Today’s prophecy comes for the Hunchback Disney Script.
“You’re telling me! I’m losing to a Bird!”
It is futile to chose an avian as an opponent today.
Bambi II
I want to review Bambi II, really I do but it’s beyond reproach as Patrick Stewart is it and anything with Patrick Stewart is clearly awesome.
Alright, I’ll try and review it!
Bambi and The Great Prince
Bambi II is a midquel. It takes place during the time after Bambi’s mother dies and he is being raised by his dad, the Great Prince of the Forest. Basically the movie is about the Great Prince coming to terms with raising Bambi and Bambi trying to win his dad’s respect.
This story actually works and is pretty ok. It suffers from the typical issues of little drama when death or near-death is used. Though at one point a doe is trouble and that could have had some drama but they diffused the tension in favor of Bambi being chased by hounds and you know he going to be fine. Otherwise it not that bad but there are some issues.
Bambi watching The Great Prince fight off Hounds
First off this movie takes some influence from The Land Before Time
Bambi, Ronno, and Faline
Speaking of Ronno, what an annoying character. Ronno is a bully who is momma-boy. It seems like he is the rival stag in the original because of his motions towards Faline but not sure. I guess he is an antagonist and a foil to Bambi but he is annoying.
Bambi
Bambi himself has little personality but he didn’t really in the first so whatever.
The Great Prince
Bambi II does a fair job at keeping the atmosphere of the original. The original had these moments of dramatic and almost abstract lighting. Like the hounds in the grass is a pretty cool shot.
Bambi and The Great Prince
Bambi II
Kronk’s New Groove
On paper the idea for Kronk leading a sequel of The Emperor’s New Groove
Kronk, Yzma and some old guy
This movie is compromised of two flashbacks within a flashback and it’s basically Kronk trying to get his father’s approval. Kronk works as a cook and hears that his father is coming to visit. Kronk, prior to the movie has lied to his father saying that he is married with kids and lives on house on a hill.
He tells two stories about how he got those things but lost them. Kronk got a house on a hill by getting tricked into working with Yzma to scam old people out their money and their old folks home. Kronk feeling guilty returns the house on the hill to the old folks.
The second story is Kronk meets a competing Junior Chipmunk camp Counselor, Miss Birdwell, and they fall in love but the due to being overly competitive, Tipo, Pacha’s kid, pulls a prank on Birdwell and her Junior Chipmunks during the big cheer contest. Kronk takes the blame and Miss Birdwell dumps him.
The last part of the overall flashback is all Kronk’s pals try to make his lies a reality by telling Kronk’s dad that they are either his wife or children. Kronk learns that even if he can’t get his father approval he has great friends and he gets his father approval and Kronk reunites with Miss Birdwell.
Kronk and Miss Birdwell do the spaghetti scene from lady and the tramp
Besides the weak story structure and stories, this movie is very annoying. In the same vein as the Emperor’s New Groove, this movie doesn’t even try to be authentic to the Incas in anyway shape or form. Though in Kronk’s New Groove this by far worse since we lack the charm and fun of the first movie and they amp up anachronism to 11.
It’s not really worth getting in to as it will melt you brain out your ears should you try and think about it. No, that is not the core of my annoyance with this movie, that honor goes to the shameful amount of movie references this movie abuses. Movie references and referencing other media in general is a lazy shortcut to add humor into a movie with out really doing to much. This movie references Lady and the Tramp, Titanic, Thriller, Cheers, and Lord of the Ring just to name a few. Does the movie gain anything by these reference? No, it does not add anything other than padding the movie out and making people stupid.
Kronk
One of the core criticism of the movie is with Kronk himself. Kronk and Yzma were delightful in the The Emperors’s New Groove, so it’s tempting to use Kronk and Yzma again. But as Kronk is a villain’s minion, he is best in small doses, not as the central focus.
However there is another issue with Kronk as the leading character and that is despite Yzma being is a small chuck of the movie there is no one to balance out Kronk. That balance of two colliding characters made the first one great. Here he just a likable goof with no one to really play off of and that makes Kronk and the stories boring.
Kronk and Miss Birdwell dance
One could also say that the title of the movie is a bit of a misnomer, as Kronk doesn’t get a groove. He doesn’t change or grow, he stays the same but everyone knows that the name is a tie in to the original but F.U. movie, I’m calling you out on it.
Kronk and Yzma
Kronk’s New Groove is a weak attempt at a sequel and it actual makes people more stupid after viewing it.
Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie
Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie
Lumpy, Roo, Piglet, Tigger, Pooh, Rabbit, Eeyore Trick-or-Treating
Plot is it’s Lumpy’s first Halloween and Roo and pals are teaching him all about it. Tigger tells of story about some made up creature called the Gobloon that turns creatures into “Jaggedy-Lanterns.” Lumpy gets scared, so Roo and him venture to find it and make wishes or something because Pooh ate all the candy.
At the 20 minute mark because the screenwriters relieved that they don’t have their Pooh quota of screen time, Roo tells Lumpy a story about Piglet learning not to be scared, a lesson which I‘m sure he will forget. Lumpy and Roo set-up a trap but they run away when they think they hear the Gobloon. Lumpy gets his foot caught while trying to get away after tripping over a wheel-barrow of pumpkins and Roo leaves him to die like a jerk.
Lumpy does managed to get away and the two are separated. When Roo goes back for Lumpy he just sees a Lumpy Jack-o-lantern and thinks that the Gobloon tried him to a “Jaggedy-Lanterns.” Lumpy ends up in the Gobloon trap and the gang thinks they caught the Gobloon. Roo then wishes for Lumpy back. They then find Lumpy in the trap and have the best Halloween ever. At Roo’s house we learn that Kanga made Jack-o-lanterns of everyone but Lumpy’s got lost.
Mecha Piglet
The first big issue with the movie seems to be in most Pooh movies, the Flashback story. In Springtime for Roo the flashback story had a precedent on the larger story. In this move, yeah it makes sense but it didn’t work with the larger story and just stalled the movie because without it would have been 40 minutes and cut the memorable character pretty much out.
Roo
Which bring me to my next Point, Roo can not and should not carry a Winnie the Pooh movie. I’m not sure what the rational behind this was. I think perhaps that the screenwriters feel that Pooh is too much a grown-up for kids to identify with so they use Roo.
It’s a very classic misconceptions of how grown-up think kids work in relations to movies. Roo should either be a minor character or act as straight man if Christopher Robin is too busy with school. He should not be going on adventures without Pooh and the gang. It worked in Pooh’s Heffalump movie because Roo was a counterpoint to Pooh but here it’s just stupid. Pooh should not be a minor character in his movies.
Lump scared of Eeyore
Then there is Lumpy. Lumpy gave me a bit of a flashback to Lumpy Space Princess, LSP, from Adventure Time but other than the name, Lumpy, and being purple they have little in common except that they annoy me.
Lumpy didn’t annoy me in the Heffalump movie but in the Halloween movie oh was he annoying. They pretty much killed his character in this. In the Heffalump movie he was cute and fun and got scared once but I wouldn’t characterize him as big coward wimp.
In the Halloween movie he was a whiny wimp. It was not endearing or cute. Piglet has the monopoly on being scared you can’t give that trait to another character and make the flashback justify it. Still hate the flashback tactic and I hate Lumpy in this movie which makes me sad since I have affinity for Elephant-like creatures.
Tigger and Pooh in Halloween costumes
Despite being a Halloween movie with a Heffalump in it, Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie fails by all counts. It’s boring, annoying and stall. The animation is bad by sequel standards and it throws the memorable characters aside for boring and annoying children. I really hated this movie.
Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch
Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch
Glitchy Stitch
Good Night Everybody!
Lilo and Stitch
Really, that is all I can say on it, it’s ok. Considering most the Disney sequels, that’s high praise but in honestly the original Lilo and Stitch never did much for me. I saw it and it was ok but it never connected with me.
Lilo and Stitch
The basic plot of this sequel is Stitch is malfunctioning due to his energy never being fully charged and he reverting to evil. In the mean time, Lilo is trying to win a hula contest so her late mother will be proud of her while David is trying to make Nani jealous and Nani trying to keep it all together.
Mostly it’s sub-plots. The climax of the movie is Stitch dies and the power of love, I shit you not, saves him. I do like how they don’t use magic Disney Science to explain it, they just don’t care and neither do I.
Lilo, Stitch, Nani, David, Pleakley, & Jumba.
One thing that worked in this movie is that the family is awesome moral made sense. Though it was rampant in the first one, so it was a rehash and the film would have failed if it couldn’t pull that off.
Stitch
Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch for all it is, is meh. However Meh equals Ok on the Disney Sequel spectrum of fuckery. It didn’t make me want to destroy humanity the way Atlantis II did nor did it make me question my sanity the way Little Mermaid II did. It wasn’t painful and therefore it’s ok. Although maybe it’s only ok because I have no strong feelings towards the original.
Mertle and Lilo
Mertle is also a Grade-A Bitch.
Keanu Reeves
Disney is currently making a CG version of The Phantom of the Opera and Keanu Reeves has landed the coveted role as the Phantom.
Why Disney? Just why?
Source;
http://www.disneymovieslist.com/movies/details.asp?mov=phantom-opera
Tarzan II
The first time I saw the original Tarzan, I didn’t like it very much but since it had been a very long time since my viewing of Tarzan, I decided to watch it before watching Tarzan II. On a Second viewing, I didn’t hate it as much as the first time. As it turns out Tarzan II is a midquel so there might have been more drama and tension if I hadn’t seen the original.
Tarzan and Zugor
Tarzan II takes place when Tarzan is a young wee bit of a thing, trying his hardest to be the best ape he can. Tarzan feels he and the family would be better off is his wasn’t there but his ape momma, Kala, assures him that family is awesome at the 8 minute mark.
Tarzan, however, gets separated from his family and decides to run way when he overhears some gorillas saying that they will be better off without him. He runs into a family of bitter Gorillas who live in a rocky rift and can’t leave because of a monster called the Zugor. The Zugor turns out to be an old Gorilla named Zugor who is scaring animals so they will leave him alone. Tarzan bargains with him to teach him stuff in return for keeping his secret. Tarzan wants to know what he is and what his talents are. It’s at this point he starts horning his human brian which impresses Zugor.
Terk and Tantor go to look for Tarzan after Tantor hears Tarzan yelling. Terk and Tantor run into the bitter Gorilla family. To save them, Tarzan spills the beans about Zugor and Kala and three baby Gorillas get in the fray. Tarzan uses a vine to swing and to save Kala and the babies and Zugor find his place with the formerly bitter Gorilla family. Tarzan learns that no matter what he is, he a part of a family.
Tarzan
It’s pretty obvious that Tarzan II takes place during that growing up montage. As far as midquels go, Tarzan makes sense to have one, unlike Beauty and the Beast but just because it made a little sense to shoehorn another story in the original, midquels are stupid. Because we have seen Tarzan we know that nothing bad can happen in this story.
We also know that all the character development in the midquel happen in like 4 minutes in the original. Midquels are therefore boring and dull to watch and by their very nature they can’t add anything to the original story.
Lion King 1 1/2 could have made the sequel make a little sense by showing the Scar loyalist leaving Pride Rock but on a whole Midquel can’t have any tension or drama.
Tantor, Tarzan and Terk
As it is Tarzan II despite not having any sense of drama or original character development is not wholly bad. The fact that it is a midquel does make it boring but for hour story it’s fairly not that bad but it has some issues.
A Rhino and a Bird
First annoying little issue, and this was an issue I had in the first movie, if the gorillas and Tarzan can talk to Tantor why can’t they talk to the other animals? This is just annoying and I don’t get it.
Tarzan and a baby Warthog
Second annoying issue, where the hell is this? I mean I know it’s in the Jungles of somewhere in Africa but where? Africa is a big continent so where is the place with Elephants, Gorillas, Rhinoceros, Hippos, Warthogs, Leopards (or one) and if I count the first movie Lemurs, Baboons and Taisers. Lemurs only live in Madagascar but none of the other animals do so I gotta say F U Disney.
What is Disney’s issue with pan-menagerie of animals especially when they had a dumb throw away line about piranhas being native to South America? I could tone out this issue in the original movie but in the midquel it was annoying.
Kago, Gunda and Uto
Then we have the new characters, Zugor, Uto, Kago, and Mama Gunda. At least the have contrived yet distinct personalities, Zugor is a lovable grump, Uto is dense, Kago is violent and Mama Gunda is overbearing.
Uto, Kago and Gunda are considered the antagonist but they are weak ones and they hardly count. However as weak as they are, they are miles more entertaining than Ursula’s crazy sister or the Tim Curry organ.
Kala and Tarzan
It says something if before the ten minute mark the viewer knows the core lesson, Family is awesome. To be fair most of these sequels is about family or friends being awesome. On some occasion it’s love that is awesome but that is rarer.
Tarzan II is so blatant with its message that I felt I could have turned it off after 8 minutes. It did make for a nice little bookend with beginning and the end but you know Tarzan is still with his family because of the original so having it blatant in the narrative indicates that the movie thinks its audience is stupid. Then again these sequels are used as babysitting tool to get kids sleep, so touche movie.
Tarzan
Tarzan II
Disney Princesses/Characters are common choices for costumes but usually one or costume is chosen more than what that character wears in the movie. But let us see which costumes of each character is the most cosplayed. Characters must have at least two costume changes in the movie. I will go through the first 100 cosplay pictures of the character in google images. I will search them by their name and word “cosplay” and in Jane and Anna case, Disney was added. Keep in my mind Google Images change a lot.
Snow white
Snow White
Yellow – 100
Rags – 0
Cinderella
Cinderella
Casual -1
Pink Gown – 0
Ball Gown -99
Aurora
Aurora
Briar Rose -29
Pink Gown -50
Blue Gown -21
Ariel Disney The Little Mermaid
Ariel
Mermaid – 50
Ship wreak – 3
Pink Gown -11
Blue Dress – 36
Wedding – 0
Belle
Belle
Casual -13
Green dress – 0*
Pink – 1
Yellow Gown -86
Jasmine
Jasmine
Casual -93
Disguise -0
Purple Dress -1
Slave – 6
Purple End – 0
Esmeralda as a Disney Princess
Esmeralda
Casual – 84
Red dress -12
Prisoner – 0
Mulan
Mulan
Casual – 15
Gown – 61
Warrior 24
Jane
Jane
Yellow -70
Jungle -2
(all I saw)
Tiana
Tiana
Waitress – 9
Almost there dress -0
Princess costume 1 – 0
Princess costume 2 kiss – 8
Ball Gown -83
Wwdding- 0
Elsa
Elsa
Coronation Gown -16
Snow Queen -84
Anna
Anna
Coronation Gown- 7
Snow Dress – 93
Ending Dress – 0
I’m not surprised by the common costume but some of the numbers are surprising. I thought Belle would have more for her Blue Dress.
*saw 1 under Jane
Winnie the Pooh Springtime with Roo
Finally, A Winnie The Pooh video I didn’t hate. Winnie the Pooh Springtime with Roo takes a lot of issues that Winnie the Pooh has and turn the issues into something that is decently charming and not a pain to watch.
Roo, Piglet Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, & Rabbit
The story goes, the gang is getting ready for Easter. Rabbit hosts it every year and everyone is looking forward to especially little Roo. Rabbit however decides that instead of Easter they are going to clean his house. The others sad still go along with it but once they find the Easter decorations decide to decorate for the occasion. When Rabbit sees it he gets mad. Roo and Tigger try figure why Rabbit is angry and doesn’t want to celebrate Easter.
Rabbit thought Tigger was replacing him as Easter Bunny last year and he was mad that no one followed his strict rules. But Rabbit sees a vision of the future where everyone left him alone and he comes around and they celebrate Easter together without rules.
Piglet, Roo, Rabbit, & Poohwith Roo
So why is this one more enjoyable than the others Pooh movies? The problem with Winnie the Pooh is that all the characters have their very extreme flaws, which are part of their charm but without a straight and even character to lead the audience through them they get overwhelming. Christopher Robin is, or should be the even-key one but his parts are minimal and sometimes non-existence.
In this one we have Roo. Compared to the others, Roo is an excitable child but it still normal. With a normal character the other’s flaws can’t be as extreme and the flaws can be more of a center point.
Pooh and Piglet
The plot isn’t as big as the Grand Adventure nor as confused as the Christmas/New Year, but it’s solid and focused. One criticism is that that plot is very focused on Roo, Tigger and Rabbit. Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore don’t have much to do within the narrative.
Piglet, Pooh, Roo, Rabbit, Eeyore & Tigger
The plot is heavily influenced by Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol. Now I’m not great fan of Dickens but Christmas Carol is the only story I like but it’s overdone in movies. However I don’t mind it here because at least the characters are at least Tigger know it’s being referenced which makes it fun.
Roo in a meta moment
Winnie the Pooh Springtime With Roo 