Anti Hypothetical Casting – Kristen Stewart as Esmeralda

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Kristen Stewart picture image

Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart is a weird actress. Some people think she is ok and others say she is terrible. She confused Hollywood that she was bankable because for some reason that I will never understand Twilight was popular.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White in Snow White and the Huntsman picture image

Kristen Stewart as Snow White in Snow White and the Huntsman

I have seen most of the Twilight movies because I like to torment myself and Twilight is not a good measure for any actor’s ability. Sir Laurence Olivier could not save that movie franchise. I did try to watch Snow White and the Huntsman . I’m one those people who tries to finish movies even if they are awful. I made it as far as the Miyazaki deer before turing it off. But what I can say is this, Kristen Stewart should not be in period films.

Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan Twilight picture image

Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan Twilight

She would make a miserable Esmeralda. She is pretty enough but I can’t see her trying to be naive or sensual. I guess if someone was high enough to cast her she would be the justice type Esmeralda. But Kristen Stewart is better at that incredulous style of acting which would not work with Esmeralda at all.

Kristen Stewart picture image

Kristen Stewart

I won’t say she doesn’t have the right look for Esmeralda. I mean she could pull of Esmeralda’s look more than Snow White since movies ignore Esmeralda’s description from the novel. Kristen Stewart would breath no life into the role, she would stand there with wide eyes and her mouth hang open. If she ever was considered for Esmeralda, I would worry about the sanity of the people in charge.

Project Re-Read! Book 2 Chapters 3-7

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Got Five Chapters Today!

Book 2, Chapter 3, Besos Para Golpes
The title of this chapter means ‘A Kiss brings Pain‘ in Spanish.  Quite a lot happens in this chapter. Gringoire having reached The Place de Grève to warm himself  from the bonfire sees Esmeralda for the first time and is smitten. He also sees Frollo, or the a bald man staring.  Sister Gudule yells at Esmeralda and Frollo stops Quasimodo’s reign as the Pope of Fools.   I really enjoy this chapter because it the first time in the book you get a  sense for the personalities of characters other than Gringoire.

 

Book 2, Chapter 4, The Inconveniences of Following a Pretty Woman in the Street at Night
This chapter set our plot in motion. It starts with our pal Gringoire following Esmeralda  home. As he’s following her, Frollo and Quasimodo try to kidnap her. Gringoire calls for help and Phoebus saves Esmeralda and arrests Quasimodo. Because of these events it’s an important chapter. However it plays out in a humorous way. Gringoire delights in stalking Esmeralda while she is a little more than annoyed. The Kidnap itself makes up a brief part of the end and it still sort of funny. I do like that Quasimodo’s weapon, ugliness, is proven useless in the dark. I don’t like him being liken to a bat, bats are awesome and a symbol of good luck, minor point. All in all I enjoyed this chapter.

 

 

Book 2, Chapter 5, The Continuation of the Inconveniences
In the previous chapter, Quasimodo throws Gringoire into the gutter and this is the aftermath of it. Gringoire tries to think about Quasimodo’s companion and he thinks of Frollo but is really certain why he thinks of him.  He is then almost burned under a mattress by some punk-ass kids called gamin, which means street urchin. You know Street Urchin does  not refer to the little friends from the sea which I ate once a sushi place and didn’t care  but rather it comes from the old French for Hedgehog. Ok, getting back on track this chapter is ok. It severed to link the other man to Frollo. Otherwise it get us from the Kidnaping to the next event. Most movies omit this scene.

 

 

Book 2, Chapter 6, The Broken Pitcher
Whew, Long Chapter (though not the longest). This where our pal Gringoire gets into a real pickle! After running from the gamins, he gets lost and when he relieves that mattress was what he’s been looking (either sleep or warmth) he gets more lost and runs into vagrants and stumbles into the Court of Miracles, which is a bar of sorts. The Court of Miracles itself was a French term which referred to slum districts of Paris, France where the unemployed migrants from rural areas resided. Gringoire meets the ruler, Clopin and is sentence to Gringoire to hang. Gringoire is given a chance by stealing from the bellboy (a dummy with bells on him) while standing on a stool on one leg. He fails, this task was meant to be fail. Then he offered to the ladies. In the end, Esmeralda saves him and the two are married for 4 years. This chapter is very humorous since you take delight in Gringoire’s pain. You know Clopin is having a jolly time jerking this guy around and either hanging or wedding, Gringoire did provide entertainment.

 

 

Book 2, Chapter 7, A Wedding Night
Grinoire is taken to Esmeralda’s place where Gringoire learns she is not interested in him as a lover. They pretty much settle on friends. Gringoire and Esmeralda BFF! We get some minor backstory for Esmeralda like she know nothing like Jon Snow (Sorry I’ve been reading  the A Song of Ice and Fire series). Though we find out she been in Paris for only a few month, she said since last August and the novel starts in January. Speaking this chapter,  it ends the events of January 6th 1482. We also see her amulet for the first time. For all the gaps in Esmeralda’s backstory, Gringoire makes up for it with his long backstory about his failed vocations and how awesome Frollo is. This is a nice chapter as we finally get  insights into  Esmeralda’s character. I like the interplay between Gringoire and Esmeralda. It kind of a shame there is not more or it in the book.

 

Top Ten Best Things about The Disney version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame

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Being forced to watch very, very bad versions of Hunchback makes me more grateful to the Disney version. The Disney version is not perfect but they did at least put out a solid effort into their version and made a good movie. You can’t really say that for the Enchanted tales version. So I thought I would list of what I consider to be the Top Ten  Best Things about The Disney version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame

 

 

Clopin with Puppet Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Clopin with Puppet Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

10. Clopin
Clopin is just such a fun and interesting character. He kinds neither good or bad. I guess he more of a light gray. I wish he was in more of the movie.

 

Esmeralda Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame singing "God Help the Outcast" picture image

Esmeralda singing “God Help the Outcast” Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

9. Animation
Gorgeous Animation is a Disney hallmark and the Hunchback is no exception. There are some gorgeous shots. Though the CG crowds didn’t age well but you seldom really notice them unless you’re looking.

 

Esmeralda and Quasimodo Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda and Quaismodo Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

8.The Pacing
The pacing is great in this movie. There are no low points and the story moves from point to point really well.

 

Esmeralda singing God Help the Outcast Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda singing God Help the Outcast Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

7.  Accuracy to Notre Dame
The way they rendered the  Cathedral is lovely and you can see all the effort that went in to it. I mean they did make it larger but they did capture its Beauty and it intricate little details. They might have been to accurate since they included elements that were not present at the time of the story but that is a nitpick that you would have to be aware of.

 

Clopin Topsy Turvy Disney Hunchback Notre Dame picture image

Clopin Topsy Turvy Disney Hunchback Notre Dame

6. The Songs
With one exception, you know the one, the songs are really great. Some are better than others but on the whole they are great.

 

Frollo and Notre Dame Bells Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo stares at Notre Dame during the Bells of Notre Dame FDisney Hunchback of Notre Dame

5. The Music Score
The Score was inspired by Mozart’s Requiem Mass and it really is gorgeous especially Sanctuary. It really one the best Disney scores ever.

Frollo and Baby Quasimodo bells Disney Hunch back of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo and Baby Quasimodo during the Bells of Notre Dame Disney Hunch back of Notre Dame

 

4. Frollo
Frollo is one of the most complex Disney Villains. On one hand he is cool and cruel and the other he’s bat-shit crazy but he thinks he’s good and just even when trying to kill a baby he thinks he is in the right.

 

Frollo singing Hellfire Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo singing Hellfire Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

3. Hellfire/Heaven’s Light

 

This is kind of like A Night on Bald Mountain/Ave Maria in reverse. A Lot of the drama comes from the duality of the Heaven and Hell. Though you would get little argument that Hellfire is the better song in both the visuals and the lyrics. It so dark and twisted but Heaven’s Light just elevates Hellfire crazed hellish tone. It’s kind ironic that Frollo is praying to Mary in this song.

 

A Puppet of Quasimodo bells Disney Hunchback of notre dame picture image

A Puppet of Quasimodo during the Bells of Notre Dame Disney Hunchback of notre dame

2. The Opening
The Opening is amazing. In 5 minutes we get some drama, some humor and all the backstory. The song and the visuals are wonderful.  I like how dark this gets and there is no denying that crescendo at the end. Flawless

Quaismodo Bells of Notre dame reprise Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quaismodo Bells of Notre dame reprise Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

 

1. It introduced people to The Hunchback of Notre
While of course this is not true for everyone, The Disney version did introduced people to the characters and the ideas of the novel. Without it people may not be fans of original story today.

 

Honorable mention Djali

I love Djali to pieces

Djali Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Djali Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

Project Re-Read! Book 1 Chapters 5-6 to Book 2 Chapters 1-2

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Book 1, Chapter 5, Quasimodo

The contest for the Pope of Fools begins and ends in this chapter. We are treated to a very detailed description of to what Hugo’s Quasimodo looks like. The men reveal in Quasimodo’s ugliness and the women fears it. One women even claims that Quasimodo practices witchcraft. I feel like this chapter finally starts the story going. It also shows off Quasimodo’s impressive collection of nicknames.

Book 1, Chapter 6, Esmeralda

While the Pop of Fools contest goes one, Grigoire and his actor continue on with their play as a few people are still sort of listening. The final nail in the play’s coffin comes when someone says that Esmeralda has entered the square. This chapter is interesting because in the last paragraph we get two references to the Virgin Mary. So even before we meet Esmeralda, she already aligned to the Virgin.

Book 2, Chapter 1, From Charybdis to Scylla

Between Scylla and Charybdis is an Idiom that comes out of Greek Mythology that means ” having to choose between two evils.” It’s like “between a rock and a hard place.” Charybdis and Scylla are both sea monsters.

Now that Gringoire’s play is dead, he finds himself in a pickle. He’s broke so he can’t return to his lodging as he own them money and he can’t seem to find a quiet place to sleep because of the feast. In the end Gringoire says “Fuck it” and heads over to the The Place de Grève because it you can’t beat them join them. I liked this chapter, I know hoe Gringoire feels here. I feel your pain Pierre.

Book 2, Chapter 2, The Place de Grève

This Chapter describes The Place de Grève it also foreshadows the pillory and the giblet. It’s a short chapter filled with description but not wholly dull just a little.

Enchanted Tales – Melody; Mother of Annoying Torments

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Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda,Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

The main focal character in the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is Melody, our Esmeralda character.

Jean-Claude putting the moves on MelodyEnchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Jean-Claude putting the moves on Melody

But why did they call her Melody? It’s not like Esmeralda’s personality isn’t repeatedly altered movie after movie that by changing the name they made a new character, it’s Esmeralda. So they gave her instruments instead of a goat, she is still the beautiful dancing Gypsy girl who captures Quasimodo’s heart.

My guess is that the creators thought Disney made-up the name Esmeralda for their movie because clearly no one on Enchanted Tales read the book and thought they would be sued.

Also, why Melody as the name choice? Everyone else has a French name, even her mother and the freaking donkey gets a French names but Melody doesn’t.

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody & Quasimodo

As for Melody’s look, not being Esmeralda, is not sexualized. She has brown hair and blue eyes. She has a tan skin tone and just to make her more pretty she has a beauty mark under her eye (eye-roll). She also doesn’t wear any red but wears yellow. Esmeralda did wear a golden corset once in the novel so one thing right about her overall look.

Oh wait fuck that, she’s not Esmeralda she’s Melody. I take back my almost positive comment.

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death

Melody gets the most screen time, so we must get an idea for her personality. Well, her mother did call her wild and free. I didn’t see that but I didn’t see anything against that. Melody kinda just does what she wants. Melody doesn’t let much bother either. She leaves Notre Dame and walks knowingly into a trap and is not phased. She gets thrown into jail and she doesn’t care the much, in fact she sings a stupid happy song. She is about to be executed and she yawns. She finds dying boring.

I think this mostly bad writing than character development. Otherwise she is just nice but fairly selectively, she not nice to Jean-Claude but he’s a douche. But more over she is just boring. Boring maybe a new facet for an Esmeralda-character but it’s a not a good thing.

Melody and her team of annoying instruments Enchanted tales The Hunchback of Notre Dame picture images

Melody and her team of annoying instruments

Melody, unlike Esmeralda, has some kind of magic power. This power is the ability to bring musical instruments to life. This power is not explained and results in annoying-ness. This is her biggest flaw, it wasn’t for her those hell spawn of animation garbage wouldn’t have been in this. Those instruments make the gargoyles in the Disney version look charming. And if Melody had been executed perhaps they would have died with her.

I really hated those instruments and she is responsible for their creation so she is the worst Esmeralda ever.

Next Time Quasimodo

Quasimodo, enchanted tales picture image

Quasimodo,

Top Five Least Popular Hunchback Items on Zazzle

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These are the least popular Hunchback items that I have created for Zazzle. They are pretty bad I confess. I don’t know what I was thinking on some of these.

#1 Esmeralda Textile Mousepad
Esmeralda Textile Mousepad
Esmeralda Textile Mousepad by Hunchstore

#2 Esmeralda Tote
Esmeralda Illustrated Tote Bag
Esmeralda Illustrated Tote Bag by Hunchstore

#3 Quasi-No-Go Bumper Sticker
Quasi-No-Go Bumper Sticker
Quasi-No-Go Bumper Sticker by Hunchstore

#4 Frollo’s Dream Date
Frollo's Perfect Date Magnets
Frollo’s Perfect Date Magnets by Hunchstore

#5 Esmeralda Textile Necklace
Esmeralda Textile Necklace
Esmeralda Textile Necklace

Costumes in the 1997 version of Hunchback; There is something familiar about these costumes

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Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 Hunchback of Notre Dame, picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 Hunchback of Notre Dame

The costumes in the 1997 version of the Hunchback were done by John Bloomfield. Bloomfield’s credits include Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Waterworld, two movies not known for their costumes. Of the two movies, Robin Hood is more similar in style and design to Hunchback’s costume and two costumes show this more than others.

Edward Atterton as Gringoire, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Edward Atterton as Gringoire

Speaking in favor of costumes as a whole they do look old. So many times in film and TV, the costumes look new and pristine. For a film like Hunchback this should not be the case, the clothes should look old and worn. This is something that was seen in Robin Hood. But are the costumes good? Meh, they’re average. Nothing is wrong but nothing is really is amazing.

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo

Let’s just get Quasimodo and Frollo out the way. Quasimodo’s look is pretty much stolen from 1939 version. It’s a good Quasimodo look compared to the 1956 version but the Chaney version set a standard for how Quasimodo should look and the 1939 version exceed it, so most versions try to match the 1939 version. This version did and didn’t add anything.

Richard Harris as Frollo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Richard Harris as Frollo

Frollo’s costume……..well…………it’s probably the most interesting costume in the whole adaptation. I don’t mean interesting as good thing though. Frollo’s look in the novel was meant to be severe and austere but this version’s Frollo amps it up. He wears a black cowl robe which is what he wears in the novel but the total baldness just makes him look silly. In my 1997 Frollo post I said he looks like Nosferatu from the 1922 movie and he does. It’s too austere of look to take it seriously.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 Hunchback of Notre Dame

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 Hunchback of Notre Dame

Then we come to Esmeralda’s main costume. It’s a conventional medieval get-up. She wears a chemise with ties at the sleeves to reveal more arms, a corset and a skirt. The color is mostly shades of red tones however their is multiple colors mixed in the skirt and corset. The skirt itself looks like multiple scarfs that were fused to form a skirt. However the skirt is dyed in a vertical pattern and it seems to be a very light fabric. Though this costume is very inauthentic the different colors does help make it not as boring as it could have been.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda and Edward Atterton as Gringoire, 1997 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda and Edward Atterton as Gringoire

 

Unfortunately, this costume is made a little silly by the slave bracelet and the shoes. The shoes are forgivable on a practical sense but Esmeralda should be barefoot and somehow I think this costume would have been better sans the footwear. The Slave bracelet however is just silly. Slave Bracelets are bracelets that attract to a ring by a chain. They are based on Indian jewelry. My guess is the idea of her wearing one was to help push her an exotic beauty but the addition of it looks cheap.

Lady Marian in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves picture image

Lady Marian in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Esmeraldas’ costume and the one wore by the Phoebus-like guard are very reminiscent of Robin Hood costumes. Esmeralda’s costume with it scarf like skirt is similar to costume wore by Lady Marian. Once I learned that Bloomfeild did both movie my head link these two costumes together. Phoebus-like guard has the same heavy layered and studded armor that was used in Robin Hood and it’s black so you know he bad. However the loose layers in very similar in both films.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda and Edward Atterton as Gringoire, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda and Edward Atterton as Gringoire

The costumes could have been boring but some decisions there were made either made them look good or silly. at best these costume are average to ok nothing more or less.

I just want to say, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is like a guilty pleasure of mine, I loved this movie as kid.

Next time; Sets

Sets 1997 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Notre Dame Set in teh 1997 version of Hunchback

Top Five Most Popular Hunchback Items on Zazzle

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QuasAs I was changing my Zazzle password, I decided to see what my top 5 most popular Hunchback items were and which were the least popular.  These are the top ones and next week the least popular ones.

#1 Just Dance
Just Dance, Esmeralda and Djali Tees
Just Dance, Esmeralda and Djali Tees by Hunchstore

#2 Team Frollo
Team Frollo Tee Shirt
Team Frollo Tee Shirt by Hunchstore

#3 Belle Keychain
Belle Keychains
Belle Keychains by Hunchstore

#4 Esmeralda Picture
A Color Illustration of Esmeralda Poster
A Color Illustration of Esmeralda Poster by Hunchstore

#5 Quasimodo Keychain
Quasimodo Keychain
Quasimodo Keychain by Hunchstore

What’s in a name? Notre Dame

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Let’s concluded with series of posts with titular character herself, Notre Dame.

Notre Dame, Paris, France - Matted Photo

Notre Dame, Paris, France – Matted Photo

Notre Dame means in French Our Lady. Notre Dame de Paris mean Our lady of Paris. All churches that have Notre Dame in them refer to the Virgin Mary.

 

The original title novel, Notre Dame de Paris, has double meaning, it refers to the Cathedral and Esmeralda. Esmeralda has a lot of association to the Virgin Mary in the book, but that is a post series for another time.

 

THe 1997 version of Hunchback; Good Casting but bad version

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The 1997 version of the Hunchback confounds me a lot. You pretty have the right actors for the characters and they do a fairly competent job with material they are given but the material given to them is so wrong for a Hunchback adaptation. It’s clear that this movie was emulating the 1939 Laughton version with the printing press and a very sympathetic Quasimodo but it fails to measure up became the execution is miserable.

It’s like if you have all the ingredients to make a simple chocolate cake but half through you decide that you want to make it your own except you have no concept of cooking so you just start throwing whatever you want in there like Bacon, Walnuts, Cherries, whatever. Then you’re surprise when it doesn’t cook right and no one likes it.

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Mandy Patinkin as Quasimodo

Quasimodo and Esmeralda are the least offensively bad but to be fair these types of versions of the characters that they are portraying are common. Humanize and sympathetic Quasimodos are the norm with film adaptions because the audience has to like Quasimodo despite his looks.

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Salma Hayek as Esmeralda

Same goes for Esmeralda. Having a shallow immature girl is not the way to win over an audience. Having a strong confidence yet kind beautiful women works perfectly. Both of these character choices reflects an easy out. A Quasimodo and Esmeralda with a character arc would be hard to write. On could argue that Quasimodo’s arc would be realizing Frollo is a mean jerk face but since he is a villain that’s easy. THe real issue is with Esmeralda is that she doesn’t do anything in this movie outside of looking attractive . She gives Quasimodo water for feelings of guilt but that it. Her importance is just being there for Quasimodo and Frollo to react to and not doing anything.

Richard Harris as Frollo, 1997 The Hunchback picture image

Richard Harris as Frollo

Then there is colossal fail that is Frollo in this movie. The biggest issue with Frollo in this movie is that is obsession for Esmeralda is the result of feeling weak with regard to the king’s attitude on the printing press. His lust for Esmeralda feels like an afterthought and that shouldn’t be. The plot revolves around that. Once that decision was made other integral parts of the plot suffered like why would Esmeralda get the blame for the minster’s murder? Who saw the knife and knew it was her’s when it’s only in one scene? No Phoebus and Gringoire does nothing.

The 1997 Hunchback fails as Hunchback adaptation because Frollo’s lust set the story in motion. A failure to understand what drives the story is the reason why this version even with good castings fails.

Next time the Direction

Richard Harris as Frollo, 1997 The Hunchback picture harris

Richard Harris as Frollo, yells No!