Frollo gave Quasimodo an ugly Christmas Sweater
Pierre
Pierre or as he more commonly known in Hunchback, Gringoire, has a lot of diversity in terms of the roles he can plays in Hunchback adaptations. He can be comic relief, the hero that saves Esmeralda or just the story teller. He is a bit like Phoebus whereas he can easily be a hero or a villain pending on the movie. Secret of the Hunchback use of Gringoire or Pierre isn’t that different but combines him as comic relief and hero. Also a you MIGHT have noticed, there is no Phoebus character and typically if Phoebus isn’t in the movie or has a tiny role, Gringoire is the hero.
Esmeralda and Pierre
For Gringoire to be the hero in a Hunchback movie he has to be Esmeralda’s love interest, which he is version. However his bad poetry in his first sense makes a comic relief. He also doesn’t do all that much to save the day, Quasimodo does most of the “work” i.e swings down and stops a wedding but Pierre helps and does “rescue” Esmeralda from Frollo once after the pillory scene. So he fit nicely into his two roles.
Quasimodo and Pierre
Now, that being said how is as a character and how does he stack up next to his book counterpart? As far as he is in this version, he’s a nice guy, that’s pretty much it. He’s nice to Quasimodo and is his pal. This doesn’t make him compelling or interesting but his bad poetry at least made him enjoyable, so gets a pass from him. He also isn’t that much like he is in the book. In the book Gringoire was a cowardly whiner who still wasn’t that great a writer, so they got one thing right about him. But to be fair, getting Gringoire’s characterization right isn’t the most important thing about adapting this story.
Pierre
Also I just want to add that Pierre is a Protestant in this version. Which was for the sake of a joke.
Esmeralda and friends
Next Time The Goons Esmeralda travels with
Esmeralda
The Secret of the Hunchback’s Esmeralda is what I always want in an Esmeralda and it makes me mad that she is so boring.
Esmeralda with Pierre and masked Quasimodo
This Esmeralda is nice, likes dancing, generally pretty for the art design and execution of the animation but she also sassy. She really is like a fucking Disney princess, I mean she spins and sings about wanting more from life. Which is exactly what Princess Yum Yum did in Arabian Knight or The Thief and the Cobbler whatever it’s called. And while I do like these traits there is nothing going on under that puffy hair.
Esmeralda
This Sassy Disney Princess type is what I think Esmeralda at her basic level should be for this kind of movie fair as it blends the Disney movie and the book. However she is so bland. The most she does is says she was arrested for dancing, all sense of an interesting character is given away and then throw away in that one tiny line.
Esmeralda and Pierre
In the movie, Esmeralda is in league with these thieves and she dances as distracting. If you believe her little song, which why wouldn’t this movie isn’t complex, kindergarden math is more complex than this, but from her song she tells up that she wants more out life. She is the arrested and made captive by Lord Frollo. She give Quasimodo water because she is nice and then Pierre Gringoire saves her. They fall in love and she then gets kidnapped by Lord Frollo again and is forced into marrying him for why I don’t know. Quasimodo save her and that is it. At no point does she ever says how or why she teamed up with her companions. Ar they her family? We don’t know she hardly even talks to them and she doesn’t seem like them so yeah let’s just go with family.
Esmeralda
The thing with Esmeralda is that in the book at least her shallowness and childishness makes her interesting, it gives her a weird sense of a complex character. She is not a nice angel she in other versions. Being a nice character in a movie isn’t interesting because the creators want the audience to like the character they present.
As it Esmeralda in this movie has no sense of character because she has no growth, she is static and that makes her boring. Her only line about her dancing is one line and it not enough that they rest of screen time is just a nice pretty lady being nice and pretty. They are local commercials with more adevance character arcs.
Esmeralda
I don’t hate her character because there isn’t anything to hate or like. Even her costume and design is a major yawn.
Next Time Frollo
Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback
Let us start off the character potion of the review with Quasimodo or the Hunchback in question.
Quasimodo
First off this Quasimodo, like other Quasimodos, he talks to his pals the stone gargoyles. However these Garagoyles don’t take back they sing back and cry. This begs the question Are they real or imaginary. The dream song part leads me to believe yes they are imaginary but the tears say no they are real. Or is Quasimodo is imaging they are crying for him but that seems a little too out there for this kind of movie.
Quasimodo and Pierre
Also this Quasimodo follows the other versions of being solely nice. He has one cheeky remark on Gringoire’s poetry being so bad that it could hurt someone but that is it. Which is more snarky than any other versions but it wasn’t that mean, just for a laugh at Gringoire’s expense. Still without that one minor throw away joke he would have been 100% bland nicety-nice. The line give a .3% edgy factor. Good job!
Quasimodo and Frollo
Basic plot of Hunchback plot says that meany-face Frollo raises Quasimodo when Quasimodo is a young baby. This version forgoes this and he is raised by unnamed Archdeacon and a monk dude.
Other versions where Frollo is separte from his role as the Archdeacon still gives him a relationship to Frollo for drama . Even the Enchanted Tales version gave Quasimodo and Frollo or whatever his named was in that crappy version, a connection of being brother. Oh Good God! I’m looking at the Enchanted Tales version as a positive, help me. So there is no real internal conflict for Quasimodo aside from being ugly aside from that is pretty chill and laid back.
Quasimodo
Would I say this Quasimodo is boring? Yes, I would. Aside from that joke about Gringoire’s poetry and the being an angel, he was a weak Quasimodo. No pathos, no drama just a nice angel. Also his deformity is paint by numbers. It’s all accounted for but not interesting really all I can say is that it looks like he has some major dark circles. At least he REALLY likes the bells.
Quasimodo in Angel form
Ok one more thing, in this version Quasimodo is an angel, so does that he born an angel and abandoned because of the ugliness? OR was always an angel and his being abandon part of a plan? Or was he never an angel and insane? I don’t know any option makes sense.
Next Time Esmeralda
Esmeralda
To get ready for Black Friday/Cyber Monday and Christmas the Hunchback characters are doing a secret santa.
Quasimodo picked Frollo and got him Opteka 650-2600mm High Definition Telephoto Zoom Lens for Nikon Digital SLR Cameras
Esmeralda picked Clopin and got him Southpole Men’s Marled Full-Zip Hoodie Sweatshirt
Frollo picked Fleur-de-Lys and got her a Selfie Stick
Ben Sherman Novelty Socks
Phoebus picked Quasimodo and got him Ben Sherman Novelty Socks
Gringoire picked Master Florain and got him Plant Theatre Herb Garden Seed Kit 
Clopin picked Sister Gudule and got her Zalman King’s Red Shoe Diaries Movie #15: Forbidden Zone
Outdoor Gargoyle statue
Fleur-de-Lys picked Notre Dame de paris and got her Design Toscano Florentine Gargoyle Statue
Jean picked Djali and got her Caution Attack Goat Sign
Sister Gudule picked Phoebus and got him 1 X Snowman Mug w/ Shovel Spoon – Christmas Decor
Djali picked Esmeralda and got her Quiddler
Notre Dame de Paris picked Gringoire and got him Une Nuit De Noel a Notre Dame De Paris CD
Master Florain picked Jean and got him Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller
Quasimodo
Unlike other versions of The Hunchback of Notre Dame this one offers a reason for Quasimodo’s hunch and ties it into the moral. In this version Quasimodo is an actual angel and one not metaphorically. His hunch hides is angel wings. The moral of this version like all the kiddies version of this story is be nice to people even ugly ones. But in this one case they take a whole new step further because you should be nice to people because they could be angels and you do not want to get on an angel’s bad side.
The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo’s hunch
In the scope of Hunchback kids moral this is is REALLY stupid. It’s not as horrible as The Enchanted Tales version where it was looks don’t matter as long as someone thinks you’re pretty. This one is just so strong handed that it makes you want to face palm yourself receptively.
Esmeralda and Pierre
But how does the rest of the movie hold up. Again it’s REALLY dumb and overly simplified. He do get some of the major basic that the story demands. First off Quasimodo lives in the safety of Notre Dame and loves the bells. Esmeralda dances which she seems to like just not the thievery of her companions. The Gringoire equivalent just simply called Pierre is bad at poetry, likes Esmeralda and is nice. Esmeralda gives Quasimodo water after he gets into some trouble that was not his fault. Esmeralda gets into some trouble and Frollo is obessed with her. Quasimodo swings down from Notre Dame to save her albeit it’s inside Notre Dame and she is about to marry Frollo by force and not about to die… meh same difference.
Frollo
That is more less the basics that were left somewhat intact. Frollo is completely different though. Aside from having a little thing for Esmeralda he is now a Sheriff much like he is in Enchanted tales but here is just wants money more specially Notre Dame’s money and he use Quasimodo as leverage against the Archdeacon. So there is another split of Novel Frollo’s character as the obsessive pervert and the pious protector of Quasimodo, it been done so many times that who the fuck cares, just like everyone surviving the ending sans Frollo who here gets crushed by a Gargoyles, though he could have lived, it’s not really important.
Quasimodo is just being Quasi
By all counts this version is dumb. It’s not as insulting as Enchated tales as it does feel like a Hunchback versions and not a really misguided Beauty and the Beast with sprinkling of Hunchback thrown in knock-off Disney movie but it’s quite dumb for lack of anything else that is remotely deep or interesting.
Also does any one else think it’s weird that Frollo’s voice actor is the narrator?
Next Time The Humor
Rotten Vegetable vendor
Sigh…… I’m going to try to keep this short for my ever diminishing sanity. Also I may butcher some of the names because A: There is no cast list I can find and B; I don’t care. Hooray for lack of effort.
The Archdeacon and Brother Labas with Baby Quasimodo
The movie opens with some narration about how Notre Dame in Paris is a safe haven for those who need it, in this case the people who are different. A pox on the ugly! They we see someone leaving off a baby at Notre Dame. The baby is taken in by the archdeacon and one Brother Lebas. They raise the baby and make him the bell ringer because the baby made it clear he liked bells. They name him Quasimodo.
Frollo threatening the Archdeacon
Flash forward year and Lord Frollo, the sheriff of Paris is trying to extort gold from Notre Dame for protection. The Archdeacon and Brother Lebas refuse and Frollo threatens them and Quasimodo.
Quasimodo and Pierre
That day there is a Day of Fools and Quasimodo gets a mask and goes. There he meets a shitty poet named Pierre and Esmeralda. Esmeralda is a beautiful dancer who in leauge with Gyspies that steals why she entertains. She dancing with both Pierre and Quasimodo. Quasimodo face gets exposed during the dance and panic ensues. The Gypsies and Esmeralda are arrested for starting a riot. Pierre and Quasimodo the bond over how people aren’t what they appear to be and Esmeralda’s beauty.
Esmeralda
The Gypsies and Esmeralda are brought to Frollo. Frollo takes a liking to Esmeralda. Frollo’s little minion has the idea to use the Gypsies to kidnap Quasimodo and he keeps Esmeralda to ensure their corporation. The Gypsies decide to have the fat guy dress up as Esmeralda to lure Quasimodo to watch her dance.
The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo’s hunch
Quaismodo is then sentenced to being whipped. Esmeralda gives him some water which angers Frollo. Pierre helps Esmeralda escape. The archdeacon then notice something about Quasimodo’s injury.
Frollo and Esmeralda’s wedding
That night Esmeralda and Pierre pledge their love but return to Notre Dame to help Quasimodo once their they are caught by Frollo. Esmeralda is forced into marrying Frollo but Quasimod saves her. Frollo and Quasimodo fight and Quasimodo is thrown over the egde but holds on. Frollo is then crushed by a gargoyle statue. Quasimodo falls once he knows the Archdeacon, who had been arrest by Frollo is safe. Before Quasimodo hits the ground he unleashes his wings and falls off.
Plot review Next Time
Quasimodo in Angel form
Max Ryan
July 2014 I discovered a movie version of the Hunchback set to stared one Max Ryan, who I have been told is an actor. This version had a script and a cast list but not much more. You can read that post RIGHT HERE. The summery I found that is now gone so reading that post is worth it. Esmeralda gets attack by wolves and Quasimodo lives in the cave of Notre Dame. I also very briefly mentioned it back in September read here Really I had passed this verison off has never being till last month.
Back in October it was announced that Director Chuck Russell was going to direct. Russell’s credit’s include The Mask, The Scorpion King and other action adventure movies. Also on the IMDB page for this version the genre is set as “Action, Drama, Fantasy.” Dear God help us all. Hunchback hasn’t had a hollywood movie since 1939 and we get an Action Adventure movie. Also I just want to point out that screenwriters are Max Ryan and one Julio Ponce Palmieri who writes for mostly short films.
But what REALLY puzzles me so far is that cast list on the IMDB. First off there is no sign of Esmeralda and Frollo. When I first discovered this version it listed the actors for Frollo and Esmeralda as under negotiations so that could be the reason why they are not there. But still the cast has some roles that just confuse me like The Figment and the Giant, the Fuck you say? Also Max Ryan has a double role as Quasimodo and Pierre. Considering the summery said Quasimodo’s parents loved him and he was stolen, Pierre could be his original name OR he just playing another guy to show off his versatility as an “actor”. This version has even started filming and I hate it.
There was also a new breif on IMDB when Russell was reported as the director that claimed that this version was still the same version as Josh Brolin version and the key players just switched which is not the case. This version existed before Brolin dreamed up his version in 2011 with Tim Burton but that switched to Yimou Zhang in 2013 and then nothing. While Brolin’s jazzy’s version seems to either be dead or in development-hell, it’s amazing how similar these movies are to each other. Both are vanity projects from generic actors who have directors known for action-ish movies. Consider Hollywood studios has had battles with similar movies before maybe The Max Ryan version will fuel Brolin to make his Jazzy versions. Either way I still don’t know what that Figment character is and nor to have faith in either version.
Recently I became a fan of Modern Family and as I’m watching season 2 episode 6, just named Halloween we are treated to a Hunchback of Notre Dame reference, yay.
Eric Stonestreet as Cameron from the Halloween episode of Modern Family
In the episode Cameron makes mentions to his traumatic Halloween of his youth. At the end of episode as the Halloween is being ruined, Cam shares his story and I’m going off of memory to recount it. He was dressed up as Quasimodo. His friend took a whole bowl of candy as the ran off Cam’s Quasi Hunch got caught on a rose bush as his friend got away but every went after Cam saying ” Get Quasimodo” and them Cam wet his pants. Poor Cam
Also as an added bonus Jay is dressed as a Gargoyle. And the show makes other reference to Hunchback so double Yay!
Happy Halloween!
Adam Sandler
If you thought last week’s Anti-Hypothetical Casting post was scary this sone is downright horrific because while Kim Kardashian has the means to set-up herself as Esmeralda I doubt she has the inclination but I could see Sandler wanting to play Quasimodo.
Adam Sandler
Quasimodo is a fairly converted role for actors as not only do they get a very emotional role but they physical side of it also a challenge and though psychical demanding roles are REALLY what gets an actor notice, case-in-point Eddie Redmayne getting the Oscar for The Theory of Everything. So if Adam Sandler wanted to play Quasimodo could and he would.
Adam Sandler
Sandler has roots in comedy but he has been in some dramatic roles. He also has been is a decent amount of okay movies but he has been in so major crap that just seems like he wants to go on a trip with with friends and the movie is just an excuse. Unfortunately this how I see a Sandler attempt at The Hunchback of Notre Dame going. He would get his trip to Paris and have all his friends in the various other roles. You can use you imagination.
Adam Sandler as Opera Man from Saturday Night Live
Also unfortunately I can really only in vision Sandler giving Quasimodo just a silly voice and that would be it for the acting front. Somehow I think it would be Opera man. I would say the physical side of the performance would be a reprise of Little Nicky. Also given that it would be an Adam Sandler movie maybe this version would follow suit with Enchanted Tales in that Sandler is actully handsome and he gets the girl in the end. And we would get Rob Schneider saying “You can do it Quasi” when he saying Esmeralda.
Adam Sandler as Zohan with Emmanuelle Chriqui as Dalia in You Don’t Mess with the Zohan
Though one plus side of Sandler playing Quasimodo is that he could get Emmanuelle Chriqui is a popular choice for the role among people on the internet, though it would seem sad that it be wasted in an Adam Sandler movie.