A Rant on the lack of Information on the Brolin version

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Josh Brolin Interview for Men in Black picture image

Josh Brolin Interview for Men in Black

A little over a year ago, like in early August of 2013, we were given the last bit of information regarding the Josh Brolin version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Quasimodo. Which was that Hero director, Yimou Zhang was going to direct.

In 2012, we were told by Brolin, that the movie was going to be “jazzy,” as in fun.

And in 2011,  the movie was announced with Brolin starring as Quasimodo.

In three years, we know a mere three things about this movie and there doesn’t seem to be any new public developments on the horizon, at least at the time I’m posting this.

It drives me crazy, to tease the public especially when the information presented seems to a be clutter fuck of genres to a story that is considered a literally classic. I mean we have Brolin who is like a dramatic actor mixed with what seems to be a Jazzy action-adventure, with a director known for dramatic actions movies.

I mean is this even going to happen? Was Brolin announcing the project an attempt to drum up public interest? Or is this in development hell? Since Brolin announced this in 2011 he has worked on ten other movies, two are in post-production, one is filming and one is in pre-production.  Zhang has worked on one since his involvement was annouced in 2013.

I just find it so irritating, three years and he have one actor, a director and a jazzy script (never letting that go, ever). That 2007 Hunchback movie, that I wrote about a few weeks ago (read here), that one didn’t even happen and they at least had a full cast.

You know what Fuck it! I don’t think this movie going to happen. Brolin can prove me wrong but I’m tired of hoping for new information. Watch the next bit of information be from Brolin while promoting another movie saying it’s “edgy.”    I guess another actor can come along and  play Quasimodo, because Quasimodo is sweet, sweet Oscar bait.

Enchanted Tales Pacing – It Lengthens Time Out to Infinity

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Melody in pain Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody in pain, probably from the bad pacing of the movie she is trapped in forevermore

For a movie that is only 40 minutes in length, The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame feels so much longer. Is it because the animation, the characters, the songs, or the dialogue makes it feel 10X longer, well yeah all those this add up but the pacing of this is really bad in genreal. So bad, that it amps up all those factors to hand-banging affect on the viewer, that makes them beg for death before the 15 minute mark. And yet death will not come.

One Confused Dingbat Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

One Confused Dingbat

The first aspects the kill the pacing are the songs. You know how song, sometimes, in better movies, have a build-up and the can either progress the plot of tells us something about the characters, not here, not in the Enchanted tales version. Here, they say, No. It could have been a bold and artistic move but all the songs really do is pad-out the running-time.

Melody sings Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody sings

The songs add about 10 minutes, they make up a 4th of this movie and yet they add nothing. The longest song, at about 3 minutes, is the last one that “Life will Arrive.” This song serve no purpose and if cut we would have lost nothing. It really just stops the story and towards the end of it no less.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The shortest song is “The Bells All Ring, which does advance Melody and Quasimodo’s relationship. How fucking stupid is that, the one song that sort of progresses the story is shortest and the longest halts the story. The other too also just stall the movie.

Circle dance animation Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Circle dance animation

The animation also stalls things. When something repeats that much animation so unapologetically, you feel that time is being repeated over and over and over again, till a minute feels like ten minutes.

Jean-Claude Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame

Jean-Claude

The pacing in The Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is so uneven, silted and just makes for an unpleasant viewing experience. This version is not fun, it’s clutter-fuck that drags on to forever and beyond.

Next Time – The very worst thing about this Version, The fucking moral

Melody and a handome Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Project Re-Read! Book 7 Chapters 1-3

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Book 7, Chapter 1, On the Danger of Confiding a Secret to a Goat

In this chapter we get a better look at Phoebus as a character and his attitude towards his fiancee, Fleur-de-Lys. Phoebus likes the crude world far too much to feel at ease with Fleur-de-Lys, so he is cold to her and she is sensitive to his aloofness.

THe scene shift as the crowd of women sees Esmeralda and Djali in the square below and ask her to come up. Esmeralda does and at once is berated because she is prettier than them, so they insult her dress and such.

We also find out the Esmeralda never intended to show off Djali spelling Phoebus‘ name, as it was her secret. This is different than how the 1956 and the jetlag verions present it, where she preforms the trick for the crowd. It doesn’t much matter because the important part is it makes Phoebus make his move on Esmeralda which sets up the tragic turn in the story.

Book 7, Chapter 2, Showing that a Priest and a Philosopher are two very different Persons

I have to love this chapter, it’s just banter between Frollo and Gringoire and it’s sort of silly. The juxtaposition of Frollo’s stern obsession that he is trying to conceal mixed with Gringoire’s odd combination of blasé and pathos for his circumstances. I do their exchanged about how Gringoire wouldn’t think of touching his wife.

Book 7, Chapter 3, The Bells

Huh, there was a bell named Guillaume after-all. I’m sorry 1939 version for saying you added it. (You can read that post HERE) Though, Guillame still maybe for when Quasimodo is feeling a little bi-curious.

Anyway, this chapter tells of that for the last two months Quasimodo hasn’t been into his bells. The book doesn’t make it clear if it’s because of the pillory or a new love. He start ringing them again but the he looks to the square and sees Esmeralda.

Quasimodo watching her was also seen the previous chapter as well as the ringing of the bells in the before that.

I suppose as chapter go, it’s ok, it defiantly a nice turing point for Quasimodo, to love outside Notre Dame.

Project Re-Read! Book 6 Chapters 5 & 6

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Book 6 Chapter 5, A Tear for a Drop of Water

Arguably this is one of the most important chapters in the novel. This is where Quasimodo is whipped for Frollo’s crime as well as Quasimodo own affiliation of being deaf and having a deaf judge. After he is whipped to the delight of the crowd, he is the exposed for more humiliation. The crowd is without pity as he begs for water. Esmeralda at the end gives him pity and water. This. chapter starts Quasimodo’s love for Esmeralda. As of this point Quasimodo has only loved Frollo and Frollo failed to give him compassion at this moment.

It is important to note that as Esmeralda is approaching him, he wished that he could blast her to dust. It’s not because she was pretty as some movie would have it, Quasimodo only loves Esmeralda because of water and the kindness.

It is even implied that because of Esmeralda’s kindness, Quasimodo’s soul awakens from dormancy as indicated by the tear he sheds.

This scene is pretty much in every movie is someway. The Disney version had Esmeralda cleaning Quasimodo from the food that was thrown at him and freeing him from the pillory. This chapter inspired one of the most beloved songs from a musical, Belle. Even Secret of the Hunchback has this chapter played out, Enchanted Tales did not.

Book 6 Chapter 6, End of the Story of the Cake

Very little happens in this chapter. After Esmeralda is done giving Quasimodo water, Sister Gudule yells and scares her. Then the son of one the women from The story of the Wheaton cake, eats the cake.

It’s short. I will give it that but it does ends Book 6 off well as the kid really did want that cake before and against his mother’s wishes he got what he wanted. Dare I say, little Eustsche got a little character arc.

Project Re-Read! Book 6 Chapter 1

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Book 6, Chapter 1, An Impartial Glance at the Ancient Magistracy

After what seems like an eternity of pointless exposition at the beginning of this chapter we get to the point of this chapter, Quasimodo’s farce of a trial. Quasimodo’s judge, Master Florian Barbedienne, is deaf and what’s more he doesn’t want people to know about his ailment. So Master Florian just asks questions and pretends to hear the responses, which is all well and good except Quasimodo is also deaf.  It’s pretty silly  to have this exchange however it a bit sad too that the justice system is so messed up and this just the first messed up trail. However this chapter is a nice little satire of the justice system.

A 2007 Version of The Hunchback; Why do I feel like I’m getting Trolled

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I was on a hunt for information on the upcoming Josh Brolin version of Hunchback and I found a 2007 version that had a cast and script attached. I’m a little unsure if the movie is in preproduction or in development hell or finished or what. It’s seems to be called, The Hunchback, real original.

It seems to be lead by actor Max Ryan and seems to be another vanity project. According to cinema.theiapolis.com, Monica Cruz plays Esmeralda and John Rhys-Davies plays Frollo. Both actors are listed under “in negotiations.” It’s a little funny because Hazel D’Jan, who has a good look and is fairly age appropriate for Esmeralda is casted in the film as “Figment,” whatever that means. Since this movie seems up in the air and may not happen or did not happen or did, I can’t find lot information on this, I will hold off judgement on Cruz and Rhys-Davis, though methinks casting posts are in order.

However, the Script did win Best Screenplay at the Queen International Film Festival in 2007 and that is what I want to discuss. You can read a synopsis  RIGHT HERE 
I may seem like a book purist but I’m a fan of good adaptations. This movie might be great but based on the little info I have on the plot, I dunno how good this version is or will be. Here are 5 WTF things from the plot summary.

– Quasimodo parents loved him and Clopin killed his parents to sell him but Quasimodo escaped. Shame on you movie for making Clopin evil.

– Frollo is guilted into caring for Quasimodo. Disney did the same thing but this Frollo seems less gray than Disney Frollo, this Frollo is a Grade-A jerk-face.

– Quasimodo lives in “the cave” of Notre Dame. Not sure that that means but they elude to it being in the high grounds. Shrugs

– Quasimodo saves Esmeralda when she attacked by wolves. What? Huh? Kidnapping is not evil enough for you movie? Oh, that would imply Frollo and Quasimodo have a relationship where Quasimodo loves Frollo and would do anything for him and in this version they hate each other. It’s new, I give it that but it’s dumb. It also seem like Frollo involvment with Esmeralda comes from Quasimodo’s first involvement and not the other way around.

– Frollo kills the guy who guilted him into raising Quasimodo and frames Esmeralda. Semi ripping of the 1997 version here, huh?

It strikes me that this plot took too many liberties with the original and made some dumb choices. But who know maybe it’s better than the little PDF makes it out to be.

What are your thoughts on this plot? And if you have or find any more info on the this version let me know.

Enchanted Tales Song Number 2; Ring, it rhymes with Ding

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Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

The second song in the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame might be least awful. It has its issues but of all the songs it’s the least that toys with your sanity.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

Let’s just call this song “The Bells all Ring.” It’s the love song of the movie as it sung by Melody and Quasimodo about love. This song comes out of no where, like whiplash. Quasimodo comments on her magic and BAM singing mice. That’s right, fucking singing mice, why? I have no earthly idea.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The song uses bell imagery to show that they hear music when the see or are with each other. Two things, they took the bell imagery too far as they sing about alarms clocks and telephones. Even if this movie has no idea the time period it’s set in, it is made to look medieval, alarm clocks and telephones should not be mentioned. Second, the idea that they are in love and hear music is sweet or would be if they they had more than 2 minutes of interaction with each other.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The music is cheesy but it’s cheesy song so it’s not so bad. There are some really nice bell sounds. The most cheesy it goes is the little twinkle sounds.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

The lyrics with exception of the alarm and the telephone are ok. They are a little repeated and the ding dong ding lines are dumb but there are some good one. Like “When I’m looking at you it’s so sublime, I can feel the bells within me chime.” Yeah the lyrics are cheesy but given the other songs this movie, it’s is like a masterwork although the lyrics are mostly dumb.

Random Mice Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Random Mice

Animation like the rest of the movie is bad. They repeat the mice choir and the lips sync is just cringe worthy.

Melody and Quasimodo with the random mice Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody and Quasimodo with the random mice

Of all the songs, this is the only one that makes sense in a Hunchback movie. Sure, it’s a love song between Quasimodo and an Esmeralda-stand-in with bell imagery but fits in to the story. And it’s the only song that feels intentional and part of the narrative. Which is saying something as it comes out of nowhere.

Melody and Quasimodo Enchanted Tales picture image

Melody and Quasimodo

Saying it’s the least awful song is not saying a lot, it’s still a bad song. This song is also played over the credit so the movie thinks it’s the best too.

Next Time; Stupid Song Number Three

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Melody, a.k.a Not Esmeralda in Jail awaiting death

 

 

 

 

 

 

Project Re-Read! Book 4 Chapters 4-6

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Book 4, Chapter 4, The Dog and his Master
This chapter is about Quasimodo’s deep love for Frollo. Frollo is the only human that Quasimodo loves because Frollo is the one who sheltered Quasimodo, educated him and gave the bells to him. His love of Frollo stems from gratitude. It’s important to grasp that gratitude is what drives Quasimodo’s loyalty, not honor, not glory and not a sense duty. Quasimodo rewards tough who show him kind with unflinching loyalty that should those who Quasimodo has deemed worthy of his loyalty he would die for with a word. This gratitude and loyalty play a huge role later so it important to understand it so for such a little chapter it’s really important.

Book 4, Chapter 5, More about Claude Frollo
More stuff on Frollo. This chapter goes into Frollo’s preferences. Frollo loves his brother but is disappointed by him as well. He love science but really enjoys alchemy. You also learn that Frollo pretty much hates women because he is tempted by them. You also learn about Frollo’s secret cell. This chapter drives the the point that Frollo is a very passionate guy and maybe wasn’t meant for clergy life. He was meant to be educated but his passions are at odds with his choice profession which he did excel at but he moved beyond it.

Book 4, Chapter 6, Unpopularity
I love short chapters! This one is about how Quasimodo and Frollo are not much liked by people. People say mean things to them but Quasimodo and Frollo don’t care. Mainly because Quasimodo can’t hear the insult and Frollo isn’t paying attention. Originally this chapter was cut from the first edition and then added back but it a nice little chapter to end this part of the book on.

Enchanted Tales Side Character; Lesser Annoying Characters are still annoying

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If you think the instruments are the only annoying characters in the Enchanted Tales Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame then I want whatever you are smoking because the super side characters are pretty bad too. Though naturally, not as bad as the instruments but they are bad enough for me to give them a blog post to torture my already faltering sanity.

Pierre Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Pierre

Pierre is Jean-Claude’s minion. Clearly his name comes from Gringoire’s name OR did they just pick the most generic French name in the world. Let’s just pretend that they DID take it from Gringoire’s name, it not that out there of a role choice. Gringoire was taught under Frollo, so I could see the relationship of him being a minion. Of all the characters, Pierre isn’t that annoying. He’s Jean-Claude minion but he’s good. He gets some fun banter with Jean-Claude and he gives exposition on Quasimodo’s backstory. If anything he worth being in the story.

The Dingbats Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame Picture image

The Dingbats

The Ding Bats are really annoying but less so than though instruments. All they do is make puns, laugh at their own puns, complain and open the door to Notre Dame. That’s right, the door to Notre Dame is controlled by bats in the belfry. Whaaaaaaa? How do they do that? Hey Movie! Explain it to me movie? Are the part of Notre Dame? Do they have telekinesis? I’m not sure why I’m searching for answer in a movie that has a Violin bow that can’t talk but the violin can and the tambourine wears glasses. At least the Ding Bats are contained to Notre Dame, they don’t follow the main characters around. Small doses.

 

Melody's Mother, Genevieve Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame Picture image

Melody’s Mother, Genevieve

Melody’s Mother, Genevieve, is another character that isn’t in the movie that much but annoys me. She is a bit like Melody where nothing seems to ever bother her. She gets taken prisoner and put in a barn and she sings and dances with the animals. The idea is that her and Melody are so sickeningly positive that they just smile and think sunny thoughts. My inner emo is glaring at them. Genevieve also has a donkey named Francois.

The Baron Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

The Baron

The Baron, god dear lord, the Baron. The Baron is Jean-Claude’s father and Quasimodo’s step father. He eats a lot, that’s it. He is a fat ass that is all he does. He is a waste the paper and pigment that makes up his lame existent in this crappy children movie for kids who are on the verge of a nap.

Next Time – Stupid Song Number one

Can-Can Dancers Enchanted Tales Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Can-Can Dancers

 

 

 

 

 

 

Project Re-Read! Book 4 Chapters 1-3

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Book 4, Chapter 1, Kind Souls

The name of this chapter is clear sarcasm. It starts with the back story of Quasimodo on the founding bed at Notre Dame on Quasimodo Sunday. A few movies start with this chapter. It’s basically a bunch of old ladies staring in horror at little Quasimodo. Quasimodo is in a bag with only his head poking through the top and the Bishop of Paris‘ name on the bag. Which is a little silly to picture but sad too. These women are just mean. They call Quasimodo a monkey a monster, a demon etc. Fleur de Lys and her mother are introduced as well but with the names of the other women you might not think too much of it. At the end, Frollo takes Quasimodo and the women call him a wizard. It’s interesting to note that the book clearly says the year is 1467, 16 years before the start of the book proper. Fleur de Lys is six and Quasimodo is not a newborn baby. The book gives some indication that he was 4 years old when Frollo adopted him later on. It’s a great chapter as you get a sense that Quasimodo for his look has been treated with malcontent his whole life and these women are like nuns.

Book 4, Chapter 2, Claude Frollo

This chapter give us backstory on Frollo and what compelled him to adopted little Quasimodo. From this chapter we learn that Frollo is pretty nobility and has a meager holding. From a young age he was study to be in the clergy. Frollo was very passionate about studying and was giving honors at very young. The 1997 got his passion for learning right. However a plague took his parents and left him a baby brother. He was so moved with love for the child which is a feeling he never felt before. This love for little Jehan is what moved him take on Quasimodo, for if anything happen to him, Jehan would be at the mercy of the founding bed. Got say this is a really interesting chapter not only do we get Frollo’s backstory but because you see how passionate this guy is and how that passion got twisted and corrupted to lust. His is an all-consuming personality.

Book 4, Chapter 3, Immanis Pecoris Custos, Immanior Ipse

The title for this chapter means The Guardian of a monstrous herd, and himself more monstrous. This chapter is really fascinating as its goes deep into Quasimodo’s inner most workings and his relationship to Notre Dame. This is the chapter that creators of the Disney version site for the reason behind the gargoyles but it goes more into Quasimodo and the his devotion and passions for bells so mute point creators reference that one paragraph. I like how the book makes it clear that Quasimodo never had any desire to leave the church, it was everything to him and he was in turn the soul of Notre Dame. Also I really like the part about how Quasimodo’s twists and distorts information and how the malcontent to met with his whole life made him mischievous.