The Plot of The Secret of the Hunchback

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Sigh…… I’m going to try to keep this short for my ever diminishing sanity. Also I may butcher some of the names because A: There is no cast list I can find and B; I don’t care.  Hooray for lack of effort.

The Archdeacon and Brother Labas with Baby Quasimodo The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

The Archdeacon and Brother Labas with Baby Quasimodo

The movie opens with some narration about how Notre Dame in Paris is a safe haven for those who need it, in this case the people who are different. A pox on the ugly!  They we see someone leaving off a baby at Notre Dame. The baby is taken in by the archdeacon and one Brother Lebas. They raise the baby and make him the bell ringer because the baby made it clear he liked bells. They name him Quasimodo.

Frollo threatening the Archdeacon The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo threatening the Archdeacon

Flash forward year and Lord Frollo, the sheriff of Paris is trying to extort gold from Notre Dame for protection. The Archdeacon and Brother Lebas refuse and Frollo threatens them and Quasimodo.

Quasimodo and Pierre The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo and Pierre

That day there is a Day of Fools and Quasimodo gets a mask and goes. There he meets a shitty poet named Pierre and Esmeralda. Esmeralda is a beautiful dancer who in leauge with Gyspies that steals why she entertains. She dancing with both Pierre and Quasimodo. Quasimodo face gets exposed during the dance and panic ensues. The Gypsies and Esmeralda are arrested for starting a riot. Pierre and Quasimodo the bond over how people aren’t what they appear to be and Esmeralda’s beauty.

Esmeralda The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Esmeralda

The Gypsies and Esmeralda are brought to Frollo. Frollo takes a liking to Esmeralda. Frollo’s little minion has the idea to use the Gypsies to kidnap Quasimodo and he keeps Esmeralda to ensure their corporation.  The Gypsies decide to have the fat guy dress up as Esmeralda to lure Quasimodo to watch her dance.

The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo's hunch The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

The Archdeacon noticing something odd about Quasimodo’s hunch

Quaismodo is then sentenced to being whipped. Esmeralda gives him some water which angers Frollo. Pierre helps Esmeralda escape. The archdeacon then notice something about Quasimodo’s injury.

Frollo and Esmeralda's wedding The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Frollo and Esmeralda’s wedding

That night  Esmeralda and Pierre pledge their love but return to Notre Dame to help Quasimodo once their they are caught by Frollo. Esmeralda is forced into marrying Frollo but Quasimod saves her. Frollo and Quasimodo fight and Quasimodo is thrown over the egde but holds on. Frollo is then crushed by a gargoyle statue. Quasimodo falls once he knows the Archdeacon, who had been arrest by Frollo is safe. Before Quasimodo hits the ground he unleashes his wings and falls off.

Plot review Next Time

The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Quasimodo in Angel form

 

 

Scary Scenes: The Most Horrific Thing any Hunchback version

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Few things in Hunchback are a terrifying as bad version of Hunchback. There are actually many awful version of this story either though laziness of acting, writing production values, editing and directing but there is one version that takes it such a degree that it truly the stuff of Nightmares.

I of course mean the Dingo version. Doesn’t Djali look evil?

Esmeralda and Djali with Gringoire, Dingo Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda and Djali with Gringoire, Dingo Hunchback of Notre Dame

I mean just look at that, that is crap never known to the world before. One has to work to be so lazy, so bad. It someways it like a weird surreal art piece, some commentary of the human condition to wonder at the odd and sincere. To reveal in the discourse of humanity. It is true terror, or just lazy pile of shit.

We’ll get more in more into the Dingo version later, I’m too scared to review it after a month of scary stuff.

So for the next version let’s look at another infamously bad version of Hunchback.

Gargoyles sing to Quasimodo,The Secret of the Hunchback picture image

Gargoyles sing to Quasimodo, The Secret of the Hunchback

More singing Gargoyles? This going to give me nightmare too.

Maureen O’Hara (1920-2015)

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Esmeralda Smiling, Maureen O'Hara 1939 HUnchback of Notre Dame picture image

Maureen O’Hara as Esmeralda 1939 Hunchback of Notre Dame

As many of you may already know, yesterday Maureen O’Hara died peacefully at her home in Idaho at the age of 95.

O’Hara has been hailed as the queen of Technicolor. Her filmography was very long and included some very well regarded movies like The Quiet Man (1952), How Green was my Valley (1940), and Miracle on 34th Street (1947), just to name a few, she had many.

Hunchback of Notre Dame was her hollywood debut and I maintain that it was the best movie version of Hunchback.

I do recommend reading her autobiography. It’s a really engaging read that captures her passionate fiery personality.

In her autobiography, written with longtime manager John Nicoletti, O’Hara wrote:

“When I was young, I didn’t think I was at all pretty. I was told only that I had a sulky, pouty face. Ironically, after I got to Hollywood, I resented that I didn’t get a crack at more dramatic role because I photographed so beautifully. More than anything, though, it was the way I used my eyes that caused audiences to look deep inside my characters to see what else was there.”

 

 

 

Anti-Hypothetical Casting for Esmeralda; Kim Kardashian

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Kim Kardashian picture image

Kim Kardashian

In my life I have to live with the fact that I have two thing in common with Kim Kardashian, which is two more than I could ever wish. One we are both half Armenian and we share the same birthday though a years apart. Because you may not know it though I do, today is our (eww) birthday. So because I like to scare myself  today we have a terrifying casting idea  which is Kim Kardashian as Esmeralda.

Kim Kardashian as Ava from emptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor picture image

Kim Kardashian as Ava from emptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

First off, No! A thousand times NO to this one! Kim Kardashian couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag even if her role was a paper bag. The lady CAN NOT act. I saw a clip from  Temptation:Confessions of a Marriage Counselor in which she played, I have no idea, some lady named Ava. But in that one clip I could see that she was vapid, flat and unpleasant to watch. It’s like she had no idea what acting is or how to read a line.  It wasn’t even that bad kind of acting that is special to behold, it was like wanting to hammer yourself in the head till it stopped.

I maintain my position that Esmeralda is not a complex role to play but Esmeralda as a role is beyond Kim Kardashian acting powers. Now to be fair Kim Kardashian is not known for her acting prowess, she know she for a sex type and being a reality show star, whatever that means. So the mere idea of her being Esmeralda goes against the concept of the original character, a pure girl who is unaware of sexual appeal.

Kim Kardashian picture image

Kim Kardashian

On the acting front she is a Hell No but let’s not forget what acting is really about, how much a person looks like the character. I would say  Kim Kardashian could look like Esmeralda. Esmeralda has dark exotic yet European beauty at least in the book. As I said Kim Kardashian is half Armenian which is also what Helene Segara is ethically. Unlike Helene Segara, Kim Kardashian has a classic Armenian look. While I don’t think Esmeralda was Armenian in the novel, though we don’t know what her father was so she could be anything, Sister Gudule did wonder if Esmeralda could have been the Queen of Armenia in the book so shrugs. My guess it was an exotic place to Sister Gudule but it’s cool that it was mentioned. So Kim Kardashian gets a pass on looks. Though she is a little too old for the role.

Kim Kardashian picture image

Kim Kardashian

Never have I been more scared of an Anti-Hypothetical casting posting. I mean Anti-Hypothetical and Kayne West could do this if the wanted to and can you imagine Kayne West playing Quasimodo opposite Kim Kardashian  as Esmeralda. Being in a slasher flick would be less painful.

Scary Scenes: Kidnap Attempt 1939 version

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Moodiness Esmeralda (Maureen O'Hara) 1939 Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Moodiness Esmeralda (Maureen O’Hara) 1939 Hunchback of Notre Dame

The 1923 version staring Lon Chaney maybe considered the monster movie of the Hunchback pantheon but the 1939 have a far more scary-ish scene.

Ok, it’s not scary but it has a very dark moody tone that make it’s uneasy. As Esmeralda flee from Notre Dame after seeing Quasimodo, he stalks in the dark  narrow streets.  If we had seen Quasimodo before then so we did know what lurked in the night it would have been more scary. Of course that means we would have had the King of Fools scene so yeah that would have happened. But the dark slow-paced unsettling quality  of that makes it feel more scary than anything in the 1923 version. Though Monster Movie doesn’t equal horror but still.

Disney and The Bechdel Test

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Esmeralda singing God Help the Outcast Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Esmeralda singing God Help the Outcast Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

As mentioned before  Hunchback versions seldom ever passes The Bechdel Test, including the Disney version read here.  But it made me think about the other Disney movies. I was going to go through and look at each movie but I  don’t have to because this site  did all the work for me, http://disney-blog.com/2011/05/the-bechdel-test-and-disney-films/. But I’m going to offer some analysis.

Disney Princess Line UP with Esmeralda, Megara and Kida, picture image

Disney Princess Line UP with Esmeralda, Megara and Kida

As a refresher, to pass the test a work needs to meet 3 criteria; 1) It has to have at least two named female characters, 2) That talk to each other 3) About something other than a male.  Most movies fail the Bechdel test. Also passing or failing does not indicate the quality of a movie. Terrible movie pass and great movies fail.

Aurora and Prince Phillip Sleeping Beauty picture image

Aurora and Prince Phillip Sleeping Beauty

So what does this mean for Disney?  Well the purpose of the test is show the  female presence in a given movie.  Interestingly enough the older movies, Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty all pass. Which is valid as at least with Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty  there is a decent amount of named female characters. Though movies that don’t have lots of female characters still pass, like 101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Hercules, and even The Emperor’s New Groove, which is a male buddy comedy.

Jasmine Aladdin picture image

Jasmine

Movies like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are often criticized for passive lead female characters but the most of the characters in the movies are females. So having one strong likable female character doesn’t help the over-all female presence. Like Aladdin fails, hard.

Ariel's Fin The Little Mermaid picture image

Ariel

I would disagree with The Little Mermaid failing as the site says because Ariel and Ursula had a fairly long conversation about a few topics, I would give it a pass.  The Lion King could have passed if Nala and Sarabi had spoken more. I’m a little unsure if Snow White should have gotten the pass, as the Queen has a name but after the fact. Her name isn’t said in the movie. Though to be fair, I haven’t seen Snow White in a very long time.

Elsa and Anna frozen picture image

Elsa and Anna

I do find it interesting that with modern day Disney movies that are Princess that try to aim with boys in mind they do keep a strong female presence. Tiana with her mother, Rapunzel with her “mother” and the sisters of Frozen.

Yzma The Emperor's New Groove picture image

Yzma

I would  thought more Disney movies would have failed but it pretty mixed. It’s just really interesting that the older princess movies have a stronger female presence than the Disney movies that have a single “strong” and “Independent”  female character.

Notre Dame de Paris; Conclusion

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Esmeralda and Quasimodo in Notre Dame Ma Maison c'est ta maison garou helene Segara Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Esmeralda and Quasimodo in Notre Dame

Despite its flaws Notre Dame de Paris is the one of the best adaptions of the novel. It captures the spirt of Hugo and the characters better than any other version to date. Is it perfect? No but you don’t get much closer to the book and it does it own thing very nicely. And it brought musicals back to France.

Notre Dame de Paris Belle Esmeralda Helen Segara, Garou Quaismodo, Frollo Daniel Lavoie Phoebus Patrick fiori picture image

Belle with Garou, Daniel Lavoie, Patrick Fiori and Helene Segara

Easily this my favorite version. To be honest, I could spend more time on Notre Dame de Paris since I didn’t really get into the any of the other casts. In fact that is something I have always wanted to do even before thehunchblog officially started. I more than likely will return to Notre Dame de Paris and discuss the various casts more probably on Wednesdays at various interval, since Wednesdays are like a free-for-all day. Heck, there is a new Italian tour going on so there are a lot of casts to get through and I would like to discuss more about the costumes.

Garou as Quasimodo & Helene Segara Danse mon Esmeralda,Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Garou as Quasimodo and Helene Segara performing Danse mon Esmeralda

So this isn’t good-bye but a see you later Notre Dame de Paris.

Next month is a theme month (Guess the theme if you dare), so there won’t be a version starting in October. Next version starts in November and trust me when I say it’s one of the infamous bad ones.

3 Weird Facts about Demi Moore

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Demi Moore image picture

Demi Moore

Demi Moore voice Esmeralda in the Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

-Her first job was a bill collector.

-She “won” Worst Actress of 1997 for her performances in the films The Juror (1996) and Striptease (1996), then again the next year she “won” Worst Actress for her role in G.I. Jane (1997). She has been nominated six times. Though could technically be seven as in 1996 she got a nomination for two movies. And also in 1996, Disney’s Hunchback came out,which poked fun at her being in Striptease.

-Hired three cameramen to videotape the birth of her first child.

Disney Esmeralda Hunchback of Notre Dame Dance picture image

Esmeralda’s Dance Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

Bonus round- In the commentary of Disney’s Hunchback the directors  said they wanted Esmeralda to sound like “she’s been around” which is why Moore was cast.

Real Life Disney Phoebus

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You might recall this Fan-art of Esmeralda by Jirka Vinse Jonatan Väätäinen.

Esmeralda Real Life Rendering by Jirka Väätäinen Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

Esmeralda Real Life Rendering by Jirka Väätäinen Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

Well fairly recently Väätäinen did a set of the same style but for the Disney male heroes and here is the one done for Phoebus.

Phoebus, Real Life Rendering by Jirka Väätäinen Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame picture image

Phoebus, Real Life Rendering by Jirka Väätäinen Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame

Unlike the set of the Disney Princesses+ characters I can’t quite identify who they are basing the rendering on but it’s spot on from the Disney design.

I hope they do more Disney Villains next, they only have Ursula so far.
Check out more by Väätäinen at http://jirkavinse.com

Songs of Notre Dame de Paris Part 16

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Donnez-la moi (Give her to me)

Garou as Quasimodo and Helene Segara as Esmeralda performing Donnez-la moi Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Garou as Quasimodo and Helene Segara as Esmeralda performing Donnez-la moi

Donnez-la moi is a bridge song. It’s Quasimodo literally fighting guards to get to Esmeralda’s body to claims it. It’s roughly thirty seconds long but it so sad.

Danse mon Esmeralda (Dance my Esmeralda)

Garou as Quasimodo & Helene Segara Danse mon Esmeralda, Notre Dame de Paris picture image

Garou as Quasimodo and Helene Segara performing Danse mon Esmeralda

Speaking of sad. Danse mon Esmeralda is the show tear-jerking finale. I challenge you not to feel sad during this song because it is heart-breaking. Quasimodo sings this to a dead Esmeralda and begs her to dance and sing for him and to let him go with her as in death they will unite.

Quasimodo learns that his deformity has lead him to this moment and that to die for Esmeralda is not death but an expression of his love.

This is beautiful and heartfelt. I get chills listening to it and it also leaves my misty eyed. The three dancers that are lifted in the airt gives this songs a even more transdential quality.

Musically, lyrically and contextually this is the best song in the show and was the perfect way to end it. Though the curtain call does have the whole cast singing Le Temps together in a super happy way so the audience doesn’t go home too bummed but Danse Mon Esmeralda fit the ending of the book and way a great note to end the show. A+++

Get the whole GLORIOUS ALBUM HERE