There has actually been some decent amount of Hunchback related stuff that popped up in 2015 opposed the last few years where there has been much other that Josh Brolin popping up to say something about his movie that will never be I’m guessing.

So 2015 started off with the sad news. On October 24th 2015 Maureen O’Hara, who played Esmeralda in the 1939 movie version of Hunchback passed away at the age of  95.  The 1939 version is considered to be one of the best Hunchback version. It was also O’Hara’s American debut.

Musicals next; The Notre Dame de Paris 10 year anniversary tour in Korea which was French language. Notre Dame de Paris in Asian isn’t anything new but this was the first time in a while for a French Production to be presented.  There also a new Italian cast the uses member from the original cast. But that is set not next year, but this cast has been catching my attention and just recently did that cast come out so yeah, I’m including it here.

There was also the Disney Hunchback musical at the Paper mills Play house in March and April. Since it didn’t go to broadway there will more local productions so keep an ear out if one should be performed near you and it still might go to broadway someday, never say die. Also the cast recording of the Paper Mills and Lo Jolla casting is coming out next month so preorder here.

Also in April, Josh Groban did a cover of Le Temps de Cathedral on his Stages album. I wouldn’t say it did much to help Notre Dame de Paris’ popularity but people who didn’t know might have heard it so that is great.

Let’s what else. Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling named their baby Esmeralda which they directly sited Hunchback as being a favorite novel of their. First is a little funning because I a while ago I was looking up Celebrities and their favorite books and Hunchback never came up. Les Mis did. I sort of abandoned the idea due to how pretentious and/or how self severing their picks were, so I’m glad some actors liked the book.

But the BIGGEST news of the year is that there are 2, not one but 2 Hunchback movies in the works. One has been in the works for a while and is a independent movie from some actor who was in the second Sex and the City movie, Max Ryan. This version I don’t even know what to say. Everyt ime I try to make sense of it I’m reminded that there is a giant and a figment in the cast list and The Mask directors is going to direct so my expectations for this movie are low to hoping ti hilariously bad, but we’ll see maybe we’ll be surprised and it will be a really good version. Strangers things happen.

The second movie seems to be an off-shot of an idea for Once Upon a Time from 2013, a movie for Esmeralda’s POV, which I’m excited about. There hasn’t been a Esmeralda centric Hunchback version since the 1950’s and that was mostly a French movie. For Hollywood there has been a Hunchback version focusing on Esmeralda since Theda Bara’s 1917 movie The Darling of Paris. Not much is known about this movie other than it’s being spearhead by Peter Cherin and will focus on Esmeralda. I hope this movie is good and happens, you never know with movies.

Let’s hope 2016 has more Hunchback stuff!

Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image picture image

Pierre

Pierre or as he more commonly known in Hunchback, Gringoire, has a lot of diversity in terms of the roles he can plays in Hunchback adaptations. He can be comic relief, the hero that saves Esmeralda or just the story teller. He is a bit like Phoebus whereas he can easily be a hero or a villain pending on the movie. Secret of the Hunchback use of Gringoire or Pierre isn’t that different but combines him as comic relief and hero. Also a you MIGHT have noticed, there is no Phoebus character and typically if Phoebus isn’t in the movie or has a tiny role, Gringoire is the hero.

Esmeralda and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda and Pierre

For Gringoire to be the hero in a Hunchback movie he has to be Esmeralda’s love interest, which he is version. However his bad poetry in his first sense makes a comic relief. He also doesn’t do all that much to save the day, Quasimodo does most of the “work” i.e swings down and stops a wedding but Pierre helps and does “rescue” Esmeralda from Frollo once after the pillory scene. So he fit nicely into his two roles.

Quasimodo and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo and Pierre

Now, that being said how is as a character and how does he stack up next to his book counterpart? As far as he is in this version, he’s a nice guy, that’s pretty much it. He’s nice to Quasimodo and is his pal. This doesn’t make him compelling or interesting but his bad poetry at least made him enjoyable, so gets a pass from him. He also isn’t that much like he is in the book. In the book Gringoire was a cowardly whiner who still wasn’t that great a writer, so they got one thing right about him. But to be fair, getting Gringoire’s characterization right isn’t the most important thing about adapting this story.

Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Pierre

Also I just want to add that Pierre is a Protestant in this version. Which was for the sake of a joke.

Esmeralda and friends The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda and friends

 

 

Next Time  The Goons Esmeralda travels with

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback, picture image

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback

Most people say that this “Frollo” like Enchanted Tales in that he looks and acts more like Disney’s Gaston but I would disagree. I think he’s like if Gaston and Jafar a la Disney had a love child and dumped him in a stupid Knock-off discount version of Paris. I mean his face is Jafar, he has his nose, and the body and clothes are all Gaston. He even has a little stupid minion. This doesn’t make him a convincing Frollo adaptation.

Frollo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo

So let’s be clear with what we are dealing with here, in this “version” of Hunchback we have a knock-off version of a Gaston/Jafar hybrid named Frollo and not a knock-off version of Hunchback’s Frollo.

Frollo threatening the Archdeacon The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo threatening the Archdeacon

In this “version” Frollo is like a sheriff of Paris or something, which is funny because that is what the Enchanted Tales versions of Frollo was, so it’s like Knock-off inception here. Basically all this Frollo wants, his entire motivation is that he wants Notre Dame’s money. Or rather he wants to exhort money from the Church, which is in the book as The Court of Miracles wants to rob the church when they rescue Esmeralda but I don’t think the makers of this movie made that connection, I’m not even sure they have seen a copy of the book, let alone read it.

 Frollo and Esmeralda The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo and Esmeralda

Frollo also wants power even though he has it. He also likes Esmeralda and almost marries her for I don’t really know why he wants to do this. That means this Frollo is the CLOSEST Frollo ever got to book Frollo’s goal, but his love or lust or like-like or whatever it is that prompts this Frollo to want to marry Esmeralda doesn’t have any level of torment or anything that made book Frollo compelling, so there is literally nothing going on.  I have seen pieces of bread that are better versions of Frollo than this “version”

 Frollo and his little minion The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo and his little minion

Does this make him bad in the movie? No sadly, he probably the most entertaining character mainly because he just reveals in his insidiousness and that  makes him likable and relatable. Of Course him being the most entertaining of the characters speaks more to bore-feast of the rest of the characters than his level of being silly.

 

Next Time Pierre

Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image picture image

Pierre

Monica Cruz picture image

Monica Cruz

The Max Ryan movie, we meet again. If people who read this blog will recall when I first mention the Ryan movie like over a year ago it seemed very theoretical but it’s real and it is happening. As it is stand, core characters have yet been cast or have not been announced yet, like Esmeralda or Frollo. According to cinema.theiapolis.com Monica Cruz and John Rhys-Davies are (or were) in negotiations for Esmeralda and Frollo. Now what is interesting is that Steven Berkoff is listed as in negotiations too and he is on the cast list on IMDB. So really who knows where Cruz and Rhys-Davies stand. So let’s just consider Monica Cruz as a possibility for Esmeralda.

Monica Cruz picture image

Monica Cruz

I know nothing about her aside from the fact that she Penelope Cruz’s younger sister and as a joke on 30 Rock said, younger hotter sister. Really, they look a lot a like. Cruz doesn’t have the same long filmography as her sister so I would be lying if I said I have seen much of her sample of work. What I can gather about Cruz from what I have seem is that she is cast for being attractive. She along with her sister are both dancers who have been trained, Cruz studied Flamenco and traditional ballet at The Royal Academy of Dance. So if she were cast it would promise as good dance number.

Monica Cruz picture image

Monica Cruz

Cruz is too old to play Esmeralda as she is the book. Cruz is 38 and Esmeralda is 16. Can a movie cover it up and make Esmeralda older? If the film maker wants yes, they can also put the setting on the moon if they want, doesn’t make a good idea. But really it’s mute point. Most of the time the character Esmeralda is changed so much anyway that making her like her like she is the book would be novel. Esmeralda is typically overtly sexual and with the casting of Cruz that is what it seems they are (or were) going for.

Monica Cruz picture image

Monica Cruz

Cruz does have a good look. Esmeralda is supposed to have an exotic look. Films version seldom do the backstory as the book has it, where she the daughter of a French woman and an unknown father. But that dark sultry look seems to the going look for Esmeraldas. Personally I can see an actress of Spanish decent or Indian being good in the role. So Cruz has it in the looks department.

Monica Cruz picture image

Monica Cruz

Would Cruz be a good Esmeralda for this movie version of Hunchback? I can’t say but I would say yes given the standards ideas Hollywood has for the character even though the Max Ryan version is an independent movie. Then again this version has a giant in it so my opinion of this movie is low and I’m not sure how good it will be in the first place.

Esmeralda The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda

The Secret of the Hunchback’s Esmeralda is what I always want in an Esmeralda and it makes me mad that she is so boring.

Esmeralda with Pierre and masked Quasimodo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda with Pierre and masked Quasimodo

This Esmeralda is nice, likes dancing, generally pretty for the art design and execution of the animation but she also sassy. She really is like a fucking Disney princess, I mean she spins and sings about wanting more from life. Which is exactly what Princess Yum Yum did in Arabian Knight or The Thief and the Cobbler whatever it’s called. And while I do like these traits there is nothing going on under that puffy hair.

Esmeralda The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda

This Sassy Disney Princess type is what I think Esmeralda at her basic level should be for this kind of movie fair as it blends the Disney movie and the book.  However she is so bland. The most she does is says she was arrested for dancing, all sense of an interesting character is given away and then throw away in that one tiny line.

Esmeralda and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda and Pierre

In the movie, Esmeralda is in league with these thieves and she dances as distracting. If you believe her little song, which why wouldn’t this movie isn’t complex, kindergarden math is more complex than this, but from her song she tells up that  she wants more out life. She is the arrested and made captive by Lord Frollo. She give Quasimodo water because she is nice and then Pierre Gringoire saves her. They fall in love  and she then gets kidnapped by Lord Frollo again and is forced into marrying him for why I don’t know. Quasimodo save her and that is it. At no point does she ever says how or why she teamed up with her companions. Ar they her family? We don’t know she hardly even talks to them and she doesn’t seem like them so yeah let’s just go with family.

Esmeralda The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda

The thing with Esmeralda is that in the book at least her shallowness and childishness  makes her interesting, it gives her a weird sense of a complex character. She is not a nice angel she in other versions. Being a nice character in a movie isn’t interesting because the creators want the audience to like the character they present.

As it Esmeralda in this movie has no sense of character because she has no growth, she is static and that makes her boring. Her only line about her dancing is one line and it not enough that they rest of screen time is just a nice pretty lady being nice and pretty. They are local commercials with more adevance character arcs.

Esmeralda The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda

I don’t hate her character because there isn’t anything to hate or like. Even her costume and design is a major yawn.

Next Time Frollo

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback, picture image

Frollo singing, The Secret of the Hunchback

Let us start off the character potion of the review with Quasimodo or the Hunchback in question.

Quasimodo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo

First off this Quasimodo, like other Quasimodos, he talks to his pals the stone gargoyles.  However these Garagoyles don’t take back they sing back and cry. This begs the question Are they real or imaginary. The dream song part leads me to believe yes they are imaginary but the tears say no they are real. Or is Quasimodo is imaging they are crying for him but that seems a little too out there for this kind of movie.

Quasimodo and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo and Pierre

Also this Quasimodo follows the other versions of being solely nice. He has one cheeky remark on Gringoire’s poetry being so bad that it could hurt someone but that is it. Which is more snarky than any other versions but it wasn’t that mean, just for a laugh at Gringoire’s expense.  Still without that one minor throw away joke he would have been 100% bland nicety-nice. The line give a .3% edgy factor. Good job!

Quasimodo and Frollo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo and Frollo

Basic plot of Hunchback plot says that meany-face Frollo raises Quasimodo when Quasimodo is a young baby. This version forgoes this and he is raised by unnamed Archdeacon and a monk dude.

Other versions where Frollo is separte from his role as the Archdeacon still gives him a  relationship to Frollo for drama . Even the Enchanted Tales version gave Quasimodo and Frollo or whatever his named was in that crappy version, a connection of being brother. Oh Good God! I’m looking at the Enchanted Tales version as a positive, help me. So there is no real internal conflict for Quasimodo aside from being ugly aside from that is pretty chill and laid back.

Quasimodo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo

Would I say this Quasimodo is boring? Yes, I would. Aside from that joke about Gringoire’s poetry and the being an angel, he was a weak Quasimodo. No pathos, no drama just a nice angel.  Also his deformity is paint by numbers. It’s all accounted for but not interesting really all I can say is that it looks like he has some major dark circles.  At least he REALLY likes the bells.

The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo in Angel form

Ok one more thing, in this version Quasimodo is an angel, so does that he born an angel and abandoned because of the ugliness? OR was always an angel and his being abandon part of a plan? Or was he never an angel and insane? I don’t know any option makes sense.

Next Time Esmeralda

Esmeralda The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda

 

To get ready for Black Friday/Cyber Monday and Christmas the Hunchback characters are doing a secret santa.

Quasimodo picked Frollo and got him Opteka 650-2600mm High Definition Telephoto Zoom Lens for Nikon Digital SLR Cameras for Stalking Esmeralda better.

Esmeralda picked Clopin and got him Southpole Men’s Marled Full-Zip Hoodie Sweatshirt, so her can be fashionable and warm but it’s a shallow girt.

Frollo picked Fleur-de-Lys and got her a Selfie Stick, He doesn’t know her at all.

Ben Sherman Novelty Socks picture image

Ben Sherman Novelty Socks

Phoebus picked Quasimodo and got him Ben Sherman Novelty Socks, socks, not thoughtful at all.

Gringoire picked Master Florain and got him Plant Theatre Herb Garden Seed Kit , Gringoire thought he was being clever but I can’t see the deaf judge caring for it.

Clopin picked Sister Gudule and got her Zalman King’s Red Shoe Diaries Movie #15: Forbidden Zone, Clopin is being wicked with this one.

 

Outdoor Gargoyle statue picture image

Outdoor Gargoyle statue

Fleur-de-Lys picked Notre Dame de paris and got her Design Toscano Florentine Gargoyle Statue, Notre Dame could use a new cute statue.

Jean picked Djali and got her Caution Attack Goat Sign, gag gift

Sister Gudule picked Phoebus and got him 1 X Snowman Mug w/ Shovel Spoon – Christmas Decor, she know he liked a good drink but it’s super misguided

Djali picked Esmeralda and got her Quiddler, Djali likes words.

Notre Dame de Paris picked Gringoire and got him Une Nuit De Noel a Notre Dame De Paris CD, who wouldn’t ant a new Christmas CD

Master Florain picked Jean and got him Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, It’s useful but Jean won’t use it.

Frollo and his goon The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo and his goon

If I might generalize for a moment, most Disney Knock-off movies try to capture and fail to make their work as Disneyesque as they can. They do this the first the story, songs, and characters designs. But they lack the charm that Disney has in terms of likabilty and even humor.

Rotten Vegetable vendor The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Rotten Vegetable vendor

While Disney’s humor is very hit or miss The Secret of the Hunchback is very different and it isn’t really trying to be like Disney in the way the approach their silliness.

Bell guy getting bumped on the head The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Bell guy getting bumped on the head

The jokes and visual gags of The Secret of the Hunchback is one of the first thing that you notice about this version, even before the main characters are introduced you get the style of humor.

Andre in drag with some guy drooling over him The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Andre in drag with some guy drooling over him

The humor is more akin to that of Animanicas or saturday morning cartoon. It’s very tough and cheek. From the rotten vegetable vendor, from Quasimodo telling Pierre that someone could get hurt from his poems, to one the thieves dressing in drag and having an extra sexually attractive to him, to Frollo comparing Quasimodo to his first wife,  and lastly Pierre saying that he is a Protestant, which technically shouldn’t have been a joke but they treat it as one. There is more example and more slapstick, plus jazzy gargoyles.

Esmeralda and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda and Pierre

This humor isn’t the Disney style. It’s  watered Looney tunes humor which makes this version weirdly interesting on that front. Without it would suck so much more but it does add to The Secret of the Hunchback’s over all dumbness.  It defiantly makes it stand out though from just another stupid insipid Disney knock-off.

Next Time Quasimodo

Quasimodo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo

Esmeralda (Gina Lollobrigida) with Phoebus (Jean Danet), 1956 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda (Gina Lollobrigida) with Phoebus (Jean Danet), 1956 Hunchback of Notre Dame

Last week it was announced  that one Peter Chernin was developing a new Hunchback of Notre Dame movie from Esmeralda’s perspective. This is a big deal for a few reasons.

First and foremost this idea originally was announced in 2013 as an idea for Once Upon a Time. Once it was announced that was the last anyone heard about it. It’s very unclear if this movie idea came from the Once Upon a Time idea or is a separate concept.

Second this is the first movie since the freaking lost films that Esmeralda as the focus character. Evert movie version since 1923 has been a Quasimodo movie. This also mean most movie versions made are vanity projects lead by a 40 something male actor looking to play emotional yet physically demanding role.

Looking in to Peter Chernin who is not and actor or a director but a business man turned producer who has his own production, Chernin Entertainment. So it’s more likely that this film will happen than other film version that are being made who wanted to be made. Though Max Ryan’s upcoming version which is set to start filming in Serbia is an independent movie.

Also all the new outlets that have report on this are calling it a Live-action. This that either they are connecting it to the Disney version because of the trend of live-action Disney movies is REALLY big right now, they are confused or does Chernin have titles to Disney? That is unclear and it’s still really early in development. But it’s fun that there are two new Hunchback movies in the works, good or bad.

Also one person on http://screenrant.com/hunchback-notre-dame-esmeralda-retelling/ implied Mila Kunis, Penelope Cruz, Aishwarya Rai, or Vanessa Hudgens for the role of Esmeralda. To which I say;

maybe, interesting because her sister Moinca was listed in negotiation for Esmeralda for the Max Ryan movie in like 2007, pushing it on age and her Hollywood debut never really panned out but we could get a kickass dance number if they cast a Bollywood actress, and lastly nope please no on Hudgens.

 

I hope they give the role to a new actress but I doubt they will but it will depend on Esmeralda background who they cast. I wish they would go with Esmeralda’s original backstory but they don’t I don’t care that much.

 

Who do you want to play Esmeralda?

 

Quasimodo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo

Unlike other versions of The Hunchback of Notre Dame this one offers a reason for Quasimodo’s hunch and ties it into the moral. In this version Quasimodo is an actual angel and one not metaphorically. His hunch hides is angel wings. The moral of this version like all the kiddies version of this story is be nice to people even ugly ones. But in this one case they take a whole new step further because you should be nice to people because they could be angels and you do not want to get on an angel’s bad side.

The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo's hunch The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo’s hunch

In the scope of Hunchback kids moral this is is REALLY stupid. It’s not as horrible as The Enchanted Tales version where it was looks don’t matter as long as someone thinks you’re pretty.  This one is just so strong handed that it makes you want to face palm yourself receptively.

Esmeralda and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda and Pierre

But how does the rest of the movie hold up. Again it’s REALLY dumb and overly simplified. He do get some of the major basic that the story demands. First off Quasimodo lives in the safety of Notre Dame and loves the bells. Esmeralda dances which she seems to like just not the thievery of her companions. The Gringoire equivalent just simply called Pierre is bad at poetry, likes Esmeralda and is nice. Esmeralda gives Quasimodo water after he gets into some trouble that was not his fault.  Esmeralda gets into some trouble and Frollo is obessed with her. Quasimodo swings down from Notre Dame to save her albeit it’s inside Notre Dame and she is about to marry Frollo by force and not about to die… meh same difference.

Frollo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo

That is more less the basics that were left somewhat intact. Frollo is completely different though. Aside from having a little thing for Esmeralda he is now a Sheriff much like he is in Enchanted tales but here is just wants money more specially Notre Dame’s money and he use Quasimodo as leverage against the Archdeacon. So there is another split of Novel Frollo’s character as the obsessive pervert and the pious protector of Quasimodo, it been done so many times that who the fuck cares, just like everyone surviving the ending sans Frollo who here gets crushed by a Gargoyles, though he could have lived, it’s not really important.

Quasimodo is just being Quasi The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo is just being Quasi

By all counts this version is dumb. It’s not as insulting as Enchated tales as it does feel like a Hunchback versions and not a really misguided Beauty and the Beast with sprinkling of Hunchback thrown in knock-off Disney movie but it’s quite dumb for lack of anything else that is remotely deep or interesting.

Also does any one else think it’s weird that Frollo’s voice actor is the narrator?

Next Time The Humor

Rotten Vegetable vendor The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Rotten Vegetable vendor