Esmeralda and Quasimodo Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda and Quasimodo Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

You know who in the Disney line-up would make the perfect Disney Princess? Who embodies the ideal of what it means to be a lovely human being? Quasimodo.

In all seriousiness ,Quasimodo meets all the qualifications for Disney Princess-dom, whatever that means and to be fair to this idea  the official rules don’t actually make a stipulation that the “Princess” has to be a female. It;s implied but not stated.  But given that Quasimodo is presented as a man lets consider him and the only female human character isn the movie, Esmeralda and   lets’ look at the the official rules and the meta guidelines.

Rule one states that they must have a primary role in an animated movie. I think Esmeralda and Quasimodo both have that, especially Quasimodo. Check

Rule two states the character must be human or become human. Check for both Esmeralda and Quasimodo. Especially given the thesis of Hunchback is What makes a monster and what makes a man? Check

Rule three is they can’t be a sequel only character. Yeah, I don’t think I have to explain this one. Check

Rule four says that the character must be royal, marry royal or perform an act of heroism. As we all know the act of heroism was only there so Mulan could be in the line up. I would say that Esmeralda going against authority to save Quasimodo from the mob and Quasimodo saving Esmeralda as well as defending the cathedral as well as bring down a corrupt public official hell bent on rape,  murder, and genocide is an act of heroism. So Check!

Rule five the characters must be from a box office hit i.e. the movie had to have made money. Because Disney loves it money, like most companies.  But since the rule uses the words “Box Office” which means movie ticket sales  we have to look at those numbers. These amounts are from www.boxofficemojo.com.

Now I know what you might be think, Hunchback didn’t make a lot of money at the box office. Well this might surprise  some but Hunchback made more at the Box Office than some movies that have official Disney princesses. Hunchback made $325,338,851 worldwide. Mulan made $304,320,254 worldwide. The Princess and the Frog made $267,045,765 worldwide. I will concede that both Mulan and The Princess and the Frog did better domestically than Hunchback but Box Office seems be in place to explain why Eilonwy from The Black Cauldron  and Kida from Atlantis are not up for discussion as part of the line-up as they are both actual Princesses in their movies. While Hunchback isn’t popular it still made more money than a movie that Disney bent-over backwards to allow in the line up.

So there are the official rules which Esmeralda and Quasimodo and all pass BUT let’s look at some meta rules or guidelines that appear in the Wreck-it Ralph 2 trailer because Disney like to poke fun at its self.        

In the trailer  Pocahontas asks Vanellope what kind of Princess she is, these are the questions asked to her but the official Pincess and Elsa who isn’t one but who cares.

Magic Hair?   No.

Magic Hands? No.

Do animals talk to you? Quasimodo talks to a bird and Esmeralda talk to Djali the goat, so check      

Poisoned ? Who can say? Maybe Quasimodo was poisoned but no.

Cursed?  Who can say? Maybe Quasimodo was cursed but no.

Kidnapped or enslaved? This one is weird since Belle wasn’t either. It was her idea to trade herself in for her father and she wasn’t enslaved and either was Rapunzel. But Quasimodo falls into the Belle/Rapunzel brand of princess So check there.

Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?   It’s a meta thing but one would have to watch the movie and look into the relationship dynamics. But did Quasimodo’s problem get solved because of a man? Quasimodo’s problem was abusive parental figure. I guess Phoebus and Esmeralda helped him to see that Frollo sucked? Esmeralda was aided by Phoebus. But were her problem solved by him? Considering she acks for help for her people and outcasts, no in the long run but maybe the fall of Frollo helped in short-term?  So yes to this one?

Anyway,  They get a pass for the meta qualifications, since it just seems like one is all you need but who knows? They are not hard and fast rules.

Should Quasimodo and Esmeralda be officially Disney Princesses? Yes they pass all the rules except the only rule that matters; Disney doesn’t like The Hunchback of Notre Dame because it’s not popular. The rules are just a front. After all Elsa and Anna are not in the line up, they have their own franchise that makes money. They don’t need the Disney Princess label.     

The reality is while it’s nice to muse about a male character being in the princess line up it’s not going to happen and Esmeralda was at some point in the line up but got dropped like Alice. It is interesting however to see how little the rules matter when they are all met and still nothing. If everything the rules just look hypocritical to allow one character through or bar others.    

Let us face facts, Disney is a super big company who likes making money and uses movies as commercial, and that is okay. What company isn’t out to make money? The real cash cow for Disney is the Princess Line. The Disney Princess line is really most known for dolls and dress up stuff. And while Disney Princess Baby Dolls are stupid, I do get where they logically come from as product. But what products outside the standard dolls and dress-up faire are the stupidest products that are available? (That rules out the blender.)  This is a list of 8 products from the Disney Princess line that I think are the most dumb in no order.

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game picture image

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game

Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game

Just say it the name of this out loud, Disney Princess Enchanted Cupcake Party Game. There is  no hiding the dumbness here. It’s a cupcake game!

 

 

 

 

 

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera picture image

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera

Disney Princess Royal Talking Camera

A talking camera? Does Cinderella comment on  pictures of out of focus  flowers or does she remind you to turn the flash on?  Did mention that is  pearl necklace strap and the flash is a heart ……. no saving this concept from the dumb.

 

 

 

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox  picture image

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox

Disney Princess Enchanting Sing-Along Boombox

Oh this one. Hahahahahhaaa. It’s Boombox in the shape of a carriage. Who was high when they thought of this little gem of plastic?

 

 

 

 

 

Disney Princesses Dog Collar

Disney Princesses Dog Collar picture image

Disney Princesses Dog Collar

Disney Princesses Dog Collar

What? It’s bad enough they force this Princess crap on little girls now I have to force it on my dog. You’re Evil Disney, EVIL!

 

 

 

Disney Princess Garden Apron

Disney Princess Garden Apron  picture image

Disney Princess Garden Apron

Disney Princess Garden Apron

You gotta love how tacked on the Disney Princess is  on this apron.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pink Disney Princess Waffle Maker

Pink Disney  Princess Waffle Maker picture image

Pink Disney Princess Waffle Maker

Pink Princess Waffle Maker

It doesn’t just make ordinary peasent waffles, no it makes enchanted Princess Waffles, which I’m sure taste batter. If you look at Cinderella they didn’t even fill in her skin. And why does the waffle look like a pancake?

 

 

 

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw picture image

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw

Disney Princess Tiana Comfy Throw

 

It’s a Disney Princess Snuggie……..  wow, Genius Disney.

 

 

 

 

Disney Step Stool

Disney Step Stool picture image

Disney Step Stool

Disney Princess Step Stool

It’s a Disney Princess Set Stool. A Step Stool! Who thinks of  these things. Why does a step stool need to princess-ify? Though there must be some pleasure on stepping on the Princess.

 

 

 

Which of these do you think is the dumbest Disney Princess Product?

Question; Why does Disney act like Hunchback of Notre Dame never happened?

To be fair, there is another Disney film Disney ignores more famously than The Hunchback of Notre Dame and that would be The Black Cauldron. This is because The Black Cauldron was a failure at the box-office and therefore didn’t money for the company. It also received mixed reviews, one being “ It lacked the dark elements of the book.” (sounds like a criticism for another Disney Film)

The Hunchback of Notre Dame Blu-Ray Cover picture image

The Hunchback of Notre Dame Blu-Ray Cover

The Hunchback of Notre Dame received mostly positive reviews from critics and actually was a box-office success as its budget was $100 million and its gross revenue was $325.5 million, although it did barely only broke-even domestically. So with this info why does Disney ignore The Hunchback of Notre Dame? The Hunchback doesn’t have the levels of products as a lot of the other films in the Disney pantheon and looking at Disney’s presence on Zazzle, they don’t have a single Hunchback product but they do have stuff for Treasure Planet, which bombed at the box-office. Then you have the blu-ray of Hunchback which had no extras on it. Whereas Pocahonatas’ blu-ray does have quite a few extras and Pocahontas was not only offensive and historical very very very inaccurate but wasn’t received as well. However it appeals to children which pushed Pocahonatas in to the secondary tier of the Princess line of toys, which mean Pocahonatas makes money for the company.

Disney Princess Kitchen Set picture image

Disney Princess Kitchen Set
(Does anyone else think this is Hilarious?)

I would theorize that the reason why Disney ignores the Hunchback stems from they don’t know who to market this movie to. The film didn’t really appeal to children which is Disney’s primary demographic. The film’s darker tones and the more heavy subject matter more likely distances children for it. If the film has done better with their key demographic we would more than likely see Esmeralda* in the Disney Princess Brand and her face would grace the likes of blenders, bed sheets, bikes, shoes, baby dolls, chairs, ect. (They make a lot stuff for that brand). *Before you say Esmerald can’t be part of the Princess Brand as she is not a Princess,  Mulan is not a Princess nor does she marry a Prince and yet she is part of the Brand, here is a Muan Baby Doll )

The Art of the Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

The Art of the Hunchback of Notre Dame

As a company Disney is not going to put money in developing products for a film that didn’t appeal to its core demographic after its initial release. As Hunchback is part of the Disney family it did get it’s entitled blu-ray treatment but Disney did extended any extra effort into the extras which would have cost them. More then likely when Hercules‘ blu-ray comes out it will get extras because had more appeal to children. Plus it would seem that Hunchback’s popular is recent so if starts to gain a big enough following Disney will start showing it love. But It’s a two-street, Disney may think the Hunchback blu-ray failed because people dislike the movie and not because there no real incentive to buy it when the DVD has extras and blu ray doesn’t.

I think the question is why doesn’t the Hunchback of Notre Dame really appeal as much to children and who is does this movie appeal to? Maybe if Disney has a demographic to target they would show Hunchback a little more love.