-spandex-lycra-catsuit-products-1898.html  (I’m not affiliated with the site, just saying.) I can’t post the picture.

I just love that a site has a Hunchback costume.

Julie Zenatti as Fleur de Lys Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Julie Zenatti as Fleur de Lys Notre Dame de Paris

So often in adaptations of The Hunchback Notre Dame, Fleur-de-Lys gets shafted. Either she is not there, an extra or just in a few scenes and with in those scenes she is pretty much a rich bitch. The 1956 version had her in one scene were she was soften a touch though still catty. Notre Dame de Paris however took a character that really isn’t a huge character in the book and fleshed her out and gave her some depth.

Julie Zenatti as Fleur de Lys Notre Dame de Paris

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys Notre Dame de Paris

Fleur-de-Lys is the smallest role in the musical has she only has three songs, though she appears in more numbers. The minimal songs she get do reveal everything about her character and her arch.

Julie Zenatti as Fleur de Lys Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys Notre Dame de Paris

Unlike the book, Fleur-de-Lys is much younger. I believe in the book she was twenty-four whereas in Notre Dame de Paris she is fourteen. More than likely this change is based on Julie Zenatti’s age at the time she played the role, which was seventeen.

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys with Patrick Fiori as Phoebus, Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys with Patrick Fiori as Phoebus, Notre Dame de Paris

Zenatti said in that Fleur-de-Lys loves Phoebus with a passion, which is true but her love for Phoebus is not as romanticized as Esmeralda. She knows that he is handsome and spouts out romantic lines but he is also a scoundrel and a soldier.

Fleur-de-Lys and Phoebus Julie Zenatti Patrick Fiori Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Fleur-de-Lys and Phoebus

In the Phoebus post, I mentioned that Phoebus was a double minion to both Frollo and Fleur-de-Lys and that is because at some point during the musical Fleur-de-Lys snaps and demands that Phoebus ensures Esmeralda’s death. The manner which she tells this to Phoebus is vastly different between the original version and all the subsequent versions.

Julie Zenatti as Fleur de Lys Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys Notre Dame de Paris

In the original version, Fleur-de-Lys snaps and sings her big number, La Monture, to herself and asks Phoebus to kill Esmeralda. He overhears this and with the next number tells her that he is returning to her and basically agreeing to her request. Very personally, I like the original version of La Monture, it has  a desperation and venom. It also means that Phoebus is taking some agency with the death of Esmeralda.

 

Julie Zenatti as Fleur de Lys with Patrick Fiori as Phoebus, Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys with Patrick Fiori as Phoebus, Notre Dame de Paris

In other versions, Phoebus asks Fleur-de-Lys to take him back as his unfaithful heart is all better. Fleur-de-Lys then very sexually asks him to kill Esmeralda. She honey-potted him. He can’t really refuse her after that. I get why they changed it, as it makes Fleur-de-Lys look more powerful and in- control and second it just make for a better on stage show number. However I do think that someone who desperate and at her wit’s end asking for someone death is more interesting than someone who is forcing someone and using sex to get what they want. Also I’m not sure why Fleur-de-Lys wants Esmeralda to die as much in other versions, it just seems like she testing Phoebus more that she is going out her mind with jealousy, but that is just me.

 

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys with Helene Segara as Esmeralda Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys with Helene Segara as Esmeralda Notre Dame de Paris

 

Fleur-de-Lys is also Esmeralda’ s foil. Where Esmeralda is earthy, sensual, innocent and exotic, Fleur-de-Lys is colder, calculating, jaded, polished and has a fairer European beauty. This is in the book but is because Fleur-de-Lys is bigger in Notre Dame de Paris the difference between the two ladies is clearer.

 

Julie Zenatti as Fleur de Lys Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Julie Zenatti as Fleur-de-Lys Notre Dame de Paris

Despite having the smallest role in Notre Dame de Paris , Fleur-de-Lys is still quite well fleashed out and really compelling.

Next Time – Moving in to the songs

Original Cast Belle NOtre dame de Paris picture image

Original Cast Belle

Book 3: The Child in the Shadow

Book 3, Chapter 4, Another Form of Desert

Ten-Year-old-Nameless-Boy and Little Girl turn out to be in Weymouth. He is still cold and hungry and can’t find any help. He considers just giving up and dying but he keeps going for the little one. That’s it, next chapter. Side note I read this chapter when I was VERY sleepy and when I had to remember what chapter I was one I thought this was two and giving Hugo’s wordiness I can believe that this could have been. Geez was Hunchback this wordy, i don’t think so. I mean by Book three think we were getting into the big essays and plot had happened.

Book 3, Chapter 5, Misanthropy plays its Pranks

FUCKING FINALLY! Something! Ten-Year-old-Nameless-Boy meets Ursus and Homo. Ursus gives them his food and grips about it, they kids go to sleep and that is pretty much it and it was a long chapter to boot. Geez this book.

Book 3, Chapter 6, The Awaking

So Ursus, Homo, Ten-Year-old-Nameless-Boy and Little Girl are going to be a family, so many yays. Oh and the girl is blind.

And on to Part II Book 1, oh come on. Nothing really happened in Part I really like four plot point and the say Part II what difference does it make to say Book 4? Oh well. I’m gonna finish this book and You’re going to finish it with me.

The Top Ten Worst Non-Disney Princess Movies (that were reviewed.)

In someways this was harder than the Disney sequel worst list because on the whole, I found these movies far worst, like so much worst. Most of these movies were PAINFUL to sit through.

Number #10

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland picture image

Princess Camille, Flip, Nemo, Icarus, and Professor Genius

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland – At best you can say Little Nemo is average, at worst it’s an insipid annoying movie with bland characters, awkward animation and ditzy dialogue. It could have been so much more. Though it was all about pie and pies are yummy and mathematical.

Number #9

Daria and Rollo The Princess and the Pea picture image

Daria and Rollo

The Princess and the Pea – While I do admit to being charmed by this movie and enjoying it a bit, it still doesn’t change that it was dumb. The main character is hardly in it at cost of a side characters and a pea that turned out not to mean anything.

Number #8

Felix, Oriana, and Pim Felix the Cat the Movie picture image

Felix, Oriana, and Pim

Felix the Cat; The Movie – This is just a WEIRD movie. Should it lose points for being weird? No, I like weird but it’s also annoyingly stupid and the sound mixing made this movie so much worse.

Number #7

Princess Glory and Prince David Guillver's Travels picture image

Princess Glory and Prince David

Gulliver’s Travels – One word, Gabby. Gabby is still one of the single most annoying thing I have ever seen. Also the animation was jarring.

Number #6

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack The Thief And The Cobblerpicture image

Princess Yum-Yum and Tack

The Thief And The Cobbler – This should be lower on the list but you know what saves it? Richard Williams’ original animation. Otherwise it’s a just a train wreck. The filler animation is beyond haphazard, the songs make your ears bleed, and the characters are so weak they can’t lift a golf pencil.

Number #5

Tuptim The King and I Picture image

Tuptim

 

The King and I – This movie single-handedly made it so that the Roger and Hammerstein estate have a no-animated movie policy. Good job movie, your’s is a lameness unmatched.

Number #4

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande The Flight of Dragons picture image

Gorbash, Peter Dickinson and Princess Milisande

The Flight Of Dragons – While I do concede there was an interesting idea in this movie, it is F-ing beyond bad and boring. So many things are explained in way too much detail but more is not explain at all. How is that chick a princess? I always come back to this one as one of the worst and  it’s really hard to believe there are three worst than this but there are.

Number #3

Snow White and her Prince Happily Ever After picture image

Snow White and her Prince

 

Happily Ever After – Avoid movies with the words Happily and After in the them, your life will be greatly improved. This is one of the most annoying movies ever. The main characters are an after-thought for the side characters who make you want to lobotomize yourself with a rusty spoon. Though writing the review for it was fun mainly because this movie is so dumb, I mean they named the bad guy Maliss. Why not just name him Señor Bad-Man? Wait, that might be too clever.

Number #2

Zelia and Amin The Singing Princess picture image

Zelia and Amin

 

The Singing Princess– I debated a lot whether to put this at number one because not only was this an awful movie but the racism made really me really uncomfortable, of course the King and I was somewhat racist too but this was far less entertaining. The reason it’s not Number 1 is because I had two positives instead of none which were Julie Andrews and  some nice backgrounds. And yes, the animation was terrible but it was Italy’s first animated movie so it’s a touch more forgivable. I still hate it a lot though, like a lot.

Number #1

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda Happily N'Ever After picture image

Ella and Step-Mother Frieda

 

Happily N’Ever After– This movie has no excuse for being bad. It wasn’t the first anything, it was a massive immature cash grab. It was an ugly uninspired anus of movie that only positives was that Bender’s was a voice in it and I don’t think John DiMaggio was trying, I mean why would he? Quite literary I hated everything about this movie.

If the life of an unfamiliar puppy was on the line and I had to either watch Happily N’Ever After or Milo’s Return to save it, I think I would pick Milo’s Return but if were my life I would pick the sweet embrace of the grim reaper but since it’s a puppy I’d pick THE DISNEY SEQUAL OVER THIS SHIT, because it’s shorter and the lava dog was cute.

 

Next Time the Best, which was also hard to compile.

I have not been keeping up on this  but here are two  videos.

Ok I didn’t really want to interject my thoughts BUT if this musical production is “bare” what does that make Notre Dame de Paris? Non-existentant? I will also say that the videos I have seen from the shows are really good, the singers convey the emotions very well and I like play with the ensemble in Out There, gotta love the no gargoyles stance.

Also Bonus, in case you missed it,
Josh Groban is doing a cover of Temps des Cathedrales on his new album Stages
http://www.idolator.com/7584158/josh-groban-new-album-stages-kelly-clarkson