Hiba Tawaji performing Bohemienne

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I feel bad posting another Notre Dame de Paris video off of youtube but life hasn’t been too great this past week. Though, I  have been wanting to hear Tawaji’s rendition of Bohemienne, so this pretty off the cuff.

#1- I think I really do like the changes to the costume. Indeed it’s way pretty in motion. I also like the slits up on those overlays on the back of the costume, it offer yet more movement. Future versions don’t mess it up too much, I still haven’t forgiven the evolution of the damn slit Esmeralda had for like a decade.

#2 – Tawaji is really perfectly cast. Someday I do want to a list the top 10 or so Esmeralda from Notre Dame de Paris. I won’t pretend that I have seen videos or MP3s or all them BUT  I have heard/seen bunches . Maybe 80% but that is probably a high guess.

#3- While YES, Tawaji is a great Esmeralda, I do find her arm movement a little stiff/awkward. It’s like she isn’t quite sold of the motions or is super unsure what to with her arms. Which is a little weird because she is a great dancer otherwise. Pesky arms.

#4 – While I do appreciate this recording, I really do, I did laugh when Tawaji runs  up stage on the First Bohemienne to do that arm thing you see ALL Esmeralda do, which I find to be the most mechanical of her motions and due to the angle of the video Esmeralda is TOTALLY blocked by Clopin. I can’t if Tawaji falls prey to mechanicalness that plagues all Esmeraldas or somehow makes it work for her.  Just funny, not complaining.

But if the production wants to send me a recording of the show to review, please do! I will review it with all the praising as you want. I know they won’t.

Other Burbank Version Animation & Character Design

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Esmeralda Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda

I feel like I’m in some weird ring of hell. A Ring of Hell where my sole torture is rewatching this version of Hunchback. I can’t tell you in how many ways I just loathe this version and it’s not even in a logical, it’s visceral, it strikes me down to my core. I hate everything about this version and it hurts my soul in so many ways that I’m not sure I can quantify anymore why it’s a puke stain on the already dirty carpet of Hunchback version aimed at children. I think the main reason I can’t articulate why it’s terrible is because it has the same problems as every other  Disney knock-off versions, at this point it’s a case of “second verse same of the first.”  Everything is just the worst but you came here to read something that in some way resembles a review or you just click on a picture or you’re lost and have already clicked away but whatever the case the subject line has spoken and it’s not even trying to be clickbait so let’s get this over with.

Esmeralda and Quasimodo, Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame 1996 picture image

Esmeralda and Quasimodo,

As is standard with these knock-off Disney direct to video movies the animation super low budget. The use of repeat animation for extras to pad out the run time is beyond annoying and I might not have minded it so much if the movie didn’t start that way. It takes nearly three minutes to get to Esmeralda awkwardly dancing about, three minutes of just nothing but random town’s people laughing and clapping on repeat.  In addition to animation being stilled, awkward and mostly on repeat  most of the shots are at flat angles.  There is nothing interesting or memorable about the way the shots are composed to even hold a remote sense of attention.

 

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

But again I’m not done, though I wish I was, this will never end. There is the color design of this thing. If you think I was joking about calling this movie being like puke you were wrong. The color this movie most likes to use is a weird dark yellow color that resembles vomit. They also use a  green that looks like another shade of puke. I’m not kidding this movie has an ugly and all-round unpleasant color palette. If they were trying I guess they were trying to make it warm but they failed, they failed hard.

Esmeralda meets Phoebus Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda meets Phoebus

Then there is the character design. Can you believe I didn’t really touch in the character designs yet? Both Phoebus and Esmeralda are drawn to be the prettiest that the shitty animation will allow. This of course gives them no visual interest so being “beautiful” by this movie’s standard is a mute point. Though the best line in this movie is Frollo describing Esmeralda’s eyes as “shining brighter than the most beautiful stars in the night sky.”  Too bad they don’t.

Quasimodo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo with his doves

Quasimodo is your typical cute, nice, deformed design that you see over and over again. He is very bulbous and round making him “cute.” Which is like standard in character design round is good and angles are bad.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

Speaking of angles there is Frollo. And he is yet another case of “second verse same as the first. Agian he looks like a mix of Disney Gaston and Jafar. Why? Who are they even coping at this point? This  is like the third Frollo to look like this? He doesn’t look like either Disney Frollo or the 1939 version.  Is this a case of parallel thought between three stupid Disney Knock-off versions, where they combined  two popular Disney villains or did this version copy Secret of the Hunchback of Enchanted Tales? Both options scream laziness.  Though to be fair this version did take Frollo’s design beyond merely combining Gaston and Jafar and instead cross that combination with a fish.   

             

Esmeralda Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda

This version is just entirely forgettable with its abysmal animation, boring flat angles, cringe-inducing color palette and lazy character design.  The only thing I can recall about this movie is how forgettable this version is and that is why I have to rewatch it thus prolonging the torture of the ring of hell I now occupy.

Other Burbank Esmeralda

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I hate this version. It so damn forgettable. Say what you want about Enchanted Tales or Dingo at least they are memorable, though not in a good way. This one is just so boring and dull that I find myself having to rewatch it constantly to write these posts because I can not remember anything and that’s I can’t bring myself to write the posts in a timely fashion. This version is maxing me out in so many ways. I mean how many ways can one really say this character is boring compared to other sources?

Esmeralda Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda

I guess that brings us to the lovely Esmeralda. She is pretty, at least that is what the characters tell us which is good given the lack of art style in this move I wouldn’t have known. So like in the better 1939 version, Esmeralda cares for the blight of her people. She tries to tell the king by going to his house instead of praying which I guess shows initiative.

Esmeralda Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda

WAIT a second! This Esmeralda has  initiative. She shows that a few times in this version. She tries to speak to the king directly on New Year’s Eve, she gives Quasimodo water (which is standard) and goes to see Phoebus despite being wanted for being too pretty.   Oh god a character trait! It’s been so long since I have seen one that I thought I had forgotten. I mean to be fair, her initiative is buried in poor decision making but it’s something other than being nice and romantic.

 

Esmeralda Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda

  

Too bad she is still boring. Just a boring pretty girl with eyes that shine brighter than the stars in the sky (apparently),  who is also nice and takes initiative at bad times and has a super fake French accent. This version sucks! I want to burn so at least I can get some mild entertainment out it.  

The Plot of the Other Burbank version of Hunchback of Notre Dame

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Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

If you didn’t figure it out, the other Burbank version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame followed the plot of the 1939 version in a rough and unapologetic manner. This is technically the first version to be based off of the 1939 version since the 1997 version came out later but the 1997 version did take the basic plot of the 1939 version and add other elements  like Quasimodo liking books. What did this version do to distinguish itself? Well, Quasimodo has doves and Frollo has a literal birth mark of evil. That is the only thing that is original to this version from the 1939 version never mind the book, there is no point discussing the book against this version.

Esmeralda and Quasimodo, Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame 1996 picture image

Esmeralda and Quasimodo

Perhaps it’s unfair to say that this version should have add something to the basic plot of the 1939 version, after all this is a streamline version of Hunchback for kids. But just because it’s a short version condensed down to forty minutes, did it have to be so devoid of impact? This version is without a doubt  the blandest, joyless, soul crushing version of hunchback to date. It’s has all the flavor watery  hospitable vanilla ice cream. There is nothing in this version that conveys any sort of emotion or interest. It’s like a paint by number retelling of another retelling.

Something Similar to a Plot of the Other Burbank version of Hunchback

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Before you can understand the pain of the other Burbank version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, you need to experience the pain. So you can either suffer through the forty some odd minutes of hell or just read this plot summary.   I’m sure more thought and effort were used to write this post than went into making the movie.

Frollo Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo

The story starts mind-numbingly on Year’s Eve 1599, a mere 117 later than the book for no real reason. Actually I got ahead of my self the movie actually starts with a wizard introducing this “wizard’s tale.” I can’t fathom what was being smoked at the studio when that idea was proposed and then accepted.

So, everything is going great in France as fake accent French people stroll about and pad out the 40+ minute runtime with weird animation and laugher.  Esmeralda is shown awkwardly twirling around when she approaches Frollo. Frollo rejects giving her money for her dancing by putting up his palms. On his palms is a birthmark which scares Esmeralda as she says it’s “the mark of evil.”  You know kind of what Esmeralda said in the 1939 version but instead of being something in lines of his hand it’s a big purple evil face, have fun with that and remember to put that on his hand animation team. Anyway Esmeralda walks off and Frollo doesn’t seem to like her.

Quasimodo crowned King of Clowns Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Quasimodo crowned King of Clowns

Cut to Frollo chilling with King Henry IV, and to the version’s credit they got the proper monarch of France correct just not the correct year of the actual book, I mean to be fair it’s not like the first paragraph of the book or anything, it’s in the second, it’s very hard to miss, Moving on Frollo tells the king that he think Esmeralda is evil and Henry tells him to stop being narrow-minded and muses the Frollo probably still thinks the earth is still flat, which Frollo says it is. Hmm, this is reminding me a lot of the 1939 version,. Henry then gives Esmeralda a coin  just like in the 1939 version, hmm I’m saying that a lot, WEIRD!

Esmeralda then spots an eye looking at her, you know like another version, I’m noticing a bit of a pattern here. Anyway it’s Quasimodo and his dove friends, Quasimodo have doves that follow him around, at least it’s original. The town people chase after Quasimodo and make him dance for their amusement and then name him Kind of the Clowns and for some reason the crown of “King of Clowns” is not a jester hat but a wreath of laurels. WHY?   Frollo then reveals that he is the guardian of Quasimodo and how dare Quasimodo make a fool of Frollo in public again Again? What was the first time?. Less than ten minutes in and I’m so numb, hypothermia take me away.

Esmeralda the tries to go to the King to ask him for help for her people but the guard wants to arrest her because she is a gypsy and she runs away to Notre Dame. The Priest saves her and takes her in and introduces himself as Padre Jean-Paul. Why Spanish? I don’t get that, someone fill me in on why a Priest at Notre Dame de Paris would call him self “Padre?”  Cut to Frollo talking to some important looking guy demanding Quasimodo be whipped for going out in public, to which the important looking guy says no. Then it’s happy New Year and they have fireworks amidst tons of repeat animation and then everyone just leave because who parties all night for a new century, it’s bedtime.

Esmeralda meets Phoebus Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda meets Phoebus

Padre Jean-Paul then teaches Esmeralda how to pray because the 1939 version did it.  However Frollo comes in and yells that she can’t pray and then says she a witch who steals men’s heart and drives them mad. Literally it’s been two hours since Frollo first saw Esmeralda and he is already obsessed with destroying her. This Frollo makes book Frollo sane.  Esmeralda then goes upstairs and sees Quasimodo and takes off running. Quasimodo pursues her because he want her to know he is her friend. Phoebus then saves Esmeralda and sends Quasimodo to the Bastille. Phoebus and Esmeralda share a moment, he is not a smug jerk in this version.

Just like in the 1939 version, Frollo orders all the Gypsy women by round up so he can find Esmeralda but she gives the guards the slip. Meanwhile, Quasimodo is found guilty and Frollo makes a plea that Esmeralda is a witch and should be punished. Quasimodo is in the stocks begging for water. While that is happening Padre Jean-Paul explains to Esmeralda that Quasimodo is the nicest person and wouldn’t have hurt her. Esmeralda then gives him water but runs off as a guard approaches.

Frollo tries to cover Esmeralda's face Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Frollo tries to cover Esmeralda’s face

The King holds a masked party and Esmeralda shows up to dance to see Phoebus, even though there is a warrant out for her and she knows it. Phoebus and Esmeralda dance and confess their love for each other but then Frollo ruins the party by arresting her.

At her trail she declared a menace to society because she just so darn pretty that poor men just can help themselves with her around and sentence her to death.While is jail, Phoebus tells he is trying to arrange an appeal for her but he also has a plan to save her which is the same plan that Gringoire used in the 1939 version which was printing pamphlets.  However the night before her execution Quasimodo breaks her out of jail with the help of his dove pals.  As Esmeralda and Quasimodo seek into Notre Dame, Frollo confesses to Padre Jean-Paul that Esmeralda is not a witch and he is in love with her and the padre says he can’t forgive Frollo if he does come clean. Frollo then finds out that she has escaped with Quasimodo help.

Esmeralda, Quasimodo and Phoebus Other Burbank Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda, Quasimodo and Phoebus

Now it’s the seventh of January, seven days! All this in seven days? Anyway Phoebus is getting the people on Esmeralda’s side and now know that she escaped jail. Phoebus, the Padre and Frollo all gather at the King’s to discuss Esmeralda. The Kings likes Phoebus’ approach but admits her can’t do anything without evidence. The Padre says Esmeralda is falsely accused then guilts Frollo to admit his lies which he does and the king pardons her. Frollo then rushes to Notre Dame to kill her. Frollo awkwardly attacks Quasimodo and then Quasimodo uses the bells to knock Frollo down the bell tower. Esmeralda and Phoebus reunite, people cheer, End of movie.

 

 

 

Anti-Hypothetical for Esmeralda; Ariana Grande

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Ariana Grande picture image

Ariana Grande

Let me get this right out the way, I’m not a fan of Ariana Grande. I do think that she is a good singer though. This anti- hypothetical casting choice scared me more when I first thought of it than after really thinking about it and reviewing Grande’s work, much Taylor Swift with Fleur de Lys. However if this casting ever happen for either a movie, musical or a movie musical I would be very disappointed.

Ariana Grande picture image

Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande does have a good other all look for Esmeralda. She is of Italian decent and have dark eyes and golden tan tone to her skin. I would venture that her hair is naturally dark. So at least she has the look down.

Ariana Grande as Cat Valentine, Victorious picture image

Ariana Grande as Cat Valentine, Victorious

As for acting, I’m going to be SUPER generous and say the court is still out in this one. Aside from her Broadway working and playing herself her only big role was on Nickelodeon’s Victorious. In the same vein as Disney shows type of show are very hard to gauge a person true acting talent. Grande’s character Cat Valentine is an idiot, I once heard her character describe as a hot Ralph Wiggum. Maybe she is capable of acting, maybe she would be awful.

Ariana Grande picture image

Ariana Grande

However one of the big issue I have with Grande for the role of Esmeralda is her image, her persona. It’s a weird combo of sexy and childish, which maybe is perfect for Esmeralda in the eyes of the people who have never read the book or miss the point of her character. The actress/singer who plays Esmeralda should come off sexy without really being aware that she is in fact attracting attention.  Grande also seems not super genuine in her persona, it doesn’t feel natural to her. So her as Esmeralda would be a mess as Esmeralda is naturally sexy but unaware of her appeal and Grande forces it on her viewers. Then again Esmeralda has been written as more in charge of her sexual powers before and I’m sure will be again and maybe Grande is a better actress than Victorious made her out to be.

Ariana Grande picture image

Ariana Grande

In someways this wouldn’t be the worst casting option available but far from ideal. Though if they ever made a pop star laden  movie version of Notre Dame de Paris seeing Ariana Grande and Taylor swift in would be like some kind of wrapped miracle. Maybe they could just cover He is shining like the Sun together that would be something, good or bad, it would be a sight.

 

 

Costume ideas for Couple’s Costume with Esmeralda

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Djali and Clopin are great ideas to pair with an Esmeralda costume to make a couple costume duo.

Djali Costume options

For Djali there are two methods, one is get a white goat costume

or you can get a goat mask and pair it with is white clothing. I would suggest getting clothes made from fleece for the texture but you can use whatever you have in your closet.

However the most important thing to do to turn this costume from a boring goat to talented Djlai is cutting a hole in the ear of either the mask or costume and putting a gold earring though.

Clopin costume option

Disney’s Clopin is harder to buy items for given that his clothes are two tone but fear not you can get an approximation of this costume. You’ll need yellow pants or better yet leggings, a purple shirt, long or short sleeves though long is better. You’ll also need a yellow cape or shawl or poncho. If you’re the crafty type you can sew some bell to the hem. In addition you’ll need a few accessories, like a gold earring (see above,) a purple venetian mask, a hat, and black gloves. The hat is a little tricky as purple renaissance hats are not in a ready supply but I tried to give some options of hats that could work.

Pants

Cape

Mask

Hat

near shape of Clopin’s Hat with a feather

Jester hat with the right colors

Gloves

If you want a ready-made-costume, this one is close, just add a gold hoop earring, the mask, a hat and black gloves.

Hypothetical Casting for Esmeralda; Gemma Arterton

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Gemma Arterton picture image

Gemma Arterton

Today let’s consider an actress who could be a good casting choice for  Esmeralda if the movie went with her book backstory of being at least half-French and that actress is Gemma Arterton. This was a suggestion made by Amanda, click here to see the suggestion.

Gemma Arterton as Princess Tamina in Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time picture image

Gemma Arterton as Princess Tamina in Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Gemma Arterton is a British actress probably most known  for playing Princess Tamina in Prince of Persia. In that movie she does look quite exotic and would even fit the mold of Esmeralda who is s full Romani. Arterton’s look without all the dressings of Tamina would still suit Esmeralda. She has dark eyes and darker hair, though hair is so easily changeable. She doesn’t have that pale English Rose look either as her skin seems to be more olive which also a plus for Esmeralda.

Gemma Arterton as Tess in Tess of the D'Urbervilles picture image

Gemma Arterton as Tess in Tess of the D’Urbervilles

Now I admit I haven’t seen Prince of Persia, I only saw a few clips but she seemed fine in that movie. It’s hard to judge that movie as it’s a panned video game adaptation but she seem fine. I have seen her in the 2008 BBC mini series of Tess of the D’Urbervilles, in which she plays the main character. Tess is tragic figure very similar to Esmeralda. I won’t go into too much detail but in way like Esmeralda, Tess is a simple but beautiful young woman who is punished for being lovely. That is a rather simplistic over-view of both characters. Anyway Arterton does a wonderful job as Tess, she come-off as bittersweet, tragic but still very naive which are great quality to bring to the role of Esmeralda.

Gemma Arterton picture image

Gemma Arterton

What do you think? Would Gemma Arterton be a good Esmeralda.

Esmeralda of Quasimodo d’El Paris; She can’t Dance

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Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda

Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda

I find this version of Esmeralda very interesting. First and foremost they combined her with Fleur de Lys as well as reversing her backstory. Instead of a little French girl named Agnes who grows up with Gypsies and the name Esmeralda, she is instead a Gypsy or in this movie’s case a Cuban born Esmeralda and grew up Agnes as the Governor’s  daughter.  It’s her roles as the rich people’s daughter and fiancee to Phoebus that gives her her Fleur de Lys duo role.  Also it makes Phoebus look spectacularly dumb that he can’t recognize her when she is more free as Esmeralda than as complain-i-pants Agnes.

Mélanie Thierry as Esmeralda/Agnes and Axelle Abbadie as Mme Le Gouverneur, Quasimodo d'el Paris, picture image

Mélanie Thierry as Esmeralda/Agnes and Axelle Abbadie as Mme Le Gouverneur, Quasimodo d’el Paris

That being said Esmeralda/Agnes has a duo personality. As Agnes she is treated like a child and as such she prone to complain and be unhappy. As Esmeralda she doesn’t have that constraint so she act freer and a lot more in control. She doesn’t act sexy but her very found identity does make her seem more free-sprited and seems to attract more men to her. She does still complain but does tries to rally the Cubans to fight social injustice and tries to get Quasimodo to return to his parents. She wants to help Quasimodo because she feels guilty that she was swap with him as children, the parents are just terrible.

Patrick Timsit as Quasimodo & Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda Quasimodo d'El Paris picture image

Patrick Timsit as Quasimodo & Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda

Esmeralda is someways doesn’t come off as a parody but she is in fact probably the smartest character, which compared to her book characterization is a parody since Esmeralda’s naivety and shallowness makes her seem less smart. In this movie she calls Quasimodo out for being in love with her for her looks and says it’s the same as people judging him for being ugly.

Patrick Timsit as Quasimodo & Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda Quasimodo d'El Paris picture image

Patrick Timsit as Quasimodo & Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda

Also speaking of parody, girl can’t dance. Quasimodo asks her to dance, she obliges and proceeds to dance awkwardly. Quasimodo, unsatisfied says she can’t dance and thought she would dance better. She just laughs it off saying something like  “I don’t see why I would dance well.”

Patrick Timsit as Quasimodo & Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda Quasimodo d'El Paris picture image

Patrick Timsit as Quasimodo & Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda

This version is also one of the few versions, and the only version that isn’t a cheap cartoon, where Quasimodo and Esmeralda get together at the end. I do think it was REALLY rushed that Esmeralda loves him, could be the version I watched, I don’t know but it’s like Quasimodo saves her from Frollo’s cement tub and BOOM, she knows it’s love. Quasimodo still doesn’t say what her likes about her but she is the one who sees his inner beauty and will have to get used to his hunch, bald patch, and weird pointed teeth.

Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda Quasimodo d'El Paris picture image

Melanie Thierry as Esmeralda

 

I could get mad that another Esmeralda is wearing red but since this movie is comedy/parody, I’m giving it a pass.